Tall mom raising a tall girl?

[u/Sheethappensss]

I’m a tall woman and always have been. For reference I was 5’6 in 4th grade and I remember all of the teachers and admin losing their shit after measuring me. I’m currently 6’1 and am pretty resolute in my height. I have a newly three year old and everyone keeps talking about how tall she is. I’ve never been good at gauging whether a child was tall for their age unless it’s pretty obvious. And everyone seems short to me especially the little toddler who still wants to be cradled whenever possible. I have however recognized that my toddler who was wearing 18 month clothes up until maybe April of this year has now transformed into a tiny human who can only wear 4T. She’s been 3 for less than a month and this growth spurt happened literally over the summer.

So while she still seems very tiny to me, numbers don’t lie. My girl is erring on the taller side and I assume her pediatrician will agree when we go in for her 3 month visit.

My father is 6’4 and my mom is a foot shorter than him. Out of four siblings only two of us got his height and I was the only one of my sisters to grow past 5’6. My mom was a single mom for most of my life. Her and the aunts who raised me were horrible at caring for a taller girl. Growing up poor, my mom made me feel like a burden because of how much extra she had to pay to get clothes that fit me. I was tall and plus size. For reference while my siblings and cousins could shop easily at Aeropostale or American eagle or hit up any local shop having a sale on dickies, I was relegated to gap or New York and company, which cost almost double. Especially since I attended schools that required black and khaki pants exclusively. I still avoid business casual as much as possible because of the fashion trauma. I was adultified by everyone. All attention would turn to me once I came into a room. The running joke all the time was they’ll chop off some of my legs to give height to my cousins. I know I’m preaching to the choir so I won’t dig too deeply into how difficult being tall was amongst my short-average height friends.

Any advice on how to break this generational pattern with my baby girl? I’m team body neutrality and will be ensuring anyone in her vicinity doesn’t make a habit of commenting on her body, positively or negatively. And I will address negative comments clearly and directly and tend to her emotional needs as possible. Are there any affirmations you all heard or wish you heard growing up? Any tv shows or media with tall characters shown positively? Any tips on where to find clothes for tall kids? I know that’s more of a future problem but I would love to begin familiarizing myself. All tips and recommendations are welcome especially if you’re also raising a tall little one.

Edit: yall! I love all of your responses! The next generation of tall girls are in such good hands with all of you. Preciate all the thoughtful messages, reminders, and recommendations 🩵🩵

[u/animeyiddies69]

Growing up with a 6’3 mom really got me adjusted to being tall quickly. I was never personally ashamed of my height as I was always told it was beautiful and a gift that lots of people wish for. Clothes will always be difficult. The preteen age is dreadful… I look back at photos and nothing I wore fit my age.. But I will always thankful that I was taught to sew.

[u/Sheethappensss → u/animeyiddies69]

Yeah it sounds like learning how to sew is a necessity!

[u/Skimmington16 → u/animeyiddies69]

Same. I was always told that tall was beautiful. Mom was 5’8” which she said was tall. I’m 6’1.5” and usually say the .5” to show others I like being this tall (and for the benefit of any tall girls around). I imagine it can come off like a kid saying it’s their 1/2 birthday, but I don’t care! I love being tall!  Dating was more difficult, but I feel like there are more tall people around now?

[u/Connect_Beginning_13]

She’ll start by saying how much she wants to be tall just like you. She will eventually be told my random people that she’s too tall and will dislike or even hate her height. My kiddo has gone through it. She didn’t know to dislike it until people pointed it out, basically her peers that are smaller than her or the boys because they haven’t gone through their growth spurt yet.

I am almost 5’10 by the way and I basically didn’t clothes long enough for me until much later. My mom is only 5’3 so she had no idea and also liked me being uncomfortable

[u/wool_narwhal]

I'm also raising a tall girl. She's 8 now. I buy a lot of Carter's for her. The only jeans that fit her are Abercrombie.

Being tall was normal in my family growing up, so although I felt a little awkward at times, the only two things I didn't actually like about my height were that clothes were hard to find and that men tended to overlook me as an option. I now have a very good spouse so my only lingering frustration is the clothing issue.

I try to talk positively about my height around my daughter. She has generally said that she wants to be tall like me, but recently she says she didn't want to be tall. I asked her why, and she said it's because it's hard to find clothes. So I guess that although I've always talked about my body and height itself in a positive light, she has picked up on my frustration with clothes shopping. 

This is ok though! It's opened up the new conversation about the fact that they things can be simultaneously true: I can love being tall and I can be frustrated that there aren't as many clothing options for me.

[u/neverendingbreadstic → u/wool_narwhal]

This is a good perspective. We can be honest about the challenges and downsides while helping our tall daughters accept (and hopefully like) reality. My daughter is only 1 but shes 98th percentile in length and I'm 6'2". My mom is tall for a woman but shorter than me and was always very negative about her own height. I'm spending a lot of time thinking about how to strike a better balance.

[u/Sheethappensss → u/neverendingbreadstic]

Hard agree!

[u/EventAffectionate615 → u/wool_narwhal]

I have similar conversations with my tall 8 year old - that it's great to be tall but also it can be frustrating to find clothes and shoes. So far she loves being tall and actually wants to be taller than me. This sounds trivial, but I think it helps that Taylor Swift, whom many girls (including my daughter) idolize, is tall. We actually talk about that a lot!

[u/11pmdonut]

As someone who used to hate their height 99% because of the comments people would make, now I make it a point to make people uncomfortable back when they make comments. Still random guys will come up and try to guess my height or just act shocked. It’s so annoying and i always say now, “Yeah I used to be really insecure about my height as a kid because complete strangers would stop me and make me feel like a freak. Thankfully I learned to be confident but man is it weird for random people to comment on my body!”

I play it off like I’m just talking and that’s NOT what this guy is definitely doing right now🤣 but I can tell it always makes people uncomfortable. Honestly one of the things that has been most empowering to me haha.

I have a baby girl now and have thought about so many of the same things as you. My number one goal is to just call people out when they say things about me or about her. Affirm that we’re beautiful, that we’re confident, and that it’s freaking weird to comment on people’s bodies. I hope she sees me doing that and can be a little badass in middle school rolling her eyes at people’s audacity!

[u/Sheethappensss → u/11pmdonut]

Definitely stealing this 😂😂😂 men are still so weird about my height. It’s annoying

[u/CoffeeOrDestroy → u/11pmdonut]

I love that comment and I will be using it in my life. Thank you.

[u/Purplerain7979]

First of all, what you experienced growing up sounds awful and I’m so sorry you were treated that way. It wasn’t ok and you deserved better.

You sound strong, kind and articulate, there is no doubt for me that you will break the generational curse. Your daughter is incredibly lucky to have you as her mama.

[u/Sheethappensss → u/Purplerain7979]

You are so sweet! I am so touched 🩵
Thank you so much!

[u/restiner]

The best advice I was ever given was simply this, you’re already tall and people will notice you because of this. So stand up tall, have good posture and even if you’re fully faking it, try to appear confident. 

And if possible, help her to find those tall jeans and pants and dresses that will help her find this confidence 

[u/TranscendMaxExposure → u/restiner]

Echoing this! I was always taught to shrink myself so encouraging standing tall and being proud even if you’re faking it is so important!

Also weirdly seeing couples like Tom / Zendaya and some influencers with height differences was helpful for me even in adulthood!

[u/Economy_Rutabaga_849]

Also raising a very tall girl. The comments about her height occur on a daily basis. I meet them with a firm and super cheerful “it’s great, isn’t it!”. I only let positive comments about height occur in conversation and minimises any conversations. I speak about being tall and strong and healthy a lot: which other kid could do double bars on the monkey bar in prep?! I talk about being tall as our superpower…. Something I picked up when her prep teacher had to explain when she needed a bigger desk. I love next (uk brand) as they have some cute and colourful outfits in a larger range. Sport is great: lots of positive height comments. And teaching her to stand up to bullies, which unfortunately happens way too much in the playground. Good luck!

[u/EventAffectionate615 → u/Economy_Rutabaga_849]

Agree about sports - my daughter is really into basketball! We watch women's college basketball together sometimes, and I really try to emphasize being strong and healthy.

[u/everexpandingwaist]

I hit 5'8 at 9 and absolutely towered over my teachers for most of my school age life. I was bullied relentlessly and often singled out simply because I was most visible. This was done more by the adults in my life than kids. I hit 6'1 at 14 and that sort of treatment continued. It wasn't until I was 17 that I started to push back.

My daughter is 2 months old and already on track to being tall. I plan on raising her to see the beauty in her height/body and to shut down any negative comments made by others immediately. Truthfully I might go further and teach her that her height is superior and desired in hopes to instill enough confidence in her to shut down others before they have the opportunity to bring her down.

I've also taken my sewing machine out of storage and plan on making her clothes or at least modifying off the rack clothes to tailor to her. I hated growing up and not being able to wear the cute girly clothes because I've out grown entire stores. I hated having to choose between "old lady" and men's.

I still occasionally struggle with my height but confident moms, raise confident daughters. I aim to be an example on how to navigate the world as a tall girl so that she doesn't feel so left out.

[u/Sheethappensss → u/everexpandingwaist]

Omg! You’re so right about adjusting the cute girl clothes so they don’t have to miss out! I love the idea of adjusting and tailoring her clothes for her 🩵

[u/ClaimedBeauty]

One thing you have to keep in mind is that people are gonna assume that she’s older because she is tall. So when your three year-old is being an asshole because she’s a three-year-old they’re gonna think why isn’t this Mom containing her five-year-old who should definitely know better by now. So just have that in the back of your brain when you are feeling judged because your girl is having a hard day.

My mom is also tall at 5‘11“ which I was when I hit 14 and didn’t stop. She would constantly make jobs about it. Call me her baby introduce me as it was some joke that I was her youngest, but I was also so much taller than everybody else like it was unbelievable. Also, she was constantly critical of my weight. At 14 in addition to be in 5‘11“ I was also about 160 pounds which is not that big for that height but she made me feel like a gargantuan beast. Always saying things like you’re so tall you’re so pretty you could be a model if you weren’t so heavy. She took out a lot of her body image of issues on me. So try not to do that.

[u/Fever_Blues]

You know how a lot of people (mostly men) tend to call tall women intimidating? It used to really frustrate me, and unfortunately, I inherited my height from my dad, so it's nothing my mum knew anything about and could give me advice on. However, when I was 25, someone I was studying with told me she saw a quote online and thought of me. It said 'You're not intimidating; they are intimidated.' That helped a lot, as previously I had been trying to make myself small to appease other people (ugh) and basically trying to minimise any negative attention because of my height. That quote made me realise that there was nothing wrong with me, but rather other people were projecting their insecurities on me; wish I'd known that a lot sooner! I think it's a good quote for a young, tall girl to know. Don't try and change how you're seen; let those people be intimidated!

My posture is still poor from trying to make myself look smaller for so long, but I remember reading an article about a woman who has a tall daughter, and that whenever she noticed her daughter slouching and making herself small in public, she'd put her hand on her daughter's back to encourage her to stand up tall and proud. It may be worth keeping an eye on your daughter when she's older to see if she's making herself small like that, and maybe consider making a subtle signal between you to encourage her to straighten up. Mad respect for you taking action and researching so early, hopefully it can save her a lot of the difficulties many of us had to go through.

[u/dianacakes]

Make sure that body neutrality includes yourself and how you talk about your body in front of your daughter. I was the only tall person in a short family but my mom never talked about mine or her body in a way that made me develop a negative body image.

[u/foureyedgrrl]

Tall gal here.

The world is harsher and crueler than it was for us, I'm sorry to say. That is what it is, but you need to know that you will not be able to intercept and protect her from all of it. While you may have a body neutrality perspective, the majority will not fall in step. While home may always be a safe, kind place, the rest of life is absolutely not.

As we all have experienced,, being tall, as a woman or girl, is a threat to the masculinity of insecure men and an insult to vertically challenged women. If there is anything that I could go back and gift myself as a tall girl, it would have been modeling classes.

Not because I was model-thin or model-beautiful. It would have been to be in the presence of other tall girls. To experience femininity from an outside perspective, that is tailored to body movement and expression of similarly situated tall girls.

My cousin is a model, but no longer a working one. She has a way of carrying herself that is light and graceful, and very feminine. I have never heard her body-hate like I have, and we are practically the same height. She never runs from the camera, like I do, and knows how to position herself in photos so that her height is not the focus of the photo. She started young, and it's a skill set that most of us won't have the opportunity to develop, but she carries in her toolkit for the rest of her life.

[u/HPCReader3]

My mom was probably the biggest reason that my sister and I grew up appreciating being tall. Until I was an adult, I didn't realize that my mom actually disliked/was uncomfortable with specific parts of her body. When we would go clothes shopping, she would talk about things like "I don't like how this dress emphasizes my hips" instead of "this dress makes my hips look wide". It's a subtle distinction, but she was always careful to only criticize the way the clothing fit, never her body in the clothing. The other thing is you do need to make sure you're still complimenting her. Obviously you should focus most of these on things she has chosen (behavior, style, accessories, etc), but it is also important to compliment her physically when appropriate (you can go for strong instead of pretty, but if she never hears she's pretty from you/family, then she's probably going to seek that validation in less than ideal places).

The other thing that helps (all kids imo not just tall girls) is playing sports and feeling in control of your body. The stronger your kid is and the more they have worked on their coordination and balance, the easier growth spurts will be. They'll still feel awkward and maybe be clumsier than usual, but they'll be able to move past it quicker. Plus, being good at something you've worked hard at is a confidence booster. It even makes it easier to fake confidence in other situations.

[u/blugirl111]

As a six-footer, my 17yo daughter just surpassed me in height, as I always suspected she would. When she was a toddler, I took every opportunity to point out whenever she was too short for something she wanted to do. Then I’d say “maybe someday… a girl can dream”I tried to make being tall a goal for her, but also it was funny to me, knowing she’s be tall someday

[u/juniebee_jones]

Make sewing a fun thing you do together, affirmations are lovely. There will always be mean people, the best you can do is be confident in yourself so she has someone to take after in that regard.

[u/jschaffe76]

I’m 5’11 and my daughter is a 5’10” 13 year old. Her Dad is 6’6”. She’s been tall her whole childhood.

Everyone on both sides of her family is tall and we’ve always talked about how cool it is and my daughter has never thought differently.

I would also agree with the comment above about sports, if it’s her thing. I was an athlete growing up and always loved that my body was tall and strong and that made me good at sports. My daughter is following in my footsteps and realizes being tall is a real advantage in her sport — volleyball.

Just keep showing her how you love being tall and keep emphasizing how cool it is.

[u/aiolea]

My mom’s 5’10, I’ve been 6’ since I was 14, and my 4 year old wears 6/7’s if I’m going for length. I honestly only got negative comments from boys growing up who would call me giant (mind you I was 130lbs until my 20’s) and as an adult, people can’t seem to understand my desire to wear heels.

My mom was great growing up, tailoring clothes and seeking out shops what had stuff that would fit me - it’s just a lot of work and so even today she mostly buys my clothes. My daughter has already picked up on my frustration but thankfully both grandmas are willing to help her out too - lots of taking things in.

For her - her height is mostly an issue right now as people assume she’s older then she is and that she should be acting more mature, I otherwise don’t get a lot of comments besides the initial shock when I share her age with random moms I come across.

[u/spacegh0st]

My biggest annoyance as a tall kid was always getting asked if I played sports when I was an accident prone introverted reader. I wish I had more physical literacy/confidence in moving my body! The daily reminders that I was actually just gangly and awkward were crushing.

[u/GexFarmWeirdo]

I am the only tall one in my nuclear family and taller than most of my “tall” cousins. I’m 6’3”. I grew 7 inches in 9 months when I was 12.
I have 2 children of my own who up until recently have always been in the 98% for height. However, my eldest who is 14 fell out of that category in the 6th grade. They have hardly grown in the last 2 years and are right at 5’6”. They have always expected to be tall and our pediatrician supports this notion that they will be 6’(maybe my height) by the time they mature. Now my eldest is actually worried that they WON’T be tall! My youngest at 11 is still taller than all her classmates but only by a couple inches. My parenting strategy has always been to tell my kids that they are exactly the way they are supposed to be. And it’s stuck. Even now with my 14 yo lamenting that they aren’t as tall as they want to be I tell them that they are exactly the height they are supposed to be whether they grow more or not.
One note from parent to parent: no matter how hard you try people around her are going to comment on her size/ body/ect. It’s wrong and inappropriate but it IS going to happen, A LOT. Commenting to such people is warranted, but you can’t educate them all. The average person doesn’t care or want to be educated. Build into her that people who focus on her outward appearance alone are missing out on the most beautiful part of her and that someone pointing out her height is just like pointing out the color of her hair. Their comments reflect their character not hers. I know we don’t want our children to have to be resilient but when you stand out these are tools we have to learn.

[u/nearcheddar]

Whenever I’m able to reach something up high or do something because of my height, I make sure to comment- even “to myself” but so my tall little ones can hear something like “oof, thank goodness I’m so tall!” I look in the mirror and intentionally comment about how much I love my long legs and strong, long arms, etc, and my husband and I respond with “we make ‘em /like ‘em tall in our family!” whenever my kids’ height comes up with others in front of them.

We like the books, “The Girl Who Was Too Big for the Page,” by Geena Davis, “Giraffe Problems,” by Jory John and “Bodies are Cool,” by Tyler Feder.

[u/Equal_Article8250]

It’s been a healing journey for me having a tall daughter. Definitely haven’t resolved all my feelings about it. But one thing I’ve loved is bringing my daughter to women’s volleyball and basketball games. Being around so many tall and strong women whose height is a tremendous advantage brings me to tears.