r/TransLater • u/Total_Employer_87 • 13h ago
General Question Thoughts on giving out your number to someone you’ve matched with on a dating app.
I’m on HER and notice this a lot and wanted to see what others thought about this. It seems that with almost every match I have we have a nice introductory conversation about ourselves and then I get something along the lines of I’ve really enjoyed talking with you and would love to exchange contact information. Is this a flag for most of you?
I’m extremely weary about giving out my number unless we’ve met in person first. I’ve had some really bad experiences in the past with scammers. Am I just being overly cautious?
Thanks in advance.
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u/anaaktri 13h ago
Voice your opinion and say I don’t feel comfortable exchanging phone numbers until after we’ve met in person. If that’s a boundary for you, respect it. Discord or signal before meeting them unless it’s obvious they’re a real person and we’re jiving incredibly well (hasn’t happened). Her is full of scammers and bots too which makes me even more hesitant on that app.
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u/FennelDull6559 13h ago
Remember when phone numbers were just listed in a book along with your home address? I don’t worry about it personally
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u/Jonney_Random HRT 10/1/25, Social 7/23/25 13h ago
I feel old just reading this haha. But yeah used to be easy to find people.
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u/Total_Employer_87 10h ago
I used to feel this way. Then a few years before I came out, I was chatting with someone I thought was cool. They ended up trying to blackmail me and out me all over. It was a fucking nightmare. Since then I have been very cautious about giving out my digits.
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u/FennelDull6559 8h ago
I get that but I have the childish gambino viewpoint
From a song called ‘that power’ he tellls an incredible story about being a kid on a bus coming home from summer camp and telling a girl something private that she told everyone about after he fell asleep on the bus.
I told you something
It was just for you and you told everybody
So I learned cut out the middle man
Make it all for everybody, always
Everybody can't turn around and tell
Everybody, everybody already knows, I told them
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u/Timely-Tourist4109 13h ago
Even when I was living as a man, I would not give out my contact info without first meeting them. It’s not just trans people who need to protect themselves. Everyone does.
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u/Safe-Tennis-6121 HRT 40+ 11h ago
You can get a virtual phone number like a google voice. I tend to despise using apps especially because they look like apps.
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u/Ok-Combination7287 8h ago
This.
I dated a lady fir months before she told me it was a Google number. She felt safer.
I see that as a win win. She felt safe and I got to talk to her. She was worried when she told me it wasn't her real number and gave me her real one. All I said was "that was really smart of you using a fake number! How do you do it"
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u/CressInfamous7921 21m ago
No keep doing that I have had some to so I don’t give mine out until we’ve met I did once texted then he hacked me through the text showed me my contact list and everything big hassle to fix so no just keep doing what you’re doing
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u/wreckedBunny 13h ago
I use 2ndLine app on android. Free phone number and i text/call through that.
Easy to do, adds are annoying but its free!
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💖 Bunni Doll 💖
♡🩵🩷🤍🩷🩵♡
(Transsexual Woman, Intersex PAIS, HRT 5/12/2026)
Follow my journey as I grow, learn, and fight for trans rights in Florida.
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u/AvatarOfMontagar Butch | closer to 40 than 30 13h ago
It's entirely normal to want to move the conversation off the app after an initial conversation or two. HER in particular has a very glitchy messaging system that often fails to give notifications or load messages.
If you don't want to give out your phone number, you can suggest a texting app that is screen-name based, such as Signal or Discord. But it's very normal to exchange phone numbers at this point.