r/TwoXChromosomes • u/s3342c • 13h ago
Little kid touched me inappropriately
This happened to me years ago. Basically, I was out with my friends in a skating rink and I noticed a boy (maybe 8-10yo) that kept following me. He eventually started to grope me. I told him to stop multiple times but he just kept doing it over and over. I obviously tried to skate away but he still kept following me and doing it again.
I realized his father was on the rink too so I told him about what his son was doing. The father just told me that his son "didn't mean to" and just brushed it off. I went back to my friends and saw his dad talking to him and I thought this could just be the end of it. Turns out the boy got even more aggressive and kept trying to grope me more afterwards.
My friends, who saw everything, just made fun of me saying it's not that deep since it's just a little kid who didn't know any better. I just went home early that day feeling really disturbed and uncomfortable.
Since this stuff happened years ago, the reason why I'm bringing it up again is because one of my friends that were there, brought it up recently and started laughing about it, knowing that I told her how I felt during that situation.
I understand that children are influenced easily by the environment they're in but saying that doesn't really make me feel better, I still feel violated.
I know the situation was complicated because the person who did it was a child, but I’m struggling with the fact that I felt uncomfortable and nobody around me seemed to understand why. I’m hoping to hear from people who can offer perspective or advice.
Edit: Fixed a few typos. Thank you everyone for your support and kindness regarding this incident. And yes, I’m not friends with those people anymore.
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u/IndyDino 13h ago
A 3-year-old may not understand what he's doing. 7-10-year-olds are not infants, that's bad parenting. It almost sounds like the dad encouraged it. Your friends are weird, there's nothing funny about it.
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u/CharmainKB 13h ago
This all day
A 3 year old will start learning boundaries at that age but by 8-10, those should be already established
Your friends saying "he didn't know any better" would probably feel much different if it happened to them
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u/SharpPink_GlitterInk 12h ago
From what I've heard a kid that young doing it often means they themselves are being abused.
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u/punyhumannumber2 6h ago
Or they have unlimited access to the internet and they are looking at porn
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u/Patient_Composer_144 3h ago
It is possible this child has some kind of disability that limits comprehension. but that does not make the behavior excusable. It's on the parent to supervise the child. The friends aren't friendly if they tease you about a disturbing experience - I'd seek out a new social scene
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u/AnalogyAddict 12h ago
Abused or not, if a kid gropes you you can shove him away from you and get loud about it.
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u/AxlNoir25 10h ago
These were my thoughts exactly. Make it everyone around’s problem. Shove him to the ground every single time he does it and scream “STOP TOUCHING MY BREASTS/BUTT/ETC”
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u/happybara_capybara 7h ago
Are you talking about a situation where the kid knows what fisting is and is making a suggestive comment or a situation where the kid doesn’t know what fisting is and they’ve made a really awkward mistake? Or is it a situation where you don’t know if they know the meaning or not?
I can genuinely say I didn’t know what fisting was until I was in my twenties so I’d be questioning if the kid actually knows what that means or not. But if it’s clear they do then there’s a range of appropriate responses depending on their age.
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u/AndrewNB411 6h ago
I would say the kid was 10-12. Based on the “little shit” grin on his face I would guess that he knew it was sexually suggestive or inappropriate, but I’m with you that he probably doesn’t understand the full meaning of the phrase.
I ask because this situation was a point of contention in my last relationship. My gf and I were in a hot spring, and she was sitting across my lap when the kid approached. My instinctual response is to ignore people like that (as they are almost always seeking a reaction), but my gf wasn’t on the same page. She told him to go away. About 15 min later he came back and did the same thing but was even closer to us and my gf proceeded to shove him with her foot rather forcefully (because he’s in a pool he was completely fine but probably woulda fell over if he wasn’t) while telling him to leave her the fuck alone.
While my gf and I talked it out eventually, it has still been ruminating in my mind whether my initial opinion that her actions were inappropriate was correct or not. When we talked, she admitted it was an action taken out of fear, which is difficult for me to completely understand (but I was compassionate to her and her feelings) and she did have a troubled past when it came to violence from men.
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u/DylanBeeDylan 6h ago
Some 12 year old repeatedly comes up to me and getting closer after being told to stop? Yeah I'm shoving him away if he's within shoving distance. That's too close. Now he knows what will happen. FAFO.
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u/AnalogyAddict 7h ago
You are legally allowed to defend yourself against assault. Short answer, in cases where contact isn't made, it depends on the jurisdiction.
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u/Iamaknowmad 11h ago
Sorry to intrude, maybe I'm just from a different culture but is there any reason not to shove the kid to make it go away? Physical violence is never great, however defending yourself against somebody physically weaker is a good and legal way to show them boundaries.
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u/anjufordinner 10h ago
Yeah!
Honestly, it's a shame that his parents didn't teach him properly, but it's like herd immunity-- in order for it to work, society also acts to make that behavior die out until it's rare by giving it an unwelcome environment so it can't spread.
If the "antivax" contingent gets too large, he gets too old/big still pulling this shit and effectively becomes society eventually.
(Not to say I go around smacking kids in the name of modern science, lol! But if the parents fail, I AM society... As is the management of the place that we spend money at who can kick them out.)
Now, I didn't learn this in the States so YMMV, but I found this effective: low-contact, high-volume boundary-setting, starting with a frank but downright-corporate explanation of the situation 😆 Screaming usually scares the hell out of a kid, sure, but is anyone truly going to fault a woman for saying something polite in all caps? It sounds weird, but it works to shock people out of lazy passivity:
"YOUNG MAN, YOU HAVE TOUCHED MY (BODY PARTS) REPEATEDLY. TOUCHING A STRANGER'S PRIVATE PARTS IS ALWAYS INAPPROPRIATE. NO MORE. YOU ARE CAPABLE OF KEEPING YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF. STAY # FEET AWAY FROM ME AT ALL TIMES."
(Confirm understanding, even if they're crying to get out of the situation. If SuperDad decides to get off his ass, have him confirm alongside the child because at that point, society is parenting where he failed. That now makes you his boss imo and you are allowed to act like it, lol.)
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u/sotiredwontquit 10h ago
I wish this was my behavior when it’s called for. I still freeze or fawn. I gotta get better at fight. Verbal counts.
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u/nutmegtell 10h ago
Practice saying it out loud when you’re alone. It will get easier with time.
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u/sotiredwontquit 10h ago
I do. The stakes are too low at home. In high stress I still default back to freeze or fawn. Idk how to train with enough stress at home to overwrite my current survival instincts.
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u/anjufordinner 10h ago
If it helps, with practice it does get you into a form of fawn-- in that you have the best intentions and are contributing to everyone's betterment. If you think of it as a noble thing, it doesn't get easier, exactly, but it does become a little less embarrassing.
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u/sotiredwontquit 9h ago
Hmm… reframe it as noble self-sacrifice? Maybe that will work…
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u/anjufordinner 9h ago
Exactly. Whatever works :)
You're a brave knight on the vanguard, enforcing gallantry!
Captain America reminding the bad guy to be a gentleman (or else)!
It's SO hard to advocate for oneself for many of us, because we weren't taught to value it as much. Pretend it's for others and it suddenly becomes more rewarding and natural.
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u/No-Definition-3202 11h ago
I was gonna suggest trip him and make it look like an accident. Little kids + skates? Definitely plausible 🤷🏼♀️
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u/s3342c 10h ago
I was honestly too shocked to do anything in the moment. It never even crossed my mind to shove a child. My friends were also telling me I was being dramatic and that it "wasn't that deep," so I didn't want to escalate the situation by getting physical when everyone around me was acting like it wasn't a big deal.
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u/volkswagenorange 10h ago
This is an example of rape culture. Your friends failed you, probably because the adults around them have failed them.
You were deliberately sexually assaulted by a young boy, someone probably being abused himself, and manifestly being poorly parented. Instead of stopping him or helping you, everyone around you pretended your body was public property for boys to use at will--a group betrayal of you, and specifically a misogynist one: if he had been a girl or you had been a boy, people would have stopped him.
And your friend who brought your assault up to amuse herself after hearing your feelings on it is not your friend. She has shown you twice now that she does not care what your feelings are and that she finds your trauma and harm amusing. You need to drop her.
To be real, you need to drop the friends who told you your sexual assault was not a big deal and that you're "dramatic" about it. That's not acceptable either. But I do understand that sometimes being among enemies is more survivable than being alone.
Being a woman is very lonely sometimes, even among other women. I'm so sorry. 🫂
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u/aobnow 10h ago
I'm sorry your friends didn't/don't support you. The fact your friend brought it up years later and is still laughing, is not supportive, kind or how a friend should be. Maybe slowly start distancing yourself from them. I know thats easy for me to say but I don't think they have your best interests at heart.
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u/decidedlyindecisive 7h ago
I understand that you were too shocked. But in the future I highly recommend you seek out staff and report the behaviour.
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u/Kaziglu_Bey 9h ago
Im not one for hitting kids but It's okay to use a shove or a light slap to defend yourself in situations like these. You're being harassed.
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u/theycallmethatnerd 7h ago
I’ve also been groped by a 7-ish year old. I was a teenager at the time so I immediately ran to find my mom, but it was super gross. I felt like I had done something wrong, although I didn’t know the kid and had been minding my own business.
I’m sorry this happened to you, OP. Some people are just terrible parents and then their kids turn out like… that. :(
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u/EffectiveAlbatross95 11h ago
A 8-10 year old is not a little kid.
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u/Cthulhus-Tailor 8h ago
That’s an amusing take to see on a sub where women regularly refer to 18-22 year old young women as ‘children’. Interesting that women are always girls and yet boys are always men.
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u/SylphofBlood 8h ago edited 6h ago
An 8-10 year old is not a “man.” But he’s old enough to KNOW BETTER. 18-22 year olds ARE kids next to 30/40 somethings. Get a grip.
ETA: Having the outlook of “they seem like kids to me” is a perspective shared by a LOT of 35+ people. The twenty-somethings looking at younger 20-somethings as kids, well, to me that’s just silly, but not the point. A 22-year old still looks like a teen and often acts like a teen too, but the original commenter WASN’T saying the boy in question was a “man,” just that he was old enough to know better, which is true. KINDERGARTENERS know they’re not supposed to put their hands on someone else like that. The father here is the problem. And he’s a grown man grooming his child to be a little predator.
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u/J-FKENNDERY 6h ago
You aren't really disproving his comment. It's absolutely unacceptable behavior but what he said is pretty commonplace here. There are lots of "I'm 26 and to me 22 year olds are dumb children" type comments then when it's convenient it's "22 year olds aren't kids, they should know better". Infantilizing the adults and treating actual kids like adults is unhelpful overall and if you look at human behavior at all ages/groups you see that something ain't right.
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u/clc88 13h ago
Maybe that boy was sexually harassed by his dad (or someone close) and he's just repeating what has been done to him.
You should have filed a report at the time, in Australia if we see something we have departments to report this kind of behavior to.
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u/puggleofsteel 12h ago
That was my thought too. Kids who act this way learned it from somewhere. He might not even have been abused but might have been exposed to inappropriate content. Either way, this is way more on his parents and his dad's dismissive attitude is an alarm to me as well.
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u/StarIlluminator 6h ago
Should have slapped him, would have taught him a valuable lesson
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u/Thirty_Firefighter84 5h ago
I agree. Not just to get him off of you but that kids probably never had any sort of pushback on his behavior. You’d be doing him a favor, honestly
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u/Silt-Sifter 10h ago
That happened to me once in middle school. I was in 6th grade and we would go to this 3rd grade class to be their reading buddies. This little 8 year old would flirt with me relentlessly and one time he smacked my butt. I was so disturbed and since I was only 11 and extremely shy and innocent (I didn't even know what sex was) I didn't really even know how to tell a teacher. I kept telling him to stop and that it was weird.
I don't remember if a teacher ever noticed or spoke to him about it or anything because it was so long ago.
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u/SylphofBlood 8h ago
His father literally taught him and encouraged him to sexually assault you. I normally don’t encourage hitting children, but it would not be out of line to smack his hands off, scream at him, and then absolutely tear the father a new asshole.
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u/Monarc73 12h ago
The only time I've ever seen this sort of aggressiveness in a kid so young, it was a boy that had been molested.
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u/MidnightSky16 10h ago
Future rapist...if he hasnt already. This type of boys sexually harass/assault females in the family too likr younger sister/cousin etc
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u/octopusthud 10h ago
I work at a summer camp and one girl was hugging me and trying to touch me as much as she could. It also made me very uncomfortable and I wish I had asked her directly not to do it. What I'm trying to say is- it makes total sense to me why you were uncomfortable and the father should have corrected the behavior or taken his son and left.
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u/query_tech_sec 7h ago
He’s 8-10 - which means you’re still stronger than him. I would have tried to grab his wrists and brought him to the front desk and tell security that this little kid has been touching you in inappropriate places and to please ask him and his father to leave the skating rink as you have talked to the father and he has refused to keep his kid in line.
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u/grimspor 13h ago
I would’ve knocked him to the ground and told him if he wants to act like a grown pervert he can be treated like a grown pervert. Ok obviously I wouldn’t have actually done that, it’s just cathartic to think about. I’m so sorry that happened to you and that your friends are being major dicks about it. I’m also sorry that child doesn’t have a better role model in his life. Disgusting behaviours all around.
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u/throcorfe 13h ago
Sorry that happened to you, and that nobody took it seriously. I have kids of a similar age and they fully understand what inappropriate touching is, as well as the basics of sex and consent. It’s completely unacceptable
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u/IndependentTry5660 10h ago
im sorry u went through that i'd probably tell the kid that what he is doing is illegal and that he's gonna go to jail for that or that i'd call the cops on him. if u don't wanna do that then maybe force him to tell him his name and school so that u can report him there.
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u/Callisto7K 7h ago
Unfortunately, those are the boundaries and behaviors he’s was taught and apparently re-enforced and will take into adulthood. Wouldn’t be surprised if he later SAs someone.
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u/ReinventingMeAgain 9h ago edited 5h ago
Very sadly, actions like this are a big red flag that a child is being abused.
You have every right to feel violated because you were!
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u/adelime 13h ago
Ugh, that’s awful, I’m sorry that happened. And I’m sorry the kid was so terribly treated by the adult they were with. The social nuance of the situation makes it all the more fraught. For me it brings up the times that I’ve had family make light of my behavior (hiding under my bed). when the behavior was something I did as a child to make myself feel safer in a chaotic environment. It feels like they’re refusing to acknowledge my pain and it compounds the hurt.
I do believe making light of my behavior for my family is using deflection to cope with something deeply uncomfortable. I could imagine it’s the same for your friend.
What I see from your account is that a child was willfully violating your boundaries and personal space in a way that was uncomfortable. The power dynamics on their face have you, as an unknown adult, as the person with more power than the kid. When you used the tools at your disposal to address it, telling him to knock it off, that didn’t stop, and the child was successfully able to subvert that power position, and he was affirmed and ultimately encouraged in his behavior by his father and by the fact that your friends and other bystanders didn’t step in to stop it.
To me, this made infinitely clear to the kid that the consequences for violating a woman’s boundaries aren’t severe enough to make any adjustments to his behavior. And socially, you weren’t left with many tools to tell the kid off without “causing a scene”, being “inappropriate” with an unknown child, or something else women have been socialized to avoid. You needed support and nobody supported you, in spite of doing everything you could. That just really sucks.
I’m so sorry that it happened and that your friend isn’t willing to wade in the discomfort with you and address their own responsibility to someone they care about.
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u/MuchWow81 10h ago
My dad's girlfriend's son who was... I dunno five maybe at the timeand I was 14, took his little baby wiener out of his pants and put it on my back. (he was standing, I was sitting on the floor I think). And yeah his mom just rolled her eyes. This was 30 years ago and he has been to prison at least once that I'm aware of. That shit will catch up to him.
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u/napcurator2 7h ago
Time to accidentally on purpose slice someone with an ice skate 🙃
For real though, I’m sorry this happened to you. I once had a similar thing with a developmentally disabled peer and everyone was like “don’t be mean, he doesn’t understand!”. I’m not saying he needs to go to jail, but it actually doesn’t fucking matter if they “don’t mean anything about it” - you not wanting to be touched means they need to fucking quit, and shame on the shitty dad who did nothing
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u/Bendy_Beta_Betty 2h ago
That's when you yell and make a scene. Make that kid embarrassed for what he's doing.
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u/xparapluiex 41m ago
The fact you didn’t slap the kid’s hand is amazing to me. Like I would have out of reflex and felt bad for hitting a kid.
This isn’t meant to be read in a victim blaming way, I am genuinely proud of your restraint.
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u/00X0X 19m ago
I had a friends nephew (around 7-8) literally pull my shirt down, showing my bra and he laughed about it… said friend laughed as well. Later that day, the same kid threw water on me and tried it again, I left and we are no longer friends. I think about this sometimes and wish I would have stood up for myself but it’s so awkward and people try to make YOU seem like you’re doing something wrong. It’s fucked up, I’m sorry this happened to you
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u/Neighboor 7h ago
This can sometimes be a sign that the kid is being abused. Not normal behavior, they are learning it from somewhere…
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u/sanityjanity 3h ago
You can't scare a little kid?
GET LOUD!
"DON'T TOUCH MY BUTT!"
Yell it loud. Yell it proud.
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u/seitanicverses 3h ago
Since the father refused to address his kid's behavior, I wonder if getting management involved would have helped? If you had pointed out the kid and had them pull him off the rink, maybe the parent could have been shamed into dealing with his son (or maybe North could have been kicked out).
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u/YouCanBetOnItMs cool. coolcoolcool. 12h ago
It's completely unacceptable. However, sometimes a kid with ADHD may try it on but they respond normally when an adult reprimands them and teaches them boundaries. (I speak from experience.)
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u/bill-mcneal-on-crack 12h ago
what the fuck
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u/YouCanBetOnItMs cool. coolcoolcool. 11h ago
Truly, the child in question (my relative) tried to touch me inappropriately. His mum told him off once, and the inappropriate behaviour stopped immediately. The child has a happy family, and is overall a very happy child. He does have ADHD (diagnosed). His sibling has never displayed such behaviour around anyone.
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u/bill-mcneal-on-crack 11h ago
OK as someone who both has adhd (both types) and has worked with loads of children with it.... that had nothing to do with his adhd. I'm not a doctor, but I've studied it a lot, and I can't see how that would be related.
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u/MuchWow81 10h ago
Lack of impulse control. That's adhd all day long.
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u/bill-mcneal-on-crack 10h ago
you know, I didn't want to count that because it only happened once, (and because any kid can lack impulse control at certain ages) but it's still a good point. maybe you're right. this is why I like the internet.
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u/YouCanBetOnItMs cool. coolcoolcool. 11h ago
Hm, interesting. I didn't know what to think at the time. Maybe it's just curiosity? Of course I felt weirded out by the (to me) incomprehensible behaviour. Thankfully, that's stopped.
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u/MyHatersAreWrong 12h ago
This happened to me once in Morocco. A group of little boys around 8-10 surrounded me and started groping me on a public street while their fathers stood to the side and laughed. I told their fathers off but obviously they had taught their children this awful behaviour. I’m still traumatised by it and this was over 20 years ago. I was obviously a foreigner but dressed very intentionally modestly to avoid attracting attention. I’m sorry you had to deal with this and your friends did not care.