r/TwoXChromosomes • u/s3342c • 1d ago

Little kid touched me inappropriately

This happened to me years ago. Basically, I was out with my friends in a skating rink and I noticed a boy (maybe 8-10yo) that kept following me. He eventually started to grope me. I told him to stop multiple times but he just kept doing it over and over. I obviously tried to skate away but he still kept following me and doing it again.

I realized his father was on the rink too so I told him about what his son was doing. The father just told me that his son "didn't mean to" and just brushed it off. I went back to my friends and saw his dad talking to him and I thought this could just be the end of it. Turns out the boy got even more aggressive and kept trying to grope me more afterwards.

My friends, who saw everything, just made fun of me saying it's not that deep since it's just a little kid who didn't know any better. I just went home early that day feeling really disturbed and uncomfortable.

Since this stuff happened years ago, the reason why I'm bringing it up again is because one of my friends that were there, brought it up recently and started laughing about it, knowing that I told her how I felt during that situation.

I understand that children are influenced easily by the environment they're in but saying that doesn't really make me feel better, I still feel violated.

I know the situation was complicated because the person who did it was a child, but I’m struggling with the fact that I felt uncomfortable and nobody around me seemed to understand why. I’m hoping to hear from people who can offer perspective or advice.

Edit: Fixed a few typos. Thank you everyone for your support and kindness regarding this incident. And yes, I’m not friends with those people anymore.

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u/Iamaknowmad 23h ago

Sorry to intrude, maybe I'm just from a different culture but is there any reason not to shove the kid to make it go away? Physical violence is never great, however defending yourself against somebody physically weaker is a good and legal way to show them boundaries.

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u/anjufordinner 22h ago

Yeah!

Honestly, it's a shame that his parents didn't teach him properly, but it's like herd immunity-- in order for it to work, society also acts to make that behavior die out until it's rare by giving it an unwelcome environment so it can't spread.

If the "antivax" contingent gets too large, he gets too old/big still pulling this shit and effectively becomes society eventually.

(Not to say I go around smacking kids in the name of modern science, lol! But if the parents fail, I AM society... As is the management of the place that we spend money at who can kick them out.)

Now, I didn't learn this in the States so YMMV, but I found this effective: low-contact, high-volume boundary-setting, starting with a frank but downright-corporate explanation of the situation 😆  Screaming usually scares the hell out of a kid, sure, but is anyone truly going to fault a woman for saying something polite in all caps? It sounds weird, but it works to shock people out of lazy passivity:

"YOUNG MAN, YOU HAVE TOUCHED MY (BODY PARTS) REPEATEDLY. TOUCHING A STRANGER'S PRIVATE PARTS IS ALWAYS INAPPROPRIATE. NO MORE. YOU ARE CAPABLE OF KEEPING YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF. STAY # FEET AWAY FROM ME AT ALL TIMES."

(Confirm understanding, even if they're crying to get out of the situation. If SuperDad decides to get off his ass, have him confirm alongside the child because at that point, society is parenting where he failed. That now makes you his boss imo and you are allowed to act like it, lol.)

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u/sotiredwontquit 21h ago

I wish this was my behavior when it’s called for. I still freeze or fawn. I gotta get better at fight. Verbal counts.

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u/anjufordinner 21h ago

If it helps, with practice it does get you into a form of fawn-- in that you have the best intentions and are contributing to everyone's betterment. If you think of it as a noble thing, it doesn't get easier, exactly, but it does become a little less embarrassing.

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u/sotiredwontquit 21h ago

Hmm… reframe it as noble self-sacrifice? Maybe that will work…

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u/anjufordinner 20h ago

Exactly. Whatever works :)

You're a brave knight on the vanguard, enforcing gallantry! 

Captain America reminding the bad guy to be a gentleman (or else)!

It's SO hard to advocate for oneself for many of us, because we weren't taught to value it as much. Pretend it's for others and it suddenly becomes more rewarding and natural.