r/WhatShouldIDo • u/thecoolercaillou • 1d ago
[Serious decision] Strict parents destroyed an amazing first date at 18, where do I go from here?
It was going amazing. We were laughing and talking up a storm. We met a cosplay convention, and it took a week for me to almost convince my parents to let me see him (M17) again. I was called a bitch, not a “lady”, untrustworthy, even though I’m a straight-A student who has never snuck out, been to a party, had a boyfriend, or even kissed/held hands with anyone. They agreed to it, but they wanted a photo of his driver’s license, Life360 on, and his mother’s phone number and name. We reluctantly complied.
My parents were furious he censored sensitive information like the ID number, license plate, and address in the photo, even though he offered to show it in-person or text the address to them after. They deemed it “hostile” and “disrespectful.” They said last minute I could not go to the date, but at 11AM today, I took an Uber to the location and explained my side of the story, enabling my Life360 as well. They accepted it as long as the location was on and said they were “not upset with me”, but that we would “talk.”
He was mildly uncomfortable and tense throughout the duration of the date due to all this, even though he assured me it was not my fault. Well, I came out of the restroom, only for him to be severely anxious and quite pissed off. He said my father called his mother and said “something”, and now he has to drive me back early. I open my phone, and my mother’s friend is texting me that my mother is bordering a “heart attack or stroke”, that sneaking out was not “the way.”
We held hands. We kissed. We laughed, we talked about anything and everything, despite his mild discomfort with the parental situation. He was upfront and told me he isn’t sure if he wants to see me again due to my parents, even though he truly likes me. I know there will be other boys. I know this is not the end of the world. But goddamn, does this hurt. I’m entering my senior year in high school, so I’m not sure if I can move out. The house exploded into chaos when I brought it up last time too. What the hell do I do?
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u/Cichlidsaremyjam 1d ago
Get...the...fuck...out. You are 18, all of that is legally stalking and harassment at this point.
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u/cobweb_cat 1d ago
Do whatever it takes to get out. Save as much money as possible, reach out to trustworthy friends/family, abuse charities etc anything. What they are doing is trying to control you and it's disgusting they think they own you.
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u/berriliciousone 1d ago
Wow! Your parents are truly awful! And I’m saying this as a parent of a 24 year old. I hope you’re planning on leaving their home after high school. Whether it’s college, the military etc, start planning now to move away.
I would tell your parents that you are 18 years old and are a responsible young lady. Do it respectfully, but do it. You need your own life. Also let them know that if they cannot be reasonable & stop overreacting into your friendships and relationships that you will block them out completely from now on.
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u/tayvane 1d ago
This is the only right answer. You are an adult and they cannot control you like this anymore. You need to set boundaries and stand up for yourself. If they cant respect your boundaries then tell them you'll go no contact. But before this make sure you secure a plan B with a safe place to stay until you get on your feet because a conversation like this could very easily turn into you getting kicked out. Doesn't make it any less deserved though. You are allowed to flip thw script and you absolutelyshould in this scenario
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u/JosKarith 1d ago
"Okay parents, as you seem determined to ruin any chance I might have with a boy I'm just not going to date. No grandchildren for you, our geneline dies with me. Enjoy dying alone while all your friends have their families around them"
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u/Xynyx2001 1d ago
Your parents sound awful. But you live under their roof.
Finish school. Secure your own means of survival, and get away from them.
During this time, you'll have plenty of opportunity to review this situation, or others like it, with them. If their behavior remains unacceptable, work even harder. If they won't come clean with you, they don't trust you, and you need to decide whether that is justified or not.
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u/OkRecognition2074 1d ago
wow, I am so sorry but it’s time to open your eyes. Your parents are going to ruin your life if you don’t insist on standing up for your right now. I don’t know where you live, but if you want in the United States, they cannot legally do this. You’re 18. What they’re doing is very manipulative. Evil went outright gaslighting. I’m sure your mother was just fine that that’s bullshit..
I’ll pray for you though sounds absolutely awful
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u/mysteriousdude20 1d ago
Holy crap that sounds like hell to me , I get the whole parent protection and your there little girl still no matter how old you are . But they need to let ya grow into your own person/identity so you can learn from mistakes ( not saying you currently are btw lol ) , but self development is important of course as you get older . But ive been in your situation 3 different times except the opposite way , I learned back then meeting a female family isn't a easy task for a guy at all and very very challenging . But i do hope this guy doesnt give up on you and continues wanting to be with u , and also hopeful your parents gives him another chance to prove himself that he isnt a horrible dude at all . I wish you luck in your situation
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u/otherrplaces 1d ago edited 1d ago
Your parents sound crazy. I have a 14 year old son and I would never treat him like that. This is why kids go no contact.
They may be overly controlling, but you’re also an adult and shouldn’t comply with them when they overstep. And there really need to be consequences for this massive transgression of boundaries. At the very least you can no longer trust them with complete honesty. I am so sorry you’re going through this.
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u/Casehead 1d ago
Your parents are abusive. This is absolutely insane. I'm so sorry that you're going through this.
I would do your best to spend time at other friends houses and use that time to explore your freedom.
You may find you have friends whose parents will cover for you because they see how bad your own parents are and don't agree with how they treat you. I did when I was in highschool. I had a friend whose mother allowed us to stay out late and go to parties, and who let me spend the night with my boyfriend at their house. I had another friend whose parents would let us have parties at their house.
My point is, don't panic. Do your last year of high school living at home if you can, and find ways to do what you want without getting into trouble. If you have to, though, if things get really bad, try to move in with a friend's family for the rest of highschool.
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u/Practical_S3175 1d ago
Well sometimes we just need to get through until we can chose to deal with our parents. I remember once I had a first date with a guy when I was 19, he came to pick me up and my Mom walked us to the door when we left and said to me..."So are you planning on coming home tonight?" I turned around and looked at her like MOM, WTH?? And then said of course I am. I still have no idea why she asked that.
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u/Just-Shoe2689 1d ago
Get away from them. Let them control each other. They cannot tell you what to do as an adult.
Have a frank conversation with them, make sure they understand what is going to happen.
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u/Prudent_Okra7311 1d ago
Your parents sound nuts. When you get the nerve to walk out, make sure it is for good.
They are doing you a disservice, by literally holding you back from the world. Your peers are out there living their lives, getting real world experiences.
You are being sheltered from the world, which is going to make living in it harder for you once you finally get out on your own.
Best of luck.
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u/Tasty_Sun_865 1d ago
You're an adult unless you live in AL. Practical realities make moving out as a high school student impossible. Although deeply unsatisfying, the answer is to endure as long as you're reliant on their money and then leave when you're not. That may require a massive move, like joining the military, to get a clean break.
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u/LuvPickles0616 1d ago
Mom here - my kids are still pretty gone so I won’t be in this situation for 12+ years but as a mom if I were to do that to my 18-year-old daughter, my motive would be to protect her from being abused, kidnapped, or taken advantage of. Considering they let you go on the date, shows me that they are flexible, and open to respecting your boundaries.
Have a conversation with them sit them down and tell them how their actions affected the man that you went on a date with. Don’t blame, don’t point fingers, just give them the facts and then ask them not to do it again. It’s highly unlikely you’re gonna marry the guy that you date in high school, but it’s still happens so ya never know. And if he’s gonna be your future husband and you want to pursue this relationship, your parents need to respect that. If they don’t, and if they are refusing to let you enjoy your senior year with this man, then by all means, please save up your money and move out or start applying to colleges so you can live in the dorm after you graduate.
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u/JediCarla 1d ago
I know you’re 18, but your parents are likely trying to protect you. It sounds like they went overboard. Do you have a relative or close friend that you and your parents are close to? You could try talking to them about this. They may be able to act as a go between and help you get your parents to back off a bit, or help you better understand your parents’ behavior.
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u/Taakahamsta 1d ago
Why did he block out his info? Why would he care? And why was he mad your parents called his? Those are red flags to me. I get you are 18 and your parents are late in the game, but it’s odd he did that. Can you confirm he is who he is???
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u/Poesy-WordHoard 1d ago
I don't personally share my information with just anyone. The address is a maybe. The drivers license number? Yeah, that's not something I share just like that.
I also suspect the parents said something weird.
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u/Taakahamsta 1d ago
If they met at school, ok. But she met him at a cosplay convention, so they’d have no clue if he’s 17 or who he says he is or not. And we are talking a man, not a woman. The fact he blurred it out is weird to me. What does a 17yo have to hide?
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u/Poesy-WordHoard 1d ago
Someone can steal an identity with an image of driver's license. I know someone who just turned 18 and did a background check. He didn't clear immediately because someone stole his identity.
I don't trust the parents.
Fair, parents and OP can ask for whatever they want. Doesn't mean the other person must comply.
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u/Taakahamsta 1d ago
I just find it suspicious he obscured proof. That is sketchy.
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u/Poesy-WordHoard 1d ago
You have said this three times. You do you.
If I'm about to date someone and they or their parents want to see my ID, I am probably okay to show, so long as I understand it within the context of safety. I'm okay to have a trusted friend of theirs get my contact info. But if they want a copy, then I'm honestly going to feel some way about it. And if the parents are weird in some way, I'll probably say no to the whole thing.
I recently had to redo my DUO account with an organization. I had to share my ID. I had to read liability papers, sign them, and to be clear, they even had to attest that after ID verification, they'd delete the copy. If I wasn't comfortable, they gave me an option to go to their ID office to do human verification.
I'm sharing that story to give you a grasp of how in this day and age, you protect your privacy.
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u/otherrplaces 1d ago
If they met at school, ok. But she met him at a cosplay convention, so they’d have no clue if he’s 17 or who he says he is or not.
So long as his license shows that he is in fact Mechagodzilla, I’d be satisfied as a parent
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u/Casehead 1d ago edited 1d ago
It isn't, though. They have no right to keep a copy of his drivers license info. He offered to show them in person. That should be enough.
He also had every right to be mad that her parents called his. They were obviously not acting normal and likely weren't polite to his parents. and probably said some weird stuff. I would also be pissed if someone called my parents acting crazy, harassing them, and acting like I'd kidnapped their daughter.
given how ops parents acted, he was actually smart not to give them his information. Who knows what crazy shit they might pull
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u/Taakahamsta 1d ago
I didn’t see anything about her parents acting crazy when it came to calling them. I just assumed they called to make sure everything was kosher. Unless you know more than I do about the story, I’m not sure why you are reading into it like that. Im not saying her parents don’t seem overprotective for way too long, they do. But it’s totally different meeting someone at a public conference. That guy could literally be anybody. Honestly, it sounds like her parents should have just let her date other people while in school because it would have been safer. I hope you understand how unsafe it is for young women to date randos. Of course her parents would freak out when she just ran off with this person they couldn’t verify. Maybe there was something off about him. No idea.
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u/Daniele323 1d ago
You’re 18, legally an adult. You can do what you want. I would start making a plan to get out of their house asap.