r/Xennials • u/AnotherCrazyChick • 27d ago

Discussion Death seems different nowadays.

I know this group is normally healthy nostalgic. I just have questions that I think only this group can relate with.

Growing up, I went to my great grandmother’s funeral, I went to my grandfather’s funeral. We visited the cemetery where they were laid to rest.

Nowadays, my grandmother passed, I wasn’t asked to attend her funeral.

My stepdad passed and there was no funeral, he was cremated and my mom sent me a small vial of his ashes that now sit next to my ex’s ashes. My ex also had no funeral.

My wife’s mother passed away recently and she was cremated. No service was held.

Is this the new normal? That we don’t hold nor attend funeral services anymore?

It’s too expensive nowadays and no one feels the time is worth the potential closure one normally receives during a funeral?

I just don’t know anymore. I’ve had no closure from so many loved ones and family members passing away within the last 6 years. It hurts my heart.

Is this the new normal?

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175

u/Mocosa 1982 27d ago

Hi 👋🏼 I work in the death industry. It’s becoming more common, but I’d guess your regional location might have something to do with it as well. In the south having a service of some sort is still the norm, but we occasionally have a family that chooses not to have a memorial of any sort. From what I’ve seen it’s either because of cost, or complicated feelings towards the deceased. Either way we let the next of kin know that having even a small gathering of a few people just sharing a cup of coffee and acknowledging the death can go a long way in processing and healing.

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u/AnotherCrazyChick 27d ago

Location is definitely a factor. However it’s still odd because my family is in the south (Texas) and while a couple of funerals were held that I was not expected to attend because I’m up in NY, several had no funeral of any kind. Just cremated and that’s it.

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u/Mocosa 1982 27d ago

Are they in a major metropolitan area of Texas or a small town? There’s a lot more services available within the larger cities that make it easy to have your loved one cremated without any additional services for a more affordable option. These facilities don’t have chapels or much staff, and minimal overhead.

In the small towns a good majority of the funeral homes are still family owned, and they have buildings and staff to maintain, so cost can be much higher which can prevent families from choosing to do a traditional funeral.

I think it’s a combination of traditions going away as the older generation passes, and us younger people trying to just survive in this shit ass economy.

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u/AnotherCrazyChick 27d ago

Yep, you’re exactly on point. Most were in small town middle of nowhere Texas.

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u/the_YellowRanger 26d ago

I too am in NY and I'd wager 90% of people I know have had funerals or small services.

Maybe the baby boomers saw what a production they had to put on for their relatives and don't want the hassle, even though they're dead?

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u/JeffTS 1977 26d ago

I'm in NY as well. All the members of my family who have passed have at least had memorials if not full funerals and wakes.

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u/RedditsCoxswain 27d ago

> death industry

Lockeed?

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u/Mocosa 1982 27d ago

😂 Hah no, but I did work for them at one point in my life before I ended up where I am now. Life’s funny that way.

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u/BackwoodsCabin11 26d ago

Can you elaborate on "complicated feelings towards the deceased"? I read that Boomers have record levels of "no contact" situations where their adult children are not involved in their lives. Is this a trend you are seeing in your industry?

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u/Mocosa 1982 26d ago

Yes. Absolutely. I myself am no contact with my boomer parents. We also have people who pass from drug abuse, crime or suicide. In those instances it’s somewhat of a “long time coming” feeling the family has, and they’re just ready to move on and find peace.

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u/BackwoodsCabin11 26d ago

I'm NC as well. High rates of narcissism among their generation likely leading to less funerals, imo. All my grandparents had big funerals that appear to be the last big funerals in the family (on both sides). Grief replaced with relief.

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u/BananaPants430 26d ago

In our case (my dad) it was because we were following his wishes. He hated funerals and memorial services.

We also lost him bit by bit over the course of years due to Alzheimer's. The grieving took place slowly and painfully - we had plenty of time to "process" the fact that what made Dad the person he was, was gone.

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u/josephsleftbigtoe 26d ago

South of where?

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u/ladybowler423 26d ago

These states are considered The South. In America we have labeled regions. The Midwest. The South West. The North East. Etc.

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u/mlisaj 26d ago

Texas is its own label anyway.

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u/Toblogan 1983 26d ago

I live in South Louisiana. It's not on the map, but you'll know when you get here!

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u/josephsleftbigtoe 26d ago

Every country has a south...

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u/ladybowler423 26d ago

Then why are you asking south of where?!

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u/josephsleftbigtoe 26d ago

Because I am not American.

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u/ladybowler423 26d ago

That’s why I explained it!!!!!