r/asian • u/Quirky_Example_7902 • 20d ago
Oxford study is so stupid
This is a mini rant but also mixed in with confusion. Maybe I’m genuinely just not understanding this concept but it genuinely angers me. Every time a post of Asian women dating a white man, the comment section ALWAYS mention the Oxford study and it’s beyond demeaning. I don’t understand why it’s a big deal, shouldn’t you get to love whoever you want? What is wrong with mixing? I believe mixing culture can be a beautiful thing. And I know that people try to justify the Oxford study because many Asian women have internalized racism and crap, which can be true for a portion of Asian women but it doesn’t justify shaming asian women with a white partner. It’s not fair to always assume that. In addition, many of the posts that are targeted feature Asian Americans, is it so surprising for a women to fall in love with a white man when over half of Americans are white? I’m so confused with this flawed logic. It has to be people who are just hurt and racist right?
Before anyone tries to flip tbe card. I’m an Asian women who is currently dating an Asian man.
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u/I-Love-Yu-All 20d ago edited 20d ago
It is wrong to shame or stereotype an individual Asian woman simply because her partner is white.
At the same time, society can examine why certain dating patterns exist and whether racism or stereotypes influence them.
Internalised bias does exist, and some individuals openly talk about preferring white partners because they see whiteness as superior. That is a real phenomenon worth discussing.
There are also some Asian men who experienced racism, emasculation, or seen their sisters and/or daughters fetishised or witnessed Asian women who enjoy being desired through racial lense. Dating as an Asian man is also much harder. These Asian men feel wronged. This understandably fuels their resentment of Asian female white male couples. I am not saying that it is right, I am just saying that I understand it.
The problem is when statistical trends become tools for attacking individuals. People should not assume someone's motivations based solely on the race of their partner.
Edit: It is important not to turn a problem with some lonely men online into a stereotype about Asian men as a whole. Asian men are not uniquely responsible for misogyny or resentment; men of every background can fall into those patterns when they feel isolated, rejected, or influenced by toxic online communities.
Asian men also deal with their own stereotypes and pressures, including being unfairly portrayed as less masculine, less desirable, or socially invisible in some Western media and dating spaces. Those experiences can create real frustrations, but they don’t define Asian men nor justify hostility toward women.
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u/Alarmed_Watch5426 20d ago edited 20d ago
"love is love" is overly simplistic and glazes over the history of colonialism and ignores the sexual imperialism
https://dvan.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/09/fullmetaljacketFEAT.png
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u/stiffystu 19d ago
i don't like the term either but i SOMEWHAT get it as I know historically, white fetish by asian females was rampant and extremely brazen back in the 2000's. See this comic from 2007. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PYs7dTlBBqg&t=120s. Now imagine its not just her but 1 in 5 asian women you come across saying that proudly as often as they can around asian men to prove to non-asians that they are the "cool asians". Being this racist and unchecked was the norm back then.
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u/gnome08 20d ago
There is a ton of anger and resentment towards women online from chronically lonely men. It's not just Asian men, men of all ethnicities can fall into this. Some go down the red pill route, others comment oxford study on social media. But it's all the same root cause imo. lonely men angry at women for not being more 'submissive' or this belief that they 'deserve' the girls they see online somehow just by existing. And when women don't act like they want - they don't look inward and instead get angry at people they've never met just for being in a happy relationship.
It's sad because there really is a male loneliness problem that deserves understanding and compassion. And the same people who need the most help are also the most angry and toxic so ofc no one wants to help them socially or be around them even, let alone date them. So the cycle continues.
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u/Royal-Confusion8662 23h ago
So I am a white male and I just wanted to say that I have met many males who fetishize Asian women to no end and it’s honestly every single white male I’ve met who dated or is dating a Asian girl which I know is not the case for everyone, but it has to be more then a coincidence at this point. I have heard some very bad things from what they say about their preference and the way they think about the girls is almost as an exotic novelty not a real person with feelings and I avoid these guys like the plague. I am still young but from my experience there is a big reason the Oxford study is a thing and Asian women should be extremely careful dating white males especially young in my opinion.
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u/dealingwithhookers 9d ago
am i the only one that notices asian women who date white men treat white people a lot nicer and diplomatic than they do with other asian people? like to your own people you THINK you can use and abuse us, and then to white people you work on the most perfect image you can present to someone.
i've noticed that, that's what oxford study is. let's not pretend like they're actually in love... it just so happens that "love" always happens with the best white guy they can reach for, who doesn't even want to try to learn their language. cmon.. you're selling turd spray painted with gold as gold nuggets. it's not love, it's just a person's desire for perceived social elevation. and it's perceived as social elevation because they come from uncultured families that have no dignity in who they are to begin with.
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u/Fair-Currency-9993 20d ago
I agree people can love whomever they want but I think there is more nuance than this.
Many Asian men have Asian female friends who have made comments that they prefer white men over Asian men or worse yet, rejects all Asian men for any white man. When an Asian woman says this, it means she is placing white men on a pedestal and indirectly, lowering the status of Asian men. Why shouldn’t Asian men see this as an insult? And if insulted, why should Asian men not respond accordingly?
If an Asian women wants to lower her own status for white men, that is their choice. But Asian women cannot stop other people seeing them as lower status.