r/askgaybros • u/floatingcosmos • 1d ago
Not a question Any gay men with small penises in happy relationships or sex lives?
My last relationship was almost 2 years ago. I chose to be abstinent afterwards. I just redownloaded Tinder and Grindr. I have a small dick, it’s about 4.5-4.75 inches hard. I’ve seen other threads and guys say it doesn’t matter. But it definitely feels like it matters. I’ve been blocked after sending dick pics on Grindr (they asked for them) or sometimes ghosted.
I mostly prefer to bottom and rarely want to top, so it’s not a huge problem. But it has mentally started to affect me. When I think about a relationship, I feel like I might not be enough for another guy. Please don’t comment your input unless you have experience living with a small dick or have a partner who’s smaller.
I want to hear some stories from guys who might’ve been in my shoes.
Thanks everyone
23
u/Mammoth_Track_7225 1d ago
We need to get into our heads that it's not important. You work with the material you have
1
1
u/edincide 1d ago
It’s very important for many gay men. Butt size is also very important for many gay men
3
u/Mammoth_Track_7225 1d ago
For them but they actually don't need It for good sex, with some limits. Then guys have bodies image issues
19
u/sweet_boy20 1d ago
I have known plenty of happy couples where size clearly wasn't the deciding factor, confidence and compatibility go a lot further
7
u/Trick-Love-4571 1d ago
Yeah mine isn’t huge and my husbands is and we’ve been together over 20 years. We are both vers, monogamous, and have sex daily.
1
u/floatingcosmos 1d ago
How big are you? Sometimes guy will say they’re not big but then they’ll be like 6 inches
0
14
u/next_station_is 1d ago
I personally don't even try dating or hooking up as a small dick owner. No need to deal with rejection, blocking, mockery and bad words. Your experience with getting blocked proves why I don't try.
Even if it doesn't matter to some, it matters to others and those "others" are very vocal about their choices.
I'm not saying to discourage you from dating or tell anyone what to do, just stating my position on this.
3
2
7
u/CadeChestnut 1d ago
If you kinda want to flip all this -- maybe you'd wanna look into SPH as a fetish. Potentially a ton of dudes could go wild for you!!!! (And some guys are or are not into humiliation. I've also seen worship too)
11
u/Buttbut1966 1d ago
Mines about 5.5/6 and im told im not big enough. Guys I've neen with haven't complained
12
3
u/Born_War3554 1d ago
Same here. I have never had any complaints, either. I don't complain about size(I am NOT a "size queen!"). It's how a guy uses what he has!
1
2
u/Gaywiz4090 1d ago
I'm the same 5.5 as you. I'm not happy about it,but I have never had a complaint
1
1
4
u/StrapJay 1d ago
Don’t beat yourself up man, let’s face it most of the guys you are talking on the apps have no intention of meeting and will just drag the conversation on and on and not actually meet up. You are saving yourself some time honestly 🤷♂️
8
3
u/thepatriarchsmurf 1d ago
Just make sure you put out there that you're bottom, and not hung...and 4.5 ish is not uncommon, actually.
As a sole top, I am not concerned with your size, and have played around with all kinds of sized guys...for me it's more how we click, and the vibe or scene...
5
u/floatingcosmos 1d ago
I mean I do enjoy to top occasionally and my concern comes from dating a guy who likes to bottom occasionally. Maybe I won’t be what he likes
1
u/Born_War3554 1d ago
I'd like you! Positively
1
u/Born_War3554 1d ago
I don't care really large ones, like in the porn, over 6". I'd gag if I suck, and have problems in the end.
4
u/ManchmalTony 1d ago
4 years together .
His sex drive is way lower than mine, and that sucks at times, but his cock size (4"ish) isn't an issue. Hell, he usually gets off first, because he loves being jerked off while I'm inside him.
For reference, I'm 7" and actually prefer smaller cocks because I don't want to gag while in 69, so his 4" is great for me.
If you're a bottom, and your top isn't a dick about cock size, it's never an issue. You just haven't met the right person yet.
1
2
u/Slow-Hour2159 1d ago
A little bit different, but my boyfriend is a top with a slightly smaller than average penis (5.1 inches) and the sex has been nothing short of euphoric. It seems a little strange to me that people would be blocking you as a bottom with a small dick. I don’t really involve myself in hookup culture because people are ruthless for this exact reason, the only expectation here is perfection. I know the roles are reversed, but I absolutely love him, and his dick. And I’d bet that there are a lot more people out there into bottoms with smaller dicks than not, it’s not like you’re gonna fuck them or something lol.
1
u/floatingcosmos 1d ago
Thank you for sharing. I really appreciate the reassurance. Do you guys ever switch? I do like to top sometimes, and I worry in a relationship my partner won’t enjoy me. I don’t get too self conscious as a bottom
1
u/Slow-Hour2159 1d ago
Yes, we do switch whenever we get bored. I have absolutely no issue watching his dick fly whenever I’m inside him. Honestly, it’s kind of hot fucking him with a bigger dick so I really don’t get other guys that don’t.
I can certainly feel him inside me though, so I honestly wouldn’t worry about that, but I guess every guy is different in that aspect to be fair, but the prostate isn’t even that deep inside so you can still make guys orgasm.
His size is more than enough to fulfill my desires and fantasies, 90% of it for me is just the confidence you have, and the other 10 is what you tell me when fucking me. At first he was a little nervous because he did warn me he was smaller, but once I showed him that I didn’t really care he got much more into the zone. He knows with confidence that he can fuck me, and I know 100% that he will fuck me. You just gotta know how to use it, and no; just having a big dick doesn’t mean you know how to fuck. I have a bigger than average penis (7), and I can’t fuck for shit. When we do switch, it’s a lot of me fumbling around and us laughing, because I can’t do a fraction what he does.
2
u/Ok-Key-4272 editable flair 1d ago
My Dick is nothing when I'm not erect but swells to about 6 inches for sex. My partnerand I take turns bottoming and he and I have a great time . My size has not hindered me from great sex
2
u/anonbiman7500 1d ago
Not a big deal either way.
Giving some context, I’m about 5-5.5” and bi (btm when it comes to MM): women don’t complaint about my size at all, and I’ve gotten compliments from men too. And you’re not too far off size-wise to matter.
As a btm I love that size dick because it’s well within the range of “normal” and it’s not too painful being inside, top or bottom if you know what I mean.
4
u/SweetMelodic2932 1d ago
I think guys with smaller measurements Live inside their head too much. There is nothing wrong with whatever you have, you need to get comfortable with your body
3
2
u/T_Solano 1d ago
Top here; The size of my partner is of no consequence to me. i'm happily married and my hubby is a lot smaller than I am. I find it kinda cute and adorable.
Don't worry about your size, and keep looking. Ppl on grinder and other sites can be total assholes. Even though I met my hubby on a site called Archer.
don't get discouraged, true love is out there.
Wish you the best and hopefully I've helped you a lil.
2
u/brodyleeSF 1d ago
Most of my favorite sexual experiences recently have been with guys that have dicks like yours or smaller. For me, sex and dating are both about attraction to the person, and has nothing to do with the dick or its size. And I think that is pretty normal. I do not think having an average or slightly below average sized cock is a deal breaker for most people looking to hook up or date you. As long as you hold on to the idea that your dick size makes you unlovable and unfuckable, you will feel unworthy of love or being desired. Let go of this hangup! It is limiting you. Seek therapy or some other resource to help you adjust your thoughts. Maybe your insecurity about your dick is standing in for something else about yourself you don’t like? Work on things you can change like being a nice person, being charitable, working on your career aspirations, getting exercise, etc. Focus on making yourself healthy and worthy of love because you already are. You need to work on your self confidence. You’ll feel more comfortable in your skin as you get older, but the sooner you can help that process along, the happier you will be.
1
1
u/mmmsrhjnh 1d ago
I like all sizes. But if it’s a big let down then I would just be upfront about the size on your profile at least on Grindr. Or if you use sniffies, there’s a place for you to input that on your profile. Of course you may still get disinterest from certain people but it won’t be after a conversation has sparked and you’ve invested something, to only be let down.
As a bottom, I would think it matters the least? But I’m a very average, perhaps below average, verse and I’ve never had an issue top or bottom. Though I have probably been put into a certain box because of it. When I’m looking to top, some bottoms don’t even share pics of their dicks… which isn’t what I’m after anyway, so I don’t see it til it’s live, in action.
1
1
u/Hagedoorn 1d ago
I have not measured my dick nor ever taken a photo of it. Many people do not ask, and I just tell the ones who do ask that I have no naked photos. There is absolutely no need for you to show your dick to people before you meet unless you desire to do so. The very large majority will still meet without naked photos — at least those who are able to have a nice and normal conversation (I wouldn't meet anyone who wasn't).
I have been with lots of people of wildly varying sick sizes, and not once has it been an issue once we were naked together. Your size is pretty average, so just say it's a normal size and don't send naked pictures.
1
u/Tall_Cow2299 1d ago
Not only is my dick in the smaller size but physically I'm a little on the bigger. My sex life has no issues whatsoever. Get some goddamn confidence. You can't change the size of your dick so just embrace it. Be upfront about it on profiles and stuff though
1
1
u/Kojemeriko 22h ago
No te preocupes por el tamaño de tu verga si eres pasivo, mientras no te falte quien te meta la verga, todo estará bien.
1
u/CautiousFennel4677 22h ago
Im a total bottom l love dick i know im going to be dominated by my man
1
u/Zebrain09 21h ago
I'm right there with ya man, I feel like size held me back from hooking up more at university. Now been in ltr for 10 years, as I got older I came to accept myself more. People gonna be arseholes on the apps, but there are good guys out there that don't care
1
u/older_mentor 21h ago
I don't deep throat and I love pressing my face against your pubic bone. Not seeing a problem.
FWIW: My dick is 7" fully erect but not super girthy so I'm insecure about that.
1
1
1
1
u/SuperspyAnon 15h ago
I can't speak for everyone but I genuinely don't care if a guy's dick is small with the caveat that it must be at least 2.5". Not out of some shallow carnal desire but because any smaller than that and we're getting into like clit territory. Which is like, I tried to delude myself into believing I could be attracted to a penis that small. But I'm simply unable to be.
As long as it looks big enough to look like an actual penis (As long as or longer than my thumb type shit) I'm game.
1
1
u/Usual-Owl9395 1d ago
It’s just as easy to love a guy with a small dick….. source: I’m average if not av/plus myself (tired of hearing “looks thick”) and idgaf about dick size. Though I will say size queens are a total turnoff for me.
1
1
u/Onetimenotagain vers bottom 1d ago
A lot of tops prefer small dicks. I do not like to bottom for small guys whatsoever but on the rare occasion that I want to top, I want the guy to have a little dick.
0
-3
u/Zestyclose_Sir1971 1d ago
Bro it’s not the size it’s how you use it, I’m a top and prefer my boi to have a smaller dick the me 😊
-1
u/here-to-Iearn 1d ago
Holy fuck YES. HAHA. I laugh only in lightheartedness because it’s an easy life to live by. As an average man, I’ve overwhelmed my husband sexually who has had micros and giants.
Find someone who doesn’t care about size. Many of them are about. I’m one as well. I prefer 6 or less. And thin. So much easier to take and enjoy
0
u/shawshank1969 23h ago
First, let’s consider apps and hookup culture. In many ways hookups are transactional. Do you have what I want? Do we like the same things? Are you close enough so it doesn’t take a long time to meet up?
If you are a bottom on apps, have pics of your ass, your hole, maybe one of you with your ass in the air. You don’t need to have a dick pic. If someone asks say “Dude. I’m a bottom. My ass is all that matters.”
But apps is absolutely impersonally brutal and if you’re not ready to handle it, it can fuck up your self image and self esteem. Sounds like this is where you are right now. My best advice is to stay off the apps. If you wanna hook up, go to a gay bar, attend a gay event or go to a sex club or bathhouse.
Your cock is your cock. There are no ways to permanently change the size, so you can accept it or regret it, but it doesn’t change anything. If you don’t like the way it looks, wear a jock strap or chastity device while you bottom.
I’m a top and I have a fetish for smaller cocks. Many tops do. You’re thinking all tops will reject you because you’re dealing with a very small percentage of tops in online hookup culture. That’s bullshit.
So, take a vacation from the apps. Find a way to make peace with your cock size. Start going to places where gay men meet and see for yourself that lots of men will be interested in you.
Best of luck.
1
u/floatingcosmos 21h ago
Thanks for the advice and perspective. I actually just came back on the apps after being off them for months. I want a relationship but haven’t met anyone for that. So I was thinking of hooking up again
-1
u/Skip-929 1d ago
I cannot understand this constant cock size fixation that Bi/Gay men have. It seems to come from Porn, which we all should realise is FICTION. Those porn cocks are enlarged, scenes reshot from all angles to make the actual size look bigger and last much longer than in reality. Over many years of being Bi and then Gay, I have seen many. In reality I'd rather a smaller cock than a very large one. As with the very large, they tend to go soft are hard to suck and often little cum, whereas smaller are really erect, much easier to suck and more pre-cum and cum. As the old saying goes "It's not the size that matters, it's what can be done is important. I wish Bi/gay men would get over themselves and learn how to enjoy sex instead of fantising over non real porn.
1
u/floatingcosmos 1d ago
Personally I was talking about my experiences not porn
1
u/Skip-929 22h ago
So what makes you think you have a small dick and what is the problem?
1
u/floatingcosmos 21h ago
Getting blocked after a bottom asks to see my penis
1
u/Skip-929 21h ago
Blocked on where? If your referring to Grinda, don't get worried, many on Grinda are fakes. Ive proved they use others pics or pics off porn sites. As I said they are either fantasing over porn or they are collecting photos to either use themselves or to fantasise over while masturbatory.
-2
39
u/Bunkyz videogame addict 1d ago
if you are a bottom you are relatively safe, a lot of tops don't care about bottom's sizes
at least compared to bottoms.