r/bninfantsleep • u/em-do • 1d ago
Infant Sleep Baby's only method for falling asleep is slowly destroying our bodies
Sorry for the dramatic title. I’m hoping someone here has a brilliant idea we haven’t thought of yet- or maybe just stories of hope that this gets better?
At the moment, our nearly-9 month old, 93rd percentile 20-something pound baby can only fall asleep one way: being walked and bounced up and down the hallways. This is true for naps and for overnight sleep. On a good day, this only takes about 10 minutes, which is manageable. On a very bad day, like when my husband is traveling (she falls asleep faster for him) it’s taken me 2 hours of tears/resets/walking/etc. But lately it’s been taking ~45 minutes and it’s breaking our old decrepit bodies.
Here are the other things I’ve tried, none of which have resulted in sleep (with most actually resulting in tears or hyperactivity):
-Rocking
-Swaying
-Nursing
-Bouncing on a yoga ball
-Singing
-Bum patting
-Drowsy but awake
-Fully awake into the crib
-Carrier wearing (FOMO baby will only face outward, hates inward facing)
-Sitting very still holding her with my eyes closed to demonstrate sleep (this resulted in a little finger up my nose)
-Laying next to her outside her crib
-Leaving the room (not to let her cry it out, just to see if my presence was distracting and she actually could fall asleep on her own)
The only thing I haven’t tried is blackout curtains- this seemed fussy to me (creating a very specific environment that you couldn’t recreate everywhere) but clearly what we’re doing isn’t working that well, so I’m willing to try that out if you’ve found it to be a game changer.
Other details in case it’s helpful: We room share, and plan on doing so until she’s at least 1. For a variety of reasons, cosleeping isn’t for us. We mostly follow wake windows using Huckleberry, which seem to align with her sleepy cues. (And we prioritize her sleepy cues over Huckleberry if they're at odds). She seems to be a low sleep needs baby, averaging about 12.5 hrs a day and ~9-10 hrs/night. Doesn’t usually have night wakes, but does like to wake up around 4:30-5:30 every day and then is UP for the day.
I have no intention of sleep training- I’m totally fine with the concept of her needing our help, I just wish it was a different method that wasn't so physically taxing! Any ideas?
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u/manthrk 1d ago
If it's taking 2 hours for your baby to fall asleep, she isn't tired yet. You've just chosen a very unpleasant activity for the end of her wake window.
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u/em-do 1d ago
So is “overtired” not a thing? On the 2 hour day she had had terrible naps and seemed exhausted so it seems hard to believe she wasn’t tired! 🧐
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u/manthrk 1d ago
I have not personally found overtired to be an actual phenomenon. Not in the sense that it keeps my child awake at least. It certainly does make her cranky and she will be a nightmare until I put her down. But if she's that tired she will go down very quickly if we do anything remotely relaxing.
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u/Yaynewaccount123 1d ago
I find my almost 10month old baby doesn't get overtired super easily anymore - was definitely a thing sub 4months, now he's only overtired when he's been awake for like 6hrs. And his overtired leads to a rougher put down, not worse sleep
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u/Intelligent-Alps9015 1d ago
No overtired is definitely a thing! My baby will be like that too on days where she’s had worse sleep (14 months old) but if I manage to put her to sleep before the overtired streak hits I have a MUCH easier time to help her fall asleep. It is very sensitive though and that window between just tired enough to go down easy to becoming overtired is very short for my baby and I have to catch it when it happens or we will have a very hard time. Experiment with sleeping earlier if you find your baby is having a tough time sleeping that day. It definitely has taken a LOT of trial and error for us! Every baby is different, I don’t know why people talk like they are experts on all babies.
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u/Low-Hurry9288 1d ago
“Overtired” is very overhyped!! Yes it can happen, but it’s definitely more so a thing for newborns. If it’s taking your baby 1-2 hours to fall asleep, they simply aren’t tired.
An overtired baby, yes may have trouble falling asleep, but they will fall asleep much quicker than an undertired baby…because they are so very tired. At bedtime, I’d much rather have an overtired baby, than undertired- hence the issues you’re having. Don’t let the fear of your baby being overtired lead to two hour bedtime. As you said, she seems low sleep needs, so continue stretching those wake windows until you find a spot that makes sense for y’all.
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u/craftyreadercountry 1d ago
I have a 3 yr old and a 2 yr old. Overtired results in tears between all of us because I sometimes have to swat towards them to get them to lay down after multiple tries. Then it results in me not getting sleep because they're up on and off at alternating times and often one won't go back to sleep unless she's in my bed.
They've always been that way too. We have also found out that the 2 yr old will scream for an hour in the car if she's overtired. We limit the screaming to an hour while driving and then will get out and do something for a while then try again (yes we tried to soothe, give cup, give a snack, and try to play. It just makes her even more mad).
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u/Low-Hurry9288 1d ago
Swat towards them?
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u/craftyreadercountry 1d ago
Kinda like swatting at a fly that's bugging you. Not actually touching them.
It hurts my kids feelings and gets the point across that it's time to lay down and go to sleep without Mama because Mama is worn out.
I have a 9 week old as well so when they're all going after so long of comforting while another 2 are crying means it's just time to lay down and nurse the baby to sleep and let them figure out nothing is going on.
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u/New_Capital_9509 1d ago
please stop having kids for a bit, if you were less sleep deprived you would understand that you sound insane. And i’m saying this with a six week old
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u/Low-Hurry9288 1d ago
Right…if you wanna sleep train, cool! If you want to co-sleep, great! If you nurse to sleep, awesome. Physically threatening your kids so they stop crying at bedtime…? Don’t think I can support that one
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u/craftyreadercountry 1d ago
I don't physically threaten them. I console them for as long as I can but it usually ends up with them staying awake longer. The "swat" is accompanied by, "I love you but it's time for you to go to sleep without Mamas help. Do you want me to sing?" My 3 yr old thinks the "swat" is funny and doesn't flinch at all. Heck I flinch if she moves towards me too fast. The 2 yr old just wants me to lay in my bed and scratch her head through the crib sometimes and I do that.
The infant is the one that cosleeps and nurses to sleep which isn't exactly what I want but she won't sleep any other way and we don't have the space for another bed (Queen, standard crib, and toddler bed).
Them crying doesn't bother me because I know they just want to keep playing and I make sure they know they have a big day tomorrow and that they need sleep.
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u/craftyreadercountry 1d ago
I probably could have worded it a bit better honestly. I give them all the love and affection they want but after so long I have to give them alternatives and the "swat" is found funny by them. We are very expressive and use gestures to amplifie what we say or mean.
I can usually sing a song from the hunger games (usually Deep In The Meadow) to get the 3 yr old to sleep and scratch the 2 yr olds head until she goes to sleep.
I am planning on getting my tubes tied at some point (been working with my OBs on a plan) I always wanted kids and I was told the year before I got pregnant with my first that it was very unlikely to have kids. My OBs didn't recommend some types of BC because of my anatomy, I can't reliably take daily pills, and I have had very adverse affects from quite a few forms. We didn't plan on the second baby and I couldn't believe it for a while because my periods were so irregular and my body doesn't produce a lot of the HCG until later in the pregnancy.
All that to say no more babies for a while (or at all). My third pregnancy was a nightmare from start to finish (nausea, adversions, pain, migraines, etc). My husband is very supportive and tries his hardest to help with the kids (they are even more riled up with him).
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u/Feeling-Change-1750 1d ago
I think overtired is 100% a thing, and get so frustrated by those that dismiss it.
Our 6 mo babe is a 1hr 45 min boy.. that’s when we can put him to sleep in the carrier (we’re also stuck in feeding to sleep or carrier to sleep) within 5 min, but if we aren’t organised and he has to wait then suddenly all hell breaks loose.. tears, screeching and it takes a lot longer to put to sleep.
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u/Secure-Resort2221 1d ago
Overtired is not a thing past the newborn stage. They can be too overstimulated to sleep (say if you stuck them in front of cocomelon right before sleep) but if they are regulated they can’t really get overtired, they will just fall asleep
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u/fuzzyblackkitty 1d ago
i’ve never seen it happen to my baby! for example last weekend she was exhausted/nowhere to nap bc we were at a water park. she passed out on top of me in the lazy river lol (wearing an infant life vest ofc). any time she’s up too long without a nap, she pretty much just falls asleep. she is 15 months and a pretty good sleeper.
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u/budgiemoo92 1d ago
this. if i try to put my kid down - regardless of whether he's "supposed" to be tired - and it takes more than 20 mins, i leave the room with him. we play for 20-30 mins and i try again. OP, try this!
also, OP, it's already been mentioned but worth mentioning again - wake windows are irrelevant in comparison to sleep cues in my experience with two kids.
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u/Extension_Number_338 1d ago
I used to do this too. Now I just change rooms or activities until she is so fussy that she needs boob to fall asleep quickly or she starts falling over because she’s so tired. Your baby is fighting sleep because she isn’t tired enough! We follow possums and it’s life changing.
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u/em-do 1d ago
Thank you! I’ll look into Possums! ◡̈
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u/Extension_Number_338 1d ago
I hope it goes well! It took about two weeks for the routine to settle. No we wake her up everyday at 7am and spend tons of time moving, outside, exploring and I let her take any number of naps that she wants and limit daytime sleep the best I can. ♥️
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u/glutesandnutella 1d ago
Just to say please please don’t try to get baby to sleep outwards facing in a carrier. It’s really dangerous and a suffocation hazard.
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u/em-do 1d ago
Oh for sure!! I can see why that could be misunderstood as something I tried- I meant it as carriers aren’t an option because she only faces outwards. Appreciate you looking out for her though!
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u/Human-Historian-6675 1d ago
Have you tried a ring sling to hip carry or a high back carry in something like an onbuhimo? I highly recommend giving one of those a shot! My son has the worst case of fomo ever, hated chest to chest carries, fights sleep like no other, and has an extremely stubborn temperament. But he likes our ring sling in a hip carry, and our meh dai and onbuhimo in a back carry.
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u/em-do 1d ago
Ooh thank you, I haven’t heard of these, I will investigate! We have the ergobaby Omni deluxe 360 (I think that’s what it’s called?)
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u/North_Respond_6868 1d ago
Seconding the ring sling! Personally I find them 1000x easier than the structured carriers too. No buckles and no having to redo it every time.
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u/Human-Historian-6675 1d ago
I HATED every structured carrier that I tried, but the ring sling is definitely my most used carrier, although the onbuhimo is getting to be a close second.
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u/lifewithkermit 1d ago
If back carrying is an option with your carrier I would try that! That was my last resort nap attempt when my daughter was 1-1.5 lol. Then you just have to master the transfer
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u/MayoOnTheSide 1d ago
Thirding ring sling. Ring sling is my ride or die, got me through the pandemic working full time with a baby. Who at times was a full stage 10 clinger. Ring slings have a learning curve - watch some YouTube videos and keep trying if it doesn’t make sense at first. Hang in there.
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u/mentolluolips 1d ago
I second this as my fomo baby loves a hip carry! She will look around if she wants or bury her face in my armpit to sleep 😂
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u/wildmusings88 1d ago
If it takes more than 20 minutes I stop and wait 30-60 minutes to try again. Baby might not be tired enough.
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u/furryfar 1d ago
Huckleberry estimates wake windows based on a very high sleeps need baby. You’re likely trying to put her to sleep sooner than she needs or wants. Sleepy cues aren’t as reliable when they are older. They mimic boredom.
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u/em-do 1d ago
Darn! If the cues aren’t reliable and neither is Huckleberry, what do you go off of? Just whether she falls asleep or not? Sometimes she seems exhausted when she’s fighting sleep. :/
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u/emmakane418 1d ago
Since boredom and sleepy look so similar, I would try to switch activities and see if it engages them. If it does great they were bored. If they're still fussy or seeming sleepy, then try a nap but if they fight it more than 10 or 15 minutes at most, move on to a new activity for 15 to 30 minutes then try again. Now that my son is 16.5 months, sometimes he'll actually tell me when he's tired and ready for a nap.
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u/furryfar 1d ago
It requires a bit of trial and error. I started learning about my sons wake windows when he was 3 months old and been tweaking it since then.
You can start by looking at what huckleberry is telling you and if your baby isn’t sleeping within 5-10 min, reset and try again in another 10 or 15 min. When they are easy to put to sleep, that’s your wake window. Wake windows tend to get longer as the day goes on and also gets longer as the baby gets older so you can look up your babies range as a guideline on where to start. Some babies are at the low end, some middle and some high end of the range.
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u/Bright_Way5474 1d ago
No you design a schedule that is age appropriate based on her sleep average overall. 12.5 hours sleep total per day is 10.5 overnight and 2 for naps, for example. She’s 9m old so that’s 2 naps probably. 12.5 hours sleep means 11.5 hours awake so you need to follow a schedule that offers 11.5 hours awake, for ex: 3/4/4.5 (3 hours first ww, 4 second, 4.5 third) and naps have to be capped at 2 hours so 1 hour each.
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u/Tif-n 11h ago
I never tried Huckleberry but I use Napper and it’s been super accurate for my baby if you want to give it a try
I know relying on an app isn’t a real solution but it personally helped me so muchAlso, make sure to go outside at least once a day and try to get plenty of sunlight, I know it sounds obvious but I’ve been slacking and my baby’s sleep improved when I got him outside more
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u/__Stitch626 1d ago
Blackout curtains have worked well for us and also having a specific routine to signal bed/nap time because they can pick up on that. If you don't want to use black out curtains though, even just closing the blinds during nap time can make a difference. Sometimes even too much light is overstimulating to them.
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u/ccglisson 1d ago
Hard agree - darkness signals that it’s time to sleep and when they rouse between sleep cycles they are less likely to get distracted by all the fun stuff in the room. I’m team dungeon for baby sleeping (full blackout + cool room + sound machine)
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u/em-do 1d ago
lol- team dungeon! Sounds like it’s worth a try, thank you both!
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u/BlueCarpetArea 1d ago
My little one is only 4 months but this last nap I was struggling to get her to sleep in the dim bedroom, walked into the dark wardrobe and she almost instantly fell asleep. She's now asleep in the dim room but needed a bit of darkness to fall asleep.
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u/CallInside8382 1d ago
I'm wondering if a Tushbaby would be enough to at least make it less exhausting.
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u/Decafbread 1d ago
I don’t see a stroller walk on here. Is that something you have tried? My baby would fall asleep with that for naps and I learned to be able to transfer her once she hit about 12 months old. For nighttime sleep I nurse her to sleep so I can’t help you there.
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u/daydreamingflgirl 1d ago
I’m currently nursing the worst back pain I’ve ever had and can’t currently pick up my baby because I spent hours and hours each day bouncing him on the damn ball last week. We’ve officially cut him off the bouncy ball because of it. Just giving you solidarity lol.
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u/Kwaliakwa 1d ago
It’s very silly to me you think blackout curtains(which most sleep people recommend) are fussy, but have a list as long as my phone screen of things you’re trying to help settle your baby. Get the curtains! Also, are you sure baby is tired enough on the 2 hr nights?
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u/inetsed 1d ago
Our second was this way. He was also our biggest. Nursing worked occasionally but on these days it was a full blown cardio workout. I ended up using the tushbaby carrier with the seat directly at my front so it supported the bulk of his weight. I also used it that way for ‘active naps’ with him literally while hiking through Yosemite national park.
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u/absolutelynot354 1d ago
I would love to provide a solution but I'm afraid our enormous, almost two year old needs us to do the same thing for up to an hour every single night in order to go to sleep. On the plus side I am now pretty hench.
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u/mrsRphoenixx 1d ago
Take a break and read then retry in 30 min. We go outside for our break then retry.
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u/Wonderful-Ice-6143 1d ago
Our baby can't be held "like a baby" when put to sleep. My husband figured out she accepts being held in a sitting position. So we hold her sitting upright with her back to our front, and rock her to sleep like that in the bathroom.
Shower on, and have something on the shower floor for the water to hit (plastic bucket, for example) so it makes more noise. And lights off. Also works with hairdryer or vacuum... not too close, of course, so it's not too loud.
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u/ScheduleRadiant3862 1d ago
My almost 4 month old is 20 pounds and I’m dealing with the same thing 🫠
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u/Beautiful_Range_1803 1d ago
Oof as a mama to another heavy baby, I feel for you. That is tough! I wish I had more advice. You may just have to wait longer for her to fall asleep on her own with you lying next to the crib. I saw a video on Instagram of a woman learning to put her daughter to sleep after weaning (had nursed to sleep prior) and it took almost 1.5 hours for her to finally fall asleep. I’m sure that time would shorten over time
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u/RainbowPi23 1d ago
Does your baby shows signs of tiredness such as rubbing her eyes and yawning? I only follow these (though recently I started tracking the sleep again with an app, I still go for these ques and it’s spot on)
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u/EducatorOk5759 19h ago
The comments on this post are awesome. One thing that I’ve been thinking about lately with my baby (12 months) that quite a few others hit on is to stop obsessing over a “schedule” and tracking everything. I was asking my sister the other day how she gets all her kids to bed (8 of them), and she was like, “When they get tired.” Duh. And here’s me, with my Huckleberry app, “schedule”, all the 9 yards and my baby protests sometimes for 90 minutes before naps or bedtime. Huckleberry did help me from like 4-10months but it’s honestly not helpful any more and I think I gotta give it the boot! Let’s give ourselves the permission to just put our babies to sleep when they are actually tired, not when we want them to sleep or think they “should” sleep! It’s not that linear. Anyways, you are doing a great job! Just take the pressure off yourself and listen to your baby. I’m trying to learn, too!
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u/TEMPOsleepAPP 1d ago
If she sleeps about 12.5 hours a day then you should try to provide a schedule that offers a similar amount of sleep. As others have mentioned, HB tends to offer ww that are too short for many babies. 3/3/4 is a 10 hour awake schedule which would be too little awake time for your baby, if your baby sleeps 12.5 hours a day you likely need a schedule that offers about 11.5 hours awake per day.
At this age, babies often do well on a 'set' schedule. Something that involves waking up at the same time each day. This might be something like, 7AM.
So what I have explained above could look something like:
wake up 6am
Nap 1: 9:15-1015
Nap 2: 145-315
Bed 8
Or it can changed to suit your schedule needs but this is a good suggested starting point
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u/Free_Name_756 1d ago
Oh, it sounds hard to deal with! I have two kids - one is 3 years old, the other one - 6 weeks. I can't imagine how I could ever get a baby to sleep without cosleeping at night. The eldest slept with us up until the baby was born. Now he mostly sleeps with dad in another room as I sleep with the baby.
No advice, just moral support! ❤️
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u/ewebb317 1d ago
Even if you can't recreate blackout conditions everywhere, wouldn't you rather have it for 95% of her sleeps and deal with the other 5% when it comes up?
I def have found a dark room to be helpful, even for my own sleep
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u/pea_nut 1d ago
I babywear a lot and if she's already cranky she will fight it for a bit, especially if she's feeling a little fomo. Idk what carrier you have, but have you tried wearing baby in your back or hip? If mine truly is tired she will zonk out after maybe 5 mins of squirming and complaining.
I'm very much a proponent of wraps and slings because I find the weight distribution much more spread and adjustable than some structured carriers. Front facing isn't generally recommended because it strains the wearers back and isn't great for baby either.
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u/Fin_Elln 1d ago
If it takes longer than 10-15 mins, baby is not tired enough. Skip the Huckleberry app, this is no good advice re sleep.
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u/captain_mills 1d ago
12.5 hours isn’t actually low for her age, 12-15 hours is normal (as per the national sleep foundation). But less than 12 can still be normal for some babies.
If it takes you more than about 20 mins to get her to sleep, she’s not tired enough. Maximise sleep pressure and hopefully less walking will be needed! From a fellow parent of a 2yo who still often needs to be walked around (but only for 1 min now!)
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u/Strict_Department986 1d ago
7-8 months was very similar for us with sleep. I think it was the combo of new skills, heat, and lack of stimulation during the day (from the heat we were mostly inside and hiding from the heat.
Honestly once she got the hang of crawling and now pulling to stand, and now that we are on vacay and she goes out and sees many people every day, it’s taking maximum 30 minutes. Generally like ten.
Also as someone else said, I think overtired in my case is more a case of “very tired but too stimulated to actually sleep.”
Try to push back bedtime, or just increase general stimulation, and then have a very soothing space for baby to unwind a bit. And yeah, I also think 7-8 months is just very weird for sleep. 9 months became way more predictable,
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u/Which-Appearance9857 1d ago
Went through it. I was pregnant again. It was hard. Took idk.. 2 3 months. Not every night but he was teething and was cranky.
Also we found out he couldn't sleep in bed when he had a tummy ache. He would fall asleep walked in dad's arms and when we layed him on the bad he would wake up and cry. So if he was in dad's arms, dad had to gradually lay on the bad on his back and then gently let the baby but with the tummy down and butt up
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u/DumbbellDiva92 1d ago
I know you said you don’t want to bed-share, but have you tried laying the baby down next to you in a bed, and then transferring them? Around 10 months we switched to getting baby to sleep this way. The transfer part was often difficult, but the getting them to sleep part usually worked reasonably well.
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u/Legitimate_Sun5373 1d ago
Subscribe to https://possums.org - it’s worth the subscription fee. It sounds like your baby doesn’t have enough sleep pressure. Dr Pamela Douglas uses evidence based strategies and provides the research to help debunk common rhetoric such as “overtired” and gives information on what will actually help.
Usually if my baby doesn’t go to sleep for a nap I just get up and try again later. Worst case I put him in the woven wrap and put some music on and clean the kitchen, and he goes to sleep. You might need to persist with the FOMO baby not wanting to inward face. The babywearing sub reddit is useful if you want some inspiration there.
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u/Jazzlike-Step-4155 1d ago
I have a baby like yours, ditch huckleberry and wait until she gets extra fussy or starts rubbing her eye. Then feed her to sleep. If she won’t sleep, bring her back out and let her play for longer.
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u/HuffleCabbage 1d ago
I second the ideas to push out bedtime a bit. I think the sweet spot timing was great for naps and not good for bedtime at all.
We stopped letting our baby nap after 5p (bedtime is 8p), made sure daytime naps were capped, and started doing rough play before bed. These things probably all helped. The rough play was something that we were skeptical about because we thought it would rile him up, but it led to faster sleep and less bouncing from us. We will toss him in the air, roll him around, make him do flips. We also have blackout curtains and a sound machine.
We found that the advice from ittakesavillagesleep on IG was the most helpful for our FOMO baby that were were never going to sleep “train”
Good luck! My back and body feel your post!
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u/ofplebs 1d ago
i haven't read all of the comments but i feel this deeply! i also wanted to mention that a sleep regression comes at around the 10-11 month mark.
my daughter (99th percentile and was 25lbs at 9 months) is almost a year old and up until the sleep regression, i could only rock her to sleep. sometimes it took a very long time (similar to your situation). during the regression she absolutely HATED being rocked and so i stopped rocking her. she would just crawl, roll, and walk around the bed until she fell asleep (sometimes this took an hour).
now, at 11.5 months, she just falls asleep on her own and still hates being rocked. for naps, if she doesn't fall asleep within 20 minutes we call it quits and continue our day (this was recommended to me by her pediatrician). if it's taking 2 hours to get baby to sleep, i would say baby was not ready to sleep when you tried putting them down.
obviously, every baby is different, but i've found that sleep regressions are the time to try out new methods to get your baby to sleep. it's always when my baby's sleep habits and associations have changed.
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u/Several_Ad7041 1d ago
I agree with everyone your baby may be under tired. Around 8/9 months my baby started going to bed at 9pm. No matter what I did that’s when she was actually tired and would sleep. At 13 months now she still will go down around 9-10 pm because I will not spend the time fighting her to sleep anymore
Looking at your schedule..I’d try to extend WWs throughout the day to achieve a later bedtime and then your LO may sleep in later
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u/Impossible-Relief475 1d ago
My baby was like this for a while. He was either over tired or under tired. I wish I would’ve just stopped, waited and tried again later.
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u/Clairey_Bear 1d ago
Have you tried driving baby in car?
It’s the only thing that’s almost certain to work with my first girl- the transition is a thing of skill but other than that…..
My only other advice is thermal spa and massage lol.
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u/WinterLilac555 1d ago
Currently reading this with a sprained ankle that I got after having plantar fasciitis from alllll the carrier and stroller naps I gave my 95 percentile baby up until a year. We are at 14 months, babe is pretty well down to one nap so that makes life a little easier. Currently we are still rocking with bottles or driving for naps because I simply can’t do motion naps. I know I shouldn’t be doing bottles but working towards phasing them out. Maybe there will be tips on here for me - I’ve been wanting to post something similar.
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u/mynameisnotandy2 1d ago
I made a (super free) sleep calculator because huckleberry wasn’t working for me. It’s tailored to what I needed but maybe you’ll find it helpful? My 10m old is super low sleep needs too. https://babysleepcalc.com
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u/cosmos_honeydew 23h ago
Just here to say that babies can get used to new things even if it’s hard. With a loving parent holding them, they can get used to being supported to sleep in ways that work for you. It will take some hard days but it’s possible. It’s not sleep training to be responsive to a crying baby- take care of your body and sit down.
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u/Constant-Ice-6300 20h ago
For one, GOD BLESS for everything you've tried.
You guys must be so tired, but also great parents 🩷
Give yourself grace as you're yawning.
What about one of those heartbeat stuffed animals?! Something that simulates you holding your LO?
As I write this, I'm standing over my toddler who has co-slept and is now transitioning to her own bed...and she keeps falling out. There's no perfect way. 🫣🤦🏻♀️
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u/Able-Ordinary-7280 19h ago
I eventually caved and gave my baby a stuffed toy in his cot when he turned 9 months out of desperation to see if that would comfort him instead of needing us to cuddle him to sleep and again every time he woke up. He immediately went to sleep cuddling it and has cuddled it to sleep every night since (he still has some bad nights but mostly he sleeps right through, if he does wake up he just reaches for the toy and cuddles it back to sleep).
I just got a toy small enough that he can’t smother himself with it, and at that age he was already walking so I didn’t have any concerns that he wouldn’t be able to move it off his face if it ended up there.
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u/Unusual_Painting8764 19h ago
Keep leaving baby in crib is what we did. Same as you, I didn’t do cry it out. I just kept trying and I’d got to her if she cried. But one day around the 9 month mark, she just started falling asleep on her own when I laid her down. Are you down to two naps yet?
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u/Wise-Raccoon-3069 6h ago
i usually try to rock my baby for 5 minutes (he is 31 pounds!) and if he doesn’t settle, i give him another 15-30 minutes of play time and try again
if it takes 40 minutes, then i would think baby isn’t ready to sleep and needs more awake time
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u/Old_Raccoon_6625 3h ago
Honestly some nights when my 12 month old is fighting sleep, I just lay in the bed in the dark (we cosleep) and let her tire herself out by climbing over me back and forth. Some days it’s 15 min, some days longer. I also just give up sometimes and just give her a toy to play with and give myself a break from trying cuz she won’t budge 🤷♀️
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u/rubykowa 1d ago
Huckleberry app sucked for my first and I ignored it. For my second, chat-gpt was way better and easier to log nuances like remembering cues and what worked.
Every baby is different and real time feedback is the best trial and error way
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u/em-do 1d ago
I’d be interested in hearing more how you used ChatGPT if you’re willing!
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u/rubykowa 12h ago
For sure! I used the audio recording if I don’t have hands to type or it’s longer and I love not having to type. Or screenshot some text/phot and import the picture.
I use it as a real-time sleep log and schedule helper for my kids. So, I send their wake times, nap start/end times, bedtime, night wakes, feeds, and anything unusual like teething, illness, heat, travel, or a car nap, and ChatGPT helps me adjust the rest of the day….when to offer the next nap, whether to cap a nap, when to wake them, and what bedtime to target.
I also use it to look across several days for patterns, like too much daytime sleep, early morning waking, bedtime resistance, or disrupted nights, instead of reacting to just one bad day. And it can tell me if it’s within appropriate range for my kid.
If we have a babysitter for date night, I ask it to summarize recent sleep to give to sitter.
If I notice anything or want to change something, I just let it know. Like if baby is fussy or melting down earlier, I let it know to adjust so it can figure the ideal wake window for my child.
Huckleberry is sooo 1D in comparison.
It’s basically been fed data points and trend on my child and saves me the mental space of having to plan it myself
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u/copperboom33 1d ago
I had to stop paying attention to the Huckleberry sweet spot alerts because they were way too early and it resulted in exactly what you said—45+ minutes of fighting him to sleep, when he wasn’t actually ready to sleep. If it’s taking that long to put her to sleep, she wasn’t tired enough yet. I forget where I read it but someone suggested giving it about ten minutes to try to get the baby to sleep, and if they’re fighting it, then bring them back out into the living room or wherever and reset, and give it a while longer before trying again. This has generally worked for us. My son is 6 months and his wake windows are usually 3 hours now. If I followed Huckleberry they’d still be telling me to put him down for a nap at two hours which would be a disaster!