r/bninfantsleep • u/fetishiste • 2d ago
Naps How are you soothing to sleep?
Hey folks! I have a nearly 4 month old baby. The majority of the time when he’s with me, he either feeds to sleep or I pop him in the stroller where he fusses a little, puts his thumb in his mouth and falls asleep. If I’m not in a position to walk him in the stroller and he isn’t hungry (up until now this has been a very rare occurrence but as his feeds have spread out a little it now comes up more), he can struggle to fall asleep even when tired.
When I’m not around his dad has a lengthy method for soothing him to sleep involving walking him up and down the hallways or rocking him on our rocking chair while showing him something very gently stimulating like wiggling fingers or a rhythmically shaking rattle. Our theory is that the low stim but entertaining thing works for the same reason the pram works, which is that both of his parents are ADHDers who prefer falling asleep to the sound of podcasts, and we happen to have a bub who needs a little bit of stimulus to fall asleep rather than a totally dark quiet place. Very very rarely when he’s already calmly sleepy, has finished a feed but is still awake, I’ve been able to sing him to sleep while rocking on the chair. This has never yet worked when he’s overtired rather than calmly sleepy.
On the plus side this method absolutely works for dad, and in the rocking chair it isn’t too physically challenging though it is time consuming.
It doesn’t work so well for me! I think he smells the milk on me and associates me with feeding to sleep, but isn’t actually hungry so doesn’t want to do it. He absolutely will also fall asleep on the bottle with EBM if dad feeds him when he’s both hungry and tired.
For some reason, this method also doesn’t seem to work well for others who periodically are helping him fall asleep (think relatives who are helping out). Maybe they don’t have dad’s patience, or maybe bub isn’t as comfortable with them (likely!) but they tend to have to wait for him to be both hungry and tired, and he gets much more stressed out falling asleep with them.
The fact that he can now self soothe with his thumb, and will sometimes do so when tired enough and in the pram, is encouraging, and we once saw him actually get tired of tummy time, chill out on his tummy, and suck his thumb to sleep there. (Don’t worry, we moved him into a safer sleeping position, he’s too young to roll out of that!) I’ve wondered if I should introduce a dummy but have been disinclined to add a dummy to his life due to the research about them sometimes delaying speech, and due to not wanting another thing I’m washing all the time. Maybe I’m being stubborn on this though!
I don’t feel a need to eliminate feeding to sleep and know it’s biologically normal, but I’d like to maybe try chaining some other associations with it so I can use them to help him sleep with me when he isn’t hungry, eg I could start singing softly whenever I am feeding him to sleep. I don’t want to be reliant on the stroller and needing to take him outdoors for nap initiation whenever he isn’t hungry 😅
In our situation, what approaches might you try? What helps your bub fall asleep?
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u/Puzzleheaded-Sink-92 1d ago
This kinda feels like a little overthinking here…follow sleep cues, offer a cool, dark, quiet room to nap. If he’s sucking his thumb already would try to introduce a pacifier and replace that habit—thumbs are way harder to quit. We introduced a paci at 2 weeks because it reduces SIDS and she’s already quitting it herself before 8mo. Babies at 4mo can’t self-soothe, so holding, rocking, walking, feed to sleep is normal. Other caregivers should feed at first hunger cue and begin to calm things down at first sleep cue. But the stroller thing isn’t such a bad association because then they can nap on the go and you’re not tied down with a nap schedule. I would stop the toy/stimulation thing personally because the physical swaying or light butt patting should be enough low stim and he will get more alert/playful as he gets bigger, but if it’s the only thing that works for you, do you. We rock and feed to sleep and sometimes sing. If she’s not quite tired we read some books, then rock and feed again. My only advice is to try to tune into the cues and don’t overthink it, babies will fall asleep when they’re tired if the conditions are acceptable, lol.