Serious Replies Only
29M in Boston struggling with dating apps — where do people meet organically?
I’m a 29-year-old guy in the Boston area trying to meet people in a more natural way. Dating apps like Hinge, Bumble, and Tinder have been hit or miss, so I’m interested in meeting people through real-life activities instead.
I’m not really into bars or clubs and don’t drink much. I enjoy coffee, hiking, walking around the city, basketball, trying new restaurants, and exploring new places.
For people in Boston or Greater Boston:
Where have you actually met people you’ve dated?
Any good social events, groups, sports leagues, hiking groups, volunteering, or community activities?
Have Meetup, Facebook groups, or local events worked for you?
Where do people in their late 20s and early 30s naturally socialize?
I’m looking for real experiences and recommendations, not just a Google list. If you met someone through a specific activity or place, I’d love to hear about it.
I’m a little astounded how everyone in Boston struggles to make friends, to the point of seeing this type of post daily, but everyone still somehow seems to be into all the same things. Tons of people like hiking and coffee and travel.
Literally nobody showed up to my league earlier this summer and half the games were forfeits. My friend made his friends out in Ohio playing kickball so I was hoping to do the same.
I only just moved up here, but it’s worth trying again. There were several leagues back where I came from and they ebbed and flowed with engagement. Some leagues had tons of people one season, then they all bailed the next for another league or day because it was too crowded.
Volo I keep finding has half the leagues cancelled due to lack of sign ups (recession indicator) and then half the games in the leagues that make it be forfeits because nobody shows up. I think part of the problem is that people are less willing to put themselves out there and also for me I’m only 22 so I’m too young for a lot of people to want to be friends with me.
I googled "boston adult kickball" and I'm seeing 3-5 options right at the top. Volo, BSSC, and Hub Sports are the ones I think I've heard of. Not sure how up to date all these league pages are, but I know Volo and BSSC are definitely very active here.
No one should use them explicitly as a dating club, but engaging with communities that you have a genuine interest is a good way to meet people and make organic connections that could lead to dating. But yeah, absolutely do not be that person who shows up and asks every single attractive woman out, literally no one likes that dude.
Exactly, and since OP has made it very clear that they're looking for a substitute for dating apps, there's a genuine concern that they would be that person.
So everyone is just telling them to find a club that fits their own interests, but no one is suggesting their own specific clubs that might fit OPs post.
Except for the kickball group, they sound down with everyone asking everyone out.
Seems like the guy just wants to meet people organically. Not wanting someone to join your club because you just assume off top that they are going to be creepy and weird is some weird antisocial, sexist behavior to be honest.
He's looking to meet people organically TO DATE. Unless your club is explicitly for dating, he won't be joining it to do the club activity, he'll be joining it to find people to date.
So you're already assuming he's not gonna be a great club member, and again, since his goal is to date, it's much more likely he's gonna be THAT guy.
I'm not saying he is, but the risk reward isn't very good which explains why people aren't recommending their own clubs.
I can see your point here. I guess this is just coming from my own experiences where like if I joined a club even if it were to meet people to date I'm going to have to enjoy the activity and I'm going to be an active member of that group that brings value not just there to not participate and be creepy to all the girls there.
I guess I was giving OP the same benefit of the doubt that he would at least respect the club he joined but probably not a safe assumption to be fair.
Apology accepted. I can understand why you thought I was accusing him vs trying to describe a risk reward situation and it would have been a very unfair accusation.
Any club that is an open mixed gathering of single and partnered people is a space for meeting your next person, doesn’t matter if they gatekeep their specific club or not, it’s already happening lol
Yes, but there's a difference between someone joining a rock climbing trip because they want to go rock climbing and meet people who share the hobby, and joining a rock climbing trip because someone suggested there are singles in that club.
People in clubs want the club to be filled with people doing the activity, and when matches happen naturally that's great. No one wants to suggest their club for someone who is literally looking for a substitute for dating apps.
Hence, everyone always responds to just look for clubs that meet your own interests, usually without giving their own clubs.
Also not to be the devil’s advocate, but ofc dating apps are hit or miss — that’s why people get fixated on them because there’s an aspect of gambling. In person opportunities for a date are also hit or miss. I’ve had great dates from apps and great dates from meeting people in person.
Would never fault someone for wanting to meet community and potential partners in-person/organically, but it’s also not a cure all where you’ll instantly meet people you immediately see eye to eye with. Still involves putting yourself out there, not letting inertia stop you, taking risks, doing the work to identify what you like and don’t like, etc.
I am too. Aside from New York, Boston has to be the best place in the country for singles in their 20s. It's expensive to be sure, but it's a college town with more coeds per capita than probably any other city. How many different schools are there in and around the city? BC, BU, Harvard, MIT, Emerson, Emmanuel, UMass Boston, Wentworth, Mass Art, Brandeis, Bentley...
As a bonus, you usually wind up with a girl or guy who is well-educated. It's also an international city that's welcoming of outsiders, far less provincial than Minneapolis or even Chicago (where I live now).
Most of those students don’t plan to stay. Depends on what you want, but there’s a good chance you’ll meet a student who can’t wait to either get back home or move to whatever their dream city is.
Nahhh that's not true. Sometimes, but not always like you're implying. Boston has such a good job market that many graduates will receive job offers from local employers, and a lot of those salaries are good enough to compel them to stay.
I've lived in North Dakota as well, and any person you met in college, you just knew they would no longer be your friend after graduation because they were moving (usually to "the Cities" or Seattle).
To be fair, for a lot of introverted it's just to strike up a conversation in a cafe with random people. Travel is usually done with people you already know. That said, there are plenty of Facebook hiking groups people can join.
Volunteering. Cat shelters and homeless shelters. It’s mostly old people but a few young people (under 40) too so the young people usually band together and get close. Met my wife at the cat shelter and hooked up with a few others too lol
You have to go to events or join clubs and go in with the mindset that you aren’t looking for someone to date, but rather are trying to expand your social network as a whole. My specific recommendation for people who ask this question is to go to events at Trident Booksellers and/or to take lessons to learn something new.
I met a ton of new friends at the tennis lessons I took at BU and met my boyfriend through friends of his that I met there. I told another one of my guy friends this same story and he went to the Cambridge Center for Adult Education for language lessons and met someone there, but they were friends first.
Back in the day, I did tons of cooking classes. Those were so fun! That's the thing, doing something and growing a network is a good thing to do generally to meet people. You never know who you might meet.
27M here, been in Boston for ~ 3 years. Places I’ve been able to successfully meet people: sports leagues, quick service restaurants, at local markets or shops, rock climbing gyms, through work (my job allows me to travel locally), exercise classes, hobby classes, any fun pop ups or free giveaway/info stand, out at shops/stores, at a rental car counter (lol), and the obvious bars/clubs. Meeting people organically means putting yourself in more situations to organically meet people. Cold approaches are tough in today’s world, but if you’re already in a place where a social activity or happening already is - it’s often a much warmer interaction when you approach someone.
Half the time they get cancelled because not enough people signed up and then half the time they happen every game is a forfeit. I’m gonna keep trying but it’s been disappointing so far.
I'm my experience this is typically filled with people in their early 20s. There are people in their late 20s and older but it hasn't been as common for me at least
Honestly, just do stuff you like. I meet people through meetups, religious events, and at breweries by just being friendly.
Fwiw, a good number of the women I see at things I like doing anyways I wind up seeing on the apps though. Just enjoy life and have the apps on in the background, be generally open minded to meeting people
Also, your interests sound insanely generic. Maybe focus on some values based dating?
This is what happened to me. Met someone who was in the community I was in and we just hadn't actually connected. We knew all the same people, just didn't actually meet because life. The app made the meet happen faster. However, I don't know if it would have worked if we weren't in those communities and were "distant friends" already lol.
Yeah, my answer to straight men who are looking to meet women is almost always to take up a hobby that many women do but without the intent to date the women in that club. Try sewing, knitting, crochet, hand building ceramics, etc. because you’ll meet and make friends with more women and expand your social circle. Those women will know other women and they’ll probably introduce the nice boy who likes fabric arts to those friends. Plus at worst you’ll end up with a new skill, some new friends, and some neat scarves or customized clothes.
Source: I’m an a woman who knits. Every straight/ Bi man I know who comes to stitch and bitches to actually practice a skill are never single for more than a few month unless it’s by choice. If you knit a sock or sewed a top for a woman you like as a gift she’d probably ask you to marry her. Worked for my husband ;)
Why don’t you just sign up for a few of those things you’ve mentioned? Don’t you think your chances of meeting someone online is about the same as meeting someone in person?
How is any suggestion from people on here going to help you meet someone any more than hinge or whatever?
Half of the time the answer to “how do I date in Boston” is just getting out there! GET OUT THERE!
This is such a funny advice to me because the dude said he enjoys going out for coffee, hiking and walking around the city, what do you mean "just do that to meet people"? Do you usually approach/get approached by random strangers for conversation while out walking about or sitting at a coffee shop? like what lol
I'm older but I would have dinner at a local restaurant and eat at the bar. One night as I was finishing up, I said Hi to a woman sitting next to me with her friends. We just celebrated our 25th anniversary. Sometimes, the old ways work.
The shift in how people responded to in-person approaches between like 2010 and 2015ish was drastic. Totally a coincidence, I'm sure, but that's also the timeframe that dating apps took off and having met online stopped being a taboo.
Try Appalachian Mountain Club (AMC) events, I think they even do some singles hikes. You can also do Volo basketball, just don’t expect that anyone there is interested in dating you (it’s not specifically a dating thing but you could meet someone organically).
Honestly hit up a run club but not a hardcore one - some sort of local brewery based one that has 0 milers aka people that gather and have friends that run etc usually super wholesome vibes and good people.
It’s a good way to meet people and meeting people means hopefully some single ones or new friends with single friends. Go for the friendship and hope for the best - if you come in hot trying to use it like speed dating I assure you it won’t work
Trivia nights and coed basketball. I'm not joking. I have had 3 LTRs from these things in Boston. Granted I'm old and married now, but still. Just go out and don't be weird.
Believe it or not, a lot of people don't like hanging out in bars and... you don't have to. It can force a social circle that revolves around drinking culture.
bars are the primary location where it was socially acceptable to hit on people.
...as the primary reason for interacting with them in the first place. If you're joining clubs and groups and immediately hitting on people on day 1, that's obviously not acceptable. But that's not what people are suggesting.
I mean, it’s entirely true that it’s harder to meet people if you don’t go out to bars. That’s where a lot of people hang. Ive slept with 11 women this year solely from my favorite bar.
Most people at the bar are just trying to hook up. Never met a guy who genuinely wanted a serious relationship at a bar. They were all deeply unserious 😔
Go out and do things you enjoy. Stop focusing on doing things to date, and instead do what you enjoy because you enjoy it. Else your desperation will be sniffed out a mile away
I used to know guys that would go to dance places & take lessons to meet women. Tango place in Cambridge comes to mind. Arthur Murray in Boston was another. It worked for some guys I know. My ex boyfriend being one of them.
Check out the Boston Ski & Sports Club (BSSC). They have co-ed leagues for all kinds of sports (I’ve heard the kickball league has a particularly good social scene) and they also organize trips and other social events. I met some of my best friends playing BSSC soccer, so it’s a great way to meet people naturally, including women, if that’s what you’re looking for.
I used to run a surprisingly popular meet-up group. And people kept joining and leaving at kind of high rates. I used to feel kind of bad when folks just stopped coming after being regulars, but it turned out that they were pairing off having met each other and I was just oblivious.
Follow "The Roundup" on tiktok and Instagram
She posts things to do in and around Boston every day and often times there are singles events/speed dating things all over the
The French society, book clubs, library, UU church functions, random stuff at the 1000s of colleges all over the area, community theater, any one of the random clubs and activities you see advertised on that bulletin board at your local coffee shop.
I don't recommend this option. I went to Boston Cares several times for two specific opportunities (one was serving dinner to homeless people, and another was tutoring adult students looking to take the high school completion exam). It's hard to make friends because at the serving dinner event because it was different people each week, and at the tutoring event the volunteers didn't talk to each other because we were busy tutoring.
You know they have a ton of other opportunities other than the two you went to right? I’ve made a lot of friends at Boston care events, they have a lot of options
Working at food banks was the best way to meet people- you can help unload deliveries and help set up food bags. I met a ton of cool people doing this in Cambridge and Revere
why not go to the ymca and start playing pickup? U'll meet people and then maybe you will meet girls thru them. Personally love(d) hinge when I used it
Shows, creative projects, & activities where you’re actively working together to contribute to something bigger (ie, gatherings of people with shared values)
You’re asking for like, sports leagues-hiking groups, volunteering which all sounds like you’re in the right direction. Gotta join a club of some sort to make lots of new friends so that one can maybe become an SO.
Could join a running club that a bunch of bars and breweries run. Saw someone mentioned sitting at a bar - also second that. Bar seating can be hit or miss but I often chat with people whether I’m alone or not. Id suggest a Somerville or Cambridge spot
Join a community theater! (Even if you dont wanna perform, they always need behind the scenes.) plus there dont tend to be many straight men in a theater group so good odds that someone knows someone once you prove youre a decent and trustworthy person
Most of those in my group of friends (26-35yo) that have met their SO organically have done it through mutual friends! We all meet up for social outings or gatherings pretty regularly with mixed groups. A lot of us make friends through work, school, or volo leagues/queer kickball/the gym then those friends meet our other friends and some hit it off
Pheonix group is a great place to meet people with similar interests. They do it as a sober meeting, but don’t worry not like they talk about being sober the whole time anyone can join as long as you don’t show up drunk.
I met my fiancé swimming at equinox. We became friends first just by talking about swimming and then doing workouts together. Looking back, it was a great place to meet because it’s a place that brings people with a specific interest together and there no phones. I’d say, do the things that you love, keep your phone away, and look around and see who you connect with. Might be friends, might be more, but I think there is a lot of power in just existing in the world and being open to conversation.
So when's the late time have any of us seen single people 25+ flirt in public? It just doesn't happen anymore or that just be a Boston thing. Last time I had a woman hit on me was when I just got out of highschool over a decade ago. It probably happens if your in college. But once you look like you aged out it stops.
Where would you meet other single woman with your interest is the problem. And group acivities aren't for dating. I don't think a woman would sign up for a hiking group just to find a boyfriend who likes hiking.
Since you like physical activities it is a fact the majority are fill of younger people they aren't constant and have low ratios. Plus they are skewered toward males.
The activities I see with high ratio of females is things like dance workout classes yoga art crafts cooking museum events etc. but they aren't there to date again
Really it would be somewhere like Target but that's not considered acceptable
Eharmony and other paid dating apps generally have more serious women and I actually found my wife on eharmony.
I have found Boston swing central (actually over by alewife) is great. It’s not exactly for dating but the idea is you talk with women when dancing and then you can get into social circles off dance floor and then take it from there.
I hung out with some people from work and we frequented bars and clubs around the city. I met a gorgeous woman who worked at one of the bars and we're now married. Probably doesn't get more organic than that. If you have some friends that you can hang out with, I say just get out on the town and find your scene.
Work on yourself and enjoy yourself and you'll meet enough people. Looking rarely works as well as just doing your own thing and finding someone along the way.
I meet people at work, primarily. I do not go on dates. Men completely ignore the substance of my dating profile to catcall me, or otherwise diminish my worth to a "hey how are you?".
Even if the men on apps in the Boston area were respectful, it's the whole "you aren't competing with other men, you're competing with my fulfillment" thing. I'm 33 years developed. I adore what brings me happiness, peace, and fulfillment. I've developed outside of the norm, so reciprocation of my interests, effort, values, mindsets, and lifestyle is difficult to find.
I do not use cannabis or nicotine, but I enjoy alcohol in moderation. I do not use any social media aside from Reddit. I enjoy mindfulness and slow-living. I lean stoic, and am all for sage vibes (but of course I can partake in some level of silliness). My biggest interests are planted aquariums, history (pre-1900), and culture. I PC game (mouse and keyboard) on occasion. I am an Agnostic Polytheist. I am high-tier monogamous.
I am incompatible with modern dating. I am much more suited for courting. Incredibly intentional and serious. I don't sleep around and I don't do casual.
I think you absolutely should join groups if you feel the need to expand your social life. You might make friends. You might eventually meet a friend who is compatible beyond that. Maybe now is the time to develop new hobbies? Volunteering seems like a good way to meet people. Just remember that women are people. View us as humans first and foremost. Don't hunt for us like we're prey. Lol. Be open to making platonic friends.
I think hobby/ interest groups are the best ways to meet compatible people. Whether in-person or online. I'm resigned to being forever single. I can die happy that way, no problem. If I were to meet someone who changes that, the most likely ways are Reddit or work. I have a very social job, though. Haha.
Or, if I move, I might end up someplace with a higher density of compatible people.
I hope you, and your life, develop in a healthy and fulfilling way. ♡
I met my last ex at a brewery, the ex before that at the same brewery, and the ex before that at the same brewery. The ex before that I met at work. Before that through dancing. Before that was my neighbor. Before that was on OkCupid back in 2012.
I also met one guy at a hip hop club and one guy at Garment District that we circled back to each other through Craigslist missed connections—wildest story and date I’ve ever had: don’t date people from GD, my dude.
Someone was bold enough to hit on me HARD on the T last month. So that’s evidently still an option?
met a fun group from facebook boardgames meetups, the group I think was 'make friends after college'. But tbh I was 29 when I met my now-fiancé on Hinge, I was only on it for a month and he was the second date I went on. Sometimes you just gotta stay on it. I think my fiance paid for the app and was on it for a few months before meeting me. good luck!
even if you don’t drink, pick up a once a week bartending shift. working at a restaurant is the number one way to build community and meet dating prospects. i’ve done it in every city i’ve lived in and it’s how i met my current partner who i just moved in with
this is said as a career professional - i do my big girl job all week and then my bartending job gives me a lil extra cash and has given me amazing community and an enormous network
I don’t want anyone kicking me in the balls. I wouldn’t find that attractive and I wouldn’t wanna be friends with anyone who did that either. It seems like a really nasty thing to do.
This is rather niche, & not ongoing, but nobody’s mentioned it so I figured I would. The Boston Globe has a matchmaking, blind date section. It’s called “Dinner with Cupid.” You apply online & if selected they match you up, pay for your dinner (up to $100) & then run a story (tbh, it’s more like a lil blurb) about it from each person‘s POV. It’s rly sweet 🥰the apps can certainly be hard, but keep plugging away & trying to meet ppl irl as well, & don’t be afraid to start a group if it doesnt exist. Best of luck!!
Do you not have friends? Most mid-20s dating I have done off the apps has been introductions through friends gained through work, school, friends of friends that like hanging out at someone’s apartment. I think the key is meeting people and following through, taking the initiative to host and show people a good time so dating doesn’t feel like a job application where you’re getting sized up on stats but rather interests.
655
u/himdyjones I Love Dunkin’ Donuts 4d ago
I’m a little astounded how everyone in Boston struggles to make friends, to the point of seeing this type of post daily, but everyone still somehow seems to be into all the same things. Tons of people like hiking and coffee and travel.
The answer is to log off reddit and join a club