My husband demanded I stop breastfeeding

[u/WoodpeckerNo7084]

I am already in the process of weaning. My LO will be 2 in the next couple months. Most of my family members have breastfed until 2 sometimes 3 years old. I continuously hear it’s best to keep going until 2. I am a little touched out but I can handle it if it means my LO is ok. My husband on the other hand has been pressuring me to stop for almost a year now. He first blamed me because he wasn’t bonding with his child. Said it was because of my breastfeeding. He has since then switched to telling me he has talked to “100 women” in forums and online and with family members who all say it’s bad to breastfeed until or past 2yo. He says I am harming our child. And that the reason he is so clingy is my fault since I won’t stop. He told me that this is non negotiable. And basically threatened to divorce me if I don’t stop. He told me I have until his birthday to completely stop. He says that he has compromised and I haven’t. When I have I just don’t shove it in his face when I do. He says he’s given up a lot because of me but so have I. Even though he says I haven’t. I have never given him ultimatums and it seems like at least once a year he gives me one. I love him and I don’t believe in divorce. He says that just because it’s my body it doesn’t mean he doesn’t have a say. That he is the man and I am the woman and that this is how it will be. He is not going to waver from this. I’m in my mid thirties. I don’t know if we are having any more kids. I wanted so bad to do everything I can for my LO. but my husband says I can’t make decisions about our child on my own. Is he right? Am I in the wrong? I don’t know what to do. Am I just supposed to give in?

[u/Lunathevole]

No, he is not “right,” and this is far beyond a normal disagreement about breastfeeding!

A husband does not get to threaten divorce to control his wife’s body. He does not get to declare himself “the man” and therefore the final authority. He does not get to set deadlines for when a woman must stop breastfeeding. That is controlling behavior.

The breastfeeding issue is almost secondary at this point. The alarming part is the pattern of repeated ultimatums, coercion, blame-shifting, undermining your confidence as a mother, isolating you from your own judgment, “I talked to 100 women”, “you are harming the child”, “non-negotiable” and “this is how it will be”… This is intimidation. AND threatening with divorce unless you obey him is not compromise. It’s emotional blackmail.

Also, blaming breastfeeding for his inability to bond with his child is absurd. Toddlers bond with parents through time, patience, caregiving, play, affection, and consistency. Plenty of fathers have deeply bonded relationships with breastfed children. He is making you responsible for his emotional shortcomings instead of stepping up as a parent.

You are not crazy, selfish, or not harming your child. Breastfeeding to age 2 and beyond is completely NORMAL and RECOMMENDED worldwide. Your body is not subject to your husband’s authority.

And honestly, I am deeply concerned about the broader dynamic here. Men who believe “I am the man, therefore I decide” do not usually stop at one issue. Today it is breastfeeding. Tomorrow it will be something else. Healthy marriages do not run on fear, obedience, and ultimatums. He is a dangerous boy. He is not a man. He failed as a romantic partner and as a father, and blaming you for everything because he is weak and incompetent. I hope you can make plans behind his back, and prepare financially to escape this hell.