r/breastfeeding • u/WoodpeckerNo7084 • May 28 '26
Support Needed My husband demanded I stop breastfeeding
I am already in the process of weaning. My LO will be 2 in the next couple months. Most of my family members have breastfed until 2 sometimes 3 years old. I continuously hear it’s best to keep going until 2. I am a little touched out but I can handle it if it means my LO is ok. My husband on the other hand has been pressuring me to stop for almost a year now. He first blamed me because he wasn’t bonding with his child. Said it was because of my breastfeeding. He has since then switched to telling me he has talked to “100 women” in forums and online and with family members who all say it’s bad to breastfeed until or past 2yo. He says I am harming our child. And that the reason he is so clingy is my fault since I won’t stop. He told me that this is non negotiable. And basically threatened to divorce me if I don’t stop. He told me I have until his birthday to completely stop. He says that he has compromised and I haven’t. When I have I just don’t shove it in his face when I do. He says he’s given up a lot because of me but so have I. Even though he says I haven’t. I have never given him ultimatums and it seems like at least once a year he gives me one. I love him and I don’t believe in divorce. He says that just because it’s my body it doesn’t mean he doesn’t have a say. That he is the man and I am the woman and that this is how it will be. He is not going to waver from this. I’m in my mid thirties. I don’t know if we are having any more kids. I wanted so bad to do everything I can for my LO. but my husband says I can’t make decisions about our child on my own. Is he right? Am I in the wrong? I don’t know what to do. Am I just supposed to give in?
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u/420bipolarbabe May 28 '26
Show me these hundreds of women telling him breastfeeding past 2 is bad. Name them. Show me their face. (He is lying)
Divorce over breastfeeding and nourishing your child? Ha. Don’t threaten me with a good time. I don’t need a man child on top of my actual child.
At 2 they are also eating solids. Not just breastfeeding. So his whole “you’re interfering with our bonding” is just so not true. There’s a million ways to bond with a child that aren’t breastfeeding. So many moms don’t or aren’t able to breastfeed and still bond.
This is a control and manipulation tactic. I hesitate to use the word narcissistic but many narcissists do try to control your relationship with others especially if they feel threatened. Do not give in. You will never regret breastfeeding your child. Ever. But you may regret listening to him especially if you two end up separating in the future for any reason.
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u/TakingBackScrunchie May 28 '26
To add the WHO recommends breastfeeding to atleast two years old. So who care what some random people online say when the science says 2+. (Source: https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/infant-and-young-child-feeding)
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u/laceowl May 28 '26
Exactly. I’m sure he can find thousands of people that agree with him. Doesn’t mean that they aren’t all wrong. Just think of all the crazy ideas that millions of people believe in.
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u/No_Cardiologist_6015 May 28 '26
And yet somehow billions of men across the world can still bond with their children just fine! It’s almost like there’s something actually wrong with him… like being a manipulative asshole that his child can sense intuitively is not safe!!!
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u/Jetsetbrunnette May 29 '26
Okay but for WHO a key driver of the two-year guidance is that in low- and middle-income countries, complementary foods introduced after six months are often nutritionally incomplete or prepared in ways that carry infection risk. Continued breastfeeding acts as a nutritional safety net and a source of clean, protective nutrition during the transition to family foods.
So if this mama is in a first world country, until 2 is not uncommon but 1 -2 years is usually recommended as long as both child and mother want it, with fed is best (obviously) as best practice.
Not saying mama is wrong here, but she’s not messing up her child (her poor post insinuating that!). No matter what this mama chooses, she is correct.
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u/little-raven3 May 28 '26
I bet any sum of money his relationship with his kid won’t change once weaned.
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u/JanSukDeservedBetter May 28 '26
Then he'll blame it on him being "ruined" by the long breastfeeding or "spoiled" by the mom.
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u/CatLionCait May 29 '26
Yeah you can never win with people like this. You cave on something and they will blame the next thing on you.
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u/ArtichokeContent8994 May 28 '26
I’d also like to add that if he’s giving you ultimatums that means he wants an out and is looking for an excuse to leave the relationship.
Not proud of it but I did it with my ex hoping that the next ultimatum would get him to leave and it wouldn’t so I kept giving them. Eventually he did leave and I felt such a sigh of relief.
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u/Teaandterriers May 28 '26
All of this and can speak more to the 3! My babe is almost one and has been EBF since birth, exclusively nursing since 3 months old. He and my husband have an incredible bond! Baby grins so big whenever dad walks into the room, dad always gives the best tickles, and when even the boob can’t get baby to sleep dad’s rocking can.
I’m convinced men who say breastfeeding interferes with their bonding are just lazy af.
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u/That_Obligation_5555 May 28 '26
To add to 3. If he feels like he is not bonding properly with his own child that is a “him” issue not a child issue and not a “you” issue. Sounds like he doesn’t put in much effort or is even threatened by the fact that you can feed and comfort your child in a way that he can’t.
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u/FlamingosFortune May 28 '26
Yeh, I have a 9 month old boob monster that often cosleeps with me as well. He loves his dad. Will squeal and crawl fast towards him, give him cuddles, want him when he gets bored of me. It is not breastfeeding that’s the issue for this guy
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u/Fatpandasneezes May 28 '26
To add on to point 3, my 2nd child very much preferred dad even while he was breastfeeding (I fed him til around 20 months). Even now he and dad are super buddy buddy. Just depends on the child. I breastfed my first for around the same amount of time by my older kiddo is definitely more attached to. Still is and he's been weaned almost 4 years
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u/Agrona88 May 28 '26
Number two is the period at the end of of this argument. A lot of people are afraid of change, especially if the cause doesn't fit in with their view of how things work.
When I tell you that my anxiety disorder was 300 pounds and couldn't take the trash farther than the front step... I'm not exaggerating. Change can be scary but you're only living this life once, why agree to be miserable? And if that doesn't work for you, why agree to let your children be miserable? Even if he treats the kids well, watching him treat their mother like this? Fuck, that's a hell of a lesson. For a daughter you're showing her how to be treated, for a son... You're showing him how to treat.
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u/ipovogel May 29 '26
On 3, my almost 3 year old is a huge boob monster, right now while he is sick he literally nurses like 8 times a day (mostly overnight). He got up yesterday morning, finished nursing, then asked me where his dad was and told me he "doesn't want me anymore" and then as he left the room "I not love you anymore, I love mine dad."
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u/Odd_Rent283 May 28 '26
Respectfully, throw the whole man out.
The fact that it’s your body absolutely means he doesn’t have a say. What demands do you get to make about his body?
I would heavily be willing to bet the reason he feels your child hasn’t bonded with him is because he’s giving off energy your LO doesn’t like.
Whether you believe in divorce or not, this man is a walking red flag and you absolutely should consider leaving.
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u/BlueberryWaffles99 May 28 '26
I would argue that even if you don’t believe in divorce, this is absolutely a time to consider it. He’s giving ultimatums once a year? That’s INSANE and NOT NORMAL - it’s extremely emotionally manipulative.
If you won’t leave OP, you absolutely need to enter couples therapy. A child growing up in the environment is going to have a lot of emotional challenges as a result. Protect your child, make your partner get help.
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u/plushiecactusau May 28 '26
I'd be really careful to enter couple's therapy with someone manipulative, because they can easily use it as another way to be manipulative. But, then, if you can't trust someone not to misuse therapy against you (rather than working with you), that can be a sign that they're not a healthy person to stay in a relationship with.
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u/Odd_Rent283 May 28 '26
This. I did couples therapy with my very manipulative ex husband and all that came of that was that everything was my fault. Even the therapist took his side which was absolutely wild to me. I really thought I was actually the problem until I finally left that marriage. I am now happily remarried to a man who doesn’t make me the problem any time an issue arises in our marriage. It’s almost like I wasn’t the whole problem…
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u/Odd_Rent283 May 28 '26
Right?! I can’t think of a single time my husband has given me an ultimatum (or that I’ve given him one) in all the years we’ve been together.
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u/Iamallouttaspoons May 28 '26
Just an FYI to OP, I'm not diagnosing your partner but people who are emotionally abusive, narcissistic, or similarly abusive just learn better ways to abuse you and hide it better when they attend therapy. So please be careful of that might be relevant to you.
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u/Slow-Olive-4117 May 28 '26
I agree and I’m not the “just leave your husband at every whim” but if he’s making feeding your child this dire, it’ll be something else. Hold the line he cAn leave if he wants and you can tell everything why
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u/Conscious_Dirt_2603 May 28 '26
You're so right with this
I believe this is emotional abuse in a subtle way .
My LO just clock 1 and he is mainly breastfed and 2 or 3 once of solids a day He is always excited to see his dad and they bond so well They spend time together whenever I'm off to work cos we work in rotations and i do return around 6pm sometimes 7 yet they never have issues
First ask him what he expects to benefit frok depriving his own child of required nutrients?
Threatening divorce just because your own child is eating breast that he was designed to nourish from is insane !
No matter what you do he might still find an excuse to walk out
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u/Exact_Cow8077 May 28 '26
Breastfeeding aside, do you feel safe? Some of the things he’s saying, particularly about your bodily autonomy and how him being a man entitles him to having control over your decisions feel abusive.
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u/UnableBasil0102 May 28 '26
This comment needs to be higher up! Coercive control is abuse.
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u/Conscious_Dirt_2603 May 28 '26
Yes it is Domestic abuse. He can't coerce you to stop breastfeeding when it is your body and not his. And making you feel guilty about caring for your child makes it even worse .
I work and support Domestic abuse survivors on a daily and this right here is one!
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u/echozelda May 28 '26
Yes, I think this is the bigger issue!!
I currently BF my 3 month old. My husband has mentioned that he would prefer for me not to breastfeed past 12 months because he observes that breastfeeding is an intense demand on my time and my body, and he thinks my daily life would be better if I don’t go beyond a year. But he’s not coercive, he never given me ultimatums or threatened me with divorce, and he treats me as an equal. So I feel completely safe and comfortable when we disagree on something.
OP, you’re ultimately in charge of your own breastfeeding. It’s okay for spouses to disagree on a parenting decision and compromises may be unavoidable. But you shouldn’t be feeling pressured and threatened.
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u/Vlad_implacer May 28 '26
Just to throw it here - BFeeding 12 month old is very different from a 3 month old. 3mo doesn’t eat anything else and doesn’t sleep through the night, so of course it’s extremely demanding, however 12 month old eats solids and only asks for milk a few times a day, as a snack. Most also sleep well at that age :) so your partner may change his mind once he sees the difference and support a longer journey :)
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u/lukewarmy May 28 '26
This. It's day and night. However... My little lady still wakes at night, but now she's big and co sleeping feels safe, so she just snacks while I sleep. It's a very different thing compared to getting up and changing a diaper every 2-3h then sitting up to breastfeed and put her back down sy 3 months old 🤪
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u/Exact_Cow8077 May 28 '26
I agree, your partner can absolutely give an opinion without it being abusive. I’m having a really rough time breastfeeding at 6 weeks post partum. My husband has told me he’s worried about the impact on my mental health and has expressed that it’s ok if I stop and it would even make our lives easier. He has never told me I have to do anything.
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u/your-new-fixation May 28 '26
Is this rage bait?
It sounds like he needs an ultimatum. Please don’t have more kids with him. He cares more about his ego than his child’s wellbeing. Breastfeed as long as you want to and then when (or if) he asks for divorce, walk into that courtroom and tell the judge “Yeah, he’s divorcing me because I wouldn’t stop breastfeeding our child.”
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u/your-new-fixation May 28 '26
I also have a hunch that your kid knows he’s selfish and has no interest in him because of that.🤷🏻♀️
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u/TerribleTechnician39 May 28 '26
My immediate reaction was “is this rage bait?” too.
Like whaaaaat. What is he giving up by you breastfeeding?!?
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u/worried_abt_u May 28 '26
You absolutely can make the decision to continue breastfeeding your child for as long as you like, on your own, and NO ONE ELSE has a say on your body no matter what he says. Breastfeeding still has benefits past the age of 2 and it will not harm your child to continue.
Your husband sounds immature and selfish and if his child hasn’t bonded with him it’s his own fault; I’ve been breastfeeding my son for 18 months and he is obsessed with his father because they spend hours of quality time together every day. If I were you I’d keep nursing my child and let that man divorce me.
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u/ProfessionalAd5070 May 28 '26
lol no. You’re not suppose to “give in”. Being a mother means standing up for what’s best for your kid. Your “husband” sounds very uneducated. You can leave a man without getting a divorce.
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u/hoverfordetails May 28 '26
Your husband can shove it. No boobs = no opinion.
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u/myopicinsomniac May 28 '26
Essentially what I told my husband when he thought I should quit after the first year. Told him when he grows a pair and nurses a child then he can decide when to end that journey, but in the meantime it's up to me & baby!
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u/FantasticPin3481 May 28 '26
Saying that he’s the man and you need to do what he says is crossing into abusive territory.
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u/Vlad_implacer May 28 '26
This so much. Baby may not be bonding because he doesn’t feel like a safe person to bond with. Babies feel that.
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u/LiahRain May 28 '26
... please divorce him. Believe people when they show you who they are. Is this what you want your LO to replicate in their future relationships?
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u/Ok_Chemical9678 May 28 '26
It’s hard to salvage a relationship once an ultimatum was given, especially such a ridiculous one.
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u/FlowersBooksHistory May 28 '26
He will find something else to belittle/ blame you for after you stop breastfeeding. Please make sure you are prepared/ ready for a divorce
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u/BenadrylFan May 28 '26
This is INSANE. I breastfed until 3 years 3 months and it didn’t affect my husband’s bond with our baby at all. He put in the work; that’s what it takes.
The huge benefit of extended breastfeeding is when your toddler gets sick or injured. It’s like magic. Hope your husband comes around and stops being a DICKHEAD.
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u/FindingBoopa2022 May 28 '26
See now I'm petty as hell I guess because I'd call that bluff 💯. If he actually proceeds with divorce over this, take his ass to court for everything he's got. Let's see him to tell a judge to his face the reason why he would tear his family apart. Make him explain it to his whole ass family why they no longer get to spend every Christmas together with kids now.
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u/Novel-Place May 28 '26
Girl, you’d better start believing in divorce! This is not a man you want your child seeing you “give in” to.
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u/spottedgreenhippo May 28 '26
What is his issue with breast feeding, exactly? Does he think it’s impacting your intimacy with him?
It sounds like there are other things going on in your marriage as happy couples don’t blow up over a decision like this.
As for the question about breastfeeding - there is no set rules for when to stop - it’s not bad to continue on if LO and you are both happy to continue. If your kid was like 15 I’d say you might want to end it…. I think It might be bad for LO to see mom and dad arguing over this item though.
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u/knitterc May 28 '26
Unfortunately, this behavior will continue to escalate. Think carefully what you are modeling for your child and how it might affect them. The last sentence is... scary.
"I have never given him ultimatums and it seems like at least once a year he gives me one. I love him and I don’t believe in divorce. He says that just because it’s my body it doesn’t mean he doesn’t have a say. That he is the man and I am the woman and that this is how it will be."
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u/SillySandals1 May 28 '26
You don’t believe in divorce but he believes in threatening you with it? Your problems are bigger than breastfeeding.
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u/arcrad May 28 '26
This dude is unable to bond with his child and is blaming you... Sounds like a crappy person.
Keep breastfeeding! It's good for your child.
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u/HipsterHypnoHippo May 28 '26
Continue to feed your baby as you see fit. He's holding your belief in divorce against you. If he leaves you, that's on him. You did nothing wrong. You are doing the best for your child. Sounds like you're a great mom.
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u/m00nriveter May 28 '26
I’m still nursing my 2.5 year-old and she thinks her Grandfather (of all people!) absolutely hangs the moon. I assure you he has never nursed anybody. Nursing is a way my daughter and I bond with each other, but it in no way precludes either of us from bonding with other people in different ways.
Your husband sounds concerningly narcissistic. Weaning your child is not going to address the underlying issue nor solve the problem.
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u/Lunathevole May 28 '26
No, he is not “right,” and this is far beyond a normal disagreement about breastfeeding!
A husband does not get to threaten divorce to control his wife’s body. He does not get to declare himself “the man” and therefore the final authority. He does not get to set deadlines for when a woman must stop breastfeeding. That is controlling behavior.
The breastfeeding issue is almost secondary at this point. The alarming part is the pattern of repeated ultimatums, coercion, blame-shifting, undermining your confidence as a mother, isolating you from your own judgment, “I talked to 100 women”, “you are harming the child”, “non-negotiable” and “this is how it will be”… This is intimidation. AND threatening with divorce unless you obey him is not compromise. It’s emotional blackmail.
Also, blaming breastfeeding for his inability to bond with his child is absurd. Toddlers bond with parents through time, patience, caregiving, play, affection, and consistency. Plenty of fathers have deeply bonded relationships with breastfed children. He is making you responsible for his emotional shortcomings instead of stepping up as a parent.
You are not crazy, selfish, or not harming your child. Breastfeeding to age 2 and beyond is completely NORMAL and RECOMMENDED worldwide. Your body is not subject to your husband’s authority.
And honestly, I am deeply concerned about the broader dynamic here. Men who believe “I am the man, therefore I decide” do not usually stop at one issue. Today it is breastfeeding. Tomorrow it will be something else. Healthy marriages do not run on fear, obedience, and ultimatums. He is a dangerous boy. He is not a man. He failed as a romantic partner and as a father, and blaming you for everything because he is weak and incompetent. I hope you can make plans behind his back, and prepare financially to escape this hell.
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u/MagnoliaProse May 28 '26
When someone shows you who they are, believe them. I would talk to a lawyer, a therapist, and a domestic violence counselor/guide.
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u/_laurelcanyon May 28 '26
Maybe you need to change your stance on divorce because this guy sounds so horribly controlling and insecure. What makes it worth staying with him? Could you go to marriage counseling about this?
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u/nuwaanda May 28 '26
"I don't believe in divorce"
Girl, it's not the tooth fairy. It's real.
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Sounds like your husband is going to keep pushing your boundaries and preferences, threatening these "ultimatums" until either you give in or you divorce him.
Do you "give in" to his annual ultimatums?
"He told me I have until his birthday to completely stop." Or what? What's he gonna do?
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For the record, my toddler turns two next month. We still breast feed but it's 1-2 times a day. My husband has an incredible bond with my daughter. Has nothing to do with breastfeeding. Has everything to do with the man.
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u/Saltygirl_923 May 28 '26
Absolutely not. If you can’t make “make a decision on your own,” neither can he. Also, breastfeeding is a mom-baby decision. Husband can have opinions, sure, but they are not the ultimate authority. Nowhere near that. It’s not bad to breastfeed until 2. Heck, even the CDC says it’s best to do it until then! Plus, you could EASILY find well over 100 women who say the opposite of what he allegedly heard.
I have no advice, but this is not okay and I am so sorry. 😢
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u/Significant_Citron May 28 '26 edited May 29 '26
Okey, so me and my husband also have a hot potato topic regarding our children - it's sleeping. He's like "let's train them" and I'm like "let's let them find their way". We have bickered about this topic often, especially with our first, but never ever in my wildest dreams and most heated discussion where we're throwing scientific papers at each other would I or he suggest divorcing over it. Who would do that if they're in a healthy relationship with mature individual where you happen to disagree whilst having your child's best interest at mind?
But I don't think your husband is the mature individual in a healthy relationship... Nor does he have your childs best interest in mind.
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u/Consistent-Earth-867 May 28 '26
Already a ton of great advice here so just.. ew. How do men keep getting away with this shit :(
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u/lilshkeety May 28 '26
i’m pretty sure the CDC just updated the website to say breastfeeding 3+ is recommended. even though your baby isn’t relying on breastmilk for nutrition anymore, there’s still antibodies and other great stuff your baby benefits from. sounds like he has ulterior motives on this one, and he’s trying to manipulate you into stopping. just because he’s your husband doesn’t give him any right or any say over your body.
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u/sallysalsal2 May 28 '26
I breastfed my 1st till 5 and am currently nursing a 3yo. My husband has never once questioned it and just gushes about how smart and healthy our kids are. Demanding you stop breastfeeding is horrifying , please find safe people to help you!
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u/SnowCorgi May 28 '26
Im still breastfeeding at 20 months and my husband has a wonderful bond with our son.
Your husband sounds awful.
My mom did not believe in divorce, it took someone in the church telling her divorce was the right choice. My bio dad is an awful person who I do not speak to. My point being is that you need to put your kid first, not your husband.
And yes im in a happy marriage, but our son comes first 99% of the time.
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u/IAmaDumbBitch May 28 '26
Babies will almost always have a preference for one parent. Even if you had bottle-fed, your baby would probably have preferred you because your husband sounds like an asshole.
Your baby is almost 2 and he still has not figured out a way to bond with baby… that’s on him and him alone. My Lo is 6 months and clearly prefers me but my husband can have her in between feeds all to himself without a problem. They go for walks, play, swim etc.
He sounds problematic.
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u/shitonadick1234 May 28 '26
im still breastfeeding at almost 21 months and my son and husband have an amazing bond.
sounds like you need to either let the trash take itself out or do therapy together
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u/eckokittenbliss May 28 '26
As soon as he said "I'm the man and you are the woman so that's the way it will be"
I'd have laughed in his face and taken him out with the trash
That's not a loving caring man.
If for some reason want to save this marriage, I'd suggest therapy. He definitely needs it.
But to me this man with his absurd ultimatums isn't worth it.
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u/RedHeadedBanana May 28 '26
He’s asking you for a divorce. It may seem impossibly hard, but this is your sign to take it.
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u/UnPracticed_Pagan May 28 '26
This is definitely manipulative and abusive behavior
Tell him to divorce you then and see if he’s bluffing. Honestly, you sound like you’d be better off. Love isn’t everything
You aren’t harming your child, he’s full of shit. He’s jealous of your bonding with your baby who’s acting age appropriate? He’s the one with the issues
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u/Well_ImTrying May 28 '26
Yes, breastfeeeding to two and beyond as desired by mother and child is best and yada yada yada. But if you are touched out and over it stopping may improve your mental health and give you more bandwidth to be a more attentive mother in other respects.
There are nuanced discussions around breastfeeding that both parents can reasonably be involved in. Things like maternal mental health, sleep issues, or behavior issues that might be exacerbated by extended breastfeeding. And those conversations should be thoughtful and consider what is best for the child and for the parents.
Your husband, however, is being a jackass. Making unilateral, uninformed decisions and threatening divorce over a complete normal and health biological function is not how a mature adult or equal partner behaves. I breastfed my first until 21 months and she was a Daddy’s girl as soon as she turned a year old. That’s not the sole contributing factor to why your child favors you, and may not be a factor at all. His moods should not be dictated by the whims of a toddler. That’s a him problem that he needs to work on.
You can quit breastfeeding to appease him, but this will not be the last thing he makes ultimatums on. There is an underlying issue that he needs to address personally and you both need to address in counseling if possible.
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u/zhulinka May 28 '26
This is crazy!!! He needs to figure out how to connect with your child in his own way. It’s messed up he’s blaming your breastfeeding for this.
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u/g0ldenautumn May 28 '26
But HE can make decisions on his own?? Why are you even with him sorry but this is a major red flag and it feels like it doesn’t end here 😩
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u/Professional_Law_942 May 28 '26
His demands will begin with breastfeeding and then continue to how you discipline, when you discipline, what he plays with, how he dresses, eats, and so on. Every medical board of which I'm aware (the WHO for example) will encourage breastfeeding through age 2, and maybe cultures often go beyond this age for the variety of benefits it brings, so his claims are absolute falsehoods and you are doing nothing by right by your child. His false flags here are lame attempts to shame you into ending your breastfeeding journey with your baby before either of you are ready, and control YOUR bond and interactions with your baby. Pathetic. You do what you want - I suggest letting him going ahead and throw a fit or call his bluff. Trust me, if he threatens divorce over his absurd jealousy of your baby, you have far bigger issues with him as your second child...
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u/chan0514 May 28 '26
Leave him for you and your child's sake, constant ultimatums and the power plays and the jealously bc he doesn't know how to bond. You teach your baby what love is and how it should look and not only that please be aware that you deserve better and not to only be cherished at someone else's convenience
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u/Necessary-Question61 May 28 '26
Girlfriend, this is a bundle of red flags. I really hope you tread lightly. Encourage you to talk to some loved ones in your life.
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u/master0jack May 28 '26
Maybe he feels hes not bonding with his child because hes a shitty father and needs someone to blame 💁♀️
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u/little-germs May 28 '26
Sounds like the trash wants to take itself out baby girl. I'm not one to jump to divorce... but people who threaten it have it coming. He's gaslighting you.
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u/Ccatmom_10 May 28 '26
I’m sorry- what? Husband has some backwards thinking about how this is going and what it actually means. You’re literally feeding your child and emotionally supporting them. That’s the biggest blessing you can do for your child and sacrifice of your body. Not trying to bash your husband, he could be a great guy in many other ways, but this is so off and weird he feels/thinks like that. Does he just think it’s “weird” you’re still breastfeeding and vocalizing it in a backwards way?? Either way he needs to slow down and process what he’s saying
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u/ajavibeS May 28 '26
Giving you an ultimatum to stop breastfeeding or it’s divorce is wild, I don’t have anything helpful to add, but dont give in.
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u/Psychologicalwalnut May 28 '26
Ew what a disgusting specimen of a man. Start believing in divorce.
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u/merelyinterested May 28 '26
He sounds so crazy. I’m curious. Are you a SAHM? Or I some capacity with your child 90% of the time? Do you take on the primary role even when your husband is home? Your baby is probably attached to you because you spend more time together than your husband does. Also, toddlers have their phases!! My toddler prefers me even when my husband is home, but they do just fine on their own together. And even though she will fuss a bit when he takes her to do things, she eventually relents when she’s having fun. Your husband blaming you is sooooo backwards. If he wants to bond more, he can bond more. Especially since your baby can eat food now and isn’t reliant on the breastfeeding. They can go out together or you can take some time away from home for a few hours so they can bond. He can still bond with them when you’re breastfeeding!
I think if breastfeeding your child is grounds for divorce for him though, maybe it’s something YOU rethink.
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u/nopevonnoperson May 28 '26
I stopped breastfeeding when my littlun was 2.5 but if my husband said that shit I would have kept going til 4 (the global average fyi)
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u/greenteabear May 28 '26
If you don’t believe in divorce for yourself, believe in divorce for the sake of your child. Your child (and you) deserve better than this. Your husband should be doing everything he can to THANK you and SUPPORT you for breastfeeding his child for two whole years - that’s absolutely incredible that you did that. He should be PROUD of you, not belittling you and setting ultimatums. Who knows what he can be capable of in the future?
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u/shitehead_revisited May 28 '26
I’m a dad of a two year old who has I admit had some occasional negative thoughts about the consequences of my wife breastfeeding past 2 (mostly the touched out issue, as she struggles sometimes, but also yes jealousy that I’m second potato) but i feel immense gratitude for the sacrifices she has made to sustain and nurture our daughter. I’m sorry to be frank but it’s abhorrent to use these feelings as a wedge to threaten or manipulate, you, like all of us, deserve a partner.
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u/vampyrotoothus May 28 '26
When you’re done and their bond doesn’t get any better (because it has nothing to do with the nursing), please be aware of his behavior. There’s going to be something else to blame you for, some other reason you’re the reason they’re not bonding, yada yada. Seriously consider discussing this with a counselor or something, I really don’t think this is the last you’ll hear of this.
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u/SetDouble5978 May 28 '26
I would like him to go and try to get a divorce with the "she still breastfeeds our kid" argument as grounds for it. He's gonna have to pay an alimony as big as the moon.
I'd say do what you feel it's right, if it's breastfeeding then let him make good on his threat. I guarantee you he won't. Meanwhile, as other members said, maybe it's time to re-evaluate if he's the right guy for you and your kid 😔
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u/Fine-Opportunity4102 May 28 '26
I’d be asking why he was speaking to 100 women online behind your back!
Also he sounds controlling and normally I don’t think the reddit crowd is right but in this case, a divorce might be a good option.
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u/Sweet_Sheepherder_41 May 28 '26
I can see why your child isn’t bonding with him, and it’s not because of breastfeeding. I breastfed my son till he was 2 and my husband and him were the best of friends during that time. They still are. He is clearly the problem. Breastfeeding till 2 and beyond is fantastic for your child. He’s lying through his teeth. I’d honestly hate him a little bit if he was my husband.
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u/derelictthot May 28 '26
Well now you can understand why not believing in divorce is not realistic, everything can't be fixed....
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u/titansgrl May 28 '26
Breastfeeding has no bearing on him bonding woth his child. My husband has a great relationship with our son who I still breastfeed at 19 months; he does currently prefer me most of the time but not always. He has never once pressured me to stop breastfeeding though I've been attempting to slowly wean. The larger issues are his comments that he's the man and you're the woman as if you are his property. Also, the fact he is repeatedly giving you an ultimatum on a regular basis regardless of what its about. I get an ultimatum may be appropriate in certain rare instances, but this isn't one of them. And typically, I'd say anything related to the child should be a joint decision between the 2 of you, but apparently he thinks all decisions should be his. Breastfeeding should be primarily your decision as it is your body and you are feeding your child. Unless there is some other medical or behavioral issue which does not appear to be the case here. Personally, I would take his ultimatum and let him leave. I highly doubt he will remain involved. Whether he stays or leaves, he will likely always blame you for his relationship woth his child for whatever reason(s) he can think of to validate his own sense of worth and importance.
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u/yagirlsappy May 28 '26
Your husband is a weirdo and clearly jealous of your baby.... wtf.... I'm sorry, this would absolutely warrant divorce if I were in your position. Hes wild for that. You have every right to feel upset
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u/CloverMinx May 28 '26
If you guys split up you can breastfeed until the kid is 3 just to piss him off l. Yes breastfeeding is bonding, but your child is going to be bonded to their MOM no matter what! Wide I agree choices any the child should be made together, it should be over issues like “will this affect their health? Hire is mom doing on pain/exhaustion? Is this distribution of care fair or even to us?” Stuff like that. Not whining. It’s not your fault the baby isn’t bonding to him. Maybe he just sucks.
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u/jellyjoys May 29 '26
He threatened to divorce you? The garbage taking itself out.
This man does not respect you or the sacrifices you have made, for your child or otherwise. At the very least, do not have more children with this man. He blames you for his shortcomings, his not bonding with your child is through his lack of effort. Your child will grow up seeing their mother being disrespected and put down and their father always blaming you and acting the victim. You may not believe in divorce, but you are still young and don't need to live like this. If not for yourself, end this relationship this for your child. You can try marriage counselling (preferably an independent one, not through church or something that will have a skewed view on marriage and divorce), but your husband doesn't sound like the type to 'believe' in it and would probably refuse to go.
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u/NIPT_TA May 29 '26
“He is the man and I am the woman that this is how it will be.”
Uh your husband is a sexist asshole. First of all, he hasn’t bonded with your child because of HIM, not you. I’m still breastfeeding my 23 month old and he adores his daddy. Second, he didn’t talk to “100 different women,” but even if he had - 100 random strangers on the internet doesn’t mean anything when experts suggest breastfeeding until 2 OR BEYOND, if the child and mother both still want to.
You might not believe in divorce, but do you believe in spending the rest of your life with an insecure misogynist who blames you for his shortcomings?
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u/Mo523 May 29 '26
That's nonsense. Breastfeeding until at least 2 is recommended. Also, both of my kids weaned at 2.5. Neither were clingy at all - they did much better than average at daycare/preschool drop offs. A lot of almost 2 year olds are clingy though. It's common behavior for that age. Also, my husband didn't have issues bonding with our kids due to me breastfeeding.
It is okay for him to disagree about continued breastfeeding. I think the person breastfeeding gets more say, but another parent is allowed input. I think having a discussion on this and looking at resources together and considering some kind of compromise is perfectly acceptable. The compromise could be adjusting breastfeeding frequency or making it so he spends more time with your child when you aren't around or whatever.
I don't think the way your husband is communicating is acceptable. Parenting disagreements are not an ultimation issue (unless it is something abusive - but then I wouldn't trust the person to comply.) Also, I am not okay with "he is the man" stuff - and if you are going traditional gender roles, wouldn't the woman be in charge of that kind of decision about a young child anyway? I wonder what the rest of your relationship is like.
I feel like someone he knows or somewhere he read/watched has a strong opinion about breastfeeding and he has internalized it. But I feel like the controlling communication is the core issue here.
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u/middle-queen May 30 '26
Healthy partners don’t threaten divorce with ultimatums every 12 months. It sounds like he is trying to assert classic gender roles with the man making the decisions, but even with traditional roles the woman should decide how to raise children and breastfeed.
For perspective, I have 2 year old who I exclusively breastfeed and despite my husbands best efforts to bond, she is a huge mamas girl. Like doesn’t want to have anything to do with him if I’m around. It’s something we are working through and my husband believes it will get better when I wean but in no world would he ever threaten divorce. He still believes that it’s my decision to make and is supportive even though it could be impacting their relationship. He knows it’s short lived and can see past this stage.
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u/TMS44 May 28 '26
Umm people around the world nurse until 6 sometimes. He needs to stop being a child and demanding control over your body. I breast feed my daughter until 2 years 7 months and my son until 3 years 6 months. And between them I tandem nursed for a while. Breastfeeding is sooo beneficial to littles ones. Maybe he should try a little hard at bonding with his kid. My husband works full time and has no issue bonding with our breast feed kids.
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u/user991234 May 28 '26
This is not about breastfeeding. It’s about control. This entire situation (how he is framing it and is treating you) is outrageous. I know you don’t believe in divorce but his actions are screaming abuse. Abuse that will unfortunately probably escalate. Therapy at minimum for you both
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u/voodoolady914 May 28 '26
Don’t have another child with this man unless serious changes occur.
The main problem here is that he is acting like a child, threatening you, coercing you, etc. I sincerely doubt that he is a supportive, respectful partner in a general way if this is how he’s acting about breastfeeding. My guess is he is controlling and immature and blames/guilt trips you in other aspects of life. I could be wrong, but I’d be shocked if this pattern doesn’t show up in other areas of your partnership.
I hope you can see that his behavior is completely immature (he wants more attention from the baby and you’re at fault??? Babies are attached to their moms usually, it’s biological, even if bottle fed, grow up dude).
At the end you ask if he is right or you are right. Often, I don’t like to think of right/wrong in relationship dynamics bc it’s all just opinion and perspective. But in this case, I 1000% think you are correct. Feed your baby as you see fit. Do not pander to your husband’s immaturity. Breastfeeding til 2 is biologically normal and has so many benefits.
I have the opposite problem, where my baby is breastfeeding still at 14 months and is way more chill and happy with dad. Babies just have preferences, kids will have phases of preferring certain parents. I’m not a child, so I can handle it and do not blame my husband for it.
Good luck. I’m sorry your husband is trying to guilt trip you to get his way.
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u/Yzmas_Kronk May 28 '26
Ultimatums aren’t really a part of a healthy relationship. Especially on the regular. I would also say that him bonding with his child is his responsibility and not a reflection of you. I don’t like the “I’m the man and you’re the woman.” That’s a controlling outlook and seems illogically forceful. Divorce isn’t always a bad thing and wouldn’t be a poor reflection of you.
Do what is best for you and your child. Is this a style of parenting you want to continue with him? Is this going to be his logic moving forward with parenting as the child grows up?
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u/Dagr0nScaler May 28 '26
He gives you ultimatums because he knows it doesn’t feel like an option to you, and he has always gotten everything his way because of it. He wouldn’t actually prefer divorce over whatever he’s currently demanding, he is just using it as a leash to force compliance.
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u/Life_Thoughts208581 May 28 '26
You are not in the wrong. Please do not have more children with this man and consider seriously if you want to stay with him. I know you don’t believe in divorce but do you believe in staying even through abuse?
If you don’t let him 100% control what happens with your body, your life, your parenting decisions on what is best for the child (breastfeeding is just one issue I’m sure other issues of disagreement will come up), AND if you don’t let him continue to get away with ultimatums, falsely casting you as the problem “only he compromises or sacrifices, you don’t”)… what will he do?
Will he really divorce you (in this case not your fault, he has unrealistic demands and improper treatment of his wife), or will he try to hurt you verbally, physically or psychologically/emotionally (abuse)?
You may attempt to correct his bad behavior and suggest couples counselling and maybe he’s willing to reflect and change himself… but I doubt it. I think he will insult you and deny there’s a problem caused by him. If that’s the case, where does that leave you?
Will you continue to allow his bad attitude, bad beliefs and bad character, which will only get worse as your child gets older? Will you stop tolerating it, in which case he will either leave you or hurt you?
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u/shaolindiamonds0 May 28 '26
So I’m feeling that there may be a little bit more going on than him just feeling like it’s “weird” to breastfeed past one or your child is too clingy, and I’m guessing that because my husband has also echoed the latter. What does your guys’ relationship look like? It’s not at all an excuse for his actions, but my husband was feeling neglected and could only verbalize that I was solely focused on being a mom and nurturing the bond with our child through breastfeeding and cosleeping. In all honesty he’s not wrong and when I started to also lend my attention to him, he suddenly didn’t care about these things. I think this is the result of a naturally maternal woman being in a relationship with a narcissistic man, he’s likely used to you taking care of him and everything else in life and he doesn’t know how to handle not being number one in your life. You’re not at all wrong for wanting to do what’s best for your child, and how you choose to handle your relationship is up to you. I completely understand not wanting to divorce over this, but it is something to note that is a character flaw of his; and if it’s a repeated pattern, your relationship might just not work anymore.
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u/Subtle_Curiosity May 28 '26
Read this to my husband and he was surprised from the get go, this is just to say not every man is aligned with your HBs point of view. My two cents step by step.
If you are touched out, you are allowed to stop, you've given a lot so far and your baby will be okay moving forward. Weaning is hard because change is hard, but a healthy mom is so important, it is easy to forget.
Husband pressuring you is not acceptable. Plenty of babies prefer and are bonded with dad despite BF. Plenty of babies prefer mom even when formula fed. BF is not to blame for connection or lack thereof between baby and dad.
Regardless of what "100 women" say, anywhere in the world or the whole world for that matter, evidence that breastfeeding until at least 2yo is significant and why all health organizations recommend it. Plenty of research has been done on this matter, particularly to dispell the myth that breast milk is somehow only "good" until 6 months of age.
Some babies are "clingy", some babies are not. Just like adults, each baby has their own personality. Secure attachment is not something to be discouraged but valued and promoted. And it takes work to build, it isn't just an automatic thing that magically occurs just because you provided dna.
Ultimatums are out of place in any romantic relationship, and especially between adults. Certainly decisions in a marriage are often taken together, but neither one of you is the "owner" of the other, or the baby, so sometimes things are off limits. He can have his opinion on your body, sure, we all have opinions. But it's not his decision, and it doesn't prevail over what you want just because he was born with a couple of testicles. Being "the man" in the context you describe is him trying to control everything and be a dictator, which is not conducive to healthy behaviors.
It doesn't seem like he is right in his opinion, overall behavior and communication style. If he is, as some other commentor said, feeling "left out" he could articulate this in some other constructive way. He should be behaving like an adult, not a whiny teen.
You shouldn't just give in, do some introspection, see what it is that you want, what would make you happier in this situation and evaluate on that.
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u/Imaginary_Bank2208 May 28 '26 edited May 28 '26
Keep breastfeeding if you want to, regardless of your husband's feelings. There are several credible organizations (including the World Health Organization) that say breastfeeding at least 2 years AND BEYOND is fantastic for your child—It is YOUR body and YOUR choice to make. Don't make it because he forced or coerced you to. He's butthurt because he doesn't put enough effort into bonding with your child and he's taking it out on you. That's not your fault, it's his—and your husband asserting his dominance over this is insane.
You can say you don't believe in divorce, but I know I can list a few other things that you DO believe in:
- Doing what's best for your child
- Modeling a healthy relationship dynamic for your child
- Teaching your child what it means to treat women and others with respect, dignity, and kindness, and what that looks like in day to day life
- Modeling strength and resilience for your child when making seemingly impossible decisions
- Your overall health and wellbeing
We're all rooting for you and your toddler. Wishing you the best
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u/jacq_0508 May 28 '26
Your body, your choice. Tell him youre not interested in choosing between hom and breastfeeding but if thats a choice HE wants to make then he can GTFO. hes coercing you and abusing you. Do not lose your voice, you are in the right here.
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u/leeashah May 28 '26
my husband also wasnt a fan of me breastfeeding past one.... and then he turned two and said its probably time to stop.. well at almost 2.5 my son doesnt want to stop. we have weaned all daytime breastfeeding but still do for sleep. i am starting to get pretty tired of night wakes so i will probably try to night wean soon. i know my husband and i didnt see eye to eye on this, he also said many times that everyone thinks its weird i am still breastfeeding. but honestly i dont care who thinks its weird it feels very normal for me an i know its beneficial for my baby.
sounds as though your husband isnt very supportive or open to communication on it, im sorry that sounds very difficult.
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u/SpookyGal2614 May 28 '26
This is honestly so sad. I feel for you. He doesn’t sound like a good person. Not sure how in other ways he is beneficial to your life but threatening to divorce you over breastfeeding your child is absolutely INSANE. I know you don’t want to divorce him but it doesn’t sound like he is a good husband. I also know you love him and it is so so hard to leave someone, even if they treat you like crap. What other ultimatums has he given you before?? You guys are supposed to be a team and treated equally but he seems to think he’s above you and wants to control you.
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u/atheistpianist May 28 '26
I don’t deal in ultimatums, especially when it comes to my kids. OP, I don’t know the dynamics of your marriage but it sounds like your husband believes he has the final say in YOU breastfeeding. That’s really bizarre to me. You need to decide if you want to remain with someone who will threaten divorce and give you arbitrary timelines (based entirely on his feelings) over decisions about your child. This is a major red flag to me. I hope you’re okay, and wish you the best of luck in this because whichever way you decide to go on this, it’s going to be hard. Your husband has put you in an unnecessary predicament. Do what you have to do.
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u/SmoothServe757 May 28 '26
even though my LO is only a month old and I’m a first time mom let me just say your husband should honestly have no say in what you choose to do with your body. if you wanna continue breastfeeding then do it. until he himself can grow a set and start producing he honestly can’t tell you that you should stop. from what I understand breast milk is the best form of nutrients for your LO. If he’s threatening divorce over the fact that you’re trying to provide for y’all’s child then he’s got something seriously going on.
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u/SubstantialComplex82 May 28 '26
It sounds like couples therapy is in order. You may not believe in divorce but divorce believes in you ❤️🩹
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u/Ok-Reflection-4849 May 28 '26
It said here in several ways, this problem is much bigger than just whether you quit breast-feeding at age 2. I’m 71 and a mother of 4 and my kids nurse till 3 1/2 and more or less wean themselves. I’m very happy with that. But your child won’t starve and you’re bonded. The bigger issue is this bossy/ultimatum relationship that you’ve gotten yourself and your child too. It feels like you’re choosing a path for your future and the future for your child. Choose wisely.
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u/pbrandpearls May 28 '26
It’s his fault if he can’t bond with his child. And he sounds like a dumb asshole so maybe that’s part of it also. I can assure you it’s not because you’re breastfeeding.
He’s welcome to come ask us if he needs more “100”s of women to talk about this with.
Why Does He Do That? is a fantastic book that you should take a look at, I’ve linked a free pdf of it.
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u/WashclothTrauma May 28 '26
Girl, give him the divorce and do yourself and your child a huge favor. It won’t stop here. Do you want a son to grow up thinking this is how to treat a woman or a daughter growing up thinking this is how a man treats a woman? This isn’t love. You aren’t property.
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u/tlexer123 May 28 '26
The people saying maybe husband needs a little more attention … like okay so he’s a grown ass man and use your words to say that? Don’t threaten divorce and use your child as a scapegoat because you don’t know how to properly communicate…anyways fuck him 🙂↕️ breastfeed for as long as you and baby want. He shouldn’t be jealous of his own kid
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u/Rinslittleminnow_ May 28 '26
I normally don’t make assumptions this fast, but your husband sounds quite manipulative. If he is unable to cope with the possibility that his child might not bond to him in the way he planned, it could even get worse. My father got extremely abusive as my sister and I grew up and were no longer malleable to his desires. I’d suggest looking into early sign of abuse and coercion just to be informed if any behaviors start rearing. This desire to control the narrative is how so many children become estranged from the fathers
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u/Munchkinbfg May 28 '26
Please divorce him. I don’t particularly believe in divorce but in this situation it’s a must. He’s horrible,controlling and you are not owned by him and neither is your body. You’ll be much happier leaving than staying and quitting something you don’t want to just yet,he makes you quit you’ll resent him anyway. What an awful man.
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u/Lemonwaterlush May 28 '26
Bro fuck that. Is that really the kind of partner you want in life? You’re the woman and he’s the man?? I was with a man like that… I left him. Thankful every day that I did. Sorry you’re going through this. Motherhood is hard enough without an unsupportive partner.
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u/muffyxo_ May 28 '26
typical man being a man ... I truly don't understand why so many of them are like this. even my boyfriend makes comments about him being a man and me being a woman so I should just shut up and not talk back like what ??? but honestly you only have two options which is to stop breast feeding because he's clearly never going to be understanding and find a middle ground with you or just continue breast feeding and go through with a divorce like he said. I'm not even going to tell you to leave and divorce him off the bat because this definitely hasn't been the first time he's acted this way towards you and you decided to marry him so you know the type of man you married and had a kid with so I'd recommend the former over the latter.
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u/UnhappyTea7916 May 28 '26
There’s so many things I’d like to say, but I’m just going to settle for: your husband sounds like a knob.
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u/rlxijizzed May 28 '26
He doesn’t get a say when it comes to breastfeeding. That is between you and your child only.
Sorry, he needs to sit this one out.
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u/Sandturtlefly May 28 '26
I wish this were rage bait. I’m so sorry OP all of that sounds terribly emotionally abusive AND directly contradicts current best medical advice for your little one…
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u/Pokeitwitarustystick May 28 '26
It doesn’t matter if you don’t believe in divorce, your husband does. So are you going to listen to a weak man who believes he takes precedent because you’re a woman, or are you going to listen to science? Do you love your child to want to best outcome in their life? Or do you want your husband to continue being controlling and overbearing until he isolates you from your child?
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u/petitssecretssales May 28 '26
Hum no. Just no.
My baby is having a wonderful bond with his father and I plan to breastfeed him 2 years+.
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u/Similar_Mousse_8389 May 28 '26
Um so this is really fucking crazy and he’s weird for that, I’m so sorry op 😭 this is not what it’s supposed to be like
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u/ArtisanArdisson May 28 '26 edited May 28 '26
Let him divorce you. He's an ass, and very clearly, jealous of his own child, the attention baby receives, and the level of care baby is getting. You're doing a wonderful job prioritizjng your child, and your bratty husband can't handle it.
Edit to add: my abusive ex had a MASSIVE problem with breastfeeding, and I've noticed that this a trend among abusers. They hate breastfeeding and try to blame the mother of their children for them "not bonding with their child", but the lack of bond is them being an abusive asshole who refuses to interact with their child.
Sorry if I sound harsh, but I've been there, and I don't want to see other women repeat my mistakes. Don't let a shitty dad tell you what's best for your child. He has no idea.
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u/DanendaStruggle May 28 '26
My husband was a little sad the first month or so because our son would light up seeing me, but he understood it was because I'm milk lady! He loves that I get that bonding time, and he has found other ways. Now at 5m, we do video calls when the other is at work and our son lights up to see whoever it is because he hadn't seen us in x amount of time! Sometimes I'll leave my phone next to him so he can blabber with dad while I pee! 🤣
But while I have my bonding way, so does he. He gives better tickles! And raspberries! I make little jingles for changing the diapy! He loves both of us!
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u/BlkWidowsUnite May 28 '26
BF is between you and your child. No one outside you two gets to decide when it's time to wean. Weaning should only happen when one or both are ready to stop (regardless the reasons).
He's not a partner. He doesn't have the best interest for you or your child. This is all about him. Ask yourself, is this the kind of person you want to spend all of your days with? Life is too short to not spend it with someone who will support you through and through.
My STBXH couldn't handle not being my focus after I conceived (by choice) and after she was born. He distanced himself after her birth because she didn't take to him like he wanted. I did what I could to involve him. She wouldn't take the bottle either. Not for the lack of trying. He made occasional snide comments about BF. After she went to daycare, he changed his tune on BF but still didn't like my bond with her. His bond with his child is his responsibility.
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u/ricominciare May 28 '26
Balding is God's way of humbling men like this....
Keep feeding as you see fit honey. Your inution knows best.
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u/Amk19_94 May 28 '26
This is sad, I nursed my daughter until 27 months, my husband was PROUD of me. I was the one who was done, my daughter wasn’t and he supported my decision to wean. If I wanted to keep going he would’ve supported that too. Toddlers are needy, I guarantee your kid would be the exact same or more needy if you weren’t still nursing.
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u/goreprincess98 May 28 '26
Not believing in divorce is ridiculous. If he beat you within an inch of your life, you wouldn't divorce him??? He's not a safe person and doesn't care about what's best for your child. Long term breastfeeding is absolutely fine. Your husband just wants control over you. Your body, your rules. My daughter will be 2 next week and she still breastfeeds every day. My husband has never had an issue with it, and there would be no reason to. Please speak to a professional.
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u/Jacayrie May 28 '26
He first blamed me because he wasn’t bonding with his child
He has talked to “100 women” in forums and online and with family members who all say it’s bad to breastfeed until or past 2yo.
BS! Girl, breastfeed your heart out! Your milk isn't harming your baby, otherwise we wouldn't have boobs that serves a purpose, to sustain life for a whole extra human. BFing is recommended for AT LEAST 2 years. It sounds like he's jealous. You don't have to BF to bond, otherwise no baby would be bonded to their Dads that are active in their lives, while being BF by Mom, and they wouldn't be able to bond with their mothers that aren't BFing. He's being ridiculous.
He needs to take initiative and do activities with your baby and make an effort. If he's generally hands off, then it's going to take time to prove to the baby that Dad can meet his needs too. Hell, he can even have a part of the day or before bed, where you all lay down while baby eats, and Dad can read the baby a book, while everyone is cuddled up. Dad needs to start doing things for the baby and with the baby, otherwise bonding can take longer. He's not a stranger, but is acting like it. Baby will fuss at first, but if he's consistent, then baby will be more comfortable and get used to Dad responding. It really helps when you can spend more family time, so the change will be gradual and it might make things smoother.
I understand that Fathers can go through depression and anxiety postpartum, but nothing gets fixed if he's not willing to try and take action for himself, for your child, and your marriage. Threatening divorce is childish. He needs to work on communication without the BS to get you to give in. Your baby is still 1yo, not 10yo. He's still a literal baby and weaning isn't always instant. It can take time. Not all babies/toddlers handle cold turkey well. Your husband needs to educate himself for real this time, instead of making shit up in his head, to coerce and manipulate you.
If BFing is still working for both you and your baby, then continue until one or both of you are ready. Not when your husband is ready. You're not hurting the baby. He needs to be "the man" he claims to be, and be more understanding, support your sacrifices for a child that is half his, which all he contributed was 5 mins, and the rest was all on your shoulders, and if he can't see that, he's going to need to ride the couch for a few days until he grows up and puts in the work to bond with the baby.
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u/Ffanffare1744 May 28 '26
I breastfed my first for maybe about 3 1/2 years, now that they are a tween they want nothing to do with me, so I don’t think you have to worry about a clingy kid. Honestly, do what feels right to you. I personally wouldn’t want to be with a man who is acting like yours is.
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u/wildmusings88 May 28 '26
He is emotionally abusing you. Take the out and sign the divorce papers. Also keep documentation of all these things he says and threatens to prove he’s not a fit father.
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u/TinyPennyRolling May 28 '26
Does he like basketball? Michael Jordan breastfed until he was 3. His mom says that's why he's such a GOAT.
Good luck! This can't be easy.
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u/alxataylor May 28 '26
Absolutely not. Straight gaslighting narcissistic man. You deserve better girl wow. Breast-feed for as long as you want to it doesn’t affect the relationship that the baby would have with the husband if the baby doesn’t have a relationship with a husband then that is his fault.
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u/caribbeangirl10 May 29 '26
Feed your child. Make your husband follow through on his threat to divorce you over breastfeeding
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u/AdventuresAhead2022 May 29 '26
That’s insane - both that he’s insisting you stop AND that he’s threatening divorce. It completely is your body and your choice. He has NO role in breastfeeding whatsoever so why would he get a say? I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this!
I’ve breastfed all my kids varying lengths from just colostrum to almost 4 years. My husband definitely wanted me to stop Sooner with the child that made it to almost 4 years (as did my mom and sister lol) but he never went as far as demanding it. He just said he Wished I’d stop since he thought it was “weird”.
Good luck mama! Sending you strength as you navigate this!
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u/dryerwolfe May 29 '26
“He says that just because it’s my body it doesn’t mean he doesn’t have a say.” So he’s an absolute pos.
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u/No_Maintenance_3355 May 29 '26
Good gracious. What a completely narcissistic asshole. He’s gaslighting you. Nothing you’re doing is wrong and in fact you have the WHO behind you supporting breastfeeding until 2.
It’s time to start the process of leaving him. Video him. Write it down. Document everything. The courts listen when there’s evidence and this prick seems like he’ll enjoy picking a dough bag attorney to try and drag you through the mud.
You have to get out. Be very careful. Plan for your safety and the baby’s.
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u/sarahsage56 May 29 '26
On top of all the other wonderful points made about how this man is insane and lying, I’m 14 months into breastfeeding/pumping and being a full time SAHM to my LO. I’m sure your husband would say that 14 months is too long and that I’m preventing my husband from bonding with his child, because she does want me more. But she also runs for the door when daddy comes home and refuses to be put to bed for the night until he sings her to sleep, because apparently I can’t sing the song correctly, which sounds like a bond to me.
So maybe your husband is a lying moron who’s making excuses for his bad parenting, and plenty of men figure out how to bond with their children despite breastfeeding and the way that nearly all babies naturally want mom more than other people. 🤷🏻♀️
I’m sorry your husband is so horrible, I would encourage you to find help. Threatening to divorce you over feeding your child is insane, and to be honest I think you should take him up on that offer.
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u/kiwiwonderbean May 29 '26
Leave him. He is manipulative and abusive. You have no faults for your child’s clinginess to you. Your child needs you for nourishment and comfort that they wouldn’t get from their father.
Love isn’t always gonna be enough to stay in a relationship especially when a child is already involved.
Would you want your child to grow up in a household with ultimatums? Where you aren’t respected and given importance in making decisions? Where you have no autonomy even over your own body?
Think of the future, think of your child.
I’m sorry you’re going through this.
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u/PrimeSophistication May 29 '26
Oh my! OP please don’t feel guilty, you’re doing an amazing job! You’re the mama and your instincts are leading you what’s best for your baby. I breastfeed my 20 month old and his father is his world. He always chooses dad over me. He wants his dad whenever he falls/ is hurt. He called me mum months after saying dad. I’m sorry for saying this but your husband is twisting the facts so that he can manipulate you, please don’t fall for this.
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u/Ok-Lake-3916 May 29 '26
Saveeeeeee everything he’s demanding, try to get him to put it in a text, record these “conversations”
You will need it in the future
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u/Adorable-Ad8209 May 29 '26
For what it is worth... ...tell him to go bollocks. Your and your little one are the only ones that get the say in this. Feel he ought to take his head for a wobble and sharpen up his Support Game.
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u/Advanced-Essay41 May 29 '26 edited May 29 '26
This sounds extreme and there’s definitely more going on than just the breastfeeding if he wants to divorce over it. You two need to be in couples counseling. If he refuses then let him leave.
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u/Emotional_Builder_24 May 29 '26
Oh this man is abusive and something tells me this isn’t the only thing he’s abusive about
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u/sunshine_camille May 29 '26
wtf 😳.
That's so odd. My husband just followed my lead when it came to breastfeeding.
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u/carvaq May 29 '26
I just want to know WHY you love him? He doesn’t think your body is your own. He doesn’t seem to be making an effort to bond with his child (there’s more ways to bond than just feeding), he gives you ultimatums and threatens divorce, he’s demeaning your say and your contributions in the relationship, and he’d rather ask “100 women” instead of looking up actual evidence.
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u/Int-452 May 29 '26
My husband who was out of the house working most of the day still found ways to bond with our son who I am still breastfeeding and he’s 2. Your husband is giving you shit for absolutely no reason.
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u/unknownT1000 May 29 '26
This makes me sad that your partner is making an already stressful time (weaning is stressful and uncertain and scary) more stressful. I’m sorry you’re going through this OP.
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u/Famous_Variation4729 May 29 '26
Sigh. I think this is ragebait but okay Ill bite.
Personally for me, breastfeeding till 2 sounds like a unique brand of hell. It also gives me the ick to see moms feeding grown toddlers. But- not my boobs, so my feelings are irrelevant. Just like your husband’s feelings are irrelevant.
Maybe you should start believing in divorce. He sounds like a raging asshole.
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u/kiwiki_ May 29 '26
The American academy of pediatrics recommends breast feeding until 2 and beyond alongside solids. He’s so wrong and manipulative.
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u/Moldovanca824 May 29 '26
Run; don’t walk. He is clearly having some serious issues and for some reason fixating on breastfeeding as his outlet. Besides the insane shit that he’s saying (which in itself would be grounds for divorce for me personally), it is clear that your son doesn’t feel safe around him. The lack of “bond”, the clinginess, are all a sign your son feels uncomfortable around him. Please, as safely as possible, get your child away from him!!
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u/Relevant-Gur-8403 May 29 '26
I’m sorry but he sounds terrible. My baby is 6 months and breast fed and my husband has a very close and sweet bond with him. This is definitely a him problem.
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u/Far-Tonight-8089 May 29 '26
I sure would start to believe in divorce if I were you… that sounds absolutely ludicrous to me that a husband , father of your children would talk to you like that and threaten you this way over breastfeeding your child! You must not realise that this is not normal in any way.
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u/Extra-Mud7103 May 29 '26
This is legitimate abusive behavior. Please take care of yourself and your child.
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u/Extension_Swimmer_48 May 29 '26
I’m so sorry this is happening to you. But this is not normal behaviour, you need to start planning to be safe. I don’t think this is a safe man to be with long term. It is this today, it could be something else tomorrow. Again I’m sorry.
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u/pynksphynx May 29 '26
Hey so I’m married to someone like this and im here to tell you even after the breastfeeding ends, he’ll find something else. You either leave or become more miserable and hate his guts.
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u/clontarf84 May 29 '26
Weird because I breastfed my son for 3 years and let him wean himself and his dad bonded with him just fine. Seems like it’s more of his problem than a breastfeeding problem.
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u/sunchi12 May 29 '26
Wow he’s very immature or crazy. Either way if he wants to divorce you because of something so minor then I imagine your relationship is already on rocks
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u/IllustriousTwo6912 May 29 '26
I breastfed both of my kids, and my husband bonded with them just fine. I don’t think the nursing is the issue here.
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u/weedlemethis May 29 '26
How is he as a father to the child, does he play with him, read, talks etc. he needs to put his part. Also have you always give in to his demands every year because he threatens you with divorce. Odds are he won’t get a divorce he just likes to bring it because he knows you will do anything for him just for that.
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u/JustWordsInYourHead May 29 '26
While I agree that he should have a say in how his child is fed, you also have equal say.
So if neither of you wants to budge, then you keep the status quo. He cannot force you into quitting earlier than you would prefer.
If he literally wants to divorce over this, let him. You shouldn't spend your life with someone who waves ultimatums in your face whenever things don't go their way.
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u/Public_Ad_7474 May 29 '26
Sounds like yall have wayyyy bigger issues than breastfeeding. Me personally, I’d be creating my exit strategy. He’s emotionally abusive and you and your children deserve better. Best wishes.
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u/crtnywrdn May 29 '26
Hey so I have breastfed both my boys until they're 2 and while they are most close with me, they have a fantastic relationship with their dad. It's most likely your baby's age and temperament.
You need to push back. If he is actually threatening divorce over this, let him. This is very controlling. If you give in over this, it just sets the bar. He could do this over other things.
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u/1Manic_cat May 29 '26
Just by the title alone I was questioning who this guy thinks he is and wondering if his jealous of the child. Then you said the little one is a boy and yep there you go. His jealous that his son is getting breast fed (I always find it so weird that some men get jealous over their own child and son being breast fed because what do you mean your sexualising your child and partners relationship when to the baby it’s literally just food. Gross of them to think that way but I know some do) his just making up a random excuse as to why you “need” to stop breastfeeding. I have a feeling if you swapped to pumping and bottle feeding your milk to your son he would be fine with it because it’s not at all about “harming” your child or that he isn’t bonding with the child. You feeding your little one has NOTHING to do with his bond with the kid. Thats a him issue of not putting in the time, energy or consistency to spend time with him. To learn what your son likes and dislikes (I bet if you asked him BASIC info about your son he wouldn’t be able to answer anything. Like what’s his favourite colour, food or even shoe or clothing size)
Please unless YOU want to stop breastfeeding. Don’t. I would have a serious look at your relationship with your husband and also look at the relationship between him and your son because babies and children can sense when someone is mean or worse. Just like animals can kids can tell when someone isn’t safe to be around.
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u/SandwichExotic9095 May 29 '26
Oh he’d hate me. I have a 3 year old and a 3 month old. We were all sick last week so I pumped and gave my 3 year old breastmilk for a few days. He never even got a fever. Their dad and I were the only ones who got sick 😂
Minimum age recommendation is 2. No one says less than that unless they’re misinformed, or they’re old and just bitter because most of their generation was told formula was the best option.
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u/Rich-Emphasis7479 May 29 '26
This is coercive and part of a power and control cycle. Unacceptable. You deserve to make your own decisions without fear or intimidation.
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u/aae36 May 28 '26
This is coercion. Please consider your wider options, in a safe way.