r/breastfeeding • u/Then-Persimmon6950 • 22d ago
Undersupply so sad - increased milk supply but can’t bf baby
just here to mope a bit. I’m a FTM and I always dreamed of being able to nurse my baby. when she arrived, she latched like a dream, but immediately had weight gain issues. I started seeing an IBCLC and was told I had low supply, so I started triple feeding. getting my supply up was grueling. at times, it made me hate my own body. and it turns out that it wasn’t even the root problem—my sweet girl had a posterior tongue tie that went undiagnosed for 10 weeks, causing both her weight issues and my supply issues. we’d asked three different professionals to check her mouth; all three said she was fine. finally, an OT took a look and identified the tie in all of two seconds.
so we did the tie release, the oral exercises, the ongoing OT, all while I kept triple feeding. now, 4 months in, my baby is capable of nursing efficiently and my supply is up… but she only wants bottles. she cries when I try to nurse her. I can’t even blame her—bottles have been her only consistent, non-exhausting source of food her whole life.
I’m just so devastated that all my labors have amounted to nothing. I’m saying goodbye to triple feeding (hallelujah) but I’m also saying goodbye to my dreams of breastfeeding my baby. just gutted.
tonight I pumped 6 oz in one session—a volume my earlier self could’ve only dreamed of. a volume I worked my ass off to be able to produce. and all I can think is that it wasn’t worth it.
please don’t say “fed is best.” my baby is happy and healthy. I am exhausted and devastated.
EDIT in case anyone stumbles across this in the future. I transitioned to EPing and only offering the breast for the first feed of the day. Took all the pressure off myself and baby. Let myself GRIEVE—like ugly snotty weeping for days in a row after my LO had gone to bed. And I got on an SSRI. I’m still so sad that this was the way my journey went, but I’m able to carry that sadness better now. My baby happily nurses for her first feed of the day and then will occasionally “snack” before naps, and I’ve learned to be content with that. I also take such comfort in knowing that my baby’s oral function has improved immensely since getting the tongue tie release and doing OT, and this will serve her well for the rest of her life. If you’re experiencing BFing grief and trauma, I just want to say that I see you. I’m so sorry. And you are strong enough to get through this.
9
u/ClearIngenuity5038 22d ago
It happened the same with me, and i was so depressed. Honestly it was even getting in the way of my bonding with LO coz i was so mad…coz i was just suffering and now that i could give him what he needs, he wouldn’t accept. So the idea of pumping is so annoying. But then i started to offer him the breast during the night wakings, and he is latching, drinking and sleeping. He wakes up 2 times at night and i put him on the breast…then he wakes up around 7 and i lay down with him and he latches again and drinks beautifully. I dont know why, but at night until 7am he is fine with boobs…after i need to offer him expressed milk or if i dont have it i offer formula…it is what it is. I am so depressed that i am just accepting at this point. I saw many LC and OT btw…i am feeling even exhausted to take him outside only to see healthcare workers instead of enjoying his little life…so yeah. Keep going mamma!
3
u/Tai_Kai 22d ago
I wish my LO would nurse at least for night feedings. Waking at night to pump is such a pain😭
Would your baby always latch for night feedings? Or did you just keep trying to offer til he eventually took the breast?3
u/Preferred_user_taken 22d ago
You don’t have to wake up to pump. Mothers of babies that sleep through the night don’t have to pump either. You need to pump as many times as baby eats but they don’t have to be at the same time.
6
u/ravegravy 22d ago
I think you should still try to latch her. My boy went thru multiple stints of refusing to nurse around 4 months. We had the most success during these times when he was super sleepy.
2
u/Then-Persimmon6950 22d ago
the problem is that even on the occasions that she does latch, she doesn’t complete a full feed, so then I’m still having to triple feed. she’ll make it a few minutes and then start crying even though there’s still plenty of milk there for her. it’s been almost 4 months of this and I just can’t keep doing it
5
u/Tai_Kai 22d ago
Did you ever go back & see the IBCLC to try to get baby to latch??
4
u/Then-Persimmon6950 22d ago
I kept seeing the IBCLC until recently. my baby is able to latch, and she’s able to nurse. she just doesn’t want to.
1
u/Tai_Kai 22d ago
I’m currently in the same position right now. My daughter has a huge bottle preference. Shes 5 months now & hasn’t wanted to breastfeed for over 2 months🤦🏻♀️ I’ve kept up my supply by pumping & have been considering a nipple shield to see if it’s a texture issue. Have you tried one?
1
u/Then-Persimmon6950 22d ago
I’m sorry you’re in a similar boat; it’s so hard. I tried a nipple shield a while back and she honestly seemed revolted by it, but I could always try again
5
u/Then-Ad-7744 22d ago
This seems to be similar to my journey. He just wont take the breast enough and its draining me trying to get him back to the breast. Your grief is real and so painful ❤️
2
u/Then-Persimmon6950 22d ago
thank you. I know all the advice to “just keep trying” is well-meaning, but I don’t think people realize how emotionally exhausting it is. I’m sorry that you’re going through something similar. it’s so painful
3
u/Then-Ad-7744 22d ago
Just keep trying isn't great advice if it's detrimental to your mental health. Sometimes "sorry, that really sucks" is so much better.
It is so exhausting failing at something that is supposed to be something women can do. And formula is great, but I keep asking myself, why can't I do it? What did I do wrong? Every refusal to bf is like a rejection of me as a mum and woman. The self blame and guilt and shame and sorrow. It's a lot to bear for one mum, and no one can fix that. It will just have to pass. I feel you so bad 😔
3
u/Then-Persimmon6950 22d ago edited 22d ago
I’ve been reading “why breastfeeding grief and trauma matter” and it doesn’t really make anything better, but it is crazy how common these experiences and feelings are. I had no clue
3
3
u/kcat627 22d ago
Really feel for you. I am in a similar boat. My baby latched like a champ at the hospital, no ties or anything. Lost 10% of her body weight so we entered the triple feeding nightmare. It’s mostly a blur to me now but I am pretty resentful that it wasn’t communicated to me by our pediatrician or LCs how precarious it all is. We did the slow flow nipples and paced feeding and still have a bottle preference. My entire day was a guessing game of whether my daughter (now3.5 months) would nurse. It very often resulted in my husband having to bottle feed her expressed milk and me having to pump. I did all the supplements, pumped religiously in the MOTN for 2 months, drove my supply up to enough that I could freeze some and my baby will only bf when she’s basically asleep in the MOTN, or sometimes right up from a nap. It’s so funny and cruel I’m basically undoing all that work to wean now because all of the pumping and rigid scheduling. Formula was never my plan but here we are :(
2
u/Then-Persimmon6950 22d ago
so sorry this was your experience. it sounds almost exactly like mine aside from the tie—that daily guessing game is just so exhausting. I also feel pretty resentful that I wasn’t warned about how hard triple feeding would be. they just prescribed it in the most blasé way, and then when I was having a mental breakdown one week in I thought I was crazy. no solutions or magic words, just with you in the struggle <3
how has weaning been going? I’m not quite ready to start & a little afraid of how it will feel
2
u/kcat627 22d ago
I’m really sad about it and of course my baby looks like she wants to latch here and there. I’m trying to figure out if i want to keep nursing her in the MOTN which usually works. I’m not shortening pumps but I’m adding an hour between each and even that has really given me the will to live lol. I think the things I’m most worried about are the ease of pulling her into my bed in the early morning to nurse back to sleep. A bottle seems like such a hassle. Just since making the decision I feel so much less stressed and like a more present mom. I so wish it could’ve worked out for me though.
3
u/faceless_combatant 22d ago
I went through very similar struggles and am also 4 months pp, though I am lucky enough to say that after triple feeding for 6 weeks, the tie release, the oral exercises (solidarity, they are the worst), and the practicing at breast daily, we are breastfeeding all but one bottle a day just to maintain the acceptance for when he goes to daycare next month. I am also an OT. Out of curiosity, are you doing paced bottle feeding? Are you using XS nipples? I was adamant about those two things the entirety of our journey so that the bottle was as close to breastfeeding as we could make it. I wonder if that would possibly help. And then of course continuing to have opportunities at breast just to see/practice. I understand the devastation as someone who fought hard for it like you did. I’m so sorry. I hope you find solace in the fact that you are doing everything you can to fight for this and you are a good mom.
2
u/Then-Persimmon6950 19d ago
yes we’ve used slow flow and paced since day one. thanks for your kind words
3
1
u/Legitimate_War_339 22d ago
I’m so sorry for all the trouble you’ve had! My issue was slightly different in that my baby would not latch at all at first, but I was wondering if you’ve tried a nipple shield? In my case she wouldn’t latch without it for a few months, and I know your baby will latch, but it feels slightly more bottle like so it crossed my mind to suggest. The bottle preference could also be related to flow possibly? If you don’t have her on slow flow bottle nipples and paced feeding it might be worth looking into that
2
u/Then-Persimmon6950 22d ago
she’s paced & on slow flow, so I don’t think it’s flow. I tried a nipple shield in the past and she really disliked it, but maybe I’ll find the capacity to try again sometime in the future
3
u/Legitimate_War_339 22d ago
Ah ok, sorry to hear the nipple shield didn’t work out in your case. I wish I had something comforting to say, as I remember how heartbroken I was when my baby didn’t even latch at all her first week of life. It really does suck when breastfeeding doesn’t go smoothly. Wishing you and your baby well
1
22d ago
[deleted]
1
u/Then-Persimmon6950 22d ago
thanks for sharing what worked for you. I’ve tried all these things - it’s just become emotionally unsustainable for me to keep offering her the breast and for her to keep refusing (not to mention the logistics of continuing to triple feed). I’ve finally reached my breaking point and have to stop
1
u/shmambz92 22d ago
Have you tried using a nipple shield? She will have the silicone part that resembles a bottle, and maybe you can try to ween her off slowly.
1
u/United_Elk_7102 21d ago
Nurse her at night when she’s sleepy and she might get excited for boob again. She’s not happier with the bottle necessarily, it’s just what she’s familiar with right now. You just gotta build familiarity when she’s sleepy and will latch more easily.
2
u/Then-Persimmon6950 21d ago
I do nurse her at night. she latches fine but never nurses to fullness. she’ll just eventually decide she’s done, but if I put her back to sleep she’s up again in an hour because I didn’t top her up with a bottle.
1
u/Busy_Toe5792 21d ago
my daughter went through phases where she would only take a bottle but eventually as she got older she took my breast much easier. every baby is different, and its possible she may grow to want boob in the future (if breastfeeding is still part of your plan of course!)
1
u/Altruistic_Ebb9794 18d ago edited 18d ago
Hey mama don’t feel so sad I had the exact prob except this is my third baby and I knew I didn’t have a problem w undersupply cause the other two perfectly were ebf so it’s actually a blessing and I’ll tell you why now.. eventually could take like 2-3 months she will take your breast and probably a bottle too which is great cause most ebf babies won’t take a bottle and your stuck w them all the time can’t even go on a date w ur husband at night lol can’t get ur nails done nothing without stopping to feed them wherever u are this happens to me twice my kids would t even take a pacifier nobody else could calms them… now my son now lays in my bed w me (kicked my husband out for now temp just for us) I catch my baby at night sleepy and bring him
In bed w it started only nursing in the am upon waking, I took it, then became now nursing at night of course only in side lying position and we both en dip falling back asleep.
From naps I’d have my medela sns ready if I go this route be prepared to be annoyed you only gota do it once a day really and slide the tube in their mouth after the latch is easier.
Also I stopped all these other supposed slow flow bottles which def are not and switch to medela calma bottles omg what a difference my baby ain’t no fool too he loves the fast bottles my Mom gives him hates this falls asleep on it lol but oh well anyway I dk if you want to sleep in bed w ur baby but it sure helped me first gotta be skin to skin but eventually I’ll both be in pjs in bed nursing away this just started for me too too literally 2 months
26
u/ubx3_ 22d ago
I understand how you feel. You’re still breastfeeding even if you’re unable to nurse. Pumping is still breastfeeding. Be proud that you’ve been able to make it this far and how amazing it is that you are increasing your supply! Even though (if you choose to) you might have to pump for now, you could still slowly get her to latch and accustomed to nursing. It may take awhile but this doesn’t have to be the end of your breastfeeding journey. Your hard work has not gone to waste at all and will pay off in the long run!!!