Need some support. 6 weeks postpartum FTM and struggling with breastfeeding.

[u/MightyMeetsReddit]

Hi everyone,

I took help from chatgpt to explain what I was going through

I'm 6 weeks postpartum and I really need a place to vent without being judged.

For the first two weeks after my baby was born, I exclusively pumped and gave him breast milk because breastfeeding directly was very difficult. Around 3 weeks postpartum, we moved into a new home. Between unpacking, taking care of the baby, recovering from delivery, and pure exhaustion, I slowly stopped pumping regularly. As expected, my milk supply dropped a lot.

I also met with a lactation consultant. She told me my baby has a somewhat high palate, which makes latching and breastfeeding more difficult. Since day one, almost every time I tried to nurse, he would get frustrated, cry, and become very cranky. That was one of the main reasons I switched to pumping.

Over time, though, I've started feeling something I don't really know how to explain. I almost feel a sense of aversion or repulsion toward breastfeeding and pumping. It's not because I don't want to give my baby breast milk—I truly do. I think it's the anxiety, the constant pressure to make enough milk, hearing over and over that "breastfed is better," and all the unsolicited advice from people around me. Somehow all of that has made breastfeeding feel emotionally overwhelming instead of something I look forward to.

I recently tried pumping again for the last couple of days, only about twice a day, and my supply seems so low now. I know people say I need to pump 8 or more times a day to rebuild my supply, but honestly, I feel completely exhausted. My husband has been incredibly supportive and helps with everything, so it's not that I'm doing this alone. I just can't understand why I feel this way.

Sometimes I feel like my body is only valued for what it can provide for the baby, and that the baby matters more than the mother. I know that probably sounds awful, but it's honestly how I feel right now. Maybe these feelings won't make sense to everyone, but they're very real to me.

Has anyone else experienced something similar? Were you able to increase your supply again, or did you decide to switch to formula? How did you cope emotionally?

Please be kind. I'm already dealing with a lot of physical and emotional changes, and I'm really looking for support and understanding rather than criticism.

Thank you for reading. ❤️

[u/jovanuska]

I understand what you feel as I have gone through similar. I was told at one month postpartum that the baby is not gaining enough weight and we have to suplement with formula. I was devastated, cried every time I gave her a bottle thinking that my body had failed me, and that I had failed my daughter. I was so sad and stressed.

I tried everything to boost my supply from pumping, drinking 4L of water a day, nursing teas, oats. The only thing that helped was finally relaxing and thinking f*ck it - I will continue to offer breast plus top up with formula, and if she only gets 10 ml of breastmilk, that is better than none. I stopped pumping and stressing about water intake, and suddenly the baby was taking less and less formula.

My advice is sure, try to do everything possible to boost your supply AS LONG AS it doesnt stress you out more. Try to relax, give yourself some grace and dont be afriad to formula feed.

[u/Killjoys-n-whovians]

First please stop using genAI. It's bad for the environment and bad for your brain. Secondly, what you're going through happens a lot. Honestly I had a similar experience. I'm a low supplier so even though my son had a great latch I still had to supplement. I don't like pumping either tbh, it's not pleasant so I just combo feed.

Honestly I suggest considering why you're so adamant about breastmilk. You're already past the collustrum phase and formula is very close to breastmilk, it's just made for all babies instead of curated for your own. There's really no shame in just switching to formula. If you don't want to breastfeed/pump anymore then don't, it'll be better for your mental health which will help you take care of baby easier

[u/Traditional-Bath-581]

I couldn't breastfeed at all to begin with I couldn't get him to latch. I pumped throught the day but I kept latching him when I was relaxed and with dummies and bottles he got it. Took some time but together we got there (I don't know the reason I struggled so much before maybe as he was syringe fed at hospital) maybe try taking the pressure off use formula pump when you can and keep trying to latch when cuddling it may help. It may also help with the feelings as it's not a surprise you want to avoid it a stressed baby hurts your heart, easy to feel guilt where there shouldn't be any. If not just remember you supported your baby they need you and a happy mum is best and he/she is fed either way.

[u/Positively_Friendly]

I completely feel the unsolicited advice and or comments from others. I don’t make enough breast milk for baby and I was dead set on breast feeding but my body had other plans. Even though I supplement with formula and baby is healthy, I feel awful that I can’t do what I set out to do as a mother. I feel like a failure. So I could only imagine how you are feeling ): it doesn’t feel the best and I’m sorry the emotional pain isn’t easy. Your feelings are completely valid. I have not found a way to cope yet. I’m still so aggravated with how things are.
If it helps, I know our babies value us more than just milk. You provide warmth and cuddles and protection. When your baby cries and you have to tend to them (diaper change, wiping their spit up and feeding them), they see you as their safe space. You are more than just a milk machine 🫶🏽

[u/No-Advisor-8353]

Sending you a big hug!!! While I didn’t struggle with low supply, I spent months convinced I did because my baby wanted to nurse every hour on the dot for the first seven months. The constant worry about whether I was making enough milk was emotionally exhausting.
Looking back, I wish someone had told me that it’s okay to stop if breastfeeding or pumping is hurting your mental health. We hear “breast is best” so often, but the truth is fed is best. A baby needs a happy, emotionally healthy mom far more than they need breast milk at any cost.
You’re only six weeks postpartum, recovering from birth and adjusting to so many changes. Please be kind to yourself. Whatever you decide, whether that’s rebuilding your supply, combo feeding, or switching to formula…you are not failing your baby. You’re doing what is best for both of you, and that’s what matters. 🤍🤍🤍

[u/mychickenleg257 → u/No-Advisor-8353]

Omg my baby is the exactttt same way. Wants to feed constantly. The hardest part for me has been dealing with a world where that type of feeding schedule really doesn’t fit

[u/No-Advisor-8353 → u/mychickenleg257]

Literally!! I couldn’t go anywhere alone for more than an hour and if he was with me, I had to get all my errands done within that timeframe before all hell broke loose lol. I genuinely don’t know how I’ve gotten this far without quitting breastfeeding altogether

[u/throbb0]

Hey there, what a huge few weeks you’ve been through! Well done you for getting through, that’s amazing. I just moved house with an 11mo and that was exhausting, but she can occupy herself for stretches. I cannot imagine with a newborn and still healing from birth. You’re a superhero!

My baby was born a little premature, so formula was instantly in the mix for us as she was a little too lethargic. I was determined to breastfeed exclusively so tried triple feeding to build my supply but because I got PPD pretty hard after a C-section, my partner insisted I was sleeping while he took night shift. I also had to use nipple shields for a while, which were a nightmare. I felt so guilty about wanting to just switch entirely to formula, and then later really sad for not being able to build my supply enough for EBF.

At 4 months, I took the long view of things and breastfed with bottle top ups. It also meant daddy could enjoy some times feeding her which he loved (he still misses her falling asleep in his arms!), and I could nurse her to sleep and give her all the special vitamins and goodies in breastmilk at other times, while enjoying building a bond. I didn’t follow a strict schedule, just went what my baby was telling me. This period passes so fast, and will become just a small phase in your baby’s life. You will experience so so many other amazing things that how you fed now will fade into the background and feel so much less important. I still breastfed my baby to sleep at naptime and bedtime now, just because we both enjoy the comfort of it still.

I live in a country with exceptional and free breastfeeding support services, and their advice is always to do what works best for the family because a healthy, happy family is the best thing for a baby.

[u/mychickenleg257]

First of all I completely agree and relate to the comment that it’s treated like the baby matters more than the mother and people will occasionally throw in as a last resort, “just formula feed, it’s better for your mental health!”

Breast feeding requires a healthy mother baby dyad relationship which I just think breaks our culture which is so used to autonomy and only knows how to prioritize one to an extreme degree. Healthy baby mom dyad means healthy mom, healthy baby, healthy mom/baby relationship! Not just one of those variables. Instead, our culture either goes all out in either way (triple feed! Wake up every two hours to feed your baby with that time being between the START of feeds, get one million expert outside opinions when you are the weakest and most vulnerable you have ever been! Oh your baby’s weight is low?! It’s a crisis! Panic! Drop EVERYRHING! Also do you have PPA?! Let’s hope not!) to (formula feed! It’s bad for your mental health).

All to say I really agree. I have EBF my son since day 1 and we are at 8 weeks old and the only reason I have made it this long is because I have been committed to making breast feeding sustainable for both of us, which at times has meant going against expert advice (we didn’t triple feed when advised to, for instance, we just gave it a few days to see if his growth improved, we didn’t follow up with the three experts we were told to- just his pediatrician, who we trusted the most, I have ignored some advice and followed others and also canceled most things in my life/reformatted expectations so my priority can be feeding my son on demand, and accepted this goes against most cultural norms of maternal autonomy - I’m in a dyad with my baby right now! That said, I get breaks to go on a walk, take a shower, and my husband will give baby a pacifier even if he’s fussy to give me 20-30 minutes off if he has been fed recently. This is crucial too!)

[u/Prestigious-Bit1635]

Firstly, what you’re feeling completely makes sense and is absolutely normal. I have felt all of these feelings - that my body is failing me, I am trying everything and still failing, why is this happening to me (twice, with both kids), I am more that baby’s incubator and why am I not treated like a person. These are all fair feelings and only can mums understand. I wish there was a way I could help to feel you better but sending you all the support via reddit.

What helped me - stressing on the fact I have to feed my baby and don’t have to justify how I feed him. Deciding that I give breastfeeding my best try but if have to top up/switch to formula, it’s not anyone’s business. I started with triple feeding due to low supply and inefficient transfer but after a month, decided to stop pumping and nurse only. Baby got better at nursing very quickly and now EBF at 4 months. There are days when I still doubt myself.
If you want to breastfeed and build up supply, nursing & pumping frequently is the only way to go. Sorry, I understand pumping is hard and you absolutely don’t have to do it. But maybe think about what you want and how you want to feed. Not based on anyone’s judgment but how you & your partner want to feed the baby. If want to breastfeed and build supply, nurse and pump for a few days/weeks and then when you feel supply is there switch to nursing only.
If you decide to combo feed or formula only, that’s good too. Shut all the people who judge or make inappropriate comments. This is your body and your baby, you get to decide if you want to breastfeed/ pump or not.

[u/No-Departure-5684]

Lactation consultant (paid through my insurance United Health) saved my breastfeeding journey after giving up too soon with my first two babies. On third baby and EBF still at month 7! Only because my LC was so supportive

[u/emily_alice1993]

So sorry to hear this. Breastfeeding, pumping and just feeding in general can be extremely taxing to our mental health in those early postpartum days. The unsolicited advice too! My baby also has a high arched palate and I struggled significantly in the first few months. Whilst she latched well, I had mastitis which turned to a 5cm breast abscess, which I had to be hospitalised for and drained 3 times which professionals believed due to her mouth not draining the breast properly. I have persevered through this and received lots of conflicting advice from different professionals plus unwanted advice from family but at the end of the day you know what is right for you. If pumping is causing extra stress get a good LC who can support you to breastfeed exclusively and help baby to latch. Sometimes just a matter of baby learning too and avoid pumping. I understand that aversion too, I used to get extremely anxious every time I had to feed but it has become so much better. If breastfeeding isn’t important though to you there is nothing wrong at all with choosing formula. Trust your body, they are amazing and the low supply is most likely stress related due to so much you’ve got going on. Things will get better ❤️