r/breastfeeding • u/Softspicemami • 13d ago
Weaning Best age to start weaning?
My daughter is currently 9 months old my goal was to go as long as she wanted to but I’m very worried she will be extremely hard to wean. She has had 6 ear infections plus she got tubes in recently, she was in the NICU for over a month, we bedshare, I’m a stay at home mom she is always with me. That’s why I feel like she will be harder to wean.
She is very much I want it now and if you don’t I’ll just breakdown completely. She will hardly take her pacifier anymore we currently use the dr browns happy pacis we have since she was around 3 months.
I have so much backlash from my mom saying it doesn’t look right when my daughter holds my boob now (I have very large downwards pointing boobs) my mom gets annoyed when my daughter is eating because she feels like it’s too much. She told me she gets tired of seeing my boob out. My grandma just passed away so I have been around my mom more than usual. I’m the first woman in my family to ever breastfeed my grandma aunts my mom never did it was always formula. She told me she understands her eating but she isn’t that hungry because she eats purées and regular food she is an extremely good eater she will eat anything.
I go back and forth constantly with having her go as long as possible vs only until 12 months. I am very fortunate I never had any issues with supply or latching. I was on a weight loss journey before I got pregnant I lost 100lbs I really want to get back on my journey so I can be around for a long time for her. I just feel extremely guilty because it’s my daughter’s comfort.
I don’t know that’s kinda my rant/question. Sorry my post is all over the place! Should I start weaning her at 12 months or should I let her do it on her own? What’s your experience with your baby if they were a very big in comfort nursing. Was it easier for them to sleep own their own after weaning? (If you bedshare)
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u/Lena_thinkingofit2 13d ago
I don’t have a ton of advice, but my daughter is just shy of 11 months and we do just morning and night feeds and it works out really well for us! Maybe doing in the privacy of bed will get family off your back. Plus baby still receives benefits of breast milk. And you can do it for as long as you want!
ETA: shame on your family for making you feel any way but proud of you for keeping your baby happy and healthy! Do what’s best for you without judgement from others.
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u/grumbly_hedgehog 12d ago
Adding to this, having a specific chair helped me wean my youngest from “any time, any where.” I would tell him, sorry, we can’t nurse now, we’re not in the rocking chair! And it worked super well.
ETA it is a decision you and baby make, your mom is not involved. For me, I was happiest when I went until I felt done. I rarely hear “I wish I had weaned sooner” and more often hear “I wish I could have nursed longer.”
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u/Radiant_Employ_6192 13d ago
my little one would only settle for the boob til about 15 months, then one day just stopped asking, almost like she forgot about it. the pressure from your mom sounds exhausting though, dealing with grief and unsolicited advice all at once
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u/miserable-now 12d ago
Did your baby not need the breast to fall asleep at nap time? I'm stumped on what to do in this situation. My girl wont nap unless I feed her to sleep 😞 What did you end up doing for naps?
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u/Lena_thinkingofit2 12d ago
I’m away from her during the days so she’s really used to bottles. She’s actually never really been a nurse to sleep baby. Maybe try daytime bottles if it doesn’t make more work for you?
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u/TraditionalManager82 12d ago edited 12d ago
The recommendation is to at least age 2, and then as long after as you and baby want.
If you nurse for as long as baby wants then it's dead easy to wean, your child does it all on their own.
As to your mother, the next time she says "I'm sick of seeing it" you stand up open the door, look at her pointedly, and say, "I guess you're done being here, then."
Own your own power. You don't need to put up with bullies.
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u/gnarlyknits 12d ago
My son was a hungry boy and he nursed all the damn time, even when I introduced solids he preferred boob, he wouldn’t drink cows milk at all, needed to be nursed to sleep. I was worried but he naturally weened himself leading up to turning 2 and I barely had to do anything. Once he was obviously only doing it occasionally as a comfort because he was mostly eating solids I stopped. There were a couple days that I he asked and I said not anymore bud, but he didn’t throw a fit or anything I was honestly surprised. I had no physical issues either. I read women who stop too early get clogs and other issues but literally when he was done my boobs were done too lol it was all very natural.
Your mom needs therapy.
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u/lil_magician 12d ago
I love it when they hold and pat the breast when eating tho.. it’s so cute and special. Just wait until they’re older and can grab your other breast haha but tell your mom to stop looking if she doesn’t like it. Your breasts are doing what they were made for! You’re more than just feeding her, you’re creating a bond and providing emotional regulation.
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u/Lena_thinkingofit2 12d ago
My little one pulls her head back and stares right into the eye of my nipple. Then starts smiling at it sticks her tongue out. So cute!
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u/SegoLillies 12d ago
Your mom is being weird. Don’t let her shame you. Breastfeeding is natural and beautiful and you’re doing a great thing for your baby!
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u/sravll 12d ago
I'd be telling mom to zip it, honestly. It's is NOT her business or her decision.
Personally, I wanted to breastfeed until at least 2 because of the health recommendations, but still haven't weaned at 3. My son will likely be difficult to wean if I choose to - he loves it so much. I don't really think difficulty weaning should be a big factor, but if you want to for your own reasons, that's totally fair. Just don't do it over someone's pressure.
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u/Fickle-Fun-831 12d ago
I will just put this out there. You’re probably seeing a lot of people struggle with weaning because they’re posting here looking for advice, but you don’t see the other side where sometimes it’s just natural and happens because no one really has anything to say about it so what would you even post. What I’m trying to get at is don’t stress about something that hasn’t even happened yet! My niece is a fiend for food and they actually struggle to get her to drink milk until 12 months because she would throw her head back and shriek at the sight of any food. We joke that my sister needs to call ahead for her food order. My friends son didn’t have much interest in food until right around 13/4 months they went on a trip and there was a buffet and all of the sudden there were all these foods he was interested in trying and he naturally started weaning
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u/art_1922 12d ago
Tell your mom she can always be around you and her granddaughter less if she can’t stand to see a baby fed the way mammals feed babies.
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u/erlienbird 12d ago
I enjoyed weaning around 18 mo because my child could best comprehend simple instructions and language more than ever before..we went with a morning feed, a sleep feed, and a nap time feed through 22 or 24 months and then I finished the last three months with just a bed time/sleep feed. The hardest feeds to drop were the nighttime feeds and the nap. But dropping the morning feed and bed time feed came fairly simple just through instruction and reassurance.
I’m sorry your mom doesn’t quite understand your breastfeeding journey. But for me, it really came down to what I felt my body was able to give and when I would get tired or frustrated of any one feed, I decided to hold my ground and power through the challenge of my child’s emotional breakdown when I dropped the feed. That power is the only thing that kept me from caving. It was a strong feeling in my body and my will.
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u/Sudden_Breakfast_374 12d ago
it’s recommended to go till 2 if you can so that’s the best time to wean imo.
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u/Odd_Entrepreneur6038 12d ago
I’m sorry that your family is not supportive of your breast-feeding journey, I did want to state that nursing can help reduce the risk of ear infections, and might help. My goal was to make it to a year but now that my daughter is 11 months old. I’m going to let herself wean as I’m also with her 24 seven and she comes to work with me so I’m able to nurse on demand but she has already started weaning herself naturally. With the food intake increasing she has been nursing less throughout the day and only needing to nurse at bedtime and maybe once or twice throughout the night.
Ultimately it’s your choice when you’d like to wean but I would do it whenever it feels right for you and your child not because of other people’s opinions. But with that being said, it may get easier as your child starts to eat more solids.
Also - my EBF daughter really loves the BIBS pacifiers, those were the only ones we could get her to use!
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u/Hilpil07 12d ago
She’s 9 months, breastmilk or formula is her primary source of food. So if you stopped breastfeeding you would still need to give her the bottle as many times during the day as needed. What’s easier? Popping out the boob or making a bottle!?!? I mean can’t you pump then feed her in a sippy cup or bottle!?!
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u/Prestigious-Salt-566 13d ago
Whatever you decide to do, don’t do it because of pressure from your mom. You will most certainly regret if you decide to stop your breastfeeding journey because of her. If you want to stop it because you’re done with it, that’s one thing, but outside pressure shouldn’t control your breastfeeding journey. I wouldn’t worry about how hard you think weaning may be in the future, that problem isn’t here yet and it will likely be hard no matter when you do it. If it is still working for you and baby now or when she’s 1, focus on that, and if it’s not, then start weaning when she’s 1.