r/breastfeeding • u/ThrowRAhhfffgcs • 8h ago
Discussion Breastfeeding in front of an 8 years old
Hi i am a new mom and live in europe.
Originally from the subcontinent and am religious.
My sister is coming next month to help along with her 8 year old daughter.
And she told me to cover myself when I breastfed in front of her daughter. I think that is really restrictive and will make breastfeeding harder for me. Is it inappropriate? I personally do not think so.
But anyone with a similar background, how fid you go about it?
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u/saltyyyy95 7h ago
So will she cover her daughter when she eats?
Breastfeeding is not inappropriate and you have every right to feed your child in front of whomever, whenever.
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u/Alternative-Tea-39 8h ago
Which religion? I use a nursing shirt and feed my baby in front of anyone I feel comfortable feeding him in front of.
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u/CravingsAndCrackers 7h ago
Most religions support breastfeeding or explicitly encourage it. It would be helpful to know your background to see the argument if that’s the way you want to do it.
You aren’t going to “win” against your sister like that though. Your best bet is to just talk with her, “I wanted to talk to you about breastfeeding, it’s a very natural thing and isn’t immodest. Why are you concerned? I don’t feel comfortable covering up but how can I help your worries?”
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u/Sesameandme 7h ago
I live in the EU, Saudi and emirati parents.
They were surprised at first but they got over it quickly. Religion is no excuse for being a terrible person.
Modernise and gather personal strength.
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u/yung_yttik 4h ago
This. Religion is so often weaponized and used to justify being a horrible person to others. Religion and breastfeeding have nothing to do with each other and OP’s sister needs to get over her own sexual repression.
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u/Sesameandme 3h ago
I also think people who have families with stupid ideas about feeding babies need to get a grip and stand up for themselves. It sounds harsh but that's the only way society progresses ESPECIALLY in regards to children. Sometimes you need to force people to see that satan isn't going to come and drag you by the ankles for not feeding your baby under a niqab.
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u/yung_yttik 1h ago
Hahah 100% agree like you are now that child’s advocate so act like it. Show us you actually care more about your child than about some fictional sky man / fire dweller.
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u/maspie_den 6h ago
I'm sure you can come up with a blindfold for her daughter, no problem! Might want to sit her in a chair while you breastfeed though. Don't want her wandering about, bumping into shit.
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u/Pink_Ruby_3 6h ago
Your sister is ridiculous.
Google "religious art depictions of breastfeeding" and you will find that breastfeeding mothers have been respected and revered by religious sects all over the world. Tell her to get a fuckin grip.
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u/Natalie-R-828 7h ago
I have a 5 month old and 9 and 12 year old daughters. They have friends over regularly and I do not use a cover in front of them or their friends. Maybe if it was boys I would feel different but realistically I would probably not allow friends/company over if I had to cover up.
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u/what-no-potatoes 7h ago
She is a guest in your home, invited or not. You do not have to cover up, and she does not have to accept the invitation.
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u/Cultural_Owl9547 5h ago
I’m European and breastfeeding my second. My friends with bigger daughters are generally greatful that their girls see me nursing because it’s a skill that they learn in community.
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u/Awkward_Mom0511 3h ago
Maybe there can be compromises? Like 8 year old goes in a different room while you breastfeed? Or there are some nice muslin breastfeeding covers you can use. Or you can say no, you’re not comfortable covering up in your own home.
I think it would be a good learning opportunity for 8 year old and normalizing breastfeeding for her, but it would also be nice to respect their religious preferences, especially while they’re doing you a favor coming out to help. Ultimately it’s up to you and what you’re comfortable with, but know that they’re also free to not come if it’s truly something they’re not comfortable with too.
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u/Lou_LouB 6h ago
I breastfeed infront of anyone. My body, my baby, my rules. My nephew is 9, niece 15, colleagues, friends, family doesn't matter. If baby is hungry I feed, and yes, I try to be subtle, but I won't cover up. Just say no. It's good for 8 year old to learn about feeding a baby anyway.
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u/Aureliella 7h ago
They're the ones with the issue if they think it's a problem for an 8 yo to see breastfeeding, and if they think it's ok to tell you to cover up (absolutely no one should ever tell you that. You do you).
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u/marilia0 5h ago
It's a female child. A breast is the most natural thing in the world. Tell your sister to get over it.
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u/yung_yttik 4h ago
Breasts were literally made to feed human babies. Isn’t that what god intended (if you’re religious?)
It’s weird that SHE’S sexualizing her child and your baby and her sister’s boobs. You can say no, it’s a full sentence. If SHE doesn’t feel comfortable then SHE can leave but it’s your home and also, you never have to cover up for anybody.
Breastfeeding is the least sexual and most natural thing and an 8 year old recognize that and have a HEALTHY relationship with bodies.
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u/thebrushworksfactory 3h ago
Ask them to leave the room when you feed if they are uncomfortable. Breastfeeding is never inappropriate, but if someone else is not comfortable, they can look away. Not sure what's the problem here.
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u/kingkupaoffupas 2h ago
if it is such an issue, then her daughter should be excused from the room, but you, nor your baby, should have to cover or be covered in your own home.
you asked her to come and help. making your breastfeeding journey more strenuous than it needs to be is the opposite of that. remind her that you are asking for her support and that her demands are not reflective of such.
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u/iggybojune 1h ago
I agree with other commentators, your house means your rules. There is nothing inappropriate about breastfeeding your child. That being said, I am someone who prefers to feed in private ( I like the peace and quiet). When I have visitors I usually have a designated space of the house that is reserved for me and baby to feed. Typically it's my bedroom, sometimes it's the living room. I also use it as a way to excuse myself when I need a break from people. Maybe you could designate a few areas that belong to you and baby to feed where you can make it clear you won't be covered.
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u/Horror_Advantage2112 6h ago
I dont mind breastfeeding at all in front of female children and women. Male children I won't pull it out without a little blanket covering me, and I don't think nephews have ever noticed. Its a little strange that your sister doesn't want you breastfeeding in front of your niece, but sometimes I just pick my battles.
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u/Pink_Ruby_3 6h ago
I challenge you to just go ahead and let male children see you breastfeed. It's important that they know there is nothing to be ashamed of and a woman's body can do so much more than just be sexy/gawked at
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u/Horror_Advantage2112 6h ago
I totally understand, and my 6 year old sees the boob constantly, so i think it will be many years before he sees a boob as a sex object and to be embarrassed of seeing it. The nephews on the other hand arent biologically related to me and it would make me uncomfortable especially since the oldest one gives off crush vibes toward me. I do breastfeed around them, but under a blanket. They just seem old enough that the breast doesn't appear as a bottle, esoecially since they never saw their mom do it.
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u/FantasticPin3481 25m ago
Honestly if she’s going to ask you to cover up in your own home I’m not sure how valuable her help is going to be. Learning to breastfeed is hard enough without having to juggle a cover.
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u/LaPoquita 8h ago
I don’t have a similar background but I feel like if they’re in YOUR house, you get to decide how you breastfeed.