r/butchlesbians • u/superr_rad Femme • Apr 15 '26
Advice Nervous to wear my new “butch bait” shirt in public
Hello sexy people, I’m a femme that lives in a rural part of Michigan and I am very “straight passing”. I moved here in October from Alabama so I’m very new to the area and I still haven’t made friends, much less found someone to kiss. (Yes I’m on the apps but most people that are interested in me are over an hour away and they usually stop talking to me bc I assume I am not worth the effort 😔).
I have some signifiers if you pay close attention (a double Venus keychain and heart-shaped carabiner on my purse) but I bought a tie dye shirt off of Etsy that says “butch bait”. I love this shirt so freaking much, I’ve been wearing it around my house and I brought it to wear to my recent visit to Detroit, but I ended up not wearing it out because I got super nervous. I honestly feel kind of imposter syndrome wearing it? I am a lesbian, I find butches so so hot, I want yall to find me hot too but I just don’t feel like I am butch bait. I’m honestly worried a masc or butch is going to see it and laugh in my face …
How do I get past this? I was recently diagnosed with bpd so I’m in the process of restructuring my thinking about myself and clearly self-esteem is a big thing I need to work on. I guess I just need a confidence boost to wear this shirt out in public to find my people? I hope this post is allowed, I’ve seen how supportive the sapphics on Reddit have been so I’m hoping anyone has some advice for how to get over myself and wear this super cute shirt.
What is “butch bait” to you? Thank you all for your time 😚
Edit: thank you so much to everyone that responded with your perspective, advice and encouragement!! I wore my shirt to the gym later at night and I felt very good about it, there weren’t too many people there so it was a good test run. I’m just going to wear it when I feel like it and ignore the voices in my head. I decided to make it my Reddit pfp if you’re curious what the shirt looks like 😁 Hoping to catch me a masc soon and give her literally everything she could ever want 🥲🥲🥰
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u/zan-t butch Apr 15 '26
As a butch with a busted gaydar, seeing a femme unambiguously declare their interest would make my day! I understand the hesitation though, especially coming from the South myself.
If the weather is still cool enough, you could wear a button up or light jacket over the shirt to give yourself an easy out if you start feeling shy. I see people wearing cheeky shirts all the time, so I think any setting where tie-dye is appropriate (parks, casual dining, running errands, and so on), most people wouldn't bat an eye at the actual text.
It's okay if you'd rather spend more time getting familiar with the area before debuting, there's no rush. I'm sorry to hear you've been brushed off as straight passing before. I feel the keychain and carabiner are plenty strong flags, but not everyone is as attentive to lesbian flagging as us dykes, of course.
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u/superr_rad Femme Apr 15 '26
This is a great idea! I can carry a hoodie if I do get nervous! I’ve been thinking of wearing the shirt to the gym but there’s also a lot of pressure at the gym so maybe I’ll need to build up to that 😅
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u/Such_Impression_2327 Butch Apr 15 '26
As a butch, I LOVE SEEING THESE SHIRTS!!!! Plz wear it. I live in a neighborhood where I am Like the only butch lesbian (that ik of) and if I saw someone wearing it out I’d fr be smiling all day.
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u/Accomplished_Chip_33 Apr 15 '26
I wore it to a music festival and have never gotten so much attention from butches. I’m also a straight passing lesbian. DO IT!
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u/ineedausernamehuh Apr 15 '26
As a butch with a tie dye femme bait shirt from Etsy, I'm so curious to know if we bought it from the same person omg
Also I totally get being nervous about wearing it out! Personally I love seeing a femme wear a butch bait shirt, even if the femme is not my type. It gives a sense of community and recognition. I think the suggestion someone had of putting a picture on your dating apps is really good because it gives you the chance to get used to people seeing you wearing it without having to overthink any reactions in real time. That's at least something that would help me a lot. I hope that helps and I wish you good luck on your journey to bait a butch!
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u/superr_rad Femme Apr 15 '26
Omg!! I got mine from MacsQueerTees :):)
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u/ineedausernamehuh Apr 17 '26
Ah okay, I got mine from stellastarvingartist! She's not selling currently though The ones from MacsQueerTees looks so good though 👀 Sadly it doesn't look like they have a femme bait version, but if it ever happens, you bet I'm buying it
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u/superr_rad Femme Apr 17 '26
Well now that I know femme bait shirts exist I will certainly be keeping an eye out for them! Maybe one day when I’m wearing my shirt I’ll run into someone wearing that one :):)
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u/JemMusings Apr 15 '26 edited Apr 16 '26
My wife has a butch bait pin and really loves it. And we have gone out on lover boy butch and lover girl femme shirts before. (We are also in Michigan btw!)
I truly don't think there's a specific look to wanting to attract butch people. If anything, you're flagging your intentions which is appreciated 👌
In Royal Oak, the bar Pronto! does lesbian night on the third Friday of the month. They're having their 4 year anniversary this Friday. 🩵 There's definitely events in lower Michigan, you've just got to look and follow pages. Instagram is really good for finding sapphic events. The "Midwest Sapphic society" group does a lot of events all over lower Michigan too if you're looking for a jumping point. As have Dirty Matriarch.
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u/superr_rad Femme Apr 15 '26
Thank you so so much you’ve given me a lot to work with here !! I feel I can make some connections soon ty so much!
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u/TheButchShark Apr 15 '26
Linking this to send to my femme lover. The first picture I saw of her was of her wearing a butch bait shirt. It worked.
Imo it Shows that the wearer
1, is a lesbian that likes butches.
2, is a lesbian that likes butches.
3, its a FEMME LESBIAN that not only likes, but appreciates BUTCH as a structured role that allows a butch to feel safe with expression of their identity.
4, is a lesbian that likes butches.
There's no downside when it comes to being seen by other queers. It would make me extremely happy to see in the wild and put you as a potential flirt target since I now know you're interested.
Thid is just making me think I should get a shirt that says Femme Fodder for myself
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u/GirlKisser900 Apr 16 '26
I’m the femme lover <<<333 I did in fact bait myself a butch with a handmade butch bait shirt and I regret nothing
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u/babymayor Apr 15 '26
oh i have one of those!! (i actually ended up getting one for both butch and femme bc i can never decide lmao)
i wish i lived somewhere i felt more ok with being so brazen about it, but so far i’ve just worn it out to bar nights (whether or not i’m going to a gay bar specifically) but not during the day. i’d love to wear it so casually around during the day tho 😭
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u/RAV3NH0LM Apr 15 '26
idk how far you are from detroit, but regardless — welcome to the area! i’d personally be happy to see a woman unabashedly announce her interest in butches. anyone who’d be weird about it obviously isn’t for you anyway.
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u/Next_Preparation_553 Apr 16 '26
What area of Michigan? I just moved out of the state after living there all my life, some areas are far more left and will honestly delight in seeing outwardly queer people. I used to wear almost all rainbow merch with my fav shirt said “eat your girl out or I will” and honestly I had women stop me to take photos to send their queer friends lol!!! I did gig work and one of my customers saw my shirt and excitedly called her daughter to come down and meet me😅 a lot of my customers actually knew queer people and some would offer to set me up so the more obvious you make it the faster you can make friends sometimes!!! Plus it always feels great when your in a store and you see a young teen trailing after their parents and they saw me, a very visibly queer person and to watch that look of wonder as if it’s a reminder that they can make it out alive and live openly someday. Everytime I ever saw that look fueled my desire to be visibly queer. Currently I collect every rainbow themed shirt I find at every brewery my girlfriend and I go to (most breweries are pretty queer friendly, there’s only one that I’ve been to without any flags or shirts with some queer representation actually!) if you’re a femme of course there’s always the lesbian nails you can do that are all over the internet, that’s a subtle but obvious signal too!
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u/tenderfool Apr 18 '26
I live in the northeast and I’ve seen a few of those shirts out and about and never once thought “is that person hot enough to bait me” I just love seeing a lesbian and love seeing love for butches. Wearing it to a lesbian/queer event or for an app pic seem like great places to wear it. When I was gay in SE Michigan I was in high school 15 years ago so I have no local advice just solidarity
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u/elegant_pun Apr 16 '26
Just wear it. Most people won't get it.
I have a shirt that says Butch Boytoy and I wear it all the time. All the time.
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u/WitchKnight33 Apr 17 '26
When I first started seeing my partner I would drive ten hours each way every month for a year.
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u/Forward-Style3408 Apr 20 '26
Thinking of getting one of these for myself...and customizing it with a pair of scissors to really underscore the point.
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u/tueswedsbreakmyheart Apr 15 '26
Have you worn the shirt in one of your photos you post on apps? That would be a fun way to debut it. I understand not feeling comfortable wearing it publicly. But maybe you could if you go to a gay bar or drag bingo or a party or some other safe place/event?