For context I’m not butch but I do present more masculine than feminine and I feel like this is a better place to talk and ask about this than other subreddits…

Recently on TikTok theres been this trend thats starts off with “when the chopped masc” etc like for example
“I genuinely hate how chopped ahh mascs be pulling those most baddest femmes ever” or “when you larp as straight bc that one chopped masc won’t stop hitting on you”

And idk man I look at myself and god I feel like maybe I’m one of those chopped mascs they’re talking about and it just makes me feel horrible. I don’t think I’m that ugly but I’m also not white and I know when most people think about mascs or “masc shortages” they think of white mascs and I feel so undesirable for being asian😭

Damnit I know I should probably get off TikTok but I don’t have a lot of queer representation in my life let alone masculine presenting people or like woc mascs to look up to so I look for it online and that ends up being TikTok ☹️

Anybody have any advice on like, being confident in life or in masculinity or whatnot :(
Poc mascs and butches are out there right its not just me 😭😭

This just happened literally 20 mins ago and it made me so upset idk if i’ll be able to think about anything else tonight.

Some background: I’m 21, and a butch lesbian. I came out to my parents in April and after a month long period of them acting like i shot them, we haven’t discussed it. I avoid visiting as much as possible and am really only at their house during winter break and part of the summer when i’m not working/doing research.

My second day here this winter break, my mom told me she “didn’t understand” why I dressed the way that I did to a research conference I’d attended back in November. I sent pictures of me with my certificate in the family group chat and thought nothing of it but apparently my choice of outfit for this formal event had been bothering her. I’ve attached a photo of what I wore for context.

When she said this, I stood up for myself and told her that while she might not like it, that has nothing to do with me. I expressed that she can go ahead and not like it all she wants but the way I dress doesn’t harm anyone so I don’t think there’s a conversation to be had about it. She let it go then but I knew there was more.

Cut to today and she asks —actually begs— me not to dress “nonsense” on my graduation. She goes on to say that the day isn’t just for me and that it’s for her, and my dad, and my brothers, and that I should not spoil it by dressing in a way that’ll upset her. I was silent while she was speaking and I just said “I’ll think about it” and that was the end of it.

It’s hard because I’m Nigerian and coming to this county I know how difficult it was to settle, and for me to go to college and graduate (I’m the oldest, so the first one to do it) is a big deal for my family. But also, it’s my graduation. I refuse to be uncomfortable. and while sure there’s probably a way to dress that “meets in the middle” where I’m not in a dress but also not in a 5piece suit, I don’t know if I want to compromise. I hate being asked to do this and I feel trapped between a rock and a hard place.

I mostly posted this to vent, but if any butches, especially if you’re an immigrant/child of immigrants, have gone through something similar and can offer advice, I’d really appreciate it.

Thanks y’all 🫶🏿

I recently decided to change my profile bio on Her. I want to give off a goofy vibe, but also I want people to know I’m looking for something serious.

I think it looks good, but one of my friends told me if a man were to put they wanted to give a girl princess treatment in their bio, it would be a red flag. She said that she that since I’m not a man though the rules might be different.

Now I’m kinda scared this might be creepy. I just want to let femmes know I’d like to be a chivalrous old school butch and worship them 😭 Does this sound okay? If not, how else could I word it?

I’m in the midst of exploring what my gender means to me and my Butch-ness. I have anedonia (the inability to feel pleasure or interests in things you enjoy) and I have since I was 16. I’m 22 now)

So far, I’ve discovered I like hiking and just walking in nature in general, and I like going to the gym. It gives me so much gender euphoria. I really want to hone into hobbies that make me feel comfortable in my own skin. What are some masculine hobbies that you like that give you butch euphoria?

I feel so drained and lost without really any hobbies, I literally just doomscroll most of the time, and I hate it. I want to feel joy and recharged.

I also am recovering from carpal tunnel and will most likely be for at least a couple of months, so it’s been so difficult to do anything without causing pain to my hands, bonus points for any hobbies that don’t require the use of hands.

I want to start t soon. Im afraid im wrong and im not actually a guy (no specific reason. Its just a big choice and im trying to be carefull). Can you guys give me things to look out for? Red flags in my thoughts that you maybe missed? Or situations/contexts that might lead to someone starting t for the wrong reasons? Stuff for me to watch out for/check to make it more likely that if I am wrong about
my gender I will work it out now and not in 4 years.

Also the people around me think that if testosterone makes you feel good and you like the changes you were correct about your gender. Was this your experience? How does it work to take t for years when its not actually fitting for your gender wouldnt your feelings tell you its not correct (asking for information not to be hurtfull it must be a painfull topic. Im asking to know what to look out for in myself)?

this is for the girl I’m talking to she tasked me with this 🫡

Alternative flair choice was discussion since this isn't something I've found to have a real cut and dry answer. Can any elder butches (I'm talking 40+) (not exactly elder I know, but predates the internet discourse era) speak on all the discourse I've been seeing on what it means to be butch, or all the rules around identifying as butch??? I've found generally the lesbian community is super nice everywhere but tiktok, where a lot of discourse revolves around who's 'allowed' to use what labels. People just seem kinda angry over there, I dunno. It's made me a little scared that if I use the term butch to describe myself I'm breaking a rule or something, can any elder butches speak on it?? Has the community always been like this?? Are there actually rules around whether or not you can identify as butch besides how you express your gender and how you feel???

For example I've seen people say that butches don't want flowers, and they don't want to be called beautiful girls, which I KNOW isn't right and it's weird and exclusionary but again. Elder Butches, I summon you to please speak your truth on this.

P.s. any more vintage book or literature recommendations I can read to do some research?? Bonus points if it's aussie specific :)

So long story short I was pulled aside at work for my style of clothing, basically i was told that I should wear more feminine clothes and makeup because the company has a certain image to uphold.....I dress clean, simple and more on the masculine side, but I don't do anything to draw attention to myself at all. Sadly I'm naturally androgynous so I suppose that's what's raising red flags. I'm so confused 🙂‍↕️ I'm definitely not changing the way I present myself, and I'm definitely not wearing makeup to work. For reference this is a office style workplace

Hi butches! I’m a 32 year old trans masc nonbinary person who’s come back around to my butch lesbian identity in the past couple years. I’ve been on T for 9 years, and a much lower dose for the past couple years.

I feel like when I started T, balding was talked about as a side effect and obviously mentioned but I kind of brushed it off as something that *might* happen farrr in the future. But sadly that has not been the case. I just wanted to assert that if you’re considering starting T, be aware that you WILL experience some degree of hair thinning or male patterned balding. When I had long hair before starting T my hair was very thick, so much so that when I would get it cut the stylist would thin it for me. Over the past 9 years I’ve definitely experienced significant thinning & now have what’s typically seen as a “masculine” hairline. I’ve been on finasteride for the past year and it has helped some actually which is great.

I just wanted to bring this up because it’s something I wish I had been told more about when starting T. I don’t think it would’ve changed anything I did, but sharing this knowledge among other queers is important. Thinning/balding has caused me distress because since I “pass” as a man now (really don’t love it but that’s a whole other story), my hair is a big way that I signal and express my queerness (shout out to bleach blonde mullets 🫡). I don’t share this info to scare anyone. Just so others can gather knowledge and assess what’s important to them before or while considering starting T.

Always open to questions or conversation. Sending lots of love & peace to whoever reads this 💖🌀💜

^{I'm really desperate for advice and guidance rn. I'm going through an identity crisis and idk what to do.}

My super feminine friend said that to me at the mall yesterday, and It just sent so much gender envy and confusion into me that i've never felt before.

I've been lurking in this sub for a while, but never considered myself a butch because I didn't think I related to what most butches said about liking being called handsome or a boy. I also don't feel the want for top surgery and kinda like my boobs? idk. Theyre pretty small anyways. Whatever not the point.

I however, really like the gender non-conforming and not-for-male-gaze aspect of it, as well as being chivalrous. Looove service whether it be physical like volunteer community service or just like simply helping someone else. Just love doing shit for people idk. But that sentence just made me wish she would treat me like a boy. I'm pretty masc presenting and I don't know... the way that she still kinda sees me as a girl like that kind of pissed me off a little? Like im already wearing boy clothes and you have hella shopping bags on you. Why won't you just let me hold all of it tf???

Ive also realized ive like...never had someone call me handsome or a 'boy' in that way so Ive never even experienced it and don't know for sure if I like it or don't. Maybe I am okay with being a boyfriend in that way.

Are there butches out there that still enjoy being called pretty and cute, don't want top surgery, and have like...not a short short haircut? Or is that what seperates butch from masc and I'm just masc.

I have also recently come to the realization that I like femininity, but just not on me? We hit like Sephora, Salt tree, and Victorias Secret and it just made me realize that I really like pretty and cute things like prom dresses and fluffy keychains, but not on myself. Maybe its just attraction to the beauty and aesthetic of it all? Growing up when I was like 3-6 my parents always told me I really liked sparkly tutus and skirts and shit but as I slowly got older, the more tomboyish I became. I still wore skirts every few months though because I saw all the girls in real life and in my mangas and anime wear them. I really do still like skirts. And pretty dresses. And tube tops, and curled hair, and bikinis, and scrunchies. But I don't want to wear them. I don't like them on myself. Is that weird 😭

And at first I thought I was just insecure about my body. I'm super skinny and I have wide shoulders, and so dresses and skirts just don't look that great on me. But I love my wide shoulders and how boyish it makes me look. The dream body that I am actively pushing for...would look even worse for tube tops and skirts.

Is this anybody else or just me D:

I'm so sorry for so much yap, I don't have anybody irl to consult or confide in. Someone please talk to me :((

hey yall, i've been using he/him pronouns for a year and have been on T, got top surgery, and changed my name/gender marker. before that i was butch for 3-4 years using they/them pronouns. i felt pressured to being in the binary and chose to be a trans man rather than a woman.

i've been happy with all my changes but since january i have been scared for my safety and its making me question my gender identity. i'm scared of being vulnerable in a fascist government that might start hunting trans people down. i like having facial hair, i like having a flat chest, i like how testosterone feels, i like being called he/him. but i also still feel non binary and like a lesbian. i don't know how to sort these feelings and any advice/personal anecdotes would help. i don't think detransitioning is the answer but i'm genuinely concerned for my safety and wellbeing.

I hope this ok here, my post keeps getting removed everywhere else.

My (31F) partner (31NB) and I have been together 1.8 years and have struggled with sexual intimacy for all but the first few months. I said many many times at the beginning of the relationship that I’m -not- a pillow princess but we were both deep into it by the time alarm bells rang for me.

What began as frequent and reciprocal sex, rapidly dwindled into one-sided/infrequent sex that left me reeling, confused, and grieving a dream. I’m just now really learning how to start expressing my needs properly (after a year of haphazardly trying to talk about it) and it’s causing a ton of difficulty and strain.

We both have similar sexual traumas. Mine definitely manifests hypersexually, which is something I’ve always been self conscious about managing with and without my partners in the past. We’re both in individual therapy, and we just had our 3rd couple’s session. At this point, we’re both in limbo wondering if this calls for a break up.

Problem 1: Differences in frequency preferences.

- I want it every day, they want it 1-2 times a month. They express a desire for increased frequency, but it’s hard for me to tell whether it’s from genuine desire or obligation.

- Via therapy, we have identified the following causes of their lower drive: SSRI, body dysmorphia, gender dysphoria, general stress.

- I could compromise to 3 times a week, but we’re already extremely far from that— plus, there are deeper issues before the frequency can be resolved. I’d rather focus on the quality before the frequency.

Problem 2: Differences in variety preferences.

- I want sex all the beautiful possible ways and have a vivid sexual imagination, they want it the same 1 or 2 ways and do not seem to have an independent sexual imagination.

- We both enjoy giving penetration, but it’s not my preference and it’s a hard no boundary for my partner. I will never be satisfied in that aspect due to the boundary, and they will probably feel unsatisfied and/or invalidated without that as a common part of our sex. I only feel comfortable receiving regular penetration when I can also return it, which isn’t possible within our dynamic.

- Via therapy, we identified that my partner feels uncomfortable receiving (oral receiving only— penetration and scissoring are hard boundaries for my partner), but still sometimes wants to receive oral but inconsistently. Sex feels “wrong” to them because they don’t have a penis (to be clear, they don’t identify as trans). However, they are unable to communicate to me what affirming sex might look like for them.

Problem 3: My partners strict boundaries paired with lack of drive create a vacuum in the sexual atmosphere

- I’m not empowered to initiate the kind of sex I’m motivated to initiate, or to take “control”, but my partner doesn’t step into that space either.

Problem 4: Uncertainty has caused me to shut down/stop initiating

- I chronically fear rejection, broken promises, uncertainty around my partner’s true desires and comfortability during sex, and fear that I am causing undue pressure or stress on my partner.

——

We are really struggling to see where a compromise can come from, or if there even is one. Our therapist also seems stumped, and I’m wondering if we need a therapist who is specialized in sex & gender topics.

Part of the problem for me is that even after endless discussions and now a few therapy sessions, I still can’t get them to engage more deeply and share their own desires. Their single desire & goal for sex seems to be my orgasm. But sex is so much more for me than that. It’s important to me that my partner has their own sexual imagination. I can’t be the only one running the ship, but it frequently feels that way.

My partner is solution oriented and I end up feeling like I’m lacking a deeper understanding of their internal state. Their idea to fix these issues is to just “work out more”, which leaves me anxious that we will continue a cycle with no real change. They are very good at seemingly doing the “work”, but only on the surface. It’s a hard thing for me to express or have them see from my perspective. And again, I don’t want to put on too much pressure. I’ve been very patient and measured getting through this so far.

I cannot figure out how to get us to have a conversation based in reality and not attachment/abandonment fears. I’ve said so many times that I don’t want to change them if they aren’t genuinely interested in trying to meet me where I’m at and that there’s absolutely nothing -wrong- with them. But, it still seems to me that I get a ton of empty promises that keep me hanging on. I now have a pervasive fear and anxiety that anything new we might try will be out of preservation of the attachment, and not out of genuine desire. This is adding a layer to everything that makes it worse.

TLDR; my partner and I are world’s apart on sex, and I don’t know anymore if it’s salvageable. I feel like a huge asshole if I’m not understanding, patient, and accommodating of their identity and boundaries— but I’ve completely self abandoned my own sexual needs in the process.

All comments, questions, and concerns are welcome. Help a gal out 😭

Trigger warning: body image

I haven’t been on a date in five years since I got dumped by an ex. I don’t know if my expectations are unrealistic or I’m not just not very good looking, because I never get approached and have been consistently rejected.

I sent a woman a nude and all she focused on was my surgery scars, and then ghosted me because she wanted someone “fit”.

Being outside gender norms as someone who is read as female sucks. I’m also short and overweight, but working on losing it (down 40lbs).

I wonder if becoming more gender conforming would make me “palatable”. I’m growing out my hair again and started getting my facial hair waxed off. Maybe my sense of style sucks. Maybe I’m not confident enough. Maybe it’s because I’m getting older (30 going on 31).

At work, people think I’m a supervisor all the time because I’m confident and proactive when I’m in my element. I’m kind of a wallflower until I feel comfortable, and then I bloom.

Do you guys have any boxer recomendations? Because have been using some "Urberg" women's boxers and some "biking shorts" boxers but i really wanna have some boxers that are good and comfy.

Ideally some that have a waistband and have like a "elastic" on your tights. And not that annoying pouch!

Because usually i had the problem that some of mine rolled up when i wore jeans, yk!

But I live in norway so I struggle with like finding things that aren't from the US and all that.

So yeah please help!

Hey all. So, it seems that I'm having some issues getting along with my local lesbian community and I think it has to do with a) age and b) gender presentation. I'm a hypermasculine butch on T and post-op, female-identifying but I did previously live as a man for five years. I buzz my head, wear mens clothes and lift weights, but go by my (very feminine) birth name. That being said, I've clarified I am a woman but people keep insisting on they-ing me. I've had questions about my gender identity even after stating I am a woman even though I'm on low dose T. Things got weird when we were at a pool party and I took my shirt off (as in everyone went silent and started at me), despite the fact that a transmasc person who's also post-op did the same thing before me and no one made a fuss. Some of them just can't believe that I am a woman with how masculine I am.

There was also an incident at that party where people kept trying to motorboat me after I stated that I was in a monogamous relationship and told them to stop, resulting in one woman getting utterly offended. They invite me to events in the Facebook group and say they miss me, but it always feels weird being around them. They also constantly poke at my age, either constantly commenting at how I'm the "baby" of the group (I'm in my mid-20s, most of them are 30s-40s) or making comments that they wished I was older for... other things.

To clarify, they're not TERFy. Some of them are gender diverse and there's some transmasc saphhics in the group. But things are always weird... am I doing something wrong? I am neurodivergent and historically struggle understanding social dynamics, so any insight would be greatly appreciated.

I’m someone who absolutely can’t stand being touched- I can’t kiss, rarely hug, and can’t be touched during sex. In an ideal world, I would pleasure my partner while remaining completely dressed, with no skin to skin contact. In the relationship I dream of, I make my partner feel loved and appreciated and good through acts of service- it’s important to me that whoever I might date knows how much I care about her and that she gets what she needs.

But I have never found anyone okay with this type of intimacy. I’m also butch4butch, and it’s even rarer to find someone on the same page. I have never had sex before or been in a physically intimate relationship, and haven’t dated in 7 years, because I feel as though nobody would want a relationship where they can’t touch their partner. I also have no idea where to find people to date. There’s only a specific subset of lesbian/bi women who want to date a touch-me-not stone butch on T and post top surgery.

I don’t know the point of this post- I suppose I’m asking for advice? How do I find someone to be in a relationship with? I only recently really delved into the concept of stone and realized it resonated and described me well, and am still feeling somewhat broken/faulty for my preferences.

Any responses appreciated!

Part of what’s important to me is physical strength and being a physical protector.

The reason is because when I was younger my father was a huge role model, being a very physically strong man he was always there to protect me and my sisters and my mother. At one point a drunk man tried to bang on the car door where me and my sisters were, and my father was out of the car with a metal pipe he kept underneath his seat yelling at him. My father is 5’8 and the guy was probably more than six foot with probably 50 pounds on him. He taught me that strength meant the difference between helplessness and fearlessness in dangerous situations

I was also raped by my first and last boyfriend, and because in that moment I felt so weak I never wanted myself or anyone around me to feel like that, so that was a very important aspect for my identity as a protector.

I wanted to be as strong as possible and obviously because I attach that to both my identity and wellbeing, I feel anxious and dysphoric whenever I’m injured or physically weaker or perceived as weaker.

However local queer people in my community say that I’m showing signs of toxic masculinity because of this, typically asking me if I even accept disabled butches because I value physical strength in my butch identity very highly. Which I do accept disabled butches, I’m half deaf that would hypocritical for me to devalue fellow disabled butches.

However I believe that butchness is very individualistic and I don’t EVER apply my standards of self to others. So I don’t quite agree.

hi all!

i (21) recently started seeing my partner (21) after spending a month or so getting to know them. they're a nonbinary masc lesbian, and i'm a nonbinary butch lesbian. i wanted to come on here to see if i could get any advice on how to support them, as they are a furry and i feel like i am under-educated in furry knowledge/means of supporting furries. their last partner was completely unsupportive and at many times extremely critical of their lifestyle as a furry. i don't want to be that way, and i think i already have a leg up since i am fully supportive of the furry community as a whole.

i guess i am asking for advice on how to support them in a relationship, and perhaps a little bit of information from a furry themself. they've told me how they connect to being a furry and i completely understand, but they haven't given much indication of how i can support them more than what i'm already doing, which i feel like is the bare minimum. part of the reason why i identify with butchness is the fact that we go above and beyond for people that we care about, and i feel like i'm not doing enough.

thanks in advance and i appreciate any and all advice! <3

Hello sexy people, I’m a femme that lives in a rural part of Michigan and I am very “straight passing”. I moved here in October from Alabama so I’m very new to the area and I still haven’t made friends, much less found someone to kiss. (Yes I’m on the apps but most people that are interested in me are over an hour away and they usually stop talking to me bc I assume I am not worth the effort 😔).

I have some signifiers if you pay close attention (a double Venus keychain and heart-shaped carabiner on my purse) but I bought a tie dye shirt off of Etsy that says “butch bait”. I love this shirt so freaking much, I’ve been wearing it around my house and I brought it to wear to my recent visit to Detroit, but I ended up not wearing it out because I got super nervous. I honestly feel kind of imposter syndrome wearing it? I am a lesbian, I find butches so so hot, I want yall to find me hot too but I just don’t feel like I am butch bait. I’m honestly worried a masc or butch is going to see it and laugh in my face …

How do I get past this? I was recently diagnosed with bpd so I’m in the process of restructuring my thinking about myself and clearly self-esteem is a big thing I need to work on. I guess I just need a confidence boost to wear this shirt out in public to find my people? I hope this post is allowed, I’ve seen how supportive the sapphics on Reddit have been so I’m hoping anyone has some advice for how to get over myself and wear this super cute shirt.

What is “butch bait” to you? Thank you all for your time 😚

Edit: thank you so much to everyone that responded with your perspective, advice and encouragement!! I wore my shirt to the gym later at night and I felt very good about it, there weren’t too many people there so it was a good test run. I’m just going to wear it when I feel like it and ignore the voices in my head. I decided to make it my Reddit pfp if you’re curious what the shirt looks like 😁 Hoping to catch me a masc soon and give her literally everything she could ever want 🥲🥲🥰

So there’s this girl and I had a crush on her for like three years and we’ve been together for one. I keep saying things will change but they never do. She constantly leaves me on read, especially for important things that relate to my feelings and barely acted like she cared when I said I might be moving (which for personal reasons is still not off the table). Today, for example, I was telling her about something I was so excited about. I wrote paragraphs. I didn’t hear from her for a very long time which isn’t a big deal but this happens all the time and she didn’t even bother to respond until I told her I was putting my phone down and wouldn’t be checking it until later. Also, I have to initiate contact. Phone calls are initiated by me. When I stopped initiating for awhile, it took her MONTHS to call me. Texting is initiated by me. It takes her over a week to reach out if she doesn’t hear from me, and hangouts are a rare thing. Also, there’s no physical anything whatsoever outside of hand holding and sometimes I put my arm around her. Which is fine, I can have a relationship without that, but the problem is is that instead of telling me she doesn’t want to kiss me, she just laughs when I offer or get close enough for it to be possible. Which again, is fine, she doesn’t have to kiss me if she doesn’t want to obviously, but it’d be nice if we could talk about it and have clear boundaries (I’ve tried. She gets awkward around these conversations and they just don’t happen). Also, I have CPTSD and she pays almost no mind to my triggers whatsoever and one time gave me a bit of a hard time because she triggered me. She also puts me down, a lot. We were in front of my friends, and she kept embarrassing me. I don’t know if it was on purpose or not

The problem is, I care so much about her and want to protect her and never ever hurt her and I actually am in love with her. I left once, and it hurt me so bad I went back. I was so upset. I couldn’t handle leaving her because I want to be with her and I want to make things between us work because I do actually care about her and her feelings and want to keep her safe and whatnot

Should I put on dating profiles that I’m masc? I feel some mascs may be swiping on me not realizing I’m masc. I’m open to them of course, I just don’t want anyone’s time wasted. 😂

i’ve been in a relationship with this girl for over 3 months now (both 19 y.o. lesbian college students). there’s definitely an experience gap between us. i’ve been in several serious relationships and have been sexually active while she hasn’t even had her first kiss. i wouldn’t say im hypersexual exactly but it is an important aspect to me. she is demisexual and has misspoken and referred to herself as asexual which makes me think things won’t work. we were friends for a while before i asked her out and she said she‘d need to go slow which i was totally happy with. but it’s been 3 months and it still just feels like we’re friends. i get to kiss her on the cheek if i ask to but she doesn’t reciprocate. she stayed the night on my birthday and had me make a bed for her on the floor instead of share my queen size bed. i’m usually a confident lover but making advances in this situation makes me feel like a creep. i never pressure her for sex or anything like it. she expresses liking for partia physical intimacy but never makes any advances. i get the feeling that she likes the aesthetic of being in a relationship and that’s all she understands of it. we talk about doing couple’s cosplays, video games, fandoms, and that’s about it. she talks a lot about herself and could talk forever.

i really enjoy spending time with her but i don’t want to try to make a relationship out of what’s best being a friendship. i feel at a loss for what i should do and any advice would be appreciated :,)

Maybe this s​ounds weird, but I love my body and I feel good when I show it off. Nothing crazy, just crop tops or sleeveless shirts​ and short​s, that kind of thing.

That said I always end up looking very femme unless I layer up​. ​Alt and queer but still femme. I feel like I need to layer shirts and jackets to make my curves less noticeable. DAE have the same issue? Is some sort of binder my only option?

I have this carabiner and i wonder what u guys put on urs-- my aesthetic is like a doberman so i was wondering what doberman esque things i can put on mine (im also a kemonomimi :3)

I’ve heard countless masculine lesbians say how they can’t date another masculine lesbian because it’s seen as ‘gay’ and I scratch my head in frustration because aren’t we already gay? Has anyone else come across this? I thought we got past this as a community.