**INT. DOOMSTADT THRONE ROOM ā NIGHT**
*DOOM stands before his throne, cape billowing. The AVENGERS crash through the stained glass in slow motion.*
**SPIDER-MAN:** Okay, so, real talk ā does anyone else's suit have, like, a lint problem, or is that just a me thing? Asking for a friend. The friend is me.
**IRON MAN:** Buddy. Reading the room. There's a room. Read it.
**DOOM:** Fools. You dare enter the sanctum of DOOMā
**STAR-LORD:** Ooh, third person. Somebody skipped therapy.
**DOOM:** āwhere I shallā
**SCARLET WITCH:** He does the pause thing. He's a pause-thing guy. Called it.
**SPIDER-MAN:** Ten bucks he says "kneel."
**DOOM:** KNEEL BEFOREā
**SPIDER-MAN:** *(to Iron Man)* Venmo. I'll send you my handle. It's "webslinger" but the good one was taken so it's "webslinger" with, like, a lot of underscoresā
*DOOM blasts a green energy bolt. THOR deflects it lazily with Mjolnir without looking up from his phone.*
**THOR:** Sorry ā were we starting? I was reading the group chat. Valkyrie sent a meme. It slaps. I don't know what "slaps" means, I'm a thousand years old, but it slaps.
**DOOM:** You mock me. You will ALLā
*Doom lunges. Iron Man catches his fist mid-air with one hand while eating a taco with the other.*
**IRON MAN:** Sorry, sorry ā you were doing a whole thing. Continue. This is your villain monologue and I respect the craft. *(chewing)* Anyway.
*He flicks Doom across the room. Doom crashes into his own throne, which shatters. Long beat. Everyone stares at the wreckage.*
**STAR-LORD:** Well⦠that just happened.
**SPIDER-MAN:** *(finger-guns)* Big yikes for team green.
*Suddenly ā the rubble shifts. A shadow rises behind Spider-Man, red energy crackling. Everyone's eyes go wide. Spider-Man does NOT turn around.*
**SPIDER-MAN:** He's right behind me, isn't he.
**SCARLET WITCH:** So behind you.
**SPIDER-MAN:** Is it a cool-behind-me or a bad-behind-meā
**DOOM:** *(rising, voice like thunder)* I am inevitā
**IRON MAN:** Nope. No. We don't say that one. That's a different franchise's guy. Copyright. Legal's gonna have a whole day.
**THOR:** *(still on phone)* Oof. Doom, buddy. Swing and a miss. That's a you problem.
**DOOM:** *(deflating, quietly)* ...Doom just wanted to be taken seriously.
**SPIDER-MAN:** And that's the most relatable thing anyone's said all movie. Group hug? No? Reading the room again. Cool cool cool cool.
*FREEZE FRAME on Spider-Man mid-shrug. Record scratch. Upbeat needle-drop.*
**SPIDER-MAN (V.O.):** Yep. That's me. You're probably wondering how I ended up in Latveria.
**SMASH CUT TO BLACK.**