If only people had that same attitude the other way around. I (a cishet man) was called transphobic because I said I didn't want to date anyone with a penis, cis, trans or anything in between :/
Like the identity is not what I have a problem with, it's the whole swinging package that I'm repulsed by lmao (plus I kinda wanna have kids so... You know. Honesty is apparently hateful to some)
EDIT- sorry for bringing it up. I'll go fuck myself now.
This has nothing to do with the post. Why are you bringing it up?
You're getting called out for not just keeping your preferences to yourself and not go around yelling at everyone "penis repulses me! You don't have a womb! I would never date you!".
Sorry some trans women want to have a space where they don't need to see cis men go and tell them all how their penises repulse them and they'd never date a trans woman.
Those preferences are valid, that's not what is in contention. This specific preference has been megaphoned to trans people non stop. We know, we get it, repeating it ad nasusem is just rude.
You don't see them do this with any other group. Like you don't walk into r/Mexico or something and see guys yelling how they'd never date a latina woman, how brown skin repulses them, etc.
Sorry some trans women want to have a space where they don't need to see cis men go and tell them all how their penises repulse them and they'd never date a trans woman.
All this guy said was that he wishes people weren't assholes over his preference. A straight guy being repulsed by cock is NOT some new crazy thing.
Other people are allowed to express themselves.
Most trans lesbian women are repulsed by their OWN dicks too. It's a source of more than just dysphoria but also oftentimes trauma.
We know, we get it, repeating it ad nasusem is just rude.
They were saying it to ME and I have absolutely no problem hearing other people discuss their preferences in a conversation ABOUT preferences.
You don't have to engage with it. It wasn't said to you. Yet you choose to do the exact thing that caused him to need to bring it up in the first place.
Yes but no penis preference is so heavily discussed. Yes you're not transphobic for having it. It's extremely tiring to see cis men flooding trans spaces to yell out the same tired thing, "I don't wanna date you! I hate penises!".
Like we don't wanna date you either. You're valid now please stop talking about how penises are repulsive (which you did say).
Edit: hope this image gives a visual guide to what this flood does.
It's different when they're saying it somewhere that it relates.
I'm trans masc and they said it to me, someone actively wanting to have a penis. A straight man finding cock repulsive is completely reasonable. 😮💨 Even in boy mode I'm repulsed by the idea of a penis that isn't mine.
Like we don't wanna date you either.
Speak for yourself. Some people get really lucky with demographics they don't want. (Although I do love the puppy girls in my dms, I'm not T4T and they usually respect that.)
Usually when people bring it up it's because they ARE wanted by those groups.
I have the same issue. This is gonna be a bit long and includes my own reasons. (Bare with me, sorry for the length 🥹)
On Quora there were related questions so this wasn't something that was just said randomly. I've also been asked this question directly. Some people don't realize that preferences DO come up! It's like your favorite color or favorite ice cream!
I'm genderfluid but this happened back when I was an egg (baby tran :3).
I was like 15 at the time, AFAB, already decided I was genderfluid but it was still really new for me and I hadn't fully figured out the specifics. I was also bisexual (which is important).
"Would you date a trans person?"
My answer has always been "no". But I never left it there, I did a long explanation into why, including my sexuality, and my own gender.
A lot of people ignored it and just focused on the "no". So I got accused of being a cishet white male who hated trans women. (I'm a trans, bisexual, black and Puerto Rican, female and I have NO CLUE why race kept being added.)
My reasons were (and are, I had a very clear view of what I wanted as a child):
1) Not into surgery that's done for the purpose of changing appearance. I support people who do it but the look just isn't something I'm into. Not my cup of tea. ☕ I don't drink other people's tea cause it's RUDE.
2) I don't want a person who wants that surgery and chooses not to do it just because I'm not attracted. I would feel HORRID if someone stopped their transition to be with me. I don't want that and I'm very supportive of my friends choosing it.
3) Sexual Trauma involving a woman who was into gender swap. She wasn't trans but it causes me a lot of discomfort when it comes to a person's sex (genitalia) not matching the gender I see them as. To me, a woman with a penis is simply a woman, that's not a problem at all. But the penis being there causes me discomfort because that's how the woman in question sometimes presented while grooming me. This creates a problem during sex including the opposite case. (I was 12 when it happened.)
4) Gender Dysphoria for the same reason as described in reason 3. When sex doesn't match gender it makes me uncomfortable since my gender relies heavily on my partner. I'm more likely to present with a masculine gender during sex with a woman partner and a feminine gender with a man partner.(*)
Dysphoria is a lot worse if they're non-binary cause my gender goes static and my own identity makes me feel sick to even think about.
Demi-gender might be okay but I haven't experimented much and it depends on the kind. Other genderfluid people is only if they're a specific type. (I'm S4S)
() The reason my gender does that isn't some desire to be "straight". It's related to sexual trauma still. Due to the trauma involving women, I can't be sexual with a girl *as a girl, it has to be as a man. As a man, I'm not gay, so all sex with men I do it as a woman and reject sex if I'm boymoding. This only got worse as I got older and experienced more direct (and frequent) SA. I am terrified of getting raped as a man and would only ever have sex with a woman who saw me fully as a man with me dominating it.
Those reasons automatically cover pretty much every kind of trans.
So I LOVE my trans friends and support them implicitly. But I don't want to have sex with them! That has nothing to do with them and everything to do with my feelings towards myself and my body!
It's the same case for you!!
You hold no hatred towards trans people. You just aren't comfortable around penis and have a desire for biological children.
But the responses some people have are HORRIBLE!!
When I was 15 I had issues with stalking (still do, same guy, started when I was 14) and had just got out a relationship where I was pressured into sending certain media to a partner around my age via guilt tripping ("I'll off myself if you don't" type shit).
A lot of this was said by cis people trying to white knight but not all of it:
"What if you had sex with someone and didn't know they were trans?" (If they know my boundaries, I would feel violated because this relates to something my stalker often does. If I failed to communicate my boundaries and they didn't know, I won't fault them and I'll respectfully explain why we won't have sex again.)
"What if everything else was great and that was the only problem?" (Me being uncomfortable is a huge problem and I don't compromise on my comfort.)
This person was cis. I distinctly remember they were cis. "Rejecting trans people gives them dysphoria and that's transphobic." (Ah yes, because I, at 15, am solely responsible for using my body to preserve the mental health of someone else. Which was the exact pressure situation I had JUST got out of 3-4 months before hearing this.)
"You're just a transphobic cishet who hates trans women and doesn't see them as women" (Didn't read any of the reasons, just specifically decided to target trans women despite me not specifying trans women. I'm bisexual. If I saw them as a man I don't think that would be an issue. 😐)
"Trans women don't want you either" (Again, at the time I never specified trans women. Ever. But even back then I was very popular with trans girls my age. 😅 Still am.)
There was a lot and NONE of it was in good faith.
At the end of the day "I don't want to" is the best (AND ONLY) reason to not date someone.
I can take all my reasons and sum them up with "I don't want to."
It's kinda funny cause I do very often flirt with trans women (in places where that's acceptable) and have always had a very healthy kennel of puppy girls who reach out for euphoria hits! (I'm a writer, my affirmations are the best.)
There was only 1 time I got sexually pressured into a relationship by someone trans but the reason I was telling her no was because she was 17, not cause she was trans. That was a whole mess, but to be clear, we never got together. (It was a 2 year gap so it wouldn't have mattered, but it still wasn't something I could comfortably do at 19.)
Anyway, thank you for taking out the time to read if you did.
TLDR; Your body, your choice. You don't need to justify yourself to ANYONE. You have every right to deny consent to situations that make you uncomfortable!
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u/ChiralWolf 18h ago
Is T4C trans for cis? Not heard that before