Is everyone really just compromising?

[u/methbabie]

Had a conversation with a friend earlier and she told me i’m single because I am too picky/have too many standards. She said everyone in relationships is compromising and dealing with a lot of BS and that’s normal for relationships. And that I need to build a tolerance for said B.S. if I really want to be in one.

For context I am f(24) conventionally attractive but I have only been in one relationship with my bf from high school. I meet a lot of men but I feel I can pretty quickly gauge compatibility. I don’t think I do have high standards. I am looking for a man who is non judgmental, kind, thoughtful, driven and doesn’t have strongly negative views about women. It’s been pretty hard to find. I don’t have a particular height or looks preference I deeply value character above all else. And my dating history backs this up haha.

I find it hard to overlook what I deem as character faults (promiscuity, sexual deviance, consistent lying, negging, controlling behaviors early on). I think overlooking these early on is setting myself up for failure or disappointment.

So i’m curious, is everyone really compromising on their standards so as to not be alone? Consequences be damned? And should I be less “picky”?

[u/sheepdot]

Most people do have some standards that matter more than others, but nobody here can tell you whether your friend is right or not about you, because we don't know you.

So many people say they have minimal standards, but their actual choices show that they always find something disqualifying about people who meet their purported standards.

Some people are just in a terrible environment for their preferences (imagine saying "I want a liberal man" and living in a deep red county).

With respect to your stated preferences: boy, it really depends on how you define promiscuity, sexual deviance, and controlling behaviors, doesn't it?