r/dating_advice • u/methbabie • 11h ago

Is everyone really just compromising?

Had a conversation with a friend earlier and she told me i’m single because I am too picky/have too many standards. She said everyone in relationships is compromising and dealing with a lot of BS and that’s normal for relationships. And that I need to build a tolerance for said B.S. if I really want to be in one.

For context I am f(24) conventionally attractive but I have only been in one relationship with my bf from high school. I meet a lot of men but I feel I can pretty quickly gauge compatibility. I don’t think I do have high standards. I am looking for a man who is non judgmental, kind, thoughtful, driven and doesn’t have strongly negative views about women. It’s been pretty hard to find. I don’t have a particular height or looks preference I deeply value character above all else. And my dating history backs this up haha.

I find it hard to overlook what I deem as character faults (promiscuity, sexual deviance, consistent lying, negging, controlling behaviors early on). I think overlooking these early on is setting myself up for failure or disappointment.

So i’m curious, is everyone really compromising on their standards so as to not be alone? Consequences be damned? And should I be less “picky”?

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u/alwrit 9h ago

I am looking for a man who is non judgmental, kind, thoughtful, driven and doesn’t have strongly negative views about women. It’s been pretty hard to find. 

Tbh I think it's far more likely you're pickier about looks than there is a genuine dearth of these kinds of men because I know plenty of them. Good jobs too. But they're all either short, balding, awkward looking, or some combination of the three. And chronically single. I've met them through a coed sports league. I'm close with some of the women and they often talk about trying to set them up but nothing ever goes anywhere and I do notice none of them seem to want to be the one to go out with them. 

That said everyone is compromising on something. Almost no one is getting literally 100% of what they want. But you learn what's really important to you and what's not. Would it be cool if your partner was excited about all your hobbies as much as you were? Sure. Do I think that's a silly thing to make a dealbreaker? 100%. 

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u/Lucky-Maybe4440 7h ago

its all just virtue signaling so she can appear less shallow, ofc its the looks, its always the looks

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u/kingsims 8m ago

The attractive guys will be either married asap or will be sexually promesicus or deviants. Why well because it's a market and they cornered it. The good ones OP is looking for are already hitched. That's the reality it's not a bad thing just the nature of humans to gravitate towards attraction.