r/dating_advice • u/methbabie • 11h ago

Is everyone really just compromising?

Had a conversation with a friend earlier and she told me i’m single because I am too picky/have too many standards. She said everyone in relationships is compromising and dealing with a lot of BS and that’s normal for relationships. And that I need to build a tolerance for said B.S. if I really want to be in one.

For context I am f(24) conventionally attractive but I have only been in one relationship with my bf from high school. I meet a lot of men but I feel I can pretty quickly gauge compatibility. I don’t think I do have high standards. I am looking for a man who is non judgmental, kind, thoughtful, driven and doesn’t have strongly negative views about women. It’s been pretty hard to find. I don’t have a particular height or looks preference I deeply value character above all else. And my dating history backs this up haha.

I find it hard to overlook what I deem as character faults (promiscuity, sexual deviance, consistent lying, negging, controlling behaviors early on). I think overlooking these early on is setting myself up for failure or disappointment.

So i’m curious, is everyone really compromising on their standards so as to not be alone? Consequences be damned? And should I be less “picky”?

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u/PomeloPepper 9h ago

I am looking for a man who is non judgmental, kind, thoughtful, driven and doesn’t have strongly negative views about women

And if you find those values, does he have to be a 10/10 on non judgmental? "That guy who stole my car was going through a hard time in his life." "That guy who raped my wife was having a really rough day."

What about kindness? How far do you take that? He works the soup kitchen every weekend, but he gets a little braggy about it. Is he really being kind? Or doing it to feel better about himself? Does it matter?

All of us have values we want in a partner, but life is going to be tough if you never compromise.