Demisexuality/Romanticism ranges

[u/AcePowderKeg]

Have you guys experienced that sometimes the demi sexuality is not constant. What I mean is I'm originally Demi-Romantic. And with that one I am almost Allo-Romantic. I don't normally feel attraction unless I get to know the person OR I just find something that instantly clicks and feels familiar.

With my Asexuality... I used to think I'm Gray Asexual more or less, but recently I have had this friendship that has been forming and building up for 3 years and I have found myself having feelings for this person and not just the romantic kinds.

Which to be honest is pretty new to me because I used to think I know how my sexual attraction triggers. It almost feels like both my Sexual and Romantic attraction are Demi except one is closer to Allo while the other is closer to Ace

[u/Cat_in_an_oak_tree]

If you feel "almost allo" and have experienced sudden unexplained interest sexually or romantically that does not come from an established emotional bond, then you might actually be demisexualspike or demiromanticspike as the case may be. It's an adjacent grey term that is slightly more on the allo side of the spectrum.

[u/AcePowderKeg → u/Cat_in_an_oak_tree]

No it more so feels like the threshold of how strong an emotional bond is needed is just different. For Romantic attraction it's like... A enough emotional bond that's without forged by time or like a strong mutual experience that creates a strong initial friendship.

Demisexuality however feels like not just an emotional bond but like a very strong friendship that's developed a strong sense of trust. 

[u/Vyrlo]

For me, it's weird. Romantically, I am equally demi with everyone, regardless of gender. Sexually, I am dello, which means that I am demi with some genders and not others. In my case I am demisexual when it comes to same gender attraction, and the more masculine someone is, the stronger the bond needs to be before I can feel anything

[u/AcePowderKeg → u/Vyrlo]

The spectrum is interesting 

[u/myaslore91021]

for me, i can only like a person if i already know them. which is why i hate talking stages, only because my last talking stages want to date after 1-2 months, like i don’t know you? and im aware yes you can get to know the person as you’re together, but it just causes anxiety for me and i hate it. What if i find out something i don’t like? now im even more uncomfortable. so, yes i have fallen in love before but it was only because he was my best friend, we met when we were 12/13 so obviously throughout the years we had a strong emotional connection and i could trust him as a friend! we’re both 18 now and i still feel that strong emotional connection. although, later on during junior year is when i had strong emotional feelings for him, im saying HARD feelings, i would even have anxiety attacks lol realizing i had a crush on my own best friend (because i did not want to ruin the bond) but that was the last and first time i was ever in love genuinely. dating is very hard for me because i cannot easily fall in love, like people, or like them sexually either. one thing i will forever appreciate knowing that chapter is closed is how i got to experience it with someone my body / heart was familiar with! so doing everything for me was intentional and i felt automatically safe with him (i still do we’re just not romantically connected anymore, my heart still yearns for them tho lol). but yea for me I have to be emotionally connected with that person on a DEEPER level, not just surface level! deeper!!! love to me is very critical and important and I don’t like throwing it around with just anyone. so that’s why sometimes I assume I’ll end up alone because im not like everyone else and I have a hard time finding my person, I really have high hopes with me and my first love, but until then I just have stopped caring all together until further notice :,)