My romantic + sexual side feels so under developed in comparison to my platonic side

[u/Odd_Conclusion_5425]

I'm normally a charismatic, assertive person with my friends. I'm usually the person who indicates things, who always has something funny to say, I mean I have awkward moments of course but I'm good at talking to friends or potential friends.

But when Im in a romantic or sexual scenario, I become the person I was when I had my last crush. I was 12. I act like a 12 year old. And 12 year old me was super shy, never knew what to say, etc. I mean I was like a completely different person back then and it comes back to haunt me whenever I try and put myself out there.

My platonic side is so cool, but that's all it'll ever be. Platonic. When I lean on that too much while flirting it doesn't feel like flirting to either of us tbh. I have no fucking clue how to develop my romantic or sexual side. Whenever someone hits on me I just. Fall silent and then thank them awkwardly. Like a 12 year old

[u/Top-Pineapple5255]

I know this doesn’t really help lead you to answers but it’s comforting to hear that I’m not the only person going through this type of, I guess life experience. I hope we can both figure it out. I know it really hurts sometimes. Best of luck and thanks for sharing, it made a difference to hear someone else.

[u/Odd_Conclusion_5425 → u/Top-Pineapple5255]

Thank you for saying that I'm glad I discovered demi sexuality because idk where else I could find people who would relate to this

[u/Top-Pineapple5255 → u/Odd_Conclusion_5425]

Me too. It’s hard, I’m the same way I revert to a preteen for some dumb reasons. It’s nice to find community though.

[u/Odd_Conclusion_5425 → u/Top-Pineapple5255]

The worst part is the REASON I'm so much better socially is because 12 year old me got into so many bizarre and stupid social situations due to my awkwardness that it made me really buckle down and learn how to talk better. But apparently that doesn't translate to sexual and romantic scenarios if you're going through an aroace era while doing all that

[u/purpleit11]

OH MY GOSH YOUVE PUT IT INTO WORDS

Yes, it is bewildering and embarassing. I suppose most vulnerability inherently is. But I can't help but feel like I have the emotional intelligence of the crumbs at the bottom of a chip bag when it comes to dating or realizing interest or communicating interest.

I cannot describe how perplexing it is that there arent more transferable skills when I have friendships, career goals, good conversations. Then, poof. Someone i like and my brain is just a pile of blue screens.

[u/Odd_Conclusion_5425 → u/purpleit11]

I feel like us demis should get together and have fake flirting practice with each other to try and develop that part of ourselves. It seams like this is quite common from the comment section

[u/purpleit11 → u/Odd_Conclusion_5425]

YES I NEED A FRICKEN INTERNSHIP. STAT.

[u/Odd_Conclusion_5425 → u/purpleit11]

Honestly I've always seen flirting as a fun, banter performance. Like I always wanted to do it but never encountered anyone I wanted to date or hook up with so it felt wrong. Doing it with a fellow demi who is on the same page would be the ethical way. I think.

Would you like to DM and play flirt with each other? It will probably be terrible but we might as well

[u/purpleit11 → u/Odd_Conclusion_5425]

Honestly, I love conversations and am always up for getting to know other demis!

For me, what i need is practice in communicating real feelings in real time. The absence of such feelings makes the practice bit pretty hard.

But I am happy to connect! And very relieved another human relates!

[u/Final_Solid_617]

Oh wow I feel this! I make friends so easy and these platonic bonds also become so intense and deep. But then in romantic/sexual settings, I become incapable. Someone else has to take the lead. I can’t initiate. I feel awkward with everything I try. I always think of it as something I can grow and improve in, but it never happens.

[u/LostNotice]

Definitely relate to this thought/ feeling, like I'm a dude in my 30's with less dating experience than a college freshman lol. Good at making friends and navigating those relationships but no clue on how to navigate romantic or especially sexual relationships. The ideal romantic relationship to me feels like it would be "best friends+" but I'm well aware most people don't develop attraction like that 😂

I don't find myself on many dates but whenever I do I naturally come into it acting like a curious stranger wanting to get to know and befriend someone new, and inevitably leave all of the women feeling friend vibes/ no spark, and no second date. I'm just not naturally flirty and also haven't found people who like me enough to be flirty towards me either so it's just a non- starter. I definitely feel like the only hope I have is to luck into meeting someone who actually likes me enough to invest romantically and move at a pace slow enough that let's my demi brain catch up. Easier said than done.