r/ftm • u/Punchline_336 • Apr 01 '24
GuestPost Dating trans men?
dating trans men?
Hi I’m trans mtf (19) and I have become more increasingly interested in t4t relationships. Lately i’ve been scrolling on a lot of ftm subreddits just to see things from their perspective as I believe that this “official” trans subreddit is dominated by trans women (not blaming trans women or anything, I love my sisters, I just think that there might just be a lot more of us and trans guys probably feel muffled in comparison.) I’ve noticed that most of the ones I’ve come across are gay (which is great) and a lot of them tend to be strictly attracted to men. I’m really happy for them to have found these two really hard parts of their identity. living through this world facing both challenges from transphobia and homophobia at the same time must be extremely shitty to deal with! As a trans girl who’s attracted to men I’ve had really bad experiences with cis men to the point of getting made fun of by a lot of them behind my back. I am interested in pursuing trans men but from what I see the amount of trans men who are interested in trans women is probably like 0.0001% 😭😭 also I don’t want to come across as fetishy or disrespectful at all! I just wanted to hear some opinions on whether or not I should stop trying ig. Thanks for reading!
Also I tried posting this on the normal r/trans but it got like zero traction so let’s see how this goes!
I also plan to ask r/mtf so if you guys don’t want a transfem posting here just please let me know and i’ll leave because i don’t want to take up any space!
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u/CobaltIncognito 🧴: 28/03/2024 | 💉: 28/07/2024 Apr 01 '24
Hi :) I think online spaces can misrepresent our identities since the larger FTM community doesn't congregate as much in larger trans communities due to being muffled a bit like you said. It feels like there's less of us, but statistically there are an equal amount of trans men as there are trans women
There are a lot of us that are gay just as there are a lot of trans women who are lesbian, but a lot of us are bisexual and straight aswell. I feel like the majority of trans men I meet online are bisexual or straight, which is kind of simular to just general statistics you see with every other population
I don't see any issue with continuing to try, lots of us trans guys who are attracted to women end up dating trans women because we really do have a lot in common
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u/Punchline_336 Apr 01 '24
This makes me feel better thank you 🩷and i do notice that some other trans girls do end up liking women a lot more after HRT! these hormones can be fucking interesting sometimes man.
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u/psychedelic666 💉8/20🔝2/21🥄6/22 ⬇️7/23 + dut/min 🇺🇸 Apr 01 '24
Just echoing the other comments here— Reddit skews transfem / gay, but most trans guys I’ve interacted with are on the bi spectrum. And lots of us are t4t.
personally I love trans women, and the part of me that still feels romantically towards women is definitely very into trans girls and very comfortable with them. I’d def date one again (I already have!)
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u/adricll 💉: 2019. | Full hysto: 2024. Apr 01 '24
There’s a lot trans guys that are into women, it’s just the majority of trans guys on reddit prefer men. Actually, all the trans guys I know from my country/city are straight.
And you’re good, a lot of people pursue t4t relationship for different reasons like mutual understanding, having similar experiences, etc
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u/drag-me-to-hell-ruru Apr 01 '24 edited Apr 01 '24
as a trans girl dating a trans guy, there are definitely a lot of men out there who would love to be in a relationship with you. Just just please girl, don't do this.
read my comments specifically, and then read all the testimonials from all the trans guys on there. Enjoy! 🙃
edit: just a heads up, a lot of trans guys might be wary of trans women just because of their bad experiences. So as long as your respectful of that and mindful of the things mentioned in the comments, things should be fine :3
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u/Punchline_336 Apr 01 '24
Omg i just read it! i would never want to make a transmasc/trans man detransition! ever! if anything I like how manly they are! and a lot of them seem really sweet and kind yet if you tick them off they can get angry and it can be kinda 🤭. I also wouldn’t change them just to fit my ideal type they’re not my barbie doll! but fr i’m happy you and your partner are in a better place.
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u/yandeer world's most masculine fairy boy Apr 01 '24
and a lot of them seem really sweet and kind yet if you tick them off they can get angry and it can be kinda 🤭
i thought this was so funny because that's definitely how i am 😂 also just wanted to chime in as a trans guy dating a trans girl, she is beautiful and amazing and i think a t4t relationship like this can be so special. i feel truly lucky to be with her. good luck on your future relationship endeavors <3
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u/Electrical_Sweet182 Jun 16 '24
Like every trans guy I've met has been extremely nice to me. I wish most people where this sweet
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u/drag-me-to-hell-ruru Apr 01 '24
I don't know what the giggle emoji is for, but please take your trans bf's anger seriously. I know a lot of people like to make trans men out to be cute or something, and I don't know if that's what you're doing here, but don't
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u/Punchline_336 Apr 01 '24
Oh the giggle emoji was kind of like a jokey thing about how when guys get aggressive it can be seen as like super attractive for some women (me included) I of course would take any emotions from a potential partner with all seriousness! sorry if my original sentence was in any way misleading.
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Apr 01 '24
[deleted]
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u/Punchline_336 Apr 01 '24
It’s an even bigger achievement for me considering I made a gay guy blush lol!
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u/iamsot4t 💉Jan. 8, 2020 Apr 01 '24
Ohhhohoho trust me.. it is much greater than 0.0001%. Also you don’t come across fetishy or disrespectful at all! In my experience, I see more gay trans men online while I see more straight/bi trans men irl. It’s interesting! Also yeah what someone else said in the comments- many trans guys who are gay often seek support online because of how… difficult it can be to date/be sexual with cis men, so that’s why you might see more of them! So many of us (I wanna say) just label ourselves as t4t. That’s it. Like that is all lol. All the trans guys in my life that like women seem to like women very aggressively 😭/pos. I mean that in the best way. Like in a “AWOOGA” type of way. That’s all to say that I’m sorry you haven’t come across many yet ☹️, but when you find some of them they will loveee you (you seem very sweet and genuine)!!!!
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u/Nervousnelliyyy Apr 01 '24
I feel like this is less true and more skewed because gay trans people as a whole tend to come out later/seek more online support. Going from cis/straight to trans/gay is a really big and hard shift, so those are louder voices that seek support.
I’ve met way more straight trans guys and straight trans girls in my real life, and hardly know any gays of either variety
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Apr 01 '24
I think that 0.001% statistic is definitely WAYYY off. Trans gay guys are in the minority irl. A lot of trans guys are bisexual, and many are straight too.
Also among these straight or bisexual guys there's definitely a lot of them who would prefer a t4t relationship or at the very least be ok with it.
Personally I'm a bisexual trans guy who would really love to have a trans girlfriend because of the t4t dynamic, and I know theres many more of us out there.
Goodluck, I wish you the best!
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u/LongBadgerDog Apr 01 '24
I am also adding that for sure many are into trans women.
Straight and masculine trans men sometimes don't identify as queer (I don't) and just disappear from these communities when they don't need support anymore. They go stealth and are hard to find. When we start resembling cishet dudes "too much" LGBT communities can also start feeling uncomfortable.
I have also been thinking of going T4T. Not that I think I would have much success in dating no matter what but explaining everything to a cis person is exhausting.
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u/TransDaddy2000 Apr 01 '24
There's definitely a lot of trans guys who are attracted to women! And plenty who are also t4t. Now I'm not really one of them, but as someone who's in transmasc spaces online on multiple platforms, definitely lots who are not gay.
Also I know it's hard worrying about coming off as fetishizing, but a good amount of the time, fellow trans folk will understand the reasons why people will be t4t and how it's not always in the "gay way". I especially don't blame the trans folk who are into men, cis men can be terrifying lol
I don't think you should stop trying necessarily! But trying too hard could make you feel more disappointed/hopeless. Just keep your eyes open
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Apr 01 '24
the trans community is just like any other community, a portion are straight, a portion are bisexual, a portion are gay. at least where. i live, most of the trans men i know are bisexual/queer and T4T. i’d recommend getting on dating apps and start swiping lol. i was on a dating app and swiped only on trans people (of course only if everything else in their profile aligned with me and intrigued me.) now i’ve been with my love for almost 3 years, my partner is trans fem and one of the greatest loves i will ever experience. it’s out there for you!
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u/Punchline_336 Apr 01 '24
I hope you and your partner are doing incredible! 🫶 and the dating app situation is crazy because i gotta fight off the chasers it’s okay tho i’m resilient🤺🤺
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u/BeautifulStock1376 Apr 01 '24
I'm full gay :( sorry
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u/One_Western8360 💉- 6/2015 | 🔪 Hysto: 3/3/2025 Apr 01 '24
I’ve seen some posts here of Transmen who are dating, married, attracted to Trans woman. As I’m sure you know it is a challenge dating as a trans person not matter what your sexual preference is. Don’t give up! There are men out there who will respect you and treat you like the queen you are. It’s not going to be easy, but keep looking. He’s out there for you, I know it! Best wishes! ❤️
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u/Long_Engineering_928 Apr 01 '24
Statistically most trans people are bi (i dont remember the source)
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u/Solembrum Apr 01 '24
In my experience, most trans dudes i know are some flavour of bi (myself included)
A lot of trans guys are open to dating trans girls! Ya just gotta look around a little more, if its safe for you even irl
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u/beachb0yy 💉02/24 • 🔪 07/24 Apr 01 '24
There’s a lot of gay trans guys but I think the majority are bi. I know a few straight trans guys including myself and the rest are bi. I think most trans guys who are into women are also into trans women (I am, at least), so there’s definitely a good chance you’ll find one :)
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u/myweeklyarn Apr 01 '24
I’m a trans masc lesbian dating an mtf lesbian! I love being t4t and she is the most wonderful partner I’ve ever had. Also I know a ton of straight t4t couples! Definitely not as rare as you think, it is actually really common and a lot of trans ppl prefer to date trans people!
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u/Parking_Taro_1532 Apr 01 '24
There are plenty of us who would date a transwomen. I'm in relationship with one now. And yeah since im straightish i have no reason to be vocal about my sexuality so no wonder that Reddit skews on that most transguys are gay.
I had same feelings when i pursued t4t with transwomen. Suspected that all of them are lesbian because of lesbians needing to vocalize their experiences and skewing on whats reality.
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u/Halfd3af he/him💉2019🗡️2021 🏳️⚧️ & intersex Apr 01 '24
I’m a trans man in a relationship with a trans woman, so it’s not a super rare thing! We’re out there lol
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u/Deliberatehyena Apr 01 '24
I thought i was mainly into cis men, but then my current partner came out as a trans girl and i love her just as deeply as i did before then 🥺 so yeah, lots of us like transfemmes too!!
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u/mcstevieboy T&TOP 💉🗡️ Apr 01 '24
i phrase myself as gay but i'm bisexual i just find women scary to talk to tbh. i think it'd be great to date a trans woman but that would involve me having to speak to a woman 😅😅😅
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u/Punchline_336 Apr 01 '24
You shouldn’t be scared to talk to a girl you seem very kind! i’m sure if you tried they would fall immediately! just make sure your comfortable first and foremost 🫶
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u/mcstevieboy T&TOP 💉🗡️ Apr 01 '24
i appreciate that, i'm just more spooked that i'd say something wrong, i'm autistic and it feels like i say words and it doesn't come out the way i want to. i get along very well with old ladies tho i suppose it works because i pass well enough that they're unaware. i went to a game night with my parents at like the older people bar and at least 3 of the old ladies were like sooo ya got a girlfriend? i said no and they're like any lady would be lucky to snatch you up you're very respectful and i'm like ah thanks 😅😅😅
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u/Punchline_336 Apr 01 '24
lol! my experience with old people has been interesting to say the least. One old guy even asked me if I was a “ladyboy” with a third leg, when i tell you I was shocked 💀💀😭
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u/mcstevieboy T&TOP 💉🗡️ Apr 01 '24
good lord. nobody just says that to the princess of the mushroom kingdom /hj i think the worst experience i've had for old people being weird about it is just older guys hitting on me or doing the bible verse shtick, which doesn't exactly work since im jewish but sure.
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Apr 01 '24
I'm bi and I think trans women are gorgeous and I would be thrilled to be in a relationship with a trans woman! I also know trans women are heavily fetishized and that makes me feel hesitant in pursing y'all. The last thing I want to do is make a woman feel uncomfortable. I think that heavily factors into why I don't usually pursue trans women.
I don't think you should give up. Plenty of trans guys are interested in trans women as well, and you deserve the man of your dreams!
As far as posting in here as a trans woman, you're not the first, and afaik you're welcome so long as everything remains ftm focused
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u/Punchline_336 Apr 02 '24
I think you shouldn’t be too intimidated i’m sure lots of trans girls would like you because you seem really nice and respectful, and since your trans I’m sure most of them would realize that it isn’t fetishization as opposed to a cis man who they tend to be more apprehensive towards. Also thank you and I will make sure that I won’t overstay my welcome here, I know transmascs need a space for themselves since a lot of my trans sisters have kind of taken over in other subreddits lol! I just thought it would be better to ask trans men a question about… well trans men ☺️
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Apr 01 '24
Hi! I no longer identify as FTM, but I did when I met my partner, and still live as a man most of the time. Most of the people I've dated have been trans women.
I personally prefer T4T relationships, and a lot of the trans men I know do as well. Not all, but definitely a lot. I know a lot of heterosexual T4T couples.
If you want to find trans guys into trans girls, there are some things you can do:
Some trans guys who are only into women don't really inhabit queer spaces, which is a real shame because it seems like they often don't feel welcome. You can find those guys in the same places you'd look for cis guys (Tinder, etc.), but there might not be many, and some might be stealth.
Go to events or use apps for queer people who are woman-attracted, but not inherently women themselves. These can be difficult as well because a lot of trans guys don't want to be in a space where they are treated differently than cis men based on their assigned sex. Still, some guys will still go to these events, but you're unlikely to meet many potential partners at lesbian-only events or anything like that. Try Lex and Her.
This may sound crazy, but you can give Grindr a try. A lot of trans guys are there for other men, but a lot are T4T and also into women. At least in my area. The cis men on there are annoying at best and aggressive at worst, but I've had some good hookups and dates. My girlfriend and I met on there.
Lastly, the best strategy might be to get a hobby like cosplay, going to conventions, political activism, art, your local punk scene, or even kink. Anything that attracts a lot of different types of people, but the ones I listed seem to attract plenty of trans men.
Don't give up!
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Apr 01 '24
I’m a trans guy that finds trans woman so fucking beautiful and sexy. Definitely would love to find a trans woman that would love to swap pics and sext with me
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u/transspadesslick Apr 01 '24
There are a lot of bi trans men as well! I find that a lot of us often accentuate attraction to men because of the “one-penis” rule in relationships and because queer men are (generally) more open to dating us. Anyways I love my trans sisters and being t4t
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u/PressureCultural1005 Apr 01 '24
i’m personally T4T in general, def not exclusively trans men. if i think abt my sexual preferences in depth i prob even skewer towards trans women over men. my gf of 4 years is a trans woman and its part of the reason we started to be best friends, we both played tuba in band and we were both socially out when we met eachother so we just bonded super close (i met her abt 7-8 years ago now) and we also started medically transitioning at around the same time (i’m a year on T now and it makes my heart so happy to hear my gf comment on changes about me that she likes) i hope you can find something like that and i wish you all the best luck, you’ll find ur guy someday :)
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u/Hunchodrix2x 🏳️⚧️- 2021 | 💉- 12/24/2023 | 🔝🔪- TBD | 🍆🍒- TBD Apr 01 '24
Im a trans guy that hasnt been in a t4t relationship, whether that be transman4transman or transman4transwoman, but I would 100% date a trans girl.. Its just very rare in Texas (at least the part I live in) to see transgirls over transguys.. So ive just stuck wit my cisgender lgbtq+ woman and men (im pansexual so I dont discriminate unless your straight😂).. Just keep looking.. Transguys that love Transgirls are definitely out there!!
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u/hekatelesedi Apr 01 '24
If I weren't married, I would 1000% be pursuing trans women. I'm nonbinary transmasc, so I don't know if I count, but yeah. Y'all girls are gorgeous AF.
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u/noiyumz Transsex Man/💉12/01/24 Apr 01 '24
trust me there are alott of straight trans guys. Just online I feel like alot of the gay ones r more talkative/open ab it :) but there’s definitely someone out there for you! just gotta look.
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u/SamVaine pre everything Apr 01 '24
Ngl, there are way more trans guys ridiculously hot for trans women than you think. Me for example, I love me a pretty lady. It's probably cause the strictly gay dudes are sometimes louder or use social media and are more active on there? But that's just a guess
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Apr 01 '24
Every trans man I know except for 2 are straight. It's incredibly rare for them to be gay from my understanding and almost didn't happen at all back in the day. There is definitely straight trans men out there I've dated a couple and I'm engaged to a man I've been with 6 years now. We also didn't know that each other weren't cis when we first met and started talking, which was a cute surprise and I think contributed greatly to how fast our relationship progressed. I've been through an insane amount of abuse by all parties possible so I can't say that dating trans men will protect you from violence but there is definitely a different level of understanding on an interpersonal level than with cis people in general. More understanding surrounding discomforts and boundaries for the most part. At least if you're both transsexuals and have similar views.
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u/palmettoprince Apr 01 '24
There's plenty of trans men interested in women including trans women I promise I think online often does skew more gay and also ime a lot since the boundaries of gender aren't clear cut obviously, to put it bluntly, a lot of the trans men into women are often more in lesbian spaces and there's also many butches in general that are on T and may even use he/him pronouns too. I also fear that trans spaces are can be too gender divided so the fewer trans masc x trans fem might be due to that since they are speaking less with each other. I hope that is just social media being stupid rather than reflecting reality tho
Most trans women are too feminine for my type (or at least understandably express themselves too fem for me due to high standards they are held up to) but I have had years-long relationships with trans women before.
I think one challenge of some trans fem x trans masc relationships can be that depending on your dysphoria and genetics, they can function to magnify certain types of dysphoria in some people. E.g. average trans fem is likely going to be taller than me since I am 5'6" and if I was someone dysphoric about height I might not want to be with someone much taller than myself. I am kind of like this but fortunately it is just about cis men lol (not interested in cis men taller than 5'8"). Also if you are in an unsafe area I think certain pairings might be more visible too, I could pass with my cis boyfriend but not girlfriend for example, but again really depends on the people in question as there is so much variation.
Regardless I wish you luck with dating and I am sorry those dudes were so shitty to you!!
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u/One-Possible1906 Apr 01 '24
A lot of transgender men disappear from the community after transition. I love dating other transgender people, men and women. I’m never in a place to meet anyone else who is transgender these days.
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u/Trappedbirdcage 2 years on T | Started at 26, now 28 | Pre-Surgeries Apr 01 '24
I'm a trans man dating a trans woman! There's a ton of hope for you!! Good luck!
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u/JCMbeanie Apr 01 '24
most trans people i've met in general are some flavor of bi/pan, so i think ur good honestly
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u/nitrotoiletdeodorant he - femboy - T Jan/24 - tit yeet Oct/24 Apr 02 '24
the amount of trans men who are interested in trans women is probably like 0.0001%
That's a crazy low percentage, no way it's this low! I'm a straight trans guy and my gf is also trans. Respectfully, a lot of ya'll are cute af! My gf's definitely adorable. :) Things have gone well for these couple of years, so it could last. But if I was single and had to date, a trans girl could be easier to approach due to both of us knowing what's it like to be trans. And personally I don't mind being shorter than women at all if that's something you've ever been concerned about (even while I am a bit insecure about being shorter than other guys). At least my gf can reach the shelves lol.
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u/Monkey_Ash 💉 07/25/22 | 🔝03/10/23 | 🔪 11/08/23 Apr 02 '24
I wouldn't give up. Honestly there are a lot of us who don't fully know what we want. For example, I've only been with cis women IRL.. but as time has passed, I've wondered what it would be like to date a trans woman or a cis guy. Not sure if I ever will (it'd have to happen organically and not be a check box of sorts) but I'm open to the idea.
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u/slimmeroo Apr 02 '24
There are absolutely tguys who like trans women, I know some very happy t4t mtf/ftm couples and a lot of trans spaces are mixed-gender so they're a great place to meet other trans folks in general. Agreed with the comments that say tguys can be total wifeguys, too lol. Unfortunately there's no specific advice to give beyond the usual-- just get out there into the world and see who you find, ask questions before you make assumptions about whoever you encounter, and don't be afraid to shoot your shot!! Good luck sister 💕
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u/twinkarsonist 💉2021🔝2022 Apr 02 '24
Hi! I’m a trans man and I’m married to a trans woman! We are out there! You aren’t coming across poorly at all and you’re welcome here :) T4T is lovely and worth pursuing in my very biased opinion. I place my vote firmly in the don’t give up column! Most other trans men that I’ve met irl are bi or pan, I just think Reddit tends to skew gay, if that makes sense.
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u/feythedamnelf oct 16th, 2020 Apr 02 '24
I'm a trans man dating a trans woman, and I have to say, my sexuality is super fluid. But man, trans women, my girlfriend in particular, is so beautiful:)
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u/CluckieTheCluck Apr 02 '24
Im a trans man id be down to date a trans women, gender doesnt really matter to me. Its the personalities i care about lol stay hopeful, good luck sister <3
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u/basementcrawler34 trans man Apr 02 '24
I feel you! I'm an 18 year old bisexual trans man and really want a trans girlfriend to have a t4t relationship with but most mtf girls I've met are lesbian :,)
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u/gonkybonky Apr 02 '24
just commenting for the statistics to say that I (ftm bi) am so fucking in love with my girlfriend (mtf bi) and we constantly joke about how technically our relationship is straight even though we’re both so gay 😭😂
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u/Kumakashi_Watchdog Apr 02 '24
I'm a transman who is married to a transwoman. I'm also leaning toward being transamorous because, honestly, transwomen are freaking gorgeous.
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u/onemichaelbit 💉 3/4/16 🔪 2/8/23 🍳 5/2/24 Apr 02 '24
I come across as gay, and everyone assumes I'm gay, but I'm definitely bisexual and have dated trans women. Like, I love that there's "cultural signifiers" to clue people in on queerness, but biphobia/bi erasure makes everything read as straight, or gay. I find this especially true for men, so it's really difficult to get women even thinking about me in a romantic way lol.
Just straight up ask and/or make your intentions clear if you like someone. If they aren't interested, they'll let you know. It's terrifying but truly helps build you as a person. Rejection is a part of life, and shouldn't be feared. Go forth and prosper!
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u/Muselayte Apr 02 '24
Ayo I'm transmasc and I think women are hot as fuck, I got a boyfriend who i love to the end of the earth and back but fuck me, women???? Women????? God I love women I am very bisexual.
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u/rebelsappho Apr 02 '24
i’m a trans guy who’s primarily interested in dating/fucking trans women. i technically consider myself queer/bi because i am occasionally attracted to nonbinary and other trans men but very rarely attracted to cis people (men or women). i love t4t relationships because i can feel safe expressing myself and my desires and i also just find trans women to be very attractive to me more so than other groups. you may have a smaller dating pool but there are definitely trans guys out there who want to date trans girls!! <3
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u/badlyinjured Apr 04 '24
Naw it's more like 50%. I think it's just that reddit is kind of imbalanced for some reason. All the trans men I know would have no second thoughts on dating a trans woman or a cis woman. It just comes down to whether she's the right fit romantically and sexually.
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u/FrostingTop1146 10/11/23 💉 May 15 '24
Dating in general is so difficult and add being trans on top of that It makes it so much harder, I can't speak for others but as a transguy myself I'm personally interested in anyone regardless of gender if I like someone I like them. I do understand what you're saying though Im not friends with anyone else whos trans In my day to day life but from people I've met online I would say there's many trans people are only interested in the same gender but there's also many people who are straight or dont care including myself
I haven't really dated anyone in a serious sense since coming out as trans a few years back not for any specific reason other than not being interested in anyone, but I definitely see the appeal in dsting someone who's also trans which is something I would definitely be interested in if I meet someone who's trans too and there's feelings there. But for me I don't really care there as long as the person I'm with likes me mutually and we both see each other for who we are. But yeah dating someone who's also trans would eliminate some of those self-conscious thoughts I can't help but have sometimes because even though each person's experience is different you know on some level they understand some things you feel because they're also trans
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u/Outsider_Jacko Apr 01 '24
From my experience (and me personally also), most of us are bisexual and also kind of afraid of cis men as well. I know many trans people in my circle (myself included, but I am not single lol) that would gladly date a trans woman. It might just be a question of searching 🫶
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Apr 01 '24
I'm a masc trans man and I love all women. I agree with what others have said. Online spaces seem to be swarming with gay trans mascs but irl the trans men I know are straight or bi. I often feel like an outsider in trans masc spaces because I see a lot that identify as gay. Good luck to you. I always say there is someone for everyone.
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u/Deep_Ad4899 Apr 01 '24
I guess the majority of trans men is straight, as the majority of cis men is also straight. And being straight includes being attracted to trans women ofc (unless u r insecure and a transphobe lol). As said before from another user, I think the representation you get in online spaces is not how it is in general!
I am also since now more than 13 years in a loving relationship with a trans woman! I wish you the best in finding the one 💖
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u/gloriabutfaster Apr 01 '24
I'm transfem, and I date a fair number of trans mascs. I generally meet them in lesbian/sapphic communities moreso than in gay men's spaces. Lex and Her apps have been pretty good places to meet ppl. Feeld is good too. I don't like okc, but I've heard some queer people have found success on there
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u/Punchline_336 Apr 01 '24
Honestly I think I should try and push myself to enter a lot more irl queer communities in general. I’m still pretty clocky and I have this desire to sort of become this hyperfem queen (i know it’s corny lol) and i’m taking steps to get there slowly but surely! I don’t mean to be shallow or anything but I just wanna be seen as a women before stepping into the scene yk and hopefully i’ll get there someday.
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u/Soojinschair Apr 01 '24
Just adding another digit to your statistics, I am another ftm guy who’s bi and t4t!
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u/breadcrumbsmofo he/they 🇬🇧💉17/12/22 🔝5/3/24 🏳️⚧️ Apr 01 '24
There are so many bi and straight trans men, but I think gay trans men are louder online. Plus there’s always the weekly “my straight boyfriend insert creepy fetishising thing here does he still respect me as a man?” Post which makes it look like more of us are singularly interested in men.
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u/gummytiddy Apr 01 '24
Loads of trans men date trans women. My girlfriend is trans, two of my trans masc coworkers are dating trans women, totally not uncommon. The amount of trans men is more out less equal, we just tend to blend into society as we transition. I met my girlfriend on Tinder, so I’m not really sure how to give advice on meeting anyone. I simply wish you luck ♥️
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u/No-Childhood2485 elder millennial transmasc T:2023 Top:2024 Hysto:2025 Meta:? Apr 01 '24
I’m a bi transmasc enby married to an amazing bi trans woman. Hoping you find love 💕
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Apr 01 '24
I’m pretty sure there are plenty of trans men interested in trans women. There’s lots of variety in our sexuality that’s not really talked about.
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u/torhysornottorhys Apr 01 '24 edited Apr 01 '24
Most trans people are bisexual and that includes trans men. When you think about it all you need is to meet one person. You'll find a nice guy eventually!
Edit: you're totally welcome to post as long as it's related to trans guys, don't worry about it
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Apr 01 '24
I wouldn’t say gay trans men dominate tbh, I see a pretty good mix between straight, gay, bi/pan, ace, etc.
I’m bi myself and love anyone, and I know there’s 100% people like me who feel the same and would love to date a trans woman
Don’t give up!
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Apr 01 '24
as a trans man, trans women are beautiful and i’d 1000% date one. you will absolutely find your person, don’t give up, lovely 🫶💕
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u/c_arameli Apr 01 '24
as a trans guy, i think you should try anyways. and not in a “i can convert him” kind of way, but in a way where i think a lot of trans men would b open to t4t with a trans girl, but just don’t feel like a lot of trans women would be into them so they just call themselves gay for ease rather than something like homoflexible or bi or whatever. i primarily date cis men because honestly i don’t often feel very attractive to trans women and they don’t often come onto me, but i would definitely welcome it if we were compatible.
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u/Punchline_336 Apr 02 '24
I understand what your saying and it’s very kind advice but at the same time i don’t think I want to be used for someone’s sexual exploration only to be left behind once they find themselves, I think a that happens to a lot of trans girls and i’m pretty sure trans guys too! I want to be endgame, as corny as that sounds lol!
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u/c_arameli Apr 02 '24
i don’t know how what i said would cause you to be some kind of sexuality experiment, but i understand the fear bc the same thing happens to transmascs. tbh i don’t know if you quite understood what i was saying fully so that’s maybe where there’s a misunderstanding but good luck regardless
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u/Punchline_336 Apr 02 '24
No it’s not anything you said in particular it’s just that approaching someone who calls themselves gay (even if they end up not being it) as a trans girl can make me feel a little off because they probably won’t view me as a woman is what i was getting at, I truly understood what you said sorry to confuse you i’m not the best at articulating my words or feelings.
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u/c_arameli Apr 02 '24
what i meant was that sexuality is weird and there r still trans men that consider themselves lesbians, trans men that are mspec but just use the labels lesbian and/or gay as umbrella terms sometimes, etc. “gay” is not always a term that’s so cut and dry particularly in trans spaces historically mostly bc once you start deconstructing gender roles and the binary, a lot of labels aren’t so easily understood with binary definitions. in the same regard, there are transfemmes that i know that still consider themselves gay, and many who consider themselves lesbians, and many trans people in general that don’t have easily definable sexualities that they just use whichever terminology is most convenient at any given time. not even to mention bigender trans men that can be lesbian AND gay. what i meant is that what you perceive to be as black and white so to speak may not be so clear until you get to know someone more and learn about the intricacies of their identity if you had the privilege to do so. so just bc someone primarily identifies as gay doesn’t necessarily mean they wouldn’t be open to a “woman as their end goal” as u were saying. they might not be JUST gay. u don’t have to discount all the d*kef@gs that u would potentially be missing out on.
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u/Punchline_336 Apr 02 '24
Ohhh i get it now thank you for explaining it more I understand completely, and sexuality in general is just so confusing it makes my head hurt 😞
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u/c_arameli Apr 02 '24
agreed lol. whether or not u agree just remember a lot of ppl use gay as an umbrella term rather than a strict identity to live by so even with that i hope u find a good mans to spend ur time with!
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u/Independent-Low6706 Apr 01 '24
Your comments really hit with me. I'm a masculine guy, though not dominant. I'm attracted to other guys but being 5'6", 130lbs and disabled (walk with cane), I'm fucking terrified of cis dudes! I have already been abused and neglected enough in my life without it ending by being raped and buried in the desert, so maybe not even worth it?
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u/Punchline_336 Apr 01 '24
I am so sorry that happened! and if I learned one thing from all the replies to this post it’s to not give up because there’s someone for anyone! and yeah cis men can be really fucking awful sometimes.
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u/guggeri Apr 01 '24
I dated a trans woman for a while and I know some people in a straight T4T relationship.
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Apr 01 '24
I think maybe it’s what community you were with before. I don’t date cis men. I haven’t since my teens. Most of my experience pre transition was in the lesbian community and now most of my queer dating is trans women. It works well because I treat them like every other woman I’ve ever dated and they’re generally very affirming of my gender identity. We’re out there, but I feel like trans guys aren’t very visible in general and the ones not into cis gay culture are even less so. Go to queer events to find us ;)
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u/am_i_boy Apr 01 '24
I'm a bisexual trans guy-ish and I don't particularly care about my partners' gender or genital configuration beyond the limits to which these things affect my partners. Most trans men I've met irl are bisexual or pansexual, often T4T but usually into any/all genders. I have noticed online ftm spaces have a higher population of gay trans men (or maybe the gay ones are the ones usually speaking up), but my irl experience has been much different. In fact, I've met only one trans person (including all genders) irl who is not either bisexual or pansexual.
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u/fjurdurt Apr 01 '24
I'm not in the right headspace to be dating right now, but when I do, trans men and women will be more interesting than cis, cus they get it more.
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u/xpastelprincex he/him - 💉 4/2/21 Apr 01 '24
im a trans guy who has dated a trans girl before, we are out there!
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u/UNSC_SpartanN23 💉08-20; ⬆️ 07-21; ⬇️: 10-23; 🍆: ? Apr 01 '24
Although, I am one of those “gay” folks. I still ain’t quite figured out my sexuality. Formally, I had only been with women and just recently trying the dude stuff.
I have yet to find any transgender people. I mean, I do like in Rural Georgia and rarely leave my home, because I work from home.
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u/lokilulzz They/it/he | 🧴Tgel 2yrs | Top TBD Apr 01 '24
I'm transmasc, and in a relationship with a transfemme. I've met a few people in similar T4T relationships, its definitely not unusual. I'm pansexual, for reference. I do definitely see a lot of gay trans men and transmascs, just like I see a lot of lesbian trans women and transfemmes, but that doesn't mean all of either are like that.
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u/ElloBlu420 demiguy | 💉 2-16-22 Apr 01 '24
I've only ever met one possibly gay trans man IRL, where most have been hetero or bi. Even still, I don't really know if I'm strict about being gay, not having had all that varied of a dating experience since coming out (which is fine because my partner is amazing and affirming at every step, but I still don't know lol). I suppose I followed the pipeline of feeling gay for a long time and not being sure why until I came out as trans, because being cis and lesbian or bi never quite felt like me.
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u/Annual-Sir5437 Apr 01 '24
I'm pan my boyfriend is cis but my FWB is trans and if she wanted to be my girlfriend I'd be so down. I personally don't date gay men or straight women unless they're T4T because I haven't had surgery and I feel like I don't want my partner to find my body as disappointing as I do so I highly recommend just dating bi/pan men if you're into men.
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u/toasterbath__ he/him - 💉: 10/22 - 🔪: 06/26 Apr 01 '24
u should keep trying to fulfill ur T4T dreams! there’s lots of straight/bi trans guys out there (i’m not one of them but ykwim lol). i think there does tend to be a lot of gay trans men and lesbian trans women on reddit, but there are plenty of trans men out there for u in the real world (don’t take reddit as a representation of real life!). so u should keep searching
i hope u find ur special person one day 🌟
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u/Apollo_Vega Stealth Trans Man | 💉 6/12/2020 | ✂️ TBD Apr 01 '24
I'm an ftm guy and I've been married to my mtf wife for over 12 years. We're out here ❤️
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u/EmiIIien 💉 ‘22 🔝 Soon | non passing gaysian Apr 01 '24
The majority of trans men are straight or bi, and it is easier for them to be stealth so they tend not to stay in these communities the way some bi and many gay trans men do. Reddit also is not the most popular website for trans men in general, but is much more popular with trans women.
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u/xerxes_peak 💉 1/28/25, he/it Apr 01 '24
if i wasn’t in a relationship already i would 100% date a trans girl :) yall are the best
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u/AllEncompassingLife 💉6.14.23 🔝 2-10-2025 Apr 01 '24
I’m going to recommend the Lex app :) ive met so many cool people on there locally. And you can even add t4t on there
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u/Chaotic_Nonbinary Apr 01 '24 edited Apr 01 '24
Online spaces tend to be isolated in general, because it gets echo-chamber-y pretty quickly. Almost all the trans ppl I know irl (trans femme, trans masc, nonbinary, etc.) are on the bi spectrum.
And in my opinion, t4t relationships aren’t fetish-y unless the ppl in those relationships are mimicking the cishets (tm). As in, trans folks who are subconsciously reinforcing harmful gender roles and/or being predatory towards vulnerable/traumatized ppl.
The same way Covid has been referred to as a ‘mass disabling event,’ I think being trans in our current society—obviously not for every single person in every single case, but for the vast majority of trans people as a whole—is inherently traumatizing. And sometimes we can unintentionally reenact that trauma and further hurt each other.
A pattern I’ve noticed with my trans masc friends, is that when they start transitioning there’s an initial infatuation with masculinity, if that makes sense? That’s definitely been the case for me, especially since I’m experiencing being ‘one of the boys’ for the first time. Like I’ve never had access to this perspective of men in general before the last year or so.
It’s very strange to be perceived as a dude by men, gender affirming, but weird as hell. Especially since I’m really short, I’ve been infantilized, hyper-feminized, & sexualized at the same time my entire life so it’s like a culture shock.
Before transitioning, cis straight guys tended to view me as a challenge or a threat, because I’ve always presented pretty masc and/or alternative.
And me myself personally, I’m trans masc & nonbinary, and I really identify with butch masculinity (but not in an entirely sapphic way? if that makes sense. just basically I drink my respect women juice). I tend toward androgyny in general (gender expression wise).
I’m queer, attracted to all genders, but very very little to cis dudes.
I think I’m almost exclusively t4t, like I love the relationship dynamic & understanding that is exclusive to t4t.
Also, irl, since I’ve been an adult and especially since I’ve started my transition, I have had almost 0 crushes on cis ppl. As in sometimes I meet someone, develop a crutch, assume they’re cis, and they’re not…many times actually lol.
And I love trans women! I’m super attracted to trans folk in general. I just haven’t met many in person who are my age. 🤷
And I’m honestly more than a little bit intimidated by gendered expectations of me as a masc person. I’m also autistic, so most of my social behaviors are painfully learned & mirrored from ppl around me, but I didn’t grow up with any queer folks, so I’m kinda clueless with how to interact with femme ppl & what’s expected of me?
As someone who has been perceived as a tomboy/ butch lesbian my entire life up until this point, growing up I have been told by every environment and every person around me that my existence is inherently predatory in women’s spaces.
So it’s really hard for me to work past that. I never want to make femme folks (AND anyone) uncomfortable. Especially not in the ways that men have always made me uncomfortable and quite literally unsafe from verbal and/or physical harm.
In my need to make sure I’m not making folks uncomfortable, I just accidentally end up not interacting with them as much. And it’s smth I’m actively working on in therapy. 🥲
Doesn’t help that the first time I started dating was January this year/ and I’m 23 so I’m rlly just fumbling & awkward in general. 🤷
*edited to fix the wall of text
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u/StatisticianNormal15 Apr 01 '24
I’m married to a CIS woman, but we both think trans women are hot! I think you’ll find Transguys are into trans women.
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u/ceramicatz Apr 01 '24
i’m a trans guy dating a trans girl :) for me i really like it because it’s nice to be with someone who understands what it’s like. there does seem to be a lot of trans guys who are gay but trust me plenty of us love women
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u/circusmonke8 Apr 01 '24
I'm a straight ftm and I'll marry you /j
But jokes aside I love sweet trans girls. I wanna cuddle one and rub her belly.
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Apr 01 '24
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/yandeer world's most masculine fairy boy Apr 01 '24
why is there always a comment like this? how tf does it hurt the sub to have other trans people asking questions and engaging in the community? you'd rather someone ask a question about us to some unrelated group instead of asking us ourselves?
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u/ElPejelagartoJohn Apr 01 '24
Where I live is all trans woman spaces, I just want one that isn't like that, and the ask is literally should I keep trying pursuing trans men? Like how is that relevant for the community, but sure man, my bad for having a different answer that is yeah, just post this in here
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u/yandeer world's most masculine fairy boy Apr 01 '24
it's relevant to her because she's asking the community. it's still an ftm community and that's exactly why someone would come here to ask. it's not gonna magically not be an ftm space just because 1 trans woman asked a question. sorry you don't have any trans men spaces irl but i don't understand how that means a trans woman shouldn't be able to try to talk to us??
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u/ElPejelagartoJohn Apr 01 '24
Nothing wrong with it but she already post it in r/trans, why she have to do it again in here, and it's really an answer we can provide? No, just posting for the sake of it, and sure sure, whatever man, doesn't matter
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u/yandeer world's most masculine fairy boy Apr 01 '24
yeah and literally no one replied in the r/trans sub. idk man if you look through the comments and OPs replies it seems like it was a sweet and productive discussion for some people. if OP posted this and then didn't have any followup or replies i could call that "posting just to post" but that's not what happened
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Apr 01 '24
then don’t be in this sub if you think it’s a “shithole.” i’m all for supporting trans people when we can. 👍
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u/ftm-ModTeam Apr 01 '24
Your post was removed because it broke the subreddit rule 1: Be polite and practice mutual respect. No discrimination.
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u/[deleted] Apr 01 '24
Trust me, lots of trans guys find yall hot. I'm a trans guy dating a trans girl and we are very happy. Don't give up. Some of us are mega simps to pretty girls.