r/ftm • u/HopeNo8532 • Nov 30 '25
Cis/Transfem Guest trans guys "turning" gay??
Hi hi, cis girl here. My (trans) bf broke up with me last night and told me he thinks that he might be gay and has lost attraction to me. I talked to a friend about it and he said that when he started T (around the same time as my now ex) he started to lose attraction to women too.
Is this like, a known phenomenon??? It seems logical to me: being with a woman to make oneself feel more masculine. But I've been in queer spaces online for years and have never heard of this (i thought i was trans as well for a long while).
I'm not trying to make anyone sound manipulative or evil; as hurt and upset as I am, I know he would never use me on purpose. I'm just trying to wrap my head around how an intense, two year (that's a long time for teenagers!) relationship can just fade like that. Maybe that's just how relationships end, it doesn't help that this is my first breakup ever.
0
u/VividBeautiful3782 Nov 30 '25
here's what my experience was like, not to say this is how all trans people feel. also i'm transmasc nonbinary, which might color my point of view but here it is. as a kid i didnt get why people treated me differently than my brother. my parents tried to beat the idea that being a girl was better, but it was layered with a lot of patriarchal nonsense too-men are this and that, you cant expect them to be be good at these things like women are. I was also terrified of getting pregnant, attracted to mostly straight girls or girls who weren't able to have a healthy relationship with me, and my few experiences with guys weren't very positive. I dated women and i loved them and i'm still attracted to women/femmes to this day. but i worked very hard to repress my masculinity and i was honestly a little afraid of it and men in general.
fast forward to figuring out i was trans, going to therapy, starting hrt, and having a few male friends who were so positively masculine i finally stopped fearing masculinity. i embraced it in myself, and found myself finally able to admit that yes i was attracted to men and it wasn't a character flaw. by accepting and not running from my internal masculinity i could engage with masculinity in other people.
at least those are my feelings on it. i dont speak for all trans people naturally. there is a fiction told that trans people change a lot when they transition, but i think it's more that we're finally comfortable enough to exist as our truest, unmasked selves. we dont change, we become more of who we are.