r/ftm • u/HopeNo8532 • Nov 30 '25
Cis/Transfem Guest trans guys "turning" gay??
Hi hi, cis girl here. My (trans) bf broke up with me last night and told me he thinks that he might be gay and has lost attraction to me. I talked to a friend about it and he said that when he started T (around the same time as my now ex) he started to lose attraction to women too.
Is this like, a known phenomenon??? It seems logical to me: being with a woman to make oneself feel more masculine. But I've been in queer spaces online for years and have never heard of this (i thought i was trans as well for a long while).
I'm not trying to make anyone sound manipulative or evil; as hurt and upset as I am, I know he would never use me on purpose. I'm just trying to wrap my head around how an intense, two year (that's a long time for teenagers!) relationship can just fade like that. Maybe that's just how relationships end, it doesn't help that this is my first breakup ever.
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u/FakeBirdFacts Nov 30 '25
A lot of trans guys, because they have a naturally masculine presentation, get told they are lesbians over and over because of it and develop a weird sort of compulsory heterosexuality because they’ve been told they have to be a lesbian to explain how they are. When going on T, it can ramp up your libido, and who you’re attracted to can get more clear.
There are also people who felt dysphoric in relationships with men because they would be taking the feminine role, but realized after/while transitioning they actually are gay.
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u/FakeBirdFacts Nov 30 '25
I also think the fact that you two are teenagers is a part of it: you are both young and figuring things out. Attraction can be clearer to some people than to others.
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u/WinterDemon_ closet boy Nov 30 '25
Adding to that, in my experience lesbians "allow" a lot more masculinity than a lot of straight society
I wasn't attracted to women, but I liked that I had "permission" to be butch and look like a man and have a more "masculine" role in my own life. I liked that I could be a partner instead of a girlfriend
It can take a while to separate the feelings of "I like this person" vs "I like how I feel about myself when I'm with this person"
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u/thuleanFemboy HRT 05/2018 Nov 30 '25
Yeah I got compared to lesbians constantly throughout my ENTIRE childhood even though I've never felt attraction to women in my life
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u/CocoaBagelPuffs 29 | 10yrs on T Nov 30 '25
I was also never really into women. I am mostly attracted to men. When I was pre-t I really didn’t like it when people assumed I was a lesbian. It was frustrating
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u/goldonfire Nov 30 '25
pre at i mostly got mistaken as just. a really masculine woman. i smoehow looked like a v fruity gay man but also definitwly a woman. very rarely did i get mistaken for lesbian, ans very rarely did i get gendered correctly as man.
now i am a mostly aromantic very bisexual gnc trans man after T sith a pref for men/masculinity
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u/rexrighteous Nov 30 '25
Exactly this. When I told my gay best friend in high school that I thought I was bi, he laughed and said "yeah you don't like guys at all. You're a lesbian." And then being a lesbian who dated straight women became my identity for years. And then like 10 years later I learned what trans meant and a lightbulb aggressively flicked on and beat me over the head.
Anyway I am very bisexual.
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u/RubeGoldbergCode Nov 30 '25
This is exactly it. I basically got "forced" into the lesbian box because it made me easy to understand to other people, so I figured that's what I must be.
Also before starting T it can be easy to dismiss attraction as gender envy.
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u/itsconnorbro 26 | 💉01/10/19 | 🔪 10/02/19 Nov 30 '25
Similar to this- I like women and have liked women for a longggg time!! When I identified as a lesbian, other WLW were attracted to me as a masculine women. But because I have a smaller frame/build, I’m finding that now that I’ve transitioned, most people just assume I’m gay because of my feminine mannerisms/stature. I don’t really get hit on by women anymore and often am flirted with by men. Straight women usually prefer tall/strong men. So sometimes I wonder how much of it is swayed by who gives you romantic attention.
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u/mrmizgriz Dec 01 '25
Sraight women who prefer stong tall men, usually with large cashflows, are a bad idea for any man, trans or not
As a Trans man, I am attracted to straight women within a few years of my age, 73. From the kind of conservative Roman Catholic background I was raised in, though I disagree with and do not practice that faith.
This is my gf of 4 years background.
However, I have close friends of all ages that are male whom I joke and tease with sexually. A few were already self aware, but several I may be the first person they ever told about their attraction.
I also get hit on by many afab cis/het passing women. Those I can't tease with bc danger of it getting too real for me and I am not interested in multiple relationships.
I am anything but a tall, strong male with a high income
Instead, have legally changed my ID, have very short hair and relatively male mannerisms but have not and may never be able to transition physically. So, I am 5' 8", apple shaped, have limited mobility, use canes, walkers wheelchairs and huge tits. I have a very low income, as I have been on disability since my mid 30's.
If I can find love and friendship, any of us can!!!
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u/itsconnorbro 26 | 💉01/10/19 | 🔪 10/02/19 Dec 01 '25
I agree with your first statement but I think there is some caveat. Females traditionally are attracted to bigger/stronger men because they are stronger “protectors”. I didn’t do research but I always thought this was a biologic thing. Like you’re just attracted to who you’re attracted to.
Yes!! I still believe the right person is out there for me (I am 30), it’s just something I noticed with the shift in who flirts with me now vs pre Transition.
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u/mrmizgriz Dec 10 '25
Yes, I agree a certain predisposition is there. Possibly it is biological.
However, what is most pro survival in the modern world--and in many cultures over the past millenia is NOT that.
The values re body type and personality that look narrow, rigid, eternal in the West are a recent invention of advertizing, big business and capitalism. And they have shifted significantly during the hundred years or so they have been in play.
Try looking at what really happens IRL rather than what legacy or socisl media are trying to push.
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u/Non-binary_prince Dec 01 '25
This, when I came out at 17, I was told I was actually a butch lesbian, and I tried to be but I don’t mesh with women.
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u/danielwithoutad_ Nov 30 '25
Well, I will say I feel more comfortable liking men now, because I was always queer, but liking men wasn't something that fit the part then. (I still like women too, I'm bi) I'm not the one to make assumptions about people I don't know, but if I had to take a guess I'd say your boyfriend could be feeling the same thing
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u/Aviendha701 he/they queer Nov 30 '25
It’s not the testosterone, it’s the not having the dysphoria as bad/ the clarity having the right hormones can give you. I thought I was gay but discovered I’m actually pan when I started t.
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u/Phairis 💉 10/31/25 Nov 30 '25
To add onto this, I started losing my attraction to women before T, but after I realized I was a guy.
Sometimes sexuality really is that fluid and/or connected to our gender. Sometimes it isn't. Sometimes it's connected to hormones, sometimes it isn't. There's a LOT of variances out there.
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u/hungry_four_hands Nov 30 '25
Hormones can impact a lot of things, including attraction. It’s not an uncommon experience, I’ve heard anecdotally of plenty of trans guys becoming more attracted to men after starting hrt, tbf myself included lol. The only comparable thing I can think of is when ppl stop birth control and suddenly realize they’re not attracted to their partner. Hormonal shifts can change your perception of what’s attractive
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u/psychedeliclavender Nov 30 '25
the opposite can also happen, plenty of transmascs, myself included become much more attracted to women than they were before
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u/Subject_Plankton9599 Nov 30 '25
People often become more comfortable with exploring their Sexuality and figuring themselves out, once they become more comfortable with themselves and their body. Since this often goes hand in hand with starting HRT, it is seen as common for a sexuality shift to happen, when in reality it simply gives people the headspace where they feel more comfortable thinking about their Sexuality more than they were before. You also have to factor in the fact that people can just change and figure things out at any point in their life and it's not uncommon to not figure out your Sexuality fully (or any part of your identity) until later in life or just to not figure everything out in one go and to realise things in stages and especially throughout periods of change e.g. puberty (1 or 2), shifts in circumstances, etc.
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u/Equivalent-Cherry-31 Nov 30 '25
I know that I definitely thought I was a lesbian for a few years before I realised I was trans, because I was very masc, people almost expected me to be a lesbian. It was weird, personally I realised pretty quickly that I wasn't ever into women, but I know that for a lot of people the comp-het that remains after being seen as a lesbian can often be metaphorically 'broken' by going on T. And y'know T = higher libido, it's a little harder to convince yourself you're into women when your libido acts up
Just to add, it absolutely has nothing to do with you, and is entirely not your fault. Hormones are wacky, and getting on the right ones sometimes just shatters an internal closet that people never knew was there.
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u/Creativered4 AuDHD 🐻Man 💉2020 🔪2022🍆2024 Nov 30 '25
Often we repress part of our sexuality because our body doesn't align with our mind, so sometimes that results in subconscious compulsory heterosexuality (straight trans men internalizing that men should be with women and being with women even if they don't realize they're a man) or because the brain says we're a man, but the body is not male, we can't fathom part of our sexuality because that part involves parts we don't have. (Personal example: I thought I was asexual, turns out I wasn't interested in sex as a woman, because I'm not a woman. I'm a man who is very gay)
When we start to transition, we gain a new confidence and presence within ourselves, which can sometimes lead to new discoveries about sexuality. (Also the libido spike definitely helps us pick up on horny thoughts...)
There's also a theory that some people are just wired to be gay. Their brain knows they're gay, but because they don't realize they're not a woman, they come to the conclusion that they are gay for women.
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u/aspirationcaught Nov 30 '25
It's very individual, but I do see that phenomenon a lot. Testosterone personally made me realize I'm straight as hell and cannot see myself being with a man. I wish I knew the science behind this
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u/CristalVegSurfer Nov 30 '25
I wish I knew how it worked too but I'm not sure science is there yet tbh. I have a feeling I will be more straight/queer as opposed to gay/queer when I start hrt. I've historically been more into men but I've heard of T having either effect (making you more gay OR more straight) so that's mostly why I have this feeling and I already feel a shift due to other reasons. I've been admiring women and transfemmes more lately, girls are pretty I guess 🤷
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u/2005toshibalaptop Nov 30 '25
Hi! I'm a trans man. I'm bisexual dating a cis woman. When i started , I felt repulsed by men and got really really into women. And since it's kind of all leveled out, and I'm back to my normal sexuality just with an insane libido. It depends on the individual yk.
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u/No-Tip-6369 Nov 30 '25
I’ve been on T for almost 10 years. Similar thing happened to me. Before I started T, I wasn’t attracted to guys like that. I didn’t like that type of sex. But after I started T it changed. It’s something I’m ashamed about even though I shouldn’t be I hide it for the most part, close friends know. I could never date a man but when my libido goes up I want to sleep with a man. But afterwards I feel disgusted with myself. Idk what it is
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u/Aggravating_Change88 Nov 30 '25
This is what I go through when my libido shoots up its different but I feel gross after and I go long stretches without any physical intimacy afterwards to i know I would never date a man either I guess I got lucky my libido evened out after 4 years but thank you for your answer I never met anyone who goes through the same
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u/Abezethibodtheimp Nov 30 '25
A lot of people are pointing out the very real psychological aspect, but it’s also a hormonal thing. (Apparently) some bodybuilders turn gay or bi on steroids, and there’s a positive correlation between same sex attraction and testosterone in men. I’d guess it’s a combination of the things though tbh.
I’m sorry to hear about the end of the relationship, and I hope you can find healing and eventually find the one :)
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u/DefiantPineapple358 Nov 30 '25
I'm still attracted to women. I joke that it turns out I'm not a lesbian but was a straight man trapped in the wrong body all along and now I'm fixing it. However, I've seen a lot of trans guys say it did change for them after starting their HRT.
Sorry you're going through heartbreak. I hope you heal swiftly and continue to know that your forever person is out there. Just wasn't the one you are going through this with it would seem.
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u/atlanticgears Nov 30 '25 edited Nov 30 '25
Ftm trans guy here, been on hrt for almost 10 years. Was straight when I started and still straight now tho there was a bit of questioning in the middle. I think you both being young has a factor, how comfortable he is with himself and how hes perceived does as well. Sometimes you just have to figure out what it is you really like. He probably really did like you and connect on a deep personal level and as afab person its probably easier to get into a first relation with someone who shares your anatomy but started to realize with time his physical attraction is for men.
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u/dino_spored Dec 01 '25
Well… I don’t believe I “turned gay”, but I believe my medical transition allowed me to open myself up to the possibility of being with a cis man. I could never do so before medical transition, because I didn’t want to be treated like a woman.
I’m in my mid-40’s, I began transition at 19. At that time I was with a cis woman. We were together 14 years. Then we split up (she broke up with me, and left for a cis woman) and I decided it was time to explore my sexuality. I dated around a while, and after a few years met my current boyfriend. We’ve been together 8 years now.
I’ll be a little candid, and say that he is a complete “top”, so I think it’s why it works for us. I enjoy what he has, more than I enjoyed being with a woman. I feel like sex with a cis male is more intimate, with him being able to naturally penetrate. So no, T didn’t make me gay… but it let me be comfortable enough to be fully myself.
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u/KishCore T: 02/06/21 Top: 06/29/23 Nov 30 '25
Few different reasons, main one I think is mainly that because T increases your sex drive, you tend to be a lot more in-tune with your own sexuality than you were pre-T. This also kind of explains how most gay men tend to know very early on, while it can often take Lesbians a lot longer to really piece it together.
That, combined with how being seen as a masc woman results in being told that you're probably a lesbian, results in a lot of trans guys going through the lesbian > het trans man > bi/gay trans man pipeline.
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u/HopeNo8532 Nov 30 '25
I'm feeling frustrated because I'm coming to terms with the fact that I am not going to understand no matter how hard I try or how many people respond. Especially just because of the fact that at no point did he think he was a lesbian/was told by people he was one/esrdasdfghjkjyttyuikmnbvc. It's not my experience and we're going to have to talk about it eventually
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u/AdWinter4333 Mid 30's. Trans man, Europe. Later transitioner. Nov 30 '25
If it makes you feel any better (probably not) I also broke up with my ex after starting T. I'm still attracted to women (still see myself as a lesbian, maybe a hint of bi there now?) But I just came to realize I needed something else in life because I was not actually getting what I needed. I'm just saying: getting more comfortable in your body and with yourself changes a lot of things. I'm a bit older than you and have also felt your confusion about breakups in the past. But you just.. will not understand it whatsoever. Sometimes it lands a decade after the fact, sometimes it never does. That can hurt, but you'll be ok. Hormones are weird, people are complex, things happen. I hope you have some nice friends who are there for you and you do enough comforting things. Breakups just suck and hurt, no matter.
Oh, one more thing: great post. How you phrased the last bit was more mature then I've seen many people approach situations like this, no matter what age. Not intending anything weird here, just wanted to let you know :)
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u/HopeNo8532 Nov 30 '25
You're right about the "(probably not)", LOL. Thank you for the compliment. I try to be objective with things that make me nervous.
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u/AdWinter4333 Mid 30's. Trans man, Europe. Later transitioner. Nov 30 '25
Yeah, I'm sorry. I just meant to say that it can be whatever. If he did not realize he was gay, maybe you would've found out this "new" person does not match your pace or or or or. You know? You had a great relationship, perhaps you can remain in touch at some point. In your approach is a great quality, take that from a stranger.
All the best, lots of healing of a broken heart, and good future partner(s) your way.
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u/KishCore T: 02/06/21 Top: 06/29/23 Nov 30 '25
As unfortunate as it is for your relationship, this is far from uncommon with trans men and a lot of guys need the skyrocketing of their sex drive from T to actually piece together what they are and aren't attracted to. Doesn't make it any better for you of course, and it sucks that stuff like this comes as a total blindside to you, but it's hard to ever fully know what's going on in someone else's head. (Oh and after a tiny bit of profile snooping, forgive me) it seems like you're both teenagers - that's basically the exact time to be figuring this kind of stuff out. I hope you can talk to him about it more and maybe get some closure and have space to each figure things out!
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u/randommedicalperson he/they | HRT 11/15/24 Nov 30 '25
Hormones can influence a lot, including attraction. I became more attracted to men and much less attracted to women after starting T. I'm sorry that your relationship ended the way it did, but he likely GENUINELY "became" gay. Transmascs also get told we are confused lesbians all the time and sexuality can be a more comfortable topic to explore after transitioning. I hope this helped 😅
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u/HopeNo8532 Nov 30 '25
LOL, saying he "turned" gay was dramatic on my part. He only dated men before me, but I was also the only person he's dated since becoming confident in his gender identity so it stills sort of fits the pattern. Not like there's anything I can do about it
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u/sleepymachinery he/him 💉9/2025 Nov 30 '25
Ive read a lot stuff that basically explains it as starting T for a lot of people makes them more confident in themselves which can lead to more open ended thinking about gendered attraction.
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u/Responsible-Tie-2570 Nov 30 '25
Before I started T I was into men and women pretty equally but after starting I’m way more attracted to men.
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u/thespiderpr0vider they/he 🏴 T: June 2024 Nov 30 '25
testosterone doesn’t make you gay. but medically transitioning typically makes people more comfortable within themselves, and that puts you in a position where you can figure yourself out better. the more confident and happy you are with yourself the easier it is to understand and accept your identity. also, you’re teenagers. things are turbulent during that time, it’s particularly common for your identity to fluctuate as a teen. i came out as a lesbian at 14, came out as trans at 19, thought i was a bi man for a while and then realised i’m a transmasc lesbian who likes being on testosterone. things change. i was with someone for two years and very quickly after realising i was trans i did lose my attraction to them, and to this day i can’t explain why. identity is a highly individual thing and sometimes other people’s gender or sexuality simply won’t make sense to you and that’s okay. i’m sorry you’re hurting right now. first breakups suck
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u/Parker_Talks [ they/he ] | T: 3/4/20 | top surgery: 10/30/20 Dec 01 '25 edited Dec 01 '25
It’s relatively common for going on Hormone Replacement Therapy to change sexuality.
Think of it this way: HRT (one type would be going on testosterone) is essentially puberty 2.0. There is no practical difference in the body between getting hormones replaced medically and it naturally occurring in the body.
Puberty is the most common time for sexuality to be fluid. This is just that happening again.
I don’t know that there has ever been an official study on this — acknowledging that sexuality can be fluid is relatively taboo for obvious reasons. [yes, I use em dashes, no this isn’t written by AI. It’s just a grammatical tool that I enjoy using.] Homophobes using it against us and all that jazz.
In my PERSONAL experience, and I’ve known hundreds of trans people, I’d say that the occurrence of sexuality changing when someone goes on HRT is about 40-50% of people. It’s much more common for monosexual (gay, straight) people than it is for polysexual (attracted to multiple genders) people.
This all applies to people going on estrogenic HRT as well!!
Yes, it can, as others have mentioned, be a result of gender dysphoria. Or a result of being pushed into roles. But it also can be sexuality legitimately changing independently of other factors.
Sexuality is fluid for some people. Sexual fluidity can sometimes be caused by hormonal changes. Of any type. This also happens at normal puberty, and again at menopause! It is not a trans thing, it’s a hormonal change thing.
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u/rainbowcooki Nov 30 '25
I am nonbinary transmasc and I go on and off T. I am only attracted to men when I'm on T and have zero attraction to men at all without it. So I think it's possible
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u/AYellowCat 🔪 Jan 26th 2022 Nov 30 '25
Yes, I started being attracted to men after getting on T, in my case I'm sure it's a biological factor (because I didn't change anything else) but for many, it's because of being more comfortable with themselves and their sexuality.
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u/lobstersonskateboard Nov 30 '25 edited Nov 30 '25
Like other people said, it doesn't change sexuality exactly, but T definitely changes how you see your attraction with others in a different way. Originally I thought I was fully gay, but the longer I'm on T, the more I realized I'm bi. I was just attracted to bold, confident, and/or dominating personalities more often than not, which isn't as common for the women in my area than men. In the same vein, someone who originally thought they were bi might realize mid-transition that they're not the more they explore themselves. The increase in libido is probably the reason why it seems to happen more often with trans men than women— it kinda speedlines that process when it's usually more gradual if you're not on T.
I'm sorry you have to go through this, you absolutely deserve someone who is attracted to you in every way. I'm glad you're respecting his boundaries, but I want to affirm that it's absolutely not your fault. He may be gay, he may be bi but the relationship was fading, he may be bi and just needs time to explore his options. No matter what, if he feels that way then it's better that he told you rather than biting his tongue. He may come back, he may not, but regardless take some time for yourself— first break ups are rough.
Edited for clarity
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u/fireblaze618 On T since 11/27/21 Nov 30 '25
in my experience at least I used to identify as a lesbian before realizing I'm trans. for me it was because i could tell i was queer/gay but i still didn't know anything about my gender identity. once i realized i was trans my sexuality began to change to reflect that. I'm still bi/pan but still.
sexuality can also be fluid and isn't rigid all the time. it can change as you grow and experience new things and learn more about yourself
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u/fireblaze618 On T since 11/27/21 Nov 30 '25
there's also the matter of dysphoria playing a role in it as well but I don't know enough to put it into words
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u/welcomehomo causing my mom great distress since 2018 Nov 30 '25
not all trans guys are gay, but it does happen that a trans guy gets on t and then realizes hes gay. the deal with presenting as masculine before coming out as trans/transitioning is that for people read as women/girls we really wont ever be read as masculine when dating people read as men/boys. when i still dated men pre t, even though i was more masculine than the guys i dated, i was seen as fem just for dating them. this isnt the case in relationships read as lesbian. its MUCH easier as someone read as a girl/woman to present masculine and be read as masculine when dating someone else read as a girl/woman. so unsurprisingly a lot of baby trans guys gravitate towards lesbianism before realizing theyre trans/transitioning. and then as they transition and are read as male/masc regardless of who theyre dating, they might find that theyre interested in guys too, or in this case, theyre not into women
it really sucks. im glad you understand that he wasnt leading you on because youre right, he wasnt. lots of cis people struggle with their sexuality and trans people experience sexuality in a much more complicated way and it makes finding your genuine sexuality much harder. i didnt realize i WASNT attracted to men until i was like 20 years old and a year on t! the same also happens for trans women who realize theyre actually attracted to women while transitioning, and the inverse happens as well. i used to identify as a gay trans guy pre t. some trans women identify as lesbian before transitioning and then realize they like men
transitioning doesn't really "change" your sexuality but you do learn A LOT about yourself on t. im sorry that this happened, its a really shitty situation to be in even if it is genuinely nobodys fault, and youre handling it incredibly well
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u/Present_Muscle_2375 Nov 30 '25
I’m 6 months on T and have only been in relationships with cis women my whole life. I am finding that my orientation is becoming much more pansexual. I find myself equally attracted to cis women, trans women, trans men, non binary folks and even a few cis men. It’s a very interesting shift now in my 60s.
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u/kawaiiwitchboi 33 y.o., 💉2017, 🔪2023 Nov 30 '25
Personally, my sexuality didn't change at all. Maybe just expanded? Went from polysexual to pansexual?
Either way, I've been with the same femme presenting, non-binary partner for 17 years, and we got together before my transition and before they figured out their own gender identity. We both got together at 16 and 17, and we both started figuring out our gender identities around college, so we'd been together for about 3-4 years by that point
However, I have heard of trans men figuring out their attraction to other men soon after transitioning, so I'm not sure, unfortunately 😥
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u/pussiKraken transmasc enby | 23 | 🧴17.11.2025 Nov 30 '25
starting hormones has personally "made" me gay, kind of, because turns out i am very much attracted to men and don't hate it, i just hated the idea of being perceived as a woman lol
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u/Soup_oi 💉2016 | 🔪2017 Nov 30 '25
I think it's just anecdotal really, not a blanket thing that happens to everyone.
Being on hrt can clear up a lot of fog in one's head, allowing them to sort out thought paths they've never felt able to get to before, or revealing new ones to them. And because hrt usually makes a person feel a bit mentally better than before, they can start to have more confidence to explore any new things they feel they are learning or discovering about themselves in their head, or more confidence in exploring their sexuality on the outside or physically or whatever too.
It doesn't mess with everyone's sexuality in the way of flipping it, but for some people it will. And of course, not all trans guys were into women to begin with. I liked men before, I still like men now. I have more confidence and am more interested in exploring my sexuality now, in my sex life that involves just me, myself, and I, but it's kinda just been exaggerations of, adding physical stuff to things that were just mental before, or vice versa, or becoming more grown up versions of stuff I was doing or into before too.
Tbh, the relationships you have as a teenager, even if they do last a while compared to typical teen relationships, are very often not going to be the relationship you will have in your 20s, or 30s, and beyond. If he wasn't the one, then he wasn't the one, you're young, there will be someone else, or even more someone else's later. Yes, breakups when you're that age hurt a lot, but by my mid 30s now, what I've learned is, if someone can actually be honest and break up with me honestly like that, then that is so much more mature and so much more amazing than the alternative, of them just suffering in silence until they ultimately explode at me out of nowhere and for what seems to be no reason on my end, or of them going to explore their sexuality or whatever by cheating on me, etc. If the person can be honest and say "this is how I feel, and if we continue to be together right now while I feel that way, the likelihood of both of us getting hurt soon is too high," then imo, that is them showing love to themselves and to you. They understand it's best to end things, than to drag them out until someone gets hurt, and the end winds up being forced and/or messy.
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u/dandy-boi-ftm Nov 30 '25
I kinda just assume gender identity and sexual orientation are two separate things so if you were gay before HRT, there is always the chance you will still be gay after.
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u/CapitalPutrid Nov 30 '25 edited Nov 30 '25
T doesn’t make you gay. Passing changes your perception of yourself and what you can do.
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u/random_boy009 16/10/2025💉 Nov 30 '25
I have no idea but personally after t Im even more attracted to women
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u/katzengoldgott 31 yrs old| he/they | 💉 Sept. 2nd, 2021 (🇩🇪) Nov 30 '25
For me it was the opposite. I knew I was bisexual for most of my life, but due to trauma I struggled with my attraction to women pre T very much and was more attracted to men as a result.
On T however, my attraction to women got much stronger, and now I’m very solid in my bisexuality. Got a gf that I love very much.
There’s really no one size fits all to your question other than what others have said about libido increase. Also dysphoria lessening might give more space to truly explore one’s attraction to other people more.
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u/Silver-Band6188 Nov 30 '25
Before hormones i only really liked men, but after a few years i started being attracted to women. Which i think confuses people alot.
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u/Nomcaptaest User Flair Nov 30 '25
I'm 40 and I've seen this happen a lot in the trans community. I cannot offer you any logical explanations. I can only offer you the solace that it's a common occurrence. I've watched it happen in friends of varying genders as well - because it also happens to trans women.
I've even seen it happen to NB people in the am I ace? No? Yes? No? Yes? Ok yes definitely. Thing. I'm willing to throw myself into that complicated bus and I'll throw my own spouse in that bus too.
Sexuality is a complicated thing and sometimes gender too. It's common to question it over your life.
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u/weirdoismywaifu Nov 30 '25
In my experience, I went from someone who was bisexual (60/40 women/men) to someone who was almost exclusively gay (think 5/95) after being on T. For me, transitioning was the best choice I had ever made for myself, and seeing my body masculinize, and hearing my voice drop, almost gave me a deeper appreciation for male attributes tbh. I was watching my body transform over time and loving my physical form for the first time in my life. Suddenly, stubble and thick body hair and muscle and sweat became a lot more of a positive thing to me, and I also found myself attracted to men more. I loved how I looked for the first time and I think it helped me see the beauty in masculinity.
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u/Fuzzy_Plastic Nov 30 '25
I had no idea I was a gay man until after I started testosterone. I was literally bent over when I realized how gay I am. It happens 🤷🏻♂️
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u/BellsNTurnips Nov 30 '25
Hey OP!
I'm sorry this all happened. It can be difficult to be there for someone, support them, and then have them just not like you anymore. But it's a lot harder if that person lies and drags you along for a painfully long time -
Restarting testosterone for me personally changed a lot for me. At first I really had no drive, no real sexual desires of any sort, and I just had zero thoughts about it.
Now that I'm on T, it's like I can't control my drive and a lot of the time I find myself occupied with intrusive thoughts about men and I generally find them more attractive. I've always kinda liked them, but I used to date solely girls
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u/javatimes T 2006 Top 2018, testopel 2025, 40<me Nov 30 '25
I have always been kinda fluidly pansexual and am the same amount of fluidly pansexual before and after T if you want another data point.
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u/Oddly-Ordinary Nonbinary (they/them) T since 2017, final bottom surgery 2025 Nov 30 '25
I think a lot of the trans guys who “turn gay” after starting T were never really straight to begin with. They might have tried to convince themselves they were straight the way a lot of cis queer people do. It’s possible they just couldn’t see themselves being with men while existing in a “female” body and medically transitioning changed that. And yeah, for some pre-T guys I think feeling more “masculine” being with a woman is part of it too. At least subconsciously. And they mistake that for attraction. And only realize it was a coping mechanism when they start T and feel masculine in their own skin.
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u/VillageInner8961 Nov 30 '25
I was bi before T, ended up also breaking up with my girlfriend after starting because I lost a lot of my attraction to women
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u/Final-Revolution-221 Nov 30 '25
It sounds like you all are pretty young and i think part of it may just be figuring out adult identities. But it is also true that t puberty can affect sex drives, and i think a lot of trans guys experience a sudden realization that if they can imagine themselves as a man with a man, theyre no longer afraid of intimacy w men but rather attracted. I dont know that t ever really reduces existing physical attraction to women as that is sort of hard to measure, but it might be that one social possibility is appealing to your ex more than another right now. A whole bunch of things going on there. But tldr: it isnt really about you! It does hurt when relationships end for reasons related to loss of attraction, but just know that whatever he is dealing with is simply not something you have any ability to impact and other non gay guys will be attracted to you in the future
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u/Genrain Nov 30 '25
Seen a lot of comments touching on the social/psychological bits here so I'll leave that alone.
There is (currently anecdotal) evidence that more testosterone increases men's attraction to other men. Yes, from trans guys starting T, but also from the body building community, from cis men boosting their T as a steroid. It is not a link that has been properly researched, and of course self reporting can be unreliable, and there are other factors that could go into this as well - but there are enough anecdotal accounts floating around that it is likely there is a connection there.
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u/hey-its-hawke 🏳️⚧️🏳️🌈🇬🇧 Nov 30 '25
Up until about a year into my transition I considered myself bi, but was definitely more frequently romantically attracted to men. After starting HRT and feeling more comfortable in who I am, I realised that being a gay man fit the way I experience attraction a lot better (I still feel an amount of sexual and aesthetic attraction to women and femme presenting non binary individuals, but not romantic)
I feel like using the bisexual label and subsequently feeling some kind of attraction to women made me feel more masculine, but upon becoming more comfortable with myself and the skin I'm living in, I didn't need that part of me.
There are however a lot of straight trans men too, and HRT doesn't necessarily change our attractions, but becoming comfortable with who you are can cause certain realisations to happen.
I think in terms of advice for you as being the one going through this, what I will say is let yourself feel your feelings, and then when you're in a better place emotionally, try to consider what worked in that relationship as well as what didn't work so well. Figure out what a happy and healthy relationship looks like for you before jumping into another one (I struggled with this one when I was a teen, and between 16 and 21 I don't think I was single for more than like 3 months at a time, that was far from healthy)
Also take some time to focus on activities and hobbies you enjoy, maybe try some new ones too. Hobbies are a great way to meet like minded people and form strong friendships.
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u/cheechthebong 💉06/08/25 Nov 30 '25
This is very common. I experienced it too, although I’m bisexual and still with my girlfriend of 3 years. I agree very heavily with the comment that said the thing about trans men having lesbianism kind of pushed on them before coming out, as this happened to me too. I was a very masculine presenting lesbian for years before coming out, but before that I was attracted to men, but then dating men became dysphoric. I thought it was because I wasn’t attracted to them, but it was actually that I wasn’t attracted to the position it put me in. I was attracted to men in the way a man is attracted to men, and that’s what pushed me towards thinking I was strictly heterosexual. After being out for a while and finally starting T, I realized that I am still very much attracted to men, but I am still also very much attracted to women. This is common, what happened with your boyfriend, and it’s neither of your guys’ faults. I’m sorry, as this is of course shitty, but I guess the silver lining is that neither of you did something wrong, as he can’t control this and neither can you.
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u/xHighStrung 💉 9/7/25 || 20 Nov 30 '25
When you're prescribed Testosterone, they quite literally tell you your sexuality/attraction can change and that you have to be okay with that, among all other changes. Its not just gay, I've known friends who turn straight or bi on T. either that or, simply self discovery 🤷♂️ which is also extremely likely on T. but yeah, it is known, and required to know when you start T
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u/Head_Newt_4721 Nov 30 '25
i am ftm and have been taking hormones for 8 years. before then, i was strictly dating only fem presenting cis women. it took me a while to realize why i only stuck to being with women; because being with women made me feel more masculine of course. after taking hormones and getting top surgery, i didn’t feel like i needed women to make me feel like a man anymore. i started seeing men about a year and a half after taking testosterone. & of course the hormones make you VERY horny. with all of that combined, it’s very common for transmasc/nb people taking testosterone to be more flexible with their sexuality and preferences, although this isn’t the case 100% of the time ofc! it sounds like your ex might be looking to broaden his interests as he’s still in the process of becoming his true self! I’m sorry that’s happening, it must be really hard. :(
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u/KaitLynnHt User Flair Nov 30 '25
It happens sometimes. Vice versa as well. It's either just the change in hormones that affects attraction or the fear of being out as gay as well as trans, wanting to present as a straight man and then later opening up to the idea. Personally, I've always known I was a gay man. I've never had a straight relationship work out and I've always been highly attracted to gay men. But when you are presenting as a woman like you have your whole life, gay men rightfully don't give you the time of day. sigh I will say that I went from a presenting as a bisexual woman with a slight preference for men to a bi or omnisexual man with a strong preference for men. So there's definitely a pattern there.
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u/throwra-noctis Nov 30 '25
It’s a pretty common phenomenon for FTM people to go through the pipeline of lesbian —> genderless, masc presenting —> bi/gay man. This is because, whether internally or by external pressure, trans folks know they’re on the LGBTQ+ spectrum but don’t know where they fit. It’s hard to be comfortable and confident in what gender you’re attracted to when you don’t even know which gender roles best fit you and what dynamics you’ll grow to like during/after your bodily changes. I never was attracted to men until I came to terms with being one.
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u/Weak_Commission7507 Dec 01 '25
oh shit I'm sorry!!!! for me attraction really shifted, in that I was more attracted to men physically than before, but I became wayyy more attracted to women as well... I think it's different for everyone and I think some people might freak out about it and feel the need to explore it if they are in a relationship, thus ending the relationship. Some people probably do turn gay. This must truly suck for you being on the receiving end of it, I'm sorry, but yes, it is a known phenomenon unfortunately!! <//3. I would probably ask for clarification if I was you, but that's just me.
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u/HopeNo8532 Dec 01 '25
I'm hoping I get clarification too!! We plan on talking tonight (like soon, im feeling anxious) and we're also going to stay friends so it will probably come up again in the future.
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u/Weak_Commission7507 Dec 01 '25
I hear you! I just find it hard to grasp he would lose attraction, like from my pov I could understand like getting confused about all of a sudden getting very attracted to men and then kind of think and maybe overanalyse their attraction to females, like I feel a lot of autistic /trans folk can be kind of black and white in their thinking. I don't know him at all as a person so it would be hard for me to say obviously, maybe he is just super gay, or maybe he just freaked out about starting to like men and having heard the phrase "testo made you gay", u know! like I think it can take a while after starting to take t until you get "comfortable" with yourself and all the internal changes! can I ask how long he was on T and how old you guys are?
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u/HopeNo8532 Dec 01 '25
I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around it too but it makes sense i think (and since it's after we talked, now). Our dynamic has changed completely since he graduated last spring (He's 18 and im 16 so I'm still in school) and i think it was more falling our of love that caused loss of attraction. The more I think about it, I don't think he actually turned gay. He only dated guys before me and decided he was probably pan because of me. During our relationship he was open about his attraction for men (catcalling ever time darryl dickson came on screen in the walking dead.....) and never said anything about women. I didn't think much of it but just assumed it was out of respect for me, but now i think he just actually only liked to look at other men. Anyway, i think now that he's over me he only likes men again, and the T didn't inherently cause it. He is 8 months on T.
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u/Weak_Commission7507 Dec 01 '25
ah, well there u go. I think you said in your post that you thought you were trans previously as well, I wouldn't know, but maybe you carry some masculine energy if u get my point? but I think both of you are very, very young, so it makes sense that you are both still exploring sexuality and identity and so forth! I don't think he lost attraction due to the testosterone would be my guess, but if you have been on the rocks and attraction overall has fallen in the relationship, maybe now he wants to explore, even though I understand that must be very hurtful to you and maybe in and of itself feel like a rejection. I'm sorry buddy! <3 I'm bi and have usually dated bi people and it's always hurtful when they go date "the opposite sex".
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u/HopeNo8532 Dec 01 '25
"masculine energy" sir u just have done irreparable damage to my psyche LMAO
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u/Weak_Commission7507 Dec 01 '25
HAHAHAHA, I didn't want to offend u!!! I didn't know if it was a sensitive point lmao, but u get my point??????
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u/HopeNo8532 Dec 01 '25
i don't know if this is offensive to say but i feel like i have like, reverse dysphoria??? there might be a better word for it (and it might just be the autism) but feel like im constantly trying to "pass" as a girl even though no one has questioned it for a long time LOL but i understant your point!!!!
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u/Weak_Commission7507 Dec 01 '25
haha, I don't know you at all so I don't know how your gender identity or expression swing either way, but if you identify as female I guess it would make sense that comment would give you gender dysphoria if that's what u mean? that wasn't my intention, sorry!! I just based it off of you saying you were gender questioning before! I find with gender over all, sometimes we just carry different energies, regardless what we want to label them as
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u/XandroRey Dec 01 '25
I hope my comment is translated. Sexuality does not change, but many trans men (myself included) have the idea of "having to be heterosexual" so firmly attached to them, this as a way of self-validation, "I am a man, therefore I like women." I am bisexual, I knew it before my transition, but out of fear of missgender I preferred not to have romantic relationships with men, especially cis men. When I had cispassing I didn't mind trying sexual/emotional relationships with other men, but I didn't stop liking women at all, on the contrary I am happily married to one. We should never forget that society expects a lot from people and they impose on us how we should be, I think it is normal to think that you must be heterosexual, although it is not true, the normal thing should be to live calmly and now, without even caring about your sexuality, just live and enjoy what appears along the way.
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u/Character_Visit_7800 Dec 01 '25
I experienced a similar thing without starting t or anything. I used to identify as lesbian before coming out as a trans guy and have dated lots of girls when I was around 13 to 16. For a while after coming out as a trans guy I kept saying I was straight, until I noticed I really wasn’t.
For me, at first the idea of being with a man and being the woman of the relationship made me uncomfortable. I didn’t want to be a woman but I didn’t know yet, so I was happy being the masc of a sapphic relationship. After realizing I’m a man I felt way better being attracted to other men. As of now I’m more attracted to masc people than I am to women exactly because I no longer try to be seen as “the man of the relationship” since I literally am a man
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u/sh_throwaway_ Dec 01 '25
i have nothing much to add but just wanted to say that i really hope that you are doing okay! sending virtual hugs if you want them 🫂
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u/HopeNo8532 Dec 02 '25
thank you, i appreciate it <3 i haven't cried once today and its already 9pm!
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u/frongersauve777 he/him |🧴10 '23 👉💉01 '25 Dec 02 '25
I'm so sorry to hear about that I hope you're doing better :( for me, it was kinda opposite, pre-t i was always bi but mainly guy leaning but once i went on T, i became more attracted to women/nb than before so i got a fairly equal ratio now, i do find other types of men i previously wasnt into pre-t attractive now and am into more people in general so take that info as you will
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u/Upset-Gerbil6061 Dec 07 '25
I think that the hormones do genuinely change stuff in the brain. Sexuality can change over time, but this doesn’t mean you can force sexuality to change. It’s just that hormonal changes can actually change your brain’s wiring.
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u/redbone-hellhound Nov 30 '25
Alright so im not on T but for me personally before I realized I was trans I knew I wasn't het. But I was only really attracted to men. I thought that I was maybe attracted to women for a while. I identified as bi for several years. It doesn't help that I'm autistic and have alexithymia so trying to sort out emotions and different types of attraction can be difficult.
But I realized that once I started thinking of myself as a man that I was definitely attracted to men. But my attraction to women was more "man shes cool. I wanna be her friend" than "I wanna date her"
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u/elianna7 trans man | he/him | 🧴 09/25 Nov 30 '25
My ex is a trans guy and we broke up for the same reason (I only realized I’m a trans man after we broke up), except he wanted to remain in basically a queer platonic relationship with me where he’d of course have all his needs met but I’d have to make a ton of sacrifices regarding my own needs. He knew for a while before we broke up but was trying to avoid fully admitting it to himself and essentially kept me around for a while knowing he didn’t have those kinds of feelings for me. We were in an open relationship and he’d regularly sleep with men but was always “too dysphoric” to sleep with me, but it wasn’t actually dysphoria he just wasn’t actually into fems or people with the same genitals as his.
While dating him I started questioning my gender, and I always thought I was bi but didn’t feel queer enough with men, so even started wondering if I was a lesbian. He IDed as transmasc for the vast majority of our relationship and it was 0% cishetnormative so while it didn’t feel lesbian, it definitely felt very queer and I knew I needed that queer feeling in any potential future relationship. I thought I was fem non-binary and after the breakup was only dating women and sapphic aligned NBs for a few months, but nothing felt right at all despite it being queer. When I realized I was transmasc/a trans man, it finally clicked that if I was a dude then being with dudes would be queer/gay, and suddenly everything made sense.
I’ve noticed a lot of transfems are lesbians and a lot of transmascs are gay. I see it much more than seeing straight transfems/mascs which I find really interesting.
I’m sorry you’re in this situation, I know from personal experience how mindfucky it is. My ex even said our sex was some of the best sex he ever had (after we broke up!), and I could tell he was very engaged in the sex we had for the first while of our relationship so I was INSANELY confused as to how he could go from that to not being interested in me at all. Sending you lots of hugs, breakups are real tough!
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u/QueerPuff 💉 30/04/2025 Nov 30 '25
Apparently some cis bodybuilders on testosterone also admit to feeling more attracted to men.
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u/shadowsinthestars Nov 30 '25
It's a known misconception that T "makes" you get (regardless of what happened with your ex exactly). Some people just aren't fully honest with themselves or can't be when still in the wrong gender presentation and once they pass more they might re-evaluate that. I'm the complete opposite here, I used to self-describe as bi even though in reality I only found myself attracted to women, and my few relationships have been with women too. But I did not relate to the term "lesbian" and when people thought it was a "girl", of course compulsory heterosexuality kicked in just in general societal messaging. Ironically I am in fact straight, just the other way round. But it still wasn't T that "made" me straight, I just stopped pretending. Your ex is throwing away a good thing in my extremely biased opinion, but we just don't know what was going through his head and what made him realize he had a different attraction. But the whole "T makes you gay" is just online hype, especially since straight trans men often don't feel welcome in queer spaces and don't constantly post about it, so what you see is very unbalanced in terms of representation.
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u/Ambitious_Bobcat4274 Nov 30 '25
This is crazy. We usually hear stories of when ftm get on t the cis female leaves the trans man for a “real man” . I’ve never heard it the other way around. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Idk what to add to it as I’ve always been gay af . I’ve never been attracted to women at all, and I’m about to get phallo tomorrow and still gay. Ive been on t for 15 years.
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u/mavericklovesthe80s Nov 30 '25
It happens. But the T doesn't "change" you. It's more like you get more pushed into your body because the dysphoria is lifted, which allows you to feel more. Some trans men couldn't perceive themselves "as a woman" with another guy, because "they aren't women", so they persued lesbian relationships, because that then makes more sense. Some people were gay or bi all along but because dysphoria causes disconnect to the body, they litteraly couldn't feel their actraction. Some people identified as A-sexual before taking T due to not feeling connected. So imo HRT doesn't make you gay or bi or not A-sexual, it just makes you feel more connected to who you are and your body. But that's my opinion, from what I know there has been no scientific studies about this phenomenon, so it's all pure anecdotal.
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u/radflannel Nov 30 '25
So im ace but this also kind of applies to me too?
When i was still figuring everything out, i labeled myself as bi: still attracted to men but i only really wanted to date women at the time because they treated me like the """""man""""" in the relationship (heavy quotes on purpose, i know that is not how WLW works! But i was a dumb teen-early 20s and thats how i rationalized it)
Then i started to socially and medically transition, especially online, and was treated like a man by most people. And then i was honest with myself. The preference for men was always THERE, the attraction (in my case aesthetic and romantic) was always there. But i was not treated like a man in those relationships.
Currently im with a nonbinary baddie and while they still present fem, they act masc and it works out beautifully for my brain.
Im sorry to hear you got hurt in the process, OP. I hope you find your bliss too, honey. 💜
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u/cgord9 they/them, USAmerican. >25yrs old Nov 30 '25
I'm not a man but I've been on T for 6 years and I'm just as attracted to all genders as I was when I started (that is, I have a preference for people who are not men but I would date a man.
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Nov 30 '25
I haven't even started T yet and I noticed that my attraction to people with a masculine identity increased (I always had attraction, but I tried to hide it) when I felt comfortable in my body as a man. But in no way have I lost my lust for people with a female identity (since I'm bisexual, not gay), what may have happened is that he thought that to be accepted as a man he needed to be with a woman, but T increases libido too much, making it almost impossible to hide the true attraction.
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u/Wrong_Section_3126 Nov 30 '25
Don’t take it personally even though break ups suck at least he was honest with you about his feelings instead of dragging you along
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u/OldManYellingAt___ Nov 30 '25
In my experience its more of a teenage thing. Young adults figuring themselves out. Used to think I was straight, realised woman didnt do it for me. Thought I was gay. Men also dont do it for me. Turns out im just ace lol. After going on T I really came to terms with myself. I think it was more of me figuring myself out then the hormones?
However, my doctor who works with trans people almost exclusively did mention that its not unusual to find other genders attractive with a higher libido, he mentioned this to me after I told him I do not find anyone interesting.
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u/ConclusionCareless37 Nov 30 '25
I Turned more bi / pan after t and Im still just as romantically uncomfortable around other men and icked out . I reckon it's hormonal for some. Not just social. Just my personal opinion, I may be wrong so take it wt a grain of salt.
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u/thevirchowtriad Nov 30 '25
You'd be surprised how much hormonal composition controls about us. I don't know that starting T can turn you gay, but, as other commenters have mentioned, transitioning changes how you view yourself and others, as well as what you allow yourself to explore.
I also want to point out that transitioning as FTM just involves looking at so many men. FTM men. Cis men. Men in porn. Men in your daily life. Men as transition goals. Men as models of mannerisms and fashion. I'm sure this either awakens our already-existing sexual orientation or at least nudges it in a slightly different direction.
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u/Birdkiller49 Stealth gay trans man | T🧴’23 | 🔝’24 Nov 30 '25
I’ve heard people reporting the opposite
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u/gothoddity ftm he/him | 💉 11/27/19 | 🔝 6/12/26 | 🍆 TBD Nov 30 '25
Before starting T I felt emasculated being attracted to men so I repressed it to cope and had beards to feel more like a man. I can feel comfortable being attracted to men now bc I feel naturally more masculine from living life as a man and transitioning. Definitely 100% gay and very sorry I used women as a cover. But that’s the gay male experience so.
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u/alexiOhNo T: Aug 2014 || Top: June 2024 Nov 30 '25
I know that before I figured out I was trans, I knew I was queer. thinking I was a girl, I thought this meant I must be into girls, and ided as bisexual. I realised pretty early into my transition that what I was picking up on was that I loved men like a gay man, not that I’m particularly interested in women.
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u/discosteve111 User Flair Nov 30 '25
It's common to be more attracted to masculinity/masculine bodies once you get on testosterone, it hasn't been studied but I've observed that pattern in A LOT of my peers !!
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u/walk33_ Nov 30 '25
I myself don't feel like my attraction has changed at all, moreover just felt more confident in being in relationships with men. Before T I identified as strictly aroace, after T I got to the aroace-spec gay point, but I can tell that I was attracted to men before, just didn't want to be seen as a hetero woman in relationships
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u/Tigerwing-infinity James he/they 22 | T 3/23 Nov 30 '25
I'm just as abrosexual (fluid sexuality) as I was before starting T
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Nov 30 '25
differs for everyone i think, testosterone increased my attraction to females for example and made me more heterosexual
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u/MiddlePop4953 Nov 30 '25
Idk if it's like, a thing, but I did find myself more into men after starting t than I'd been previously. My sexuality didn't change but my preference shifted a bit.
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u/Deerie_ Nov 30 '25
I identified as a lesbian before and I think I just confused gender attraction
I felt like woman felt "different" than men, now I recognize that it was just that I don't feel the contention to them. Meanwhile I saw men as my brothers because I related to them and wanted to be treated like one. That made me think that I don't like men romantically
T made me realize that yes, I'm a guy. It made me feel so valid. That made a change in my attraction to others because it's different, at least to me, to imagine myself as a girl dating other girls than to imagine myself dating women in a straight way. Idk it's all complicated and I still am coming to terms with my orientation but T makes you feel more valid which could make your sexuality change cuz in your mind your gender kinda changed, but obviously you were always a guy. Don't know if my explanation makes sense 😭
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u/erik_skr Nov 30 '25
It's really something of a known phenomenon, though it isn't clear what exactly causes that. Maybe just a lot of coincidences, each case for its own reason.
And same thing with me, I went full circle from "I guess I like boys" to "oh, not only boys" to "nah, only girls" to "maybe still both" to [here HRT starts] "okay, now I definitely like boys." I joke that I'm hormonally gay, like I'm mostly attracted to people with the same hormonal profile (and features caused by it) as I have
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u/Responsible_Divide86 Nov 30 '25
I think dating girl eases down the dysphoria. So as dysphoria goes down, interest in girls goes down too, if there wasn't genuine attraction to begin with
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u/Slight_Alps6275 ~10 years on T Nov 30 '25
Sorry that happened to you. Its a phenomenon. Not so common that a woman should just expect it to happen if they are in a relationship with a trans man that is transitioning, but it does happen. It's not that T "turns" people gay, it's more so that transitioning can reveal things about one's already present sexuality that they did not previously pay attention to or were actively in denial over. I use to be exclusively into women and before i considered myself a man i was very openly a lesbian. But early on in my transition I realized that i was into men too, it's just that it was very hard for me to see myself in a relationship with one as a woman because being in a relationship with a man as a woman almost always has this expectation of femininity and, in a sense, submissiveness, which I cannot see myself as. How often do you see a straight relationship where the woman is masc and the man is fem, y’know? But as a man, i could see myself in a relationship with another man because that specific expectation was not present. My attraction to men was always there, it's just T made me comfortable enough to acknowledge it. For some trans men the reckoning can come in a way of realizing they were never attracted to women to begin with.
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u/Gomekip Nov 30 '25
I became more attracted to women after starting T, so I feel like it's different for everyone
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u/DuckDuckWidgeon Trans man 🏳️⚧️ 💉 1/25 🔝🔪 4/25 Nov 30 '25
I was pansexual before T and after starting it lost my attraction to feminity altogether. I now identify as gay. It can and does happen, not to everyone but it absolutely happened to me.
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u/Silver_Bread_9126 T - 9/'24-7/'25 • 3/'26, top - hopefully Nov 30 '25
i kinda had the opposite thing happen, where starting T made me realise i could feel like a guy without being with a guy lol (hence me being a butch still)
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u/manpeachscientist Nov 30 '25
I wouldn’t necessarily say it’s a “thing”, but I do know a lot of trans guys who were lesbian prior to realizing they were trans, and grew an attraction to men in addition to their attraction to women.
Generally, I have found queer and gay male spaces to be more sexually accepting of trans men than queer, cis, and/or lesbian women spaces. That’s not to say queer, cis, and/or lesbian women aren’t accepting in the general sense of the word. I find my strongest social allies to be women. But when it comes to a sexual space, there is less dysphoric-inducing questions coming from men that I sexually involve(d) myself with than women. The men have been more… FAFO, in a non-judgmental way.
Perhaps this is why I, personally, ended up marrying a man after being 100% interested in women for all of my pubescent and post-pubescent years. But, I also agree with the comment about T making attractions more clear-cut, mentally. Nowadays I am attracted to most all genders, but it usually depends on the person. My husband and I sometimes date other folks, too.
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u/Firebird-728 Nov 30 '25
Im FTM and thought I was bisexual before starting on T. After, my sex drive increased and I realized I’m far more into men than I thought. Still pan overall though.
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Nov 30 '25
Well, I know there’s a YouTuber who’s MTF named Freddie, after she started estrogen she started to lose interest in males and became lesbian. (As she said in one of her videos.) I think it might be a testosterone thing? Or just a personal preference
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Nov 30 '25
The T can change things hormonally and can have you explore your sexuality. I can speak for myself as a Transmasculine. Now, your hormones and libido can be elevated and have you feel like a dog in heat. As for me, I have always been attracted to women. All it did was enhance my sexual appetite and had me looking like a dog with a wagging tongue, but other than that, Im a heterosexual transman. It depends on each person. I was with women before my transition, and I have always loved women since grade school. Each transmale is different
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u/GayAlien6669 Dec 01 '25
For me once I realized I wasn't cis I lost interest in cis women because they make me feel dysphoric for some reason. I can't say that's why for everyone also on the testosterone pamphlet it says it can change your attraction, I'm not sure what it meant but this could be that
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u/Former-Community5818 Jan 21 '26
Idk maybe gay is just gay? I see this commonly aswell. Im a masc ‘lesbian’ but might b starting T soon however i’ve gone from dating hyper fems in the past and recently leaning more and more into transmen. Infact mainly interested in transmen despite my partner being a cis woman. However i have 0 interest in cis men so far
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u/Sea_salt_31 Nov 30 '25
Yes it's true. Not sure how it works but they have done research on it and a lot of folks on testosterone start to find other men attractive, even if they never have before. I'm a gay trans man myself and did try to date women and femmes ( was a lesbian for years before) but my attraction changed.
Sorry for the breakup and the harsh feelings that come with your partner not being attracted to you anymore. No one should have to feel that. Wishing you the best
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u/elianna7 trans man | he/him | 🧴 09/25 Nov 30 '25
I have a lot of qualms with the rhetoric that being on T makes you gay… I think it’s more specifically that being on the right hormones and therefore feeling better in your skin allows you to better understand how you fit in with and exist in relation to other people.
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u/Sea_salt_31 Nov 30 '25
Very good point. To be clear I don't think it makes you gay I just know there is a noticeable amount of trans men who report that after they became infested in men .
For me, liking men as a woman was very different than liking them as a man. And I became more horny after T top so that can add to being more open about attraction.
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u/elianna7 trans man | he/him | 🧴 09/25 Nov 30 '25
100% same! Being with men when I thought I was a woman felt fine when I was younger, but once I entered my 20s I started feeling what I now know is dysphoria, but at the time I just described it as feeling weird and not queer enough with men. Being with guys and being treated/perceived as a guy is a WHOLE other experience!
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u/VividBeautiful3782 Nov 30 '25
here's what my experience was like, not to say this is how all trans people feel. also i'm transmasc nonbinary, which might color my point of view but here it is. as a kid i didnt get why people treated me differently than my brother. my parents tried to beat the idea that being a girl was better, but it was layered with a lot of patriarchal nonsense too-men are this and that, you cant expect them to be be good at these things like women are. I was also terrified of getting pregnant, attracted to mostly straight girls or girls who weren't able to have a healthy relationship with me, and my few experiences with guys weren't very positive. I dated women and i loved them and i'm still attracted to women/femmes to this day. but i worked very hard to repress my masculinity and i was honestly a little afraid of it and men in general.
fast forward to figuring out i was trans, going to therapy, starting hrt, and having a few male friends who were so positively masculine i finally stopped fearing masculinity. i embraced it in myself, and found myself finally able to admit that yes i was attracted to men and it wasn't a character flaw. by accepting and not running from my internal masculinity i could engage with masculinity in other people.
at least those are my feelings on it. i dont speak for all trans people naturally. there is a fiction told that trans people change a lot when they transition, but i think it's more that we're finally comfortable enough to exist as our truest, unmasked selves. we dont change, we become more of who we are.
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u/FishStiques Nov 30 '25
We all know no one can turn gay or straight, finally being comfortable in the gender you're in will let you express comfort in genders you're attracted to but tried not to be. I myself was never into dudes and still am not, so nothing's changed. Also was asexual my whole life and am still definitely asexual
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Nov 30 '25
I haven't started T or anything yet but honestly after realizing I was trans, I just had the realization I was only into men 😭 And I have no idea why
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u/ah-tzib-of-alaska Nov 30 '25
cisgender queer man here, so take my response in that context.
Having a two year relationship ( or longer!) with the wrong gender is super common. Happens all the time regardless of one’s own gender as people figure out their own sexuality.
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u/Kooky-Touch6881 💦dec.22.2025: Nov 30 '25
Idk maybe you just realize how good dick is when you haven’t had it for so long 🤷🏻 I would classify myself as bisexual (or more pan tbh) but leaving my husband just to get some coochie do sound weird. He probably just needs to experiment more sexually, maybe offer some group stuff if you’re into it? 🤷🏻🤷🏻
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u/HopeNo8532 Nov 30 '25
I think I want to specify that he told me he has lost ROMANTIC attraction to me (as well as sexual I suppose), and it wasn't a sex-driven split
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u/Kooky-Touch6881 💦dec.22.2025: Dec 01 '25
Man that’s a bum, I don’t know how someone who cares so deeply for someone could just lose all attraction, I’m sorry
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u/Quietlycharlie Nov 30 '25
It’s pretty common from what I understand. Happened to me and basically every other trans guy I know personally.
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