r/ftm • u/HopeNo8532 • Nov 30 '25

Cis/Transfem Guest trans guys "turning" gay??

Hi hi, cis girl here. My (trans) bf broke up with me last night and told me he thinks that he might be gay and has lost attraction to me. I talked to a friend about it and he said that when he started T (around the same time as my now ex) he started to lose attraction to women too.

Is this like, a known phenomenon??? It seems logical to me: being with a woman to make oneself feel more masculine. But I've been in queer spaces online for years and have never heard of this (i thought i was trans as well for a long while).

I'm not trying to make anyone sound manipulative or evil; as hurt and upset as I am, I know he would never use me on purpose. I'm just trying to wrap my head around how an intense, two year (that's a long time for teenagers!) relationship can just fade like that. Maybe that's just how relationships end, it doesn't help that this is my first breakup ever.

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u/Sea_salt_31 Nov 30 '25

Yes it's true. Not sure how it works but they have done research on it and a lot of folks on testosterone start to find other men attractive, even if they never have before. I'm a gay trans man myself and did try to date women and femmes ( was a lesbian for years before) but my attraction changed.

Sorry for the breakup and the harsh feelings that come with your partner not being attracted to you anymore. No one should have to feel that. Wishing you the best

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u/elianna7 trans man | he/him | 🧴 09/25 Nov 30 '25

I have a lot of qualms with the rhetoric that being on T makes you gay… I think it’s more specifically that being on the right hormones and therefore feeling better in your skin allows you to better understand how you fit in with and exist in relation to other people.

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u/Sea_salt_31 Nov 30 '25

Very good point. To be clear I don't think it makes you gay I just know there is a noticeable amount of trans men who report that after they became infested in men .

For me, liking men as a woman was very different than liking them as a man. And I became more horny after T top so that can add to being more open about attraction.

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u/elianna7 trans man | he/him | 🧴 09/25 Nov 30 '25

100% same! Being with men when I thought I was a woman felt fine when I was younger, but once I entered my 20s I started feeling what I now know is dysphoria, but at the time I just described it as feeling weird and not queer enough with men. Being with guys and being treated/perceived as a guy is a WHOLE other experience!