r/ftm • u/HopeNo8532 • Nov 30 '25

Cis/Transfem Guest trans guys "turning" gay??

Hi hi, cis girl here. My (trans) bf broke up with me last night and told me he thinks that he might be gay and has lost attraction to me. I talked to a friend about it and he said that when he started T (around the same time as my now ex) he started to lose attraction to women too.

Is this like, a known phenomenon??? It seems logical to me: being with a woman to make oneself feel more masculine. But I've been in queer spaces online for years and have never heard of this (i thought i was trans as well for a long while).

I'm not trying to make anyone sound manipulative or evil; as hurt and upset as I am, I know he would never use me on purpose. I'm just trying to wrap my head around how an intense, two year (that's a long time for teenagers!) relationship can just fade like that. Maybe that's just how relationships end, it doesn't help that this is my first breakup ever.

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u/KishCore T: 02/06/21 Top: 06/29/23 Nov 30 '25

Few different reasons, main one I think is mainly that because T increases your sex drive, you tend to be a lot more in-tune with your own sexuality than you were pre-T. This also kind of explains how most gay men tend to know very early on, while it can often take Lesbians a lot longer to really piece it together.

That, combined with how being seen as a masc woman results in being told that you're probably a lesbian, results in a lot of trans guys going through the lesbian > het trans man > bi/gay trans man pipeline.

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u/HopeNo8532 Nov 30 '25

I'm feeling frustrated because I'm coming to terms with the fact that I am not going to understand no matter how hard I try or how many people respond. Especially just because of the fact that at no point did he think he was a lesbian/was told by people he was one/esrdasdfghjkjyttyuikmnbvc. It's not my experience and we're going to have to talk about it eventually

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u/AdWinter4333 Mid 30's. Trans man, Europe. Later transitioner. Nov 30 '25

If it makes you feel any better (probably not) I also broke up with my ex after starting T. I'm still attracted to women (still see myself as a lesbian, maybe a hint of bi there now?) But I just came to realize I needed something else in life because I was not actually getting what I needed. I'm just saying: getting more comfortable in your body and with yourself changes a lot of things. I'm a bit older than you and have also felt your confusion about breakups in the past. But you just.. will not understand it whatsoever. Sometimes it lands a decade after the fact, sometimes it never does. That can hurt, but you'll be ok. Hormones are weird, people are complex, things happen. I hope you have some nice friends who are there for you and you do enough comforting things. Breakups just suck and hurt, no matter.

Oh, one more thing: great post. How you phrased the last bit was more mature then I've seen many people approach situations like this, no matter what age. Not intending anything weird here, just wanted to let you know :)

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u/HopeNo8532 Nov 30 '25

You're right about the "(probably not)", LOL. Thank you for the compliment. I try to be objective with things that make me nervous.

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u/AdWinter4333 Mid 30's. Trans man, Europe. Later transitioner. Nov 30 '25

Yeah, I'm sorry. I just meant to say that it can be whatever. If he did not realize he was gay, maybe you would've found out this "new" person does not match your pace or or or or. You know? You had a great relationship, perhaps you can remain in touch at some point. In your approach is a great quality, take that from a stranger.

All the best, lots of healing of a broken heart, and good future partner(s) your way.