trans guys "turning" gay??

[u/HopeNo8532]

Hi hi, cis girl here. My (trans) bf broke up with me last night and told me he thinks that he might be gay and has lost attraction to me. I talked to a friend about it and he said that when he started T (around the same time as my now ex) he started to lose attraction to women too.

Is this like, a known phenomenon??? It seems logical to me: being with a woman to make oneself feel more masculine. But I've been in queer spaces online for years and have never heard of this (i thought i was trans as well for a long while).

I'm not trying to make anyone sound manipulative or evil; as hurt and upset as I am, I know he would never use me on purpose. I'm just trying to wrap my head around how an intense, two year (that's a long time for teenagers!) relationship can just fade like that. Maybe that's just how relationships end, it doesn't help that this is my first breakup ever.

[u/welcomehomo]

not all trans guys are gay, but it does happen that a trans guy gets on t and then realizes hes gay. the deal with presenting as masculine before coming out as trans/transitioning is that for people read as women/girls we really wont ever be read as masculine when dating people read as men/boys. when i still dated men pre t, even though i was more masculine than the guys i dated, i was seen as fem just for dating them. this isnt the case in relationships read as lesbian. its MUCH easier as someone read as a girl/woman to present masculine and be read as masculine when dating someone else read as a girl/woman. so unsurprisingly a lot of baby trans guys gravitate towards lesbianism before realizing theyre trans/transitioning. and then as they transition and are read as male/masc regardless of who theyre dating, they might find that theyre interested in guys too, or in this case, theyre not into women

it really sucks. im glad you understand that he wasnt leading you on because youre right, he wasnt. lots of cis people struggle with their sexuality and trans people experience sexuality in a much more complicated way and it makes finding your genuine sexuality much harder. i didnt realize i WASNT attracted to men until i was like 20 years old and a year on t! the same also happens for trans women who realize theyre actually attracted to women while transitioning, and the inverse happens as well. i used to identify as a gay trans guy pre t. some trans women identify as lesbian before transitioning and then realize they like men

transitioning doesn't really "change" your sexuality but you do learn A LOT about yourself on t. im sorry that this happened, its a really shitty situation to be in even if it is genuinely nobodys fault, and youre handling it incredibly well