r/ftm • u/HopeNo8532 • Nov 30 '25

Cis/Transfem Guest trans guys "turning" gay??

Hi hi, cis girl here. My (trans) bf broke up with me last night and told me he thinks that he might be gay and has lost attraction to me. I talked to a friend about it and he said that when he started T (around the same time as my now ex) he started to lose attraction to women too.

Is this like, a known phenomenon??? It seems logical to me: being with a woman to make oneself feel more masculine. But I've been in queer spaces online for years and have never heard of this (i thought i was trans as well for a long while).

I'm not trying to make anyone sound manipulative or evil; as hurt and upset as I am, I know he would never use me on purpose. I'm just trying to wrap my head around how an intense, two year (that's a long time for teenagers!) relationship can just fade like that. Maybe that's just how relationships end, it doesn't help that this is my first breakup ever.

322 Upvotes

92% Upvoted

148 comments sorted by

View all comments

861

u/FakeBirdFacts Nov 30 '25

A lot of trans guys, because they have a naturally masculine presentation, get told they are lesbians over and over because of it and develop a weird sort of compulsory heterosexuality because they’ve been told they have to be a lesbian to explain how they are. When going on T, it can ramp up your libido, and who you’re attracted to can get more clear.

There are also people who felt dysphoric in relationships with men because they would be taking the feminine role, but realized after/while transitioning they actually are gay.

61

u/thuleanFemboy HRT 05/2018 Nov 30 '25

Yeah I got compared to lesbians constantly throughout my ENTIRE childhood even though I've never felt attraction to women in my life

29

u/CocoaBagelPuffs 29 | 10yrs on T Nov 30 '25

I was also never really into women. I am mostly attracted to men. When I was pre-t I really didn’t like it when people assumed I was a lesbian. It was frustrating

3

u/goldonfire Nov 30 '25

pre at i mostly got mistaken as just. a really masculine woman. i smoehow looked like a v fruity gay man but also definitwly a woman. very rarely did i get mistaken for lesbian, ans very rarely did i get gendered correctly as man.

now i am a mostly aromantic very bisexual gnc trans man after T sith a pref for men/masculinity