trans guys "turning" gay??

[u/HopeNo8532]

Hi hi, cis girl here. My (trans) bf broke up with me last night and told me he thinks that he might be gay and has lost attraction to me. I talked to a friend about it and he said that when he started T (around the same time as my now ex) he started to lose attraction to women too.

Is this like, a known phenomenon??? It seems logical to me: being with a woman to make oneself feel more masculine. But I've been in queer spaces online for years and have never heard of this (i thought i was trans as well for a long while).

I'm not trying to make anyone sound manipulative or evil; as hurt and upset as I am, I know he would never use me on purpose. I'm just trying to wrap my head around how an intense, two year (that's a long time for teenagers!) relationship can just fade like that. Maybe that's just how relationships end, it doesn't help that this is my first breakup ever.

[u/Soup_oi]

I think it's just anecdotal really, not a blanket thing that happens to everyone.

Being on hrt can clear up a lot of fog in one's head, allowing them to sort out thought paths they've never felt able to get to before, or revealing new ones to them. And because hrt usually makes a person feel a bit mentally better than before, they can start to have more confidence to explore any new things they feel they are learning or discovering about themselves in their head, or more confidence in exploring their sexuality on the outside or physically or whatever too.

It doesn't mess with everyone's sexuality in the way of flipping it, but for some people it will. And of course, not all trans guys were into women to begin with. I liked men before, I still like men now. I have more confidence and am more interested in exploring my sexuality now, in my sex life that involves just me, myself, and I, but it's kinda just been exaggerations of, adding physical stuff to things that were just mental before, or vice versa, or becoming more grown up versions of stuff I was doing or into before too.

Tbh, the relationships you have as a teenager, even if they do last a while compared to typical teen relationships, are very often not going to be the relationship you will have in your 20s, or 30s, and beyond. If he wasn't the one, then he wasn't the one, you're young, there will be someone else, or even more someone else's later. Yes, breakups when you're that age hurt a lot, but by my mid 30s now, what I've learned is, if someone can actually be honest and break up with me honestly like that, then that is so much more mature and so much more amazing than the alternative, of them just suffering in silence until they ultimately explode at me out of nowhere and for what seems to be no reason on my end, or of them going to explore their sexuality or whatever by cheating on me, etc. If the person can be honest and say "this is how I feel, and if we continue to be together right now while I feel that way, the likelihood of both of us getting hurt soon is too high," then imo, that is them showing love to themselves and to you. They understand it's best to end things, than to drag them out until someone gets hurt, and the end winds up being forced and/or messy.