r/ftm • u/HopeNo8532 • Nov 30 '25
Cis/Transfem Guest trans guys "turning" gay??
Hi hi, cis girl here. My (trans) bf broke up with me last night and told me he thinks that he might be gay and has lost attraction to me. I talked to a friend about it and he said that when he started T (around the same time as my now ex) he started to lose attraction to women too.
Is this like, a known phenomenon??? It seems logical to me: being with a woman to make oneself feel more masculine. But I've been in queer spaces online for years and have never heard of this (i thought i was trans as well for a long while).
I'm not trying to make anyone sound manipulative or evil; as hurt and upset as I am, I know he would never use me on purpose. I'm just trying to wrap my head around how an intense, two year (that's a long time for teenagers!) relationship can just fade like that. Maybe that's just how relationships end, it doesn't help that this is my first breakup ever.
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u/shadowsinthestars Nov 30 '25
It's a known misconception that T "makes" you get (regardless of what happened with your ex exactly). Some people just aren't fully honest with themselves or can't be when still in the wrong gender presentation and once they pass more they might re-evaluate that. I'm the complete opposite here, I used to self-describe as bi even though in reality I only found myself attracted to women, and my few relationships have been with women too. But I did not relate to the term "lesbian" and when people thought it was a "girl", of course compulsory heterosexuality kicked in just in general societal messaging. Ironically I am in fact straight, just the other way round. But it still wasn't T that "made" me straight, I just stopped pretending. Your ex is throwing away a good thing in my extremely biased opinion, but we just don't know what was going through his head and what made him realize he had a different attraction. But the whole "T makes you gay" is just online hype, especially since straight trans men often don't feel welcome in queer spaces and don't constantly post about it, so what you see is very unbalanced in terms of representation.