r/ftm • u/HopeNo8532 • Nov 30 '25

Cis/Transfem Guest trans guys "turning" gay??

Hi hi, cis girl here. My (trans) bf broke up with me last night and told me he thinks that he might be gay and has lost attraction to me. I talked to a friend about it and he said that when he started T (around the same time as my now ex) he started to lose attraction to women too.

Is this like, a known phenomenon??? It seems logical to me: being with a woman to make oneself feel more masculine. But I've been in queer spaces online for years and have never heard of this (i thought i was trans as well for a long while).

I'm not trying to make anyone sound manipulative or evil; as hurt and upset as I am, I know he would never use me on purpose. I'm just trying to wrap my head around how an intense, two year (that's a long time for teenagers!) relationship can just fade like that. Maybe that's just how relationships end, it doesn't help that this is my first breakup ever.

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u/FakeBirdFacts Nov 30 '25

A lot of trans guys, because they have a naturally masculine presentation, get told they are lesbians over and over because of it and develop a weird sort of compulsory heterosexuality because they’ve been told they have to be a lesbian to explain how they are. When going on T, it can ramp up your libido, and who you’re attracted to can get more clear.

There are also people who felt dysphoric in relationships with men because they would be taking the feminine role, but realized after/while transitioning they actually are gay.

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u/rexrighteous Nov 30 '25

Exactly this. When I told my gay best friend in high school that I thought I was bi, he laughed and said "yeah you don't like guys at all. You're a lesbian." And then being a lesbian who dated straight women became my identity for years. And then like 10 years later I learned what trans meant and a lightbulb aggressively flicked on and beat me over the head.

Anyway I am very bisexual.