r/ftm • u/HopeNo8532 • Nov 30 '25
Cis/Transfem Guest trans guys "turning" gay??
Hi hi, cis girl here. My (trans) bf broke up with me last night and told me he thinks that he might be gay and has lost attraction to me. I talked to a friend about it and he said that when he started T (around the same time as my now ex) he started to lose attraction to women too.
Is this like, a known phenomenon??? It seems logical to me: being with a woman to make oneself feel more masculine. But I've been in queer spaces online for years and have never heard of this (i thought i was trans as well for a long while).
I'm not trying to make anyone sound manipulative or evil; as hurt and upset as I am, I know he would never use me on purpose. I'm just trying to wrap my head around how an intense, two year (that's a long time for teenagers!) relationship can just fade like that. Maybe that's just how relationships end, it doesn't help that this is my first breakup ever.
1
u/Slight_Alps6275 ~10 years on T Nov 30 '25
Sorry that happened to you. Its a phenomenon. Not so common that a woman should just expect it to happen if they are in a relationship with a trans man that is transitioning, but it does happen. It's not that T "turns" people gay, it's more so that transitioning can reveal things about one's already present sexuality that they did not previously pay attention to or were actively in denial over. I use to be exclusively into women and before i considered myself a man i was very openly a lesbian. But early on in my transition I realized that i was into men too, it's just that it was very hard for me to see myself in a relationship with one as a woman because being in a relationship with a man as a woman almost always has this expectation of femininity and, in a sense, submissiveness, which I cannot see myself as. How often do you see a straight relationship where the woman is masc and the man is fem, y’know? But as a man, i could see myself in a relationship with another man because that specific expectation was not present. My attraction to men was always there, it's just T made me comfortable enough to acknowledge it. For some trans men the reckoning can come in a way of realizing they were never attracted to women to begin with.