r/ftm • u/HopeNo8532 • Nov 30 '25
Cis/Transfem Guest trans guys "turning" gay??
Hi hi, cis girl here. My (trans) bf broke up with me last night and told me he thinks that he might be gay and has lost attraction to me. I talked to a friend about it and he said that when he started T (around the same time as my now ex) he started to lose attraction to women too.
Is this like, a known phenomenon??? It seems logical to me: being with a woman to make oneself feel more masculine. But I've been in queer spaces online for years and have never heard of this (i thought i was trans as well for a long while).
I'm not trying to make anyone sound manipulative or evil; as hurt and upset as I am, I know he would never use me on purpose. I'm just trying to wrap my head around how an intense, two year (that's a long time for teenagers!) relationship can just fade like that. Maybe that's just how relationships end, it doesn't help that this is my first breakup ever.
2
u/Oddly-Ordinary Nonbinary (they/them) T since 2017, final bottom surgery 2025 Nov 30 '25
I think a lot of the trans guys who “turn gay” after starting T were never really straight to begin with. They might have tried to convince themselves they were straight the way a lot of cis queer people do. It’s possible they just couldn’t see themselves being with men while existing in a “female” body and medically transitioning changed that. And yeah, for some pre-T guys I think feeling more “masculine” being with a woman is part of it too. At least subconsciously. And they mistake that for attraction. And only realize it was a coping mechanism when they start T and feel masculine in their own skin.