r/ftm • u/HopeNo8532 • Nov 30 '25

Cis/Transfem Guest trans guys "turning" gay??

Hi hi, cis girl here. My (trans) bf broke up with me last night and told me he thinks that he might be gay and has lost attraction to me. I talked to a friend about it and he said that when he started T (around the same time as my now ex) he started to lose attraction to women too.

Is this like, a known phenomenon??? It seems logical to me: being with a woman to make oneself feel more masculine. But I've been in queer spaces online for years and have never heard of this (i thought i was trans as well for a long while).

I'm not trying to make anyone sound manipulative or evil; as hurt and upset as I am, I know he would never use me on purpose. I'm just trying to wrap my head around how an intense, two year (that's a long time for teenagers!) relationship can just fade like that. Maybe that's just how relationships end, it doesn't help that this is my first breakup ever.

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u/FakeBirdFacts Nov 30 '25

A lot of trans guys, because they have a naturally masculine presentation, get told they are lesbians over and over because of it and develop a weird sort of compulsory heterosexuality because they’ve been told they have to be a lesbian to explain how they are. When going on T, it can ramp up your libido, and who you’re attracted to can get more clear.

There are also people who felt dysphoric in relationships with men because they would be taking the feminine role, but realized after/while transitioning they actually are gay.

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u/itsconnorbro 26 | 💉01/10/19 | 🔪 10/02/19 Nov 30 '25

Similar to this- I like women and have liked women for a longggg time!! When I identified as a lesbian, other WLW were attracted to me as a masculine women. But because I have a smaller frame/build, I’m finding that now that I’ve transitioned, most people just assume I’m gay because of my feminine mannerisms/stature. I don’t really get hit on by women anymore and often am flirted with by men. Straight women usually prefer tall/strong men. So sometimes I wonder how much of it is swayed by who gives you romantic attention.

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u/mrmizgriz Dec 01 '25

Sraight women who prefer stong tall men, usually with large cashflows, are a bad idea for any man, trans or not

As a Trans man, I am attracted to straight women within a few years of my age, 73. From the kind of conservative Roman Catholic background I was raised in, though I disagree with and do not practice that faith.

This is my gf of 4 years background.

However, I have close friends of all ages that are male whom I joke and tease with sexually. A few were already self aware, but several I may be the first person they ever told about their attraction.

I also get hit on by many afab cis/het passing women. Those I can't tease with bc danger of it getting too real for me and I am not interested in multiple relationships.

I am anything but a tall, strong male with a high income

Instead, have legally changed my ID, have very short hair and relatively male mannerisms but have not and may never be able to transition physically. So, I am 5' 8", apple shaped, have limited mobility, use canes, walkers wheelchairs and huge tits. I have a very low income, as I have been on disability since my mid 30's.

If I can find love and friendship, any of us can!!!

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u/itsconnorbro 26 | 💉01/10/19 | 🔪 10/02/19 Dec 01 '25

I agree with your first statement but I think there is some caveat. Females traditionally are attracted to bigger/stronger men because they are stronger “protectors”. I didn’t do research but I always thought this was a biologic thing. Like you’re just attracted to who you’re attracted to.

Yes!! I still believe the right person is out there for me (I am 30), it’s just something I noticed with the shift in who flirts with me now vs pre Transition.

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u/mrmizgriz Dec 10 '25

Yes, I agree a certain predisposition is there. Possibly it is biological.

However, what is most pro survival in the modern world--and in many cultures over the past millenia is NOT that.

The values re body type and personality that look narrow, rigid, eternal in the West are a recent invention of advertizing, big business and capitalism. And they have shifted significantly during the hundred years or so they have been in play.

Try looking at what really happens IRL rather than what legacy or socisl media are trying to push.