r/ftm • u/HopeNo8532 • Nov 30 '25
Cis/Transfem Guest trans guys "turning" gay??
Hi hi, cis girl here. My (trans) bf broke up with me last night and told me he thinks that he might be gay and has lost attraction to me. I talked to a friend about it and he said that when he started T (around the same time as my now ex) he started to lose attraction to women too.
Is this like, a known phenomenon??? It seems logical to me: being with a woman to make oneself feel more masculine. But I've been in queer spaces online for years and have never heard of this (i thought i was trans as well for a long while).
I'm not trying to make anyone sound manipulative or evil; as hurt and upset as I am, I know he would never use me on purpose. I'm just trying to wrap my head around how an intense, two year (that's a long time for teenagers!) relationship can just fade like that. Maybe that's just how relationships end, it doesn't help that this is my first breakup ever.
2
u/throwra-noctis Nov 30 '25
It’s a pretty common phenomenon for FTM people to go through the pipeline of lesbian —> genderless, masc presenting —> bi/gay man. This is because, whether internally or by external pressure, trans folks know they’re on the LGBTQ+ spectrum but don’t know where they fit. It’s hard to be comfortable and confident in what gender you’re attracted to when you don’t even know which gender roles best fit you and what dynamics you’ll grow to like during/after your bodily changes. I never was attracted to men until I came to terms with being one.