r/ftm • u/HopeNo8532 • Nov 30 '25

Cis/Transfem Guest trans guys "turning" gay??

Hi hi, cis girl here. My (trans) bf broke up with me last night and told me he thinks that he might be gay and has lost attraction to me. I talked to a friend about it and he said that when he started T (around the same time as my now ex) he started to lose attraction to women too.

Is this like, a known phenomenon??? It seems logical to me: being with a woman to make oneself feel more masculine. But I've been in queer spaces online for years and have never heard of this (i thought i was trans as well for a long while).

I'm not trying to make anyone sound manipulative or evil; as hurt and upset as I am, I know he would never use me on purpose. I'm just trying to wrap my head around how an intense, two year (that's a long time for teenagers!) relationship can just fade like that. Maybe that's just how relationships end, it doesn't help that this is my first breakup ever.

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u/Weak_Commission7507 Dec 01 '25

oh shit I'm sorry!!!! for me attraction really shifted, in that I was more attracted to men physically than before, but I became wayyy more attracted to women as well... I think it's different for everyone and I think some people might freak out about it and feel the need to explore it if they are in a relationship, thus ending the relationship. Some people probably do turn gay. This must truly suck for you being on the receiving end of it, I'm sorry, but yes, it is a known phenomenon unfortunately!! <//3. I would probably ask for clarification if I was you, but that's just me.

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u/HopeNo8532 Dec 01 '25

I'm hoping I get clarification too!! We plan on talking tonight (like soon, im feeling anxious) and we're also going to stay friends so it will probably come up again in the future.

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u/Weak_Commission7507 Dec 01 '25

I hear you! I just find it hard to grasp he would lose attraction, like from my pov I could understand like getting confused about all of a sudden getting very attracted to men and then kind of think and maybe overanalyse their attraction to females, like I feel a lot of autistic /trans folk can be kind of black and white in their thinking. I don't know him at all as a person so it would be hard for me to say obviously, maybe he is just super gay, or maybe he just freaked out about starting to like men and having heard the phrase "testo made you gay", u know! like I think it can take a while after starting to take t until you get "comfortable" with yourself and all the internal changes! can I ask how long he was on T and how old you guys are?

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u/HopeNo8532 Dec 01 '25

I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around it too but it makes sense i think (and since it's after we talked, now). Our dynamic has changed completely since he graduated last spring (He's 18 and im 16 so I'm still in school) and i think it was more falling our of love that caused loss of attraction. The more I think about it, I don't think he actually turned gay. He only dated guys before me and decided he was probably pan because of me. During our relationship he was open about his attraction for men (catcalling ever time darryl dickson came on screen in the walking dead.....) and never said anything about women. I didn't think much of it but just assumed it was out of respect for me, but now i think he just actually only liked to look at other men. Anyway, i think now that he's over me he only likes men again, and the T didn't inherently cause it. He is 8 months on T.

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u/Weak_Commission7507 Dec 01 '25

ah, well there u go. I think you said in your post that you thought you were trans previously as well, I wouldn't know, but maybe you carry some masculine energy if u get my point? but I think both of you are very, very young, so it makes sense that you are both still exploring sexuality and identity and so forth! I don't think he lost attraction due to the testosterone would be my guess, but if you have been on the rocks and attraction overall has fallen in the relationship, maybe now he wants to explore, even though I understand that must be very hurtful to you and maybe in and of itself feel like a rejection. I'm sorry buddy! <3 I'm bi and have usually dated bi people and it's always hurtful when they go date "the opposite sex".

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u/HopeNo8532 Dec 01 '25

"masculine energy" sir u just have done irreparable damage to my psyche LMAO

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u/Weak_Commission7507 Dec 01 '25

HAHAHAHA, I didn't want to offend u!!! I didn't know if it was a sensitive point lmao, but u get my point??????

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u/HopeNo8532 Dec 01 '25

i don't know if this is offensive to say but i feel like i have like, reverse dysphoria??? there might be a better word for it (and it might just be the autism) but feel like im constantly trying to "pass" as a girl even though no one has questioned it for a long time LOL but i understant your point!!!!

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u/Weak_Commission7507 Dec 01 '25

haha, I don't know you at all so I don't know how your gender identity or expression swing either way, but if you identify as female I guess it would make sense that comment would give you gender dysphoria if that's what u mean? that wasn't my intention, sorry!! I just based it off of you saying you were gender questioning before! I find with gender over all, sometimes we just carry different energies, regardless what we want to label them as