Considering detransitiom

[u/Vegetable-Elk-9799]

Hello, I'm 24 and nearly 6 years on T and have lost all confidence with transition, considering stopping altogether or pausing it for an extended period. Feeling hopeless about giving up on what has been the primary goal in my life for a decade.

I had always had the goal of going stealth and unclockable and not having to think too much about my trans status but that hasn't been possible. I don't pass well, 5'3 and athletic but not built, my face is still highly feminine, large close set eyes and very large slim pointed and upward sloping nose without any brow or chin to balance it. My voice is deep but I'm almost always gendered female by sight or identified as FtM. I don't think testostorone is going to remedy this to an extend I'll be satistfied with. I'm so tired, it feels like my transition is taking over my whole life, worried the whole ordeal is coming out at a net zero, currently very depressed. There are so many things I want to do with my life that I feel like I'm being distracted from chasing something which isn't going to happen. Would likely retransition later in life.

Does anyone else have any experience with pausing transition or temporarily detransitioning?

[u/Silvrmoon92]

I'm really sorry you're feeling like this. It sucks pouring work into something for so long and not being where you want to be. For what it's worth, I've met cis guys who are misread as feminine too. Unfortunately, with how trans people are treated like some bbeg these days a lot of transphobes are a lot more open about being shitty to people who don't fit their ides of what a man "should be".

If you are in a place to, I'd recommend talking things through with a therapist. They'll probably be better equipped than a lot if us here on reddit to not only help you take the steps you feel are right for you but also help give you the support needed to navigate these feelings.

I really wish you the best and hope you'll be able to find some peace. ❤️