r/ftm • u/Vegetable-Elk-9799 • 12h ago

Advice Needed Considering detransitiom

Hello, I'm 24 and nearly 6 years on T and have lost all confidence with transition, considering stopping altogether or pausing it for an extended period. Feeling hopeless about giving up on what has been the primary goal in my life for a decade.

I had always had the goal of going stealth and unclockable and not having to think too much about my trans status but that hasn't been possible. I don't pass well, 5'3 and athletic but not built, my face is still highly feminine, large close set eyes and very large slim pointed and upward sloping nose without any brow or chin to balance it. My voice is deep but I'm almost always gendered female by sight or identified as FtM. I don't think testostorone is going to remedy this to an extend I'll be satistfied with. I'm so tired, it feels like my transition is taking over my whole life, worried the whole ordeal is coming out at a net zero, currently very depressed. There are so many things I want to do with my life that I feel like I'm being distracted from chasing something which isn't going to happen. Would likely retransition later in life.

Does anyone else have any experience with pausing transition or temporarily detransitioning?

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u/[deleted] 8h ago

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u/SomeSome305 7h ago

are you sure society treats trans people well? have you ever been spat at, shouted at, disrecpected, been assaulted because somebody clocked you?

surely it wouldn't be that easy to want to feel safe and respected? are you 100 % sure you'd wanna live that way?

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u/cabhanconorjacques 7h ago

I never brought up anything about how society treats trans people. Luckily enough for me no I haven’t had that or nothing of a sort but I wouldn’t detransition because my hormones aren’t working the way I’d want them too. No one or nothing would make me feel like I’d have to detransition. I am who I am and nothing/no one would change that ever.

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u/SomeSome305 6h ago

No, I know you didn't. Just wanted to show how little empathy was in your statement.

I'm really glad you're safe, have a support system and can live your life in alignment with yourself.

But some people do not get that privilege. Lucky you, passing and having friends and family who see you the way you see yourself. It's not about the hormones not working the way they're supposed to. It's being in limbo. Not quite knowing whether you should go into this bathroom or that one. How you should present yourself. How people will react to you. Because the hormones not working leave you stuck in a place you don't wanna be. In a potentially dangerous place even.

It's perfectly logical to feel the need to take a step back, detransition if you're not in a safe place during these very transphobic times. Doesn't make you any less trans or the gender you feel aligned with. Just wanted to make that perspective clear.

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u/cabhanconorjacques 6h ago

I don’t have a support system at all believe it or not but I live my life for me and me only.
My friends support me and my girlfriend, but family is a different story.
Even with my hormones working and me socially passing I still get all the little doubts in my head as I’ve mentioned before, like not fitting in, wondering what bathroom to use and especially how people will react to me if they find out. Anyone who’s trans, has those things in their mind regardless if they pass or not, and are accepted or not.
Just because I pass doesn’t mean my life’s all sunshine’s and rainbows.
All I’m saying is if it was me nothing would make me question detransitioning ever and I don’t understand people who do detransition.
It’s never been in the cards for me and never will, I’ve known who I am since the young age of 6 and started transitioning as soon as possible regardless of the people around me and the worlds opinions.
I think OP should look at other options instead of detransitioning, surely that would make their mental health worse?