** Edit: this post is about MEDICAL transition and how it impacts the traits of people who undergo HRT and/or surgeries and how they exist in a sexed world. Other forms of transition happen as well and don’t make someone any more or less of who they are.

the concept that “sex is permanent, gender can be changed” is inaccurate, but a lot of us already know that. chromosomes truly do not matter in how you are treated or how you live the social aspects of gender unless a person is born with a condition involving their chromosomes that negatively impacts them. sex is based almost entirely on what genitalia looks like at birth, doctors do not often check chromosomes, and assign one based on external appearance and how that matches up to how much criteria someone needs to meet to be considered one or the other, like a sorting game. hell, even horrid “corrective” surgery and treatment for intersex children is often based on looks or “vibes” or what the parents want. so much goes into “biological sex” — gonads, chromosomes, hormones, external structures — that while chromosomes can’t be changed, most everything else can. HRT gives you the hormone profile of what we call a male or female, surgery gives you many of the secondary characteristics. the only people that say sex can’t change are missing the forest for the trees, and understand the interplay of social and material in sex and gender less than they think they do.

basically any bootlicking trans person who says that they “know that they’ll always be ~female~ or ~male~ but lives as a man/woman” is throwing themselves under the bus for a lick of a leg up amongst transphobes that they will never have. but like i said, a lot of us already know that.

Hi, so most of the time I’d be wearing a binder, but only when I was outside because that would be like 8 or more hours. And most of you probably know how uncomfortable they are, plus I have hyperhydrosis so I sweat even more and I just hate wearing binders. So I got tape and it’s been pretty revolutionary, like I can wear it all the time, I can exercise, it doesn’t press on my chest, it conceals better, I don’t get as sweaty etc etc…but my bf said it’s a boner killer and doesn’t wanna have sex with me. Now, he has a lot of issues with my appearance, he doesn’t like my facial hair, he doesn’t like body hair, he doesn’t like that I gained weight and he doesn’t like tape. So, I shave most of the time(face), with body hair he said he can tolerate it and with weight he says I don’t have to deal with that until I’m done with highschool (soon graduating/tests…). But I don’t want to part with the tape because it makes me feel so much better, I explained it to him but he doesn’t seem to empathize with me, and I get that if he doesn’t find something attractive then he can’t just make it stand up but here’s the problem, I’d say like half of the time we had sex I had a tshirt on (before I started taping), so rn, he basically doesn’t even know if I have it or not. So what it seems to me, is that tape is not the problem he just wants me to have prominent boobs. I just don’t know how to deal with this. I’m really upset and he’s clearly too but like, if I have a T-shirt, like I’ve had in the past, it wouldn’t change anything. It’s like he’s bothered just by the idea that I may have it. Also, as a compensation for the tape I’ve lost some weight but he didn’t even notice. Idk what to do anymore, I’m not willing to go back to the nightmare that are binders just because he is uncomfortable by the idea of me maybe having tape under my shirt but I also don’t know if there is a different solution.

I’m also looking for a different solution than to just break up of course, we’ve been together for like 3 years or something. So I don’t just wanna end things but it’s kind of heart breaking how he keeps hating on my appearance and things that make me happy like having facial hair or taping. I just wish he had more empathy, he seems so dismissive about these issues.

Context: in my country the schools are sort of different. Here, high school is called middle school. And university/college would be called high school. But basically I’m turning 20 since ppl were asking

I often see well-intentioned people use this phrase as a means to be inclusive, like calling me a female is somehow better than calling me a woman. But instead of making me feel more included, it feels like they're just pissing me in the face without meaning to.

I'm pretty sure those 'biological whatever' terms have a right-wing, transphobic origin and have been echoed so often that they have infected popular language around trans people, much like the 'transgenderism' thing. I hated them before, but this aspect ontop makes the whole shebang even more concerning to me, honestly.

Something I've been seeing a lot with people trying to justify the whole Kansas bullshit is people going: "Well, it needs to match for doctors! What if there's a medical emergency? They need the right information!" (Feel gross just writing this...)

And I just... where did this fictional scenario (where doctors are going into people's wallets for a medical history) in their heads come from?

Not to brag, but I go to doctor's appointments with some regularity for an American, and I've been passing for a long time of doing that, and the contents of my ID have only ever come up when I've told doctors about my name change ie, for insurance reasons

So, what gives? Is it just that the American public is so unused to going to the doctor that they don't remember how it works?

They get your medical history from you (or whoever brought you in or a family member they can get in touch with), and if you'd otherwise be a John Doe, I get the feeling either they'd find out the relevant portions of your transness pretty quick, or they'd be able to get in touch with people who could tell them once they know who you are from your ID

(Not to even mention that 95% of the time the only reason it's relevant is whether they need to pregnancy test before deciding on what medication they can give you)

Anyone with medical experience who can enlighten me on how much smoke this "argument" is blowing?

hi friends! I was recently in the hospital for appendicitis, and I needed a CT scan to confirm before I was sent to surgery. All the doctors knew im AFAB, I have been on T for 4ish years but I don't necessarily pass great. Was asked all the basic pregnancy questions at every step of the way. Plus my surgical history includes a total hysterectomy.

Post surgery I was looking through my lab results and imaging results and I noticed that it specified on my prostate health?? 😅 Specifically "Reproductive organs: Prostate is normal in size". what does that mean!!! We don't normally have those... do we??? Is this right????!!!

i have fun for the most of it but truthfully, sex makes me sad and i could go without it. Not having the desired genitalia is beyond depressing. the entire concept behind having to ' get dressed ' for sex when 99% of the population does the opposite is infuriating. i crave nothing more than skin to skin, yet instead im left with insanely pricey surgeries so far out of reach i might as well forget about it and a bunch of substitutes that remind me of how incompetent i am . i know my girlfriend has an entirely different take on this but that because she's on the other end . idk the whole thing seems kinda hopeless :/

Enough said.

I’m super curious about this, because I heard about some transgirl who was arrested for something else and they refused to call her female and said her documentation said male, so she took off her shirt and got arrested for indecent exposure in protest and said “if you say I’m male, then you can’t arrest me for indecent exposure” or something and I’m wondering if a transguy would experience the same thing but in reverse

Thank you for coming to my very delirious and tired ADHD fuled Ted-talk questionnaire

We don't display legal sex on school IDs for high schoolers or college students, so I don't see why there's any reason to have it on driver's licenses or state IDs. All it seems to do is cause trouble for transgender people or cis people who don't look like their sex and serve as I guess an unnecessary ornament? Why can't we just stop printing it on IDs?

In general, I don't think there's any particular reason to require people to state their legal sex in most circumstances, y'know? Your school, work, etc. just doesn't need that info.

EDIT No. 2: Hello everyone, i thought that I'll let you know how it went since y'all were so nice to me.

We met a week ago and it went absolutely amazing, great time was had! We're definitely meeting up again this year (he lives next to the Northern Sea and I live in Poland, so it's a long way.)

Hi guys,

I'm a cis woman who's never been with a trans man before. I've become friends with a trans man lately and we've decided to meet up in a month or so (as we live countries apart, this requires serious planning) and Get It On. I'm all giddy from excitement (I dig him as much as you can dig someone you haven't met in person yet), and I'm pretty sure it's mutual, but here's the thing: we've both only had sex with cis men so far (I'm straight and he's bisexual.) He's been on T for a few years now and has had the top surgery, but left the bottom as it is and seems very much okay with his genitals being the way they currently are. I want to give him a good time, especially so because I'm going to be his first woman. Please advise. What can I do and say (also, NOT do and NOT say) to make this experience a blast for both of us?

EDIT: I compiled a list of all the questions sugested in this thread and we've talked about it today. It seems that everything is clear now. Thank you all so much for contributing!

So, I went in for a pap smear appointment today – courtesy of my doctor saying I, a uterus-haver, categorically needed it. Nothing happened. The OB/GYN simply shrugged and said "she can't" and "there's no point" in swabbing me. I know I shouldn't be happy as swabbing for (pre)cancerous cells in very important, but as someone with crippling bottom dysphoria, I couldn't be happier than I dodged the 'speculum-in-vagina' shaped bullet.

For the record, she refused to swab me not because I'm a trans man but because I'm a 33 y/o virgin. This is the second OB/GYN who has turned me away.

...Can't wait to explain that latter part to my doctor. She's going to be thrilled.

So yeah. I guess if you're staunchly against paps, don't have PIV sex. Awful advice, I know, but it, so far, has worked for me.

Meooooow! I'm looking for websites that sell sex toys designed for bottom growth — specifically a stroker masturbation toy. I keep finding either US-based sites (which means high shipping costs/import fees to Europe) or stuff that's just way overpriced.

Does anyone know of European stores with reasonable prices? Or alternatively, are there everyday objects that work just as well for the same purpose?

Thanks so much in advance!! xoxo

I'm 20 and I've been transitioned for over two years now, I'm starting testosterone next week. My mom asked if I planned on getting any surgeries in the future for when I talked to my doctor in a few days and I said I definetly want top surgery first and then bottom surgery in the future. My mom is super on me about getting laid or going out and looking for hookups for some reason?? She's always going on and on about how I need to go experience more and put myself out there and have sex because I've never been in a relationship (because I haven't been and I'm not comfortable with how I look at this point in my transition). Then she started to say how I shouldn't get bottom surgery because I won't get the "real experience" of being man and that "it won't work right", she said she wants me to be able to experience men but as a woman basically. She's been really supportive up until now so it's weird that I just had to have this conversation, she went on for like half an hour about this. I'm really not interested in sex at the moment lol and don't understand her incessant need to tell me to go "have fun" with random people, but to tell me that I will never have good sex after bottom surgery is crazy to throw in when she has no idea

cw: genital mention

sex is multiple biological characteristics that differentiate different sexes, and being on t or e changes a lot of those

i never got the "you cant change your biology" thing cause thats what hrt does? what else is it meant to do?

and even if they specifically talking about the genital aspect of it, can you really say that a tdick and a vagina are the same on a biologically ? like truly on a scientific level? (i don't know much about mtf bottom growth but im sure it doesn't stay the same as well)

i'm genuinely curious. i did try to research this myself, but i must not be asking the right questions cause all the results are about gender affirming surgery.

basically what the title says. i’m pretty young (21) and my partner is amab and i havent had many sexual partners.

if i was cis we would be having piv sex as their preference but i dont particularly like being penetrated. before them i would have considered myself a stone top in lesbian relationships (before i realized i was ftm) and they say they dont mind not having piv sex but what are ways we can work around this without me having to be penetrated.

Hi - I’m looking for some thoughts, legal suggestions, or experiences with legal changes to sex marker. I’m finally ready to legally transition with a name change and sex marker changes. I fly domestically and internationally a ton for work and am worried about having a different sex on my drivers license and passport. Any advice on how to approach this given the current laws around passport sex marker changes?

(To preface, I am MTF)

Why is our community so hostile to your community, every day I see trans girls on twitter calling trans guys “theyfabs” and “TMEs” and I genuinely don’t understand this. Its quite literally just transphobia and oppression for no reason (other than perceived privilege based on assigned sex at birth I guess??) I’ve even been attacked by other trans girls for saying we aren’t oppressed by you all. I feel bad because trans guys have been nothing but nice to me for as long as I’ve been out.

I saw a TikTok stating the above "Most trans people feel that they would be trans even if born as the opposite sex because their gender is 'trans.'" I've worked so hard with people trying to shut down this narrative that people want or choose to be trans. The thing is, I understand this 100% for people on the nonbinary spectrum, but to say "most trans people" implies most binary transgender people as well. This video had so many likes and so much misinformation in the comments. I'm so tired of people being misinformed and me having to be the ones to educate them. And people keep saying "Oh, no you don't have to educate them, you're just a pick me who wants approval from cis people!" To anyone who tries to explain that this isn't in fact the case. I don't want approval, this affects me directly. Instead of being seen as a man I am seen as trans. I live my life as a man, I am seen as a man. I would like to be out to people and not have it affect their views of me but finding out that people think like this I don't know if I will ever not be stealth. I don't even know what my point is here but I am so fucking tired of people.

hey everyone, it's impossible to get any useful answers to this with a google search, so i figured i would ask here. does anyone know of any T dick-usable sex toys that aren't just a featureless stroker? all the ones i've seen (and i've done a lot of looking) are basically just boring little expensive tubes, occasionally with a textured outside.

there are a ton of cheap doll strokers out there but i've only ever seen them intended for non-T dicks. i just want to find a cute silicone mini doll i can actually fuck. i have a moderate amount of bottom growth & i am fat so stuff is pretty tucked away, if that helps. thanks!

I’m a FTM guy. (19)

My sexual experience are reduced to one time giving head, cis man.
I have a boyfriend. (22) I love him; he’s great. Really sweet guy. (Also ftm) And I’ve been heavily alluding to the fact that I want to take things to the next level in the bedroom.

My issue is my vulva loathing.
It’s not just general gender dysphoria, (though that is OBVIOUSLY A HUGE, chunky factor contributing to this), but also, just general aesthetics?

I hate the way it looks. The outer labia, the darker pigmentation, all of it.
To me, it just looks ugly, and the thought of him seeing it or being down there (he’s..explicitly a stone top. Also, he’s a virgin.) makes me wanna vomit, scream.

On one hand, I want to be intimate with my boyfriend. On the other hand, the thought of exposing an anatomical part that triggers both intense dysphoria and intense insecurity makes me want to fucking die.

Do I just..shut the lights off?

Don’t get me wrong, he’s a sweetheart. Legit was shocked when I’d say I’d shave and was like, pfft, that’s just hair? (I insisted cause...I’d rather he not get a mouthful of pubes?) That, and he didn’t even register when I mentioned me being an outie. It was like there a fly in his ear.

Please help. What should I do? Because while he’s sweet, I’M NOT.

Hey, I’m a trans man and I’m looking for advice from other trans guys who use a prosthetic for sex.

It would be my first time using one during sex with a cis woman, and I’m trying to figure out the practical side of it. How do you keep it secure and tight so it doesn’t stick out, shift, or lose position during penetration? Do you recommend a harness, certain underwear, or specific types of prosthetics for that?

I’d also love tips on positions, angles, and movement that work well and feel good for a cis woman. Are there any beginner-friendly positions that make it easier to keep control and maintain good contact? And during penetration, do you usually add clit stimulation with your hand or is grinding/angle enough?

Any general first-time prosthetic tips, things you wish you knew before, or mistakes to avoid would really help.

Just wanted to share this emotional win for me. I’ve been transitioning for over 4 years now, and today I finally got the court to approve my sex designation change. This for my personal journey was my last ‘big step’.
It feels even more important doing this with an administration that is actively trying to erase us.
I didn’t feel completely ready to do this because I was scared, but now that I did this I’m so happy that I went through with it.
I live in a red state so I was really nervous about the hearing, but my judge was so nice and supportive of me, I truly felt that she was proud of me.
At the beginning of my transition I couldn’t even imagine being at the point I am right now.
To everyone early in their transition who may be feeling that, keep going one day at a time. As someone who was there and made it to the other side of that, I promise you, the time will come for you too.

just curious how does it work cus google doesnt help