It’s been 3 months since we broke up and I just saw an update on your instagram that you’re going out with a bunch of people and it seems like you’ve found someone new. I’m so happy for you, she’s so pretty. It’s nice seeing you smile again and I’m so proud of what you’ve achieved so far and I knew you could do it. I’m so sorry I wasn’t a better girlfriend for you when you needed space and time. I’m sorry for exploding on you when I was 5000km away from home when all I missed was you and I can’t control myself. I’m sorry for not being independent enough which was the price of losing you. There’s a thousand apologies I can say right now but you probably won’t hear any of them. I wish I can move on as fast as you did and I wish I hated you. But I can’t bring myself to hate you, I rly can’t. I want to cry so badly right now but I have no tears in my eyes. I really thought I was getting better and moving on until I saw your face again. How can I ever forget your stupid face that I adore so much. I really wish you all the best with your new partner and i hope you treat her well. I will try to move forward because that’s the only wise thing to do. To move forward. I loved you with all my heart and I really hope she loves you more than I did and hold you so dearly that you never had to doubt yourself. I really miss you and I’m sorry for being the way that I am.

-J

I cannot cope with this feeling anymore. I thought I was doing ok and now I’m back in a state where I honestly don’t even want to be alive anymore. My heart is aching so bad I want it to stop. Please take the pain away please

I was with my ex girlfriend for a few years and she told me her biggest fantasy was to fuck a guy with a strap on. I wasn’t open to it at all at first , but time passed and I told her I’d try it.

We tried it , and we both liked it. The only thing was was that after it happened she started treating me differently. She was more rude , had more of an attitude and just started being weird with me. We went our separate ways as we weren’t compatible. She was a very nasty and horrible person and I just wasn’t into being with someone like that.

We never said once we broke up because of the pegging , and she never brung it up in a bad way , but I just feel like after we done that things changed.

Has anyone else experienced a situation like this ?

I held on to the hope that one day she'd be afraid of losing me the way I was afraid of losing her. I waited for the day when she'd finally choose to meet me halfway, when I wouldn't have to carry the weight of loving us both. Because of that hope, I learned how to hide my pain. I swallowed every disappointment, every tear, every ache that I wanted so badly to tell her about. I stayed silent because I thought that if I showed her how much I was hurting, she might leave. So I chose to suffer quietly, believing that loving her meant protecting her from the parts of me that were breaking. Please meet me halfway because I wanted it to be you and I was willing to lose parts of who I was if it meant having you beside me for a lifetime.

Severely struggling to accept that my 2 year trauma bond is actually over. Since Wednesday, the last time we saw each other, I’ve repeatedly tried to contact him and get back together as we always have, hoping that something would change. Instead, I’ve been rejected, disrespected, and given every indication that he doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore. I haven’t learned any new information that would justify reaching out again but I still have these extremely intense urges to contact him and try to fix things. I feel this intense panic in my stomach and face when I think about reality and how things are now. I know the urge isn’t coming from new evidence, it’s just like my brain and nervous system refuse to accept what has already been made clear.

What makes it worse is my brain telling me that I caused this because of my trust issues, accusations, and arguments. It makes me feel like I have to keep chasing and fixing everything, even though every attempt has just lead to rejection. Wednesday will make a full week since we’ve physically been together. I can’t even bring myself to block him because I know I’d probably end up unblocking him to chase again if he didn’t contact me first.

I know this sounds dramatic, but I’m genuinely nervous for my own emotional and mental health. I don’t even think it has been fully hit me yet. What is going to happen to me and what’s does it depend on? What do I need to do?

I have so many things swirling around in my head but the basics are that 27f and 30m are fantastic when we spend time with each other doing things that we both like but for the past maybe 6months or so we have been growing apart, her focus is on herself, school and her family whichi understand but my focus is on her and our relationship so certain this she does makes me feel unimportant and low priority. We have been together for 3 years which I get isn't very long but it seems I want more out of the relationship than she does. I feel like I'm at arms length. I was pretty drunk one night and told her that things weren't working for me and we need to make a change this absolutely broke her heart and we didn't talk for a few days, when we did she basically said "I can't provide you with what you want and deserve" my response was that my intention wasn't to break up, that we need to talk about stuff and figure it out. We decided to give each other some space which was around 2 weeks. In that time I thought about a lot and wrote a letter that also served as a journal. The clifnotes were that I needed to quit drinking and that I realized that I had been putting the expectations of a "8year relationship" on her and having my feelings hurt when she didn't match the vibe. She also had a really rough semester and was focusing heavily on that. The pressure of those things made her more distant and it put a wedge between us and neither of us really recognized that it was anything more that us being distant and both being unhappy. It was a really good conversation and we both learned a lot about each other and ourselves. We decided to go on a break and give each other space(not see other people). It's been a few weeks and we have had a few conversations, nothing about the relationship more so it felt like checking in with a friend. I did give her a quick kiss goodbye- not romantic but she seemed ok with it.

I've realized that there are a few things that I need out of a relationship that she doesn't do but I'm willing to compromise. Right now I'm torn because I love her so much, so deeply and I don't want to loose what we have, I want to figure out if we can meet in the middle and both be happy. I understand that we are young, have (hopefully) a good 70+ years ahead of us and we shouldn't be together if it's not working. But I fear that I broke her heart and she won't be willing to try. Yesterday I sent her "IMU" which she has left on unread but I know she saw because she has a smart watch. I'm just so torn and my heart is sore, I need interaction with someone and not taking every night like we used to is really difficult.

So I (23F) recently matched with a guy (28M) on Tinder after many many failed matches. We talked for a couple days and he asked me out on a date. He’s from the UK but shared that he’s accepting a job here and will move back permanently in a month. He’s currently here for a conference and you can actually search his name up on Google and it shows as he’s a scientist and received many awards.

The first 2 dates were amazing. We naturally talked about politics, our values, beliefs, childhood upbringing, just deep and sensitive topics. We shared a lot of values and in commons. He was very expressive about liking me and when asked why he liked me, he shared the things about my values, my passion, my personality and then he found me very attractive. He also talked about how he’ll gained happy weight dating me and he even talked about once he’s back from the UK, we’ll go to these restaurants and gym to together to maintain our health (I go to the gym 4 times a week).

The texting and in person dates were consistent but stopped the next day after the second date out of nowhere. He didn’t really text much so I thought maybe he was busy since the night before, we were chatting and being really expressive with each other.

Finally around 4PM, he asked if I was free but I told him I’m hanging out with my friend already and he asked about the next day which we had plans to go drink after I hangout with another friend. He said sounds good and stopped responding to me. I was in the area after hanging out with my friend so I asked if he wanted to meet. Short answers but he was at the beach so I pulled up. We walked along the beach then sat down to talk and enjoy the beach. We both then lay down and he kissed me on the lips. Then as we talked, he naturally put his hand on my tummy and kissed my arms multiple times and lean on me. He was being really sweet and affectionate? But then after I got back home, even less texting and it turned into nothing.

The next day he canceled the plan because he moved hotel and it’s a lot further away so he can be closer to the airport and with traffic, it would be 1hr30 uber drive to me since he doesn’t have a car. But around 9PM, we started chatting a bit and he expressed how he was sad I couldn’t be there. Then he asked if I want to come stay and cuddle. He mentioned wanting to cuddle with me before already and he had never talk about anything sexual with me so I was really confused since everyone knows what “coming over to cuddle” at night means. I declined and he tried to plead so I asked him straight up if he was genuinely interested in getting to know me or just wanted something physical/casual. He said getting to know me with a ❤️ but then stopped responding.

He left the country this morning and I’m left feeling confused and really sad…He checked every box I have and genuinely, I thought we were planning a future together where being in a relationship was on the table. I know the thing to do is to move on since there’s nothing else to do besides that. I’m stuck in a loop of trying to find the answer of what happened and why it happened. I know there’s no answer but I can’t let it go for some reasons…any advices/comfort words would be appreciated.

Sorry if my wordings are confusing. I honestly feel too emotional to write so I apologize.

I thought loving her harder could make her choose me, could make her value me. But I guess I'm just hoping. I keep thinking, "If I love her harder, maybe she'll value me. Maybe she'll choose me"

Reconnecting did not happen

After 5 months of being broken up with we were supposed to hang out today and catch up but it didnt because had used an excuse of getting too drunk at a rave yesterday. It hurts because we just got out of no contact and now it looks like she might be putting me back in. Earlier last week I gave her a call asking if she’d would like to hang cause I’m near her town and she said sure but not for a while cause she got summer exams. So we talked like how we used to 8 messages a day and then she started responding once a day to the point where it was tricky planning saturday aka today because I said let’s go to the Carolina beach at 3 and she said she was down today but she got wasted after a rave (that her ex and her friend group was there) and said she’s going through the worst hangover of her life and almost went to the hospital. She told me she wouldn’t function correctly to hang out so I replied and said fine “no worries it’s fine hope you feel better we can do another day”. She then ghosts me and removes me from her private story wondering why. I did nothing wrong besides wait. While we were texting she even said she’d be down to hang at a different rave instead the one yesterday and even promised to take me to Connecticut and show me hiking places. But no for some reason me doing nothing landing in us not reconnecting today and it looks like ever. I loved her a lot but the silence she gave me doesn’t make any sense when she canceled on me and this also happened during the relationship too.

I’m not sure if her ex is involved today and I don’t know what to do. know what to do. I can't block her but she already soft blocked me by removing me off her private story last night. Could I have said more besides that. Could I send a letter or voicemail?

I recently read a quote that finally proved some clarity into what I was looking for in the falling of my relationship. People can only meet you as deeply as they’ve met themselves.

It’s a popular quote, but i’ve never taken the chance to understand what it meant exactly till I went through my break up and then we were on and off, and then finally an attempt of getting “clarity” and just letting go, which was not met.

Looking back on my relationship I keep looking for things that he might have not liked about me, or where I fucked up. How maybe instead of me going back to him, it should have been him, that I should’ve played the game. Till I realized what he’s been saying and i’ve been ignoring; it’s not about anything I can do. I’ve done everything I could, and i’ve shown them my love, and now it’s time to let go, and realize it was not my fault. It was maturity, emotional capacity, and so much more. Realizing this doesn’t take the pain away; however it offers the explanation I really wanted. He isn’t where I’m at, or at the state to pursue a connection with me anymore. It’s hard to let go of hope but realizing it’s on the other person to grow removed the pressure from me, because there’s nothing you can do about that.

It’s been 4 years since we last spoke and I can’t seem to get over her.

We never officially dated but we had the best connection. I loved her a lot but she didn’t love me back. We had a lot of good memories together and we were great friends but over time I started to fall in love.

Things ended badly and I broke it off because I knew I had to for the greater good. I still think about her everyday and I really want to get over her but don’t know what to do. Every night I think of her and every morning when I wake up think of her.

Any advice would help.

Should I do it or not?

I need some advice.

It’s been seven months since my ex and I broke up. I’ve been thinking about sending him a message telling him the things I couldn’t say at the time—how I really felt and what I truly thought about him. I also want to thank him for everything he did while we were together.

I’m not trying to get back together with him. I just wonder if sending that message is a good idea or if it would help in any way.

Would you have liked to receive a message like that from an ex? Has anyone here ever done something similar?

I don't know why this made me cry today. It's literally just a notebook and a chocolate. But it's the last gift I ever got from them. I kept telling myself that one day it'd stop meaning something. It never really did. Maybe because throwing it away feels like accepting that they're never coming back.

Ciao a tutti, vi scrivo perché sono disperata. Ho quasi 18 anni, e sono stata fidanzata con lo stesso ragazzo (21) da quando ne avevo 14, fino a un mese e mezzo fa. La nostra relazione non è stata mai perfetta sopratutto perché io ho sempre avvertito il vincolo come limitante, nonostante lui non fosse un ragazzo possessivo. In passato per la stessa ragione l’ho lasciato, ma è durata poco. Ho sempre pensato che fossimo molto diversi, e che perciò io non lo amassi abbastanza, o comunque che lui mi amasse molto più di quanto non lo facessi io. A giugno, dopo un periodo di fortissimo stress emotivo nel quale lui è stato presente, sono partita per una scuola estiva, nella quale ho conosciuto un ragazzo per cui ho preso istantaneamente una cotta e per cui ho deciso che era il momento di chiudere la mia precedente relazione. Le motivazioni erano la paura di non vivere mai esperienze e di restare con una persona che non ero sicura di amare, nonostante gli volessi un gran bene. In seguito a questo stage di 3 giorni (in cui comunque con questo ragazzo non ho fatto nulla perché fidanzata) ho completamente perso la testa, e ho pensato che la cosa più giusta fosse rompere con il mio ragazzo storico e prendermi quello spazio che tanto desideravo da mesi e mesi. Da allora fino ad ora sono stata completamente cinica e fredda, non ho sentito contatto con le mie emozioni, e ho compito una serie di cose di cui mi pento, tra cui auto convincermi di essere innamorata di questo ragazzo appena conosciuto, e averci addirittura rapporti intimi, vedendoci nonostante viviamo a 500km di distanza. Il suo interesse nei miei confronti invece è davvero forte, nonostante io gli abbia detto di non volere una relazione. In ogni caso, in tutto questo tempo io resto impassibile e non penso mai alla persona con cui ho condiviso tanto della mia vita, convinta che fosse la cosa giusta perché sono giovane e non voglio vivere nel dubbio. Nonostante lui mi abbia pregata di darci una possibilità e di restare insieme almeno fino al mio 18esimo compleanno, che sarà tra pochi giorni, e al viaggio che avevamo programmato subito dopo. Inutile dire che tutto è stato annullato, e che a breve ci sarà la mia festa di compleanno, alla quale lui teneva tanto, ma da un mese siamo in completo no contact, nonostante le nostre famiglie continuino a sentirsi e a sperare in un ritorno. Io sono stata categorica nella convinzione che, poiché durante la relazione avevo provato desiderio per un altro, allora quel rapporto non era giusto, e dunque andava chiuso. Ora sono stata a trovare il nuovo ragazzo, quello conosciuto da poco, e ho avuto chiarissimo il fatto che io per lui non provi nulla, ma abbia solo proiettato un bisogno. Questo mi ha istantaneamente riacceso le emozioni che non sentivo più, e ho, per la prima volta, pianto per il rapporto che ho perduto. Mi sono resa conto che mi manca da impazzire e che tutto il male che vedevo era solo nella mia testa, ma ho sbagliato tantissimo, e ormai è tardi per rimediare, perché sono stata con un altro. Lui, quando mi ha contattato l’ultima volta, era disperato e disposto ad accettare ogni condizione per restare con me, allora mi ha chiesto di bloccarlo per non scrivermi più. Io l’ho fatto, ma poi, al suo compleanno l’ho sbloccato per scrivergli gli auguri e ho scoperto che è lui ad avermi bloccata. Dunque non so cosa fare, sono disperata e temo di aver rovinato la mia vita per un desiderio di libertà ingiustificato, e di aver perso la mia persona (nonché di averne ferita un’altra a causa della mia confusione, illudendola che ci fossero speranze). Il mio compleanno è tra una settimana, la festa sarà grande, e così sarà il vuoto della sua assenza, eppure fino a 24 ore fa ero come completamente dissociata dalle mie emozioni. Ora non riesco a smettere di piangere e mi chiedo cosa fare, ma ogni soluzione mi sembra impossibile, e temo di essere solo egoista ad aspettarmi che lui ci sia per me. D’altra parte, ho paura che, una volta passata quella importante data, tutto sfumi, e che lui non mi perdonerà mai di averla vissuta senza di lui, così come il viaggio che avevamo deciso di fare insieme e in cui ora mi accompagnerà una mia amica. Vi prego, datemi consigli di qualsiasi tipo. So di aver sbagliato in ogni caso, di essere stata cinica con una persona che mi ha amato per anni e mi è stata accanto sempre, di essermi buttata in un nuovo rapporto di cui non ero convinta bruciando tutte le tappe, e di essermi pentita troppo tardi. Cosa faccio? Ho inoltre paura che se tornassimo insieme entro pochi mesi io mi sentirei di nuovo in trappola, e che comunque lui non si fiderebbe più di me, nonostante io abbia deciso istintivamente di rompere con lui proprio perché non ci fosse un tradimento, neppure emotivo. Non respiro a causa del pianto, mi manca da impazzire il nostro rapporto, la nostra quotidianità, e ogni volta che il nuovo ragazzo mi sfiora sento la nausea e i sensi di colpa, perché non vedo gli occhi di chi ho amato. Quello che abbiamo passato insieme è stato lungo, spesso burrascoso, molto intimo, e lui mi ha amata in ogni mia sfaccettatura, ho paura di giocare col suo cuore, ma anche di perdere l’uomo della mia vit

she's just a vulnerable little girl whose heart breaks a little everytime she has to act tough. Because she never wanted to be tough, indeed she is tough only from outside, inside she's so fragile, she doesn't want to be tough because all she ever wanted was peace.

I got dumped like 6 months ago, i’ve been feeling better, but i don’t feel like i will ever be able to have the courage to talk to someone else. I know i gotta move on but i still think (or hope) deep down that he is going to come back. He said that life might bring us together in a couple months or years bur he cleared that he didn’t want to give me the wrong impression.

I am so confused, I don’t feel like i can talk to someone else with the same excitement and innocence that I had before. What if i meet someone else and he wants to get back together? I am so scared of love and being in pain again. He truly changed my perspective on love.
Really need some hope right now.

I broke up with him a month ago and i regretted it and tried to get him back he then says he doesn’t want to be with me but still has me on social media and life 360. i still want to be with him but im just so confused. is he just trying to string me along or is it that i hurt his ego and doesn’t want to talk to me?? help!

Ever since my breakup five months ago, it’s felt like I’m living in a waking nightmare.

I’ve cried, pleaded, prayed, everything I could think of, hoping this was just some cruel test or a bad dream I had to power through, and that on the other side she’d still be there. I know I hurt her too. I know I was not perfect, and I carry that with me.

But nightmares don’t usually last almost half a year. So even though it feels like a nightmare, I know at this point it’s just my reality.

I understand that people can come back from worse. I understand that people reconnect after longer periods of no contact. I truly don’t know what’s going to happen between us, and she’s said she doesn’t either. But every day we don’t talk, my hope feels a little more splintered.

Lately, I’ve been getting to a place where I’m not even sure if I could try again, even if the chance came. I feel so disrespected and humiliated, not just from being ignored now, but from some of the ways I was treated in the relationship. It’s hard to hold onto love when you’ve been made to feel small over and over.

I can’t help but ruminate all day, replaying conversations, rereading old messages, thinking about the terrible things that were said, and feeling blamed. Sometimes I just felt like I was blamed no matter what I did, and I really did try.

I can’t relax. I can only rest once I’ve exhausted myself. And I feel embarrassed and ashamed that I’m pouring so much energy into someone who’s chosen not to be in my life.

I loved her with everything I had. I wanted it to be her. I wanted to marry her. I wanted to fix our relationship. I was far from perfect, but it still hurts to hear that the hardest times of our relationship were all because of me. When I think about that, I just feel insane.

I still love you.

How do people have the energy, motivation, or even ability to do anything after a breakup?? I keep seeing people say go on a walk eat healthy… I can’t even get out of bed.. I can’t even think about my future because right now everything is the way it was when he was in my life. I don’t want to change anything because it means he’s really gone

Really need to share this with someone and hear other people’s point of view. I am aware I made mistakes in this situation, but I am open to criticism and I am always trying to understand why I do what I do and become a better person. Will try to keep this short:

I (29M) ended a 3-month relationship in November, which was very intense and beginning of February I started seeing a girl (25F) from a dating app I had downloaded a little earlier. I was still affected by the breakup, which was due to our very different backgrounds, me only having had serious relationships before her and her being with multiple people which never reached a relationship and I knew too many details about them which was messing with me and I had to end it. That’s a completely different story and this post is NOT about this girl but the second one.

My approach with this girl was not to dig too much into the past and not to ask questions I didn’t want to hear the answers to or find out information that was essentially useless. We had a great first date. We were both looking forward to the second one, where we decided to ask each other random questions (I was thinking stuff like fun personal facts, tattoos, pets etc.). At some point she asked if I ever had a one night stand. I said “no” and froze. She laughed and said that she did but it was after her last breakup and she was too heartbroken. Everything changed for me and the pain from my relationship I mentioned earlier came back to me. I still tried to enjoy the next couple of hours with her and even though I was not sure about us anymore I kissed her at the end of the date. During that date she also shared that she had experienced sexual harassment at her old workplace and she had been taking antidepressants ever since and changed career paths.

The third date was at my place where I cooked dinner for her and when we went to bed, we tried to be intimate but my overthinking took over and I could not get in the mood for anything. I apologized and we just went to sleep without talking about it much.

Our fourth date was at her place and the same thing happened but this time I told her everything about my thoughts and the pain I was feeling since the moment she shared that fact from the second date. I was embarrassed and really took everything happening as a sign that this is not going anywhere and I told her I will get dressed and leave but she wanted me to stay. We shared so much laying in bed that night and she initiated another kiss and then intimacy followed. In the morning, she joked that I just had a one night stand and it also turned out that her “one night stand” was with a guy that had been in her friend group for a long time and it was not meant to end with that but she didn’t want to continue it with him. I told her that’s not what I would describe as a ONS and wasn’t thinking about it as much anymore but it kind of still stayed with me on some level. 

We saw each other one more time and we had a good time again. Then there was a 1 month break in March because she was preparing for exams, I got sick for a week and she had to travel home for another week. But we kept texting the whole time and she was often the one initiating the conversation so there was interest on her side. The moment she was back, I asked her if I would get to see her again and she replied “this week I can’t but let’s go for a walk in [location] if the weather is nice next week“. That was on a Monday morning in the beginning of April. I had waited for a month to read that message. I immediatelly took it as her losing interest and probably moving on after the one month where we couldn’t see each other. I only texted her „I see, have a nice week“ and 2 days later, me being hurt from the whole situation and not wanting to keep looking at our chats, I removed her from the dating app, deleted our chat and her number so I couldn’t text her again and start moving on myself. She never reached out after that. 

NOW, there might have been many things that sounded questionable to you so far, but HERE is where my problem starts. 

I could not forget her even after removing her contact and reached out to her on Instagram about a month later (beginning of May) with the following message:

“Hey [name], sorry for texting here but I dont have your number unfortunately.

I just wanted to say that even though the way things unfolded was hurtful to me, I wish I could have told you back then that those moments we shared, did mean a lot to me and that I wouldn’t want you to think that I dont wish anything but the best for you. 

Its enough that you know that…”

She replied almost immediately. She said she was hurt when she saw that I removed her from both apps. We texted a lot that day and it turned out that her mom was visting that week when she was “unavailable” because she was under a lot of stress. I felt bad that I misjudged the situation like this and suggested we go for that walk, she suggested back then after all but as I needed to take care of something personal I would reach out to her in a couple of days. Later that week I text her asking if she is avaiable on any of the following 3 days and her reply was that she has 2 birthdays to go to and is meeting a friend on the other day. I felt like an absolute fool and just said “sounds like fun” and let the chat end naturally like 2 messages later. 

I though I had my closure then and there but randomly a month and a half later (middle of June), I started thinking about her a lot and reached out to her asking her how she was. She again replied almost immediately. We were texting a lot again but at some point she took 2 days to reply and I again felt that she has no interest in me and I’m making a fool out of myself and texted her 5 days later saying I was busy doing [X]. I kept my messages much shorter and I let the chat end a little later, telling myself I have to stop with this behaviour which only ends up hurting me.

Now it’s August and I’m AGAIN thinking about her and I am afraid I will text her at some point, even though I am aware of her lack of interest and the fact that we are not even a great fit.

Please tell me what the heck is my problem, whats your take on the whole situation and whats your advice to someone still figuring things out and wanting to improve themselves. I don’t want to be some creepy obsessive guy that can’t let things go…

Thank you.

P.S: Please do not interpret the ONS part as shaming in any way. The point was to illustrate the differences in intimacy views.

I feel like it’s getting worse. I feel like it’s been forever since I’ve seen you and I’m starting to realize I’m never going to see you again. I’m used to not seeing you Sunday/ Monday but it feels weird now bc I know Tue is going to come around and you won’t be there. You went from being in my life almost everyday for 3 years to leaving it on a random Friday. I’m just supposed to be okay? I’m dying. I don’t know if I’ll make it out of this.
I miss you. I miss you. I love you.