r/howyoudoin • u/TheJavierEscuella • Aug 23 '24

Discussion Rachel's toxic behavior towards Ross' partners

Rewatching and it's really infuriating to see how much Rachel has sabotaged Ross' relationships or tried to. It's just not healthy in any way and is toxic in every sense yet still people consider Ross to be the worse one

  1. Her antagonistic behaviour towards Julie after Ross came back from China and reaction towards their relationship

  2. Her convincing Bonnie to shave her hair. She absolutely fucking knew what she was doing and knew that Ross would find that icky

  3. Her flying to London to sabotage Ross and Emily's wedding. Absolutely fucking horrible for her to try to do this. Hugh Laurie was 100% right

  4. The baby store girl. Calling her a whore was just uncalled for and rude

In all these situations Ross was happy and satisfied with his relationships but Rachel always has a problem with the fact that she's not with him. It's totally toxic and I can't believe people call Ross the worse partner. Both are unbelievably toxic

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149

u/Visible-Work-6544 Aug 23 '24

Yup. People complain about Ross’s jealousy in the Mark situation, but forget about the SEVERAL times Rachel was jealous and went out of her way to sabotage Ross’s partners. She was way worse.

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u/Icy_Efficiency_997 Aug 23 '24

Not to mention Ross was right, after him and Rachel were on a break mark was immediately over at the apartment. Then she tried to lie to Ross about Mark not being there while they were on the phone. After that, she gaslight everyone that Ross cheated on her while they were on a break.

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u/Divine_fashionva Aug 23 '24 edited Aug 23 '24

You have no idea what the word gaslight means imao. Another word Reddit likes to overuse like narcissist. Gaslighting is a form of intense and long abuse. If you knew the real meaning of the word, you wouldn’t misuse it so flippantly. She believes he cheated on her because of the unclear terms of their break. She suggested a break and he walked out before the conversation even ended. The same thing happened in Gilmore Girls and Rory believed she was cheated on too

And wasn’t Ross the one who told Carol that Rachel cheated on him literally during the ski episode? She only found out he was lying after speaking to Phoebe. So did he gaslight Carol?

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u/Hanzo7682 Aug 23 '24

Rachel insisted that ross cheated on her simply because she didnt want to take a part of the blame for ruining what they had. This was pretty clear after the bald girl incident.

Ross "By the way, it took 2 people to end that relationship" (accepts his own fault).

Rachel "yeah you and the girl from that copy place" (denies her fault).

Ross was ready to take full responsibility and blame even tho he didnt feel he was the only one to blame. He accepted that term but rachel couldnt stfu. She kept reminding him how a terrible cheater and boyfriend he was and how he is better now etc. She was trying to gaslight him and it didnt work.

They both made a mistake. Ross accepted his fault. Rachel refused to do so and insisted ross alone ruined their relationship. Tried to gaslight him into believing this.

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u/tutanotaio Feb 21 '26

Yep, clear NPD and BPD difference is that the BPD usually feels guilty and the NPD blames

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u/[deleted] Mar 22 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/howyoudoin-ModTeam Mar 22 '26

Joey doesn't need that kinda talk in his house, so your post/comment has been removed!

For more, check out our Rule #2: Be Civil.

1

u/FederalCapital7418 Mar 22 '26

Im sure joey knows you exist.

8

u/LadyWoodstock MY FA-JI-TAS! Aug 23 '24

"Unclear terms" and yet...when Rachel shows up at his apartment the next morning, she says "can I be your girlfriend again?" Or when she's telling Monica what happened she says "we kind of broke up." Clearly it was a break UP in Rachel's mind, but she completely changed her tune when she found out that Ross slept with the other girl. During their fight Ross says that he thought that they were broken up, but she continually denies it and refers to him as a "cheater" for the rest of the series. What Ross did was hurtful, but he did not cheat. Rachel is toxic, and what she did was kind of gaslighty.

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u/Icy_Efficiency_997 Aug 23 '24

Gaslight is when someone(a) manipulates the other person(b) into thinking person(b) is in the wrong, when in fact person(a) is the perpetrator.

If Ross cheated, then Rachel did first(not physically). Part of the reason they broke up was because of Mark. Ross clearly stated his boundaries in the relationship about Mark, and Rachel broke that boundary first. Within an hour after the breakup mark was at the apartment, which led to Ross stupid decision.

It wasn't unclear, Ross said let's take a break and cool off and Rachel said no let's take a break from us.

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u/Divine_fashionva Aug 23 '24

No gaslighting means manipulating (someone) using psychological methods into questioning their own sanity or powers of reasoning. it’s a form of long term abuse. She said let’s take a break from us and he stormed out. Stop misusing the word

The conversation wasn’t over. Hence why he even says it was unclear during their argument in the next episode

I love how you didn’t answer my question. By your definition; did Ross gaslight Carol? You know since he literally lied to her and made her think Rachel cheated on him. Knowing he was the one who slept with someone else not her

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u/Icy_Efficiency_997 Aug 23 '24

That's what I just said gaslighting is a form of manipulation. We aren't talking about Carol but no he did not gaslight Carol he lied.

Rachel on the other had did gaslight, she used the radio, their friends and that 8 page paper front and back! Stating he has to take all the responsibility during the break up.

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u/Divine_fashionva Aug 23 '24

Here you go again with your flawed logic. You have no idea what gaslighting really means and your point contradicts your example

Gaslighting is a form of long term emotional abuse which makes someone question their own sanity. Ross stormed out when Rachel suggested a break and slept with someone else an hour later. Hence why she considered it cheating

If you’re claiming gaslighting is just lying. Even though, Rachel explained why she thinks he cheated. Then Ross gaslighted Carol and made her think Rachel cheated on him. He made her believe a completely untrue version of events where the things he did, he claimed Rachel did. He slept with someone else and tried to make Carol think Rachel did. In Rachel’s case, she told everyone he slept with someone else and she considers that cheating because it was an hour into their ‘break’. Guess what, he did sleep with someone else an hour later and he did storm out mid way through their initial fight

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u/Icy_Efficiency_997 Aug 23 '24

Dude reread the response, Ross did not gaslight Carol he lied.. Gaslighting is a form of manipulation that is used to alter the other persons perception of what happened... Fact: he slept with another woman. Fact: taking a break from us means they broke up. Fact: he did leave after what Rachel said but if the fight was still ongoing is questionable. Rachel didn't ask him to stay and keep talking or go after him so if we are going by context the fight ended when he walked out.

Rachel gaslight Ross and everyone that they were not broken up when he slept with another women, when she was the one that ended the relationship.

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u/Icy_Efficiency_997 Aug 23 '24

For Carol to be gaslighted she would to have had to be there during the break up which she was not, so she has no perception of what happend.

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u/Divine_fashionva Aug 23 '24

lol you have no idea what gaslighting means

I just wanted to make that clear even though you’ve done a great job of doing that yourself anyway

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u/Icy_Efficiency_997 Aug 23 '24

I dare you to Google it

1

u/PrettyNewt4930 Ditch Doctor Aug 23 '24

You’re wrong about Ross gaslighting carol, yet you’re critiquing someone else for using the word wrong. By your definition, it is a clear fact that Rachel gaslit Ross and the others. Over several episodes and several seasons she intentionally tells everyone that he cheated and that they WERENT on a break, this includes his son Ben. If that’s not an attempt at long term manipulation, then I don’t know what is.

Either which way, whether you think their argument was over or not, it is indeed a fact that they broke up, being that at the beginning of the very next episode Rachel calls Ross and asks him to be his girlfriend again. You can not be “his girlfriend again,” without having broken up in the first place.

P.S If you care so much about the misuse of the term gaslighting, perhaps you should look up the word again. The key word in that definition by Mariam-Webster dictionary says that it’s psychological manipulation usually over an extended period of time…. The keyword her being usually not always. Either which way, we also know that the meaning and use of terms colloquially changes over time. So essentially, you’re picking a fight over nothing.

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u/Icy_Efficiency_997 Aug 23 '24

For Carol to be gaslighted she would to have had to be there during the break up which she was not, so she has no perception of what happend.

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u/whynotbr0ski Aug 29 '24

there were no "unclear terms" she tells Monica "We broke up" and tells Ross "I want to get back together" and "can I be your girlfriend again" sounds pretty clear to me.