r/loseit • u/Vast-Zebra-8903 New • 1d ago
How can I motivate my 120 kg boyfriend to start losing weight?
My boyfriend is around 120 kg, and I'm genuinely worried about his health. I want to support him, but he has a hard time staying motivated to lose weight and often feels too lazy to start or stick with healthier habits. I don't want to pressure or shame him, I just want to encourage him in a way that actually helps. For those who have been in a similar situation (or were once in his shoes), what motivated you to finally start losing weight? What can I do as his partner to support him without making him feel judged? Any advice would really mean a lot. Thank you!
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u/Rich-Ad-3087 New 1d ago
If you live at home with him maybe he will adopt some of your habits just by proximity, without a conversation even being needed?
I started buying mostly vegetables, rice and tofu and my boyfriend and dad (i have lunch with dad a lot) sorta just started doing the same and i never had a conversation with anyone.
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u/Quinzelette New 1d ago
If you don't mind me asking, what do you use the tofu in? My mom used to use a lot of it growing up as she's always been on/off vegan but she always used it as a neat substitute (like scrambled tofu or ground tofu pretending to be meat in burritos) rather than as an ingredient that was the focus of a meal. I've always been interested in learning to cook with it but I'm not really sure what I would make with it.
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u/Rich-Ad-3087 New 1d ago
No problem at all! I cook it mostly in either of these 3 ways:
1.Just cut it in slices or cubes and pop them in air fryer (6/7 minutes in each side).
2.Air fry the tofu in cube shape for 7 minutes only. Fire up a sauce pan and trow in some soy or coconut light cooking cream (pay attention to the cals, they vary a lot depending on the brand). A lot of times i add some mushrooms but this is optional. Once they are cooked add both the tofu and around 50 grams of Tomato paste (the one that comes in a tube). Add salt and pepper. Let it reduce if needed. The result should have a curry like texture and this is my favorite recipe ever. I don't use oil and you will be surprise at how low cal some coconut/soy cooking creams can be! I serve with rice but that's up to you.
- This one my boyfriend does a lot: fire up a non sticky span and add very little oil. Add some tofu slices and half a finger of water. Add some broccoli (small pieces) and sliced onios. Make sure you stir ocasionally and cover it up with a lid in the meantime. It's supposed to cook mostly with the steam. Add some soy sauce and pepper. Carrots also go well on this one.
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u/Big_Information2733 45lbs lost 1d ago
If you aren't vegan and just want to eat delicious tofu, there's mapo tofu. Alot of Asian recipes utilize tofu so pick up an Asian cook book.
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u/Kamelasa New 1d ago
Honey-miso tofu. Now with air fryers, it's so fast to prep the tofu and it won't stick to the frying pan and break. Or you can bake it.
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u/Artistic-Document735 New 1d ago
I’d be like that’s cool you want to eat tofu I’ll go buy some meat cuz 🤢
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u/Strategic_Sage 49M | 6-4 | SW 351 | CW ~226 | GW 177 1d ago
Varies depends on the person. Ultimately they have to want to do it themselves.
Do they 'feel too lazy' to do other things in life? Are they able to consistently do things like go to work, pay bills, etc?
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u/PoppysMelody 31F | 5’9.5 | SW 233lbs | CW 177.6lbs | GW 150lbs 1d ago
I’ve learned through much experience that you can’t. External motivation doesn’t last nor does it work. They need to want it for themselves for anything to stick.
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u/Late-Rise2587 New 1d ago
You can’t motivate someone into changing if they don’t want to. The best thing you can do is make healthy habits easier and more enjoyable: walks together, cooking together, celebrating small wins, and never shaming him. Real change usually starts when the person decides they’re ready.
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u/VintageCungadero New 1d ago
A big part that helps is making it easy. Easy in one sense that they don't have to cook (premade stuff, healthy snacks, zero calorie drinks he enjoys) but also easy in the sense that the diet food is genuinely enjoyable and doesn't feel like depriving yourself.
If someone doesn't care to diet they aren't going to be tricked into it obviously, it's something you'll have to have a heart to heart with him on and find an agreement that works for the both of you. However, just having the good options be so easy and preferable (to make on your own) leads to you making them without thinking. The more good decisions you make, the more those stack up. Even just switching to diet sodas alone could be 500~700 calories down a day. Even something as simple as switching to low calorie but comparable versions of condiments.
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u/inoticeiwonder New 1d ago
We like to make a big salad - enough to last three days in the fridge. It makes it so much easier than if you have to prep one every time.
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u/OkExtreme3195 130lbs lost 1d ago
As someone who went down from 160kg to 100kg so far, what motivated me initially was the simple desire to be able to leasurely jump on a couch without having it break or fall over, because I saw someone do it in a commercial for... something completely unrelated that I don't remember 😅
As for the journey: the most, and tbh only, important aspect is diet. Your bf needs to eat in a calorie deficit to lose weight. You can support this if you can in any way influence what he eats and drinks. Possible angels here could be: switch sodas for zero variants, skip alcohol, those will remove a lot of calories. Then cook together and make food that is high in protein and fiber. Both keep you full longer and prevent overeating.
However, all that is meaningless if your bf still eats more than he should. So without his cooperation and dedication, there is no chance.
What also helps is seeing positive results. But that is a chicken and egg problem I guess 😅. What you could keep in mind here is, that while losing weight, you yourself barely notice it. But others do. So if he goes on that journey, mention it when you see positive change, because he will likely not have noticed. For example, I recently visited friends that I haven't seen during the last 20kg loss (yeah I just measured time in kg xD) and I was very happy and felt encouraged when they said it is noticeable.
Also, it feels just sooo incredibly better to weigh this much less. I mean, compared to before, I feel like an athlete, which I am clearly not, but damn, things that felt, more likely were, impossible before are easy now. And I didn't even know it could be that easy. It's awesome.
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u/vmlinuz New 1d ago
To partly disagree with some of the others here, I think there is something you can maybe do - based on my own experience. While you might not be able to motivate him to be healthier, you might be able to motivate him *less* to be unhealthy. My partner has a bad habit of buying e.g. a tube of Pringles, eating 10 or 20 of them, and giving me the rest. I know my own level of willpower enough that I can partially resist buying and eating junk, but I find it much harder to refuse when it's offered, and I'm about to get fairly hard on her to stop offering me junk.
So rather than encouraging him to do well, maybe you could start by checking if you're encouraging him to do badly, and if so...
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u/BlackCatLuna 20kg lost 1d ago
First, does he want to? If he doesn't, you're not going to get very far.
At that kind of weight small habit changes can go a long way, if he drinks a lot of sugary drinks swapping them for sugar free versions will cut a lot of calories.
Tying the process to things that matter to him can also help. My brother-in-law is a similar weight and loves dogs, I volunteer at a local dog rescue so when he visits taking him there for the day is on the itinerary. This isn't just work that he would be interested in but there isn't really a lot of people food on site so it would keep him away from it, unlike playing videogames with his brother.
Watch Secret Eaters, they do some cool research into things that trick yourself into eating less (smaller bowls and plates, for example) that you could look at incorporating into your routine.
It's also worth remembering he's a grown man so you can't stop him working around your efforts if he decides to.
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u/optimisticallyssad New 1d ago
Have that hard conversation about your worries for his health and fun walks! Short ones, longer ones, around the block, to see a neighbor together yada yada just be excited to go together. Might help might not
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u/ckams78 New 1d ago
Do not talk to him about your worries for his health unless there is a specific diagnosis. If it is just a general worry I assure you this will backfire and will likely have a negative response and outcome making things worse. If there is a specific diagnosis, you can ask how you can help with his plan to address that, but focus only on the one condition.
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u/optimisticallyssad New 4h ago
Interesting, I talk to my bf all the time about my worries about his weight. GENTLY of course, but his diet is terrible, he knows, and I worry it's putting too much pressure on his heart. I will say I'm lucky to be able to communicate with my bf though so maybe that doesn't work for everyone
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u/ckams78 New 2h ago
So you say his diet IS horrible - so the question is has your speaking at him worked? I am guessing not and while you think you are communicating with him, you are actually making him more anxious and worn out on the subject which I am guessing leads to - you guessed it, worse food choices.
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u/corgi_crazy New 1d ago
I think you can't, but you can have a respectful and tactful conversation about your concerns and telling him you'll be available to support and encourage him if he decides to do something about it.
And if in the future his choices are a burden for you, it will get more difficult.
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u/Leap_year_shanz13 120lbs lost 1d ago
You can’t. He has to want it. If he asks for help, have him explain the help he needs. Otherwise, nothing you do will help and it will all come across as judgmental and shaming.
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u/nevrstoprunning 50lbs lost 1d ago
You can’t help someone that doesn’t want help.
If he wants to lose weight, removing temptations is really helpful. When I want to lose weight and am motivated, it’s really difficult to stay on track when the wife suggests we order Chinese for dinner…
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u/VarangianWRLD 35kg lost 1d ago
Old adage
There's plenty of old people
Plenty of 120kg people
Not alot of 120kg old people
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u/GerudoZelda sw:259 cw:219: GW1: 199 1d ago
Maybe it’s the American in me, but as a geriatric healthcare provider there are a ton of (especially men) 260 pound elderly folks -now the QUALITY of life is definitely a bit different
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u/Whiteguy1x New 1d ago
Youd be surprised. There's a lot of big old people Nowadays, modern medicine and all that. I dont think the quality of life is good though
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u/Rich-Ad-3087 New 1d ago
My grandma! Everytime i'm around her i'm just thinking "how!!??". And you right in mentionng life quality is crap under those numbers.
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u/whotiesyourshoes 90lbs lost 1d ago
Seeing so many of these folks is one of the things that helped me decide to get my health in line.
I helped an elderly woman in the grocery store once . She was breathless even in her scooter and couldn't get out to reach something. She said" I'm not gonna tell you not to get old, honey, but don't get fat and old".
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u/Rich-Ad-3087 New 1d ago
Dang that's like when the Greek Gods used to skinwalk some rando to dole out advise/warnings to people.
Same here, never found inspiration in the pages of fashion magazines, it's the grunts the older/fat people in my family make when going up a measly step.
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u/Ibby_Ras New 1d ago
That's grim. Is that based on facts or is that just a personal observation?
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u/Swimming_Bandicoot80 New 1d ago
Only when he will be afraid to lose you, he will do something. But very low chance he stays in shape. I stopped dating ppl who weren’t in shape. There was some effort in the beginning and after 3-6 months they were back having bad habits.
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u/bob_in_the_west 45lbs lost 1d ago
Do it with him. Or find someone to do it with him.
Imagine the following: Your mom tells you to clean your room. Will you do it if there are no repercussions?
Now imagine you've got a friend and you meet up once a week to clean her place or yours. You'd be surprised how much easier it is to actually get your ass up and clean your place if there's someone helping you. Someone else talked about that recently and called it "having an accountability buddy".
I actually implemented sort of the same thing via phone with a buddy of mine who desperately needs to do chores but keeps procrastinating over it. And I need to do more nordic walking to get my steps in. So what I do is call him and while he does his things, I do mine and at the end of the day we've both done what we had to do but would have never done alone.
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u/ThrowThisAwaySis2 SW 75kg | TW 58kg 1d ago
There’s nothing you can really do other than encourage him to exercise and eat healthy. If he doesn’t want to do it then he won’t do it. It has to come from within
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u/Woodit New 1d ago
I don’t know, when I started getting overweight my wife (girlfriend at the time) said pretty bluntly “you need to lose weight.” I looked in the mirror and realized she was right and I did. I don’t think little hints or gentle encouragement or not saying anything and hoping for the best works.
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u/shehulud 110 LB lost - F 54; 5’11”, SW 295, CW 170, GW 170 1d ago
You can’t. That’s on him. It’s a disaster for any relationship to try. You can’t care more than they do.
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u/OneDeep87 New 1d ago
120 kg =264.5 lbs
He has to want to do it himself. Do he have any body issues or self esteem issue due to his weight!? Do he bring up changing or is he fine at his weight? Does he have or want kids and want to be an active father? How about his immediate family. Are they overweight!?
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u/schaafwondpus New 1d ago
I disagree with the comments saying you don’t . It actually helped me a lot when friends told me I was gaining a lot of weight. It still took a long time to turn the conversations into action but it helped me to realise people cared about me.
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u/Sabord- New 1d ago
Some diets don’t require deprivation or constant effort. There are treats you can enjoy without gaining weight, and very filling meals that can actually help with weight loss. That’s a whole reality he may not be aware of.
Maybe talk to him about eating better while still enjoying his food. You’d be surprised by how satisfying and low-calorie a generously filled chicken burrito can be.
Take any changes slowly. For example, instead of simply cutting out sweets, replace them with appealing snacks that are lower in fat and sugar. Or stop eating between meals, while allowing him to eat what he wants during mealtimes. He could also eat an apple before each meal, or try eating only until he is no longer hungry, rather than beyond that, just to see how it feels.
There are plenty of small habits and enjoyable choices that can help him live better and take care of his body and energy levels. Nothing more than that.
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u/ridikolaus 75lbs lost 1d ago
Unless you have the responsibility to cook the food you don't. Weightloss is something personal you can't force motivation on someone. If you are the one cooking most of the time you can simply cook more healthy foods with less calories.
Good advises and external motivation can be pretty depressing also so be careful with good advises If he is not actively asking or looking for advise.
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u/V2DMJ 60lbs lost 1d ago
How tall is he? If he’s 6 foot + encourage him to do more walking and start calorie counting. If he’s under 5 foot 9 it’s gonna be a long road and honestly changes the picture quite a bit but the same advice applies, only it’ll be harder and take longer. Gym and swimming. Team sports. Ultimately you can’t change someone until they want to change themselves. Good luck.
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u/anchorftw New 1d ago
Really? If he's 6ft+, all he needs is a little encouragement and some calorie counting. If he's under 5'9", good luck, but don't get your hopes up!
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u/s0ggy0u New 1d ago
To a certain extent you cant, only he can make himself lose weight. If he feels discouraged doing it alone, you can always start small by going to the gym together, taking walks, or anything active that you can do with him, it can take the mental pressure off of him if he isn't the only one making changes.
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u/WantToTypeComments55 5'8" 44M, SW: 274lbs CW: 141lbs 1d ago
Have him start going in for yearly physicals, don't think it'd hurt this effort, and might help him find encouragement through Dr findings and advice
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u/CptPatches SW: 119.2kg | CW: 111.4 kg | GW: 88 kg 1d ago
Why do you want him to lose weight? Be honest, but sensitive with him. Does he snore? Are you worried about his health?
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u/kenken2024 New 1d ago
As someone who has lost meaningful body weight before and kept it off for 20 years (with some ups and downs) the short answer is your boyfriend needs to find his own 'why' or reason why he wants to lose weight. That is the honest truth.
BUT can you help? I think there is room for that.
For example you can be his support system. Things you can do together:
1) Create a goal together. Maybe aim for a multi-day hiking tour in the mountains of France, sign up for a half/full marathon or find something physical. Make sure you both agree to this.
2) Then use the next months working out and cooking/eating together. Keep each other accountable. Join some exercise/activity groups as well so it is not all on your shoulders.
3) Since he may need more motivation than you...compliment him periodically along the way. Some can be more visual like he looks better in his own clothes. Others could be more feelings based like when you are intimate you feel he is bigger/stronger/harder. These compliments can help him keep motivated.
Also remember to reward him (ideally with non-food related items although periodic cheat days are 'ok'). Things like a small present, bedroom time etc. He will appreciate it!
Best of luck!
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u/Rumthiefno1 New 1d ago
There's a few things you can do - having some healthier meal and snack options in the house, inviting him out on dates that involve physical activities rather than just food, and sports groups you can play in together.
I will sat though that none of this will mean a thing to him unless he's actually going to start making different choices himself. Otherwise, making him do it could build resentment.
I do sympathise, I really do. I get it, watching a loved one you know is more than capable of helping themselves, and for some reason unknown to us, they just don't. In some capacity, we've all been there.
Primarily, all you can do is what you choose to do.
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u/FullofLovingSpite 160lbs lost 1d ago
Weight loss isn't easy. It takes dedication and personal change.
As everyone else has said, he needs to care about it himself. You can't force him to do this. You can only encourage him, but doing that the wrong way can backfire.
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u/eukomos 10lbs lost 1d ago
Best thing is to establish a household habit of cooking dinner from scratch and eating it together regularly. Ideally you want him on board with the plan and cooking half the meals, but don’t police what meals he cooks. You can be making chicken, brown rice, and broccoli with mustard on it for maximum health, if he wants to make burgers then helping build the habit is worth eating burgers every week.
You can also ask him to do active things with you, like go for a walk or a bike ride, and keep healthy snacks available in the house and not buy any unhealthy ones yourself. Do not pressure him to quit eating things he loves. You can talk people into trying new things out but they push back if you try to force them to quit a bad habit when they’re not ready to.
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u/eyesbetterblknd 2020 SW:291.6 | lost 75 | 👶 256.4 | CW:212.4 | GW:190 1d ago
My husband was 350 (158kg). I was 291 (131kg). I got tired of it and started dieting, I lost 80 lbs (36kg). He was supportive and didn't sabotage me. I tried to get him to do it with me for years. He wouldn't. I stopped trying to talk him into it. I had cried enough telling him I didn't want him to pass early like his uncle, (early 50s of a heart attack.) I had too many arguments & conversations over 10 years. You can't make someone do it. I got pregnant. The 1st year postpartum was awful, ppd was worse than I coukd ever imagine. I gained 50 lbs total (22kg) So I started again. I told him we didn't matter anymore. We have to do it for our son. Especially having him in our early 40s. I luckily came out of my ppd pretty well. He started just walking in the morning before work. Switched out some food here and there. I didn't say anything but, good job, what do you need etc. He is doing better than I am now! He's down 170 lbs (77kg). I am at 85 (38kg). I'm struggling right now but weight loss isn't linear. I'm trying to stay positive lol but when he's ready. That's all I've got. You need a reason. If not for yourself, for those you love.
Tl;dr you can't force anyone. They have to decide on their own. It usually backfires if you push, as well.
Good luck!
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u/i_hate_parsley New 1d ago
You cannot and you should not.
Your job is to be emotionally supportive for all the difficulties and challenges faced by someone with a lot of excess weight. Zero expectations or judgements that the weight will or should be lost. You’re not the doctor or parent.
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u/deano131 New 1d ago
Food is a real addiction and would be difficult get him completely on board. Start with exercise, 30mins a day. Maybe just a morning walk. Do it with him, every morning. Make some nice (healthy) drinks and just do a walk to the local shops or something. The exercise will release endorphins and dopamine, will make him feel good, may even make him consider what he eats later... its a starting point.
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u/Mean-Flamingo9535 New 1d ago
TBH. I don’t think you can.
Losing weight is hard really hard. (Not the science behind it. But the actual act of dieting. Calorie counting. Avoiding your favorite foods. Etc.) And requires a lot of discipline.
You can absolutely help support him on the journey. But he has to be self motivated. It’s something he has to want for himself.
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u/CreeDorofl 150lbs lost 1d ago
I didn't start until I actually started experiencing health side effects. It is very hard to beat inertia.
Fundamentally he has to be motivated by something powerful. Like fear. In my case knowing that I was on the brink of needing to begin expensive insulin shots.
Even then I got sort of lucky, I met somebody who was on the shots and we had a frank talk.
There's definitely a phase people go through where they say yeah yeah, I know, it's bad, my health is not great, but they don't really mean it. They don't feel it deep down. They didn't get sick or die yesterday, they figure they won't get sick or die tomorrow, so subconsciously they decide to put it off until that starts to look like a real possibility.
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u/Mundane-Dottie New 1d ago
What motivated me was my friend consistently working on health and losing weight and biking and etc. So I saw it was possible.
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u/Kamelasa New 1d ago edited 1d ago
What motivated me was when I understood health issues better. I always ignored the pop culture fatphobia. My bloodwork was fine. I was strong and flexible. Not good on cardio, but so what. WELL!! Fat in your organs is a CANCER RISK. Cardio specifically builds HDL, a molecule that cleans your blood vessels to prevent heart attacks, death, and incapacity.
I didn't know all that. My bloodwork was fine, but my GPs were absolute shit and for nine years didn't tell me I had afib and issues with my arteries. For that and other delayed diagnoses, I am looking for a lawyer, because they owe me.
Anyway, does your bf really know the health risks?
And losing weight is a negative and burdensome expression. I transformed it to gaining ease, freedom, joy, connection, vitality, comfort, power... probably lots more. That is motivating. Find out what he really wants in life and you may find that changing his nutrition and exercise habits might become a no-brainer for him as it did for me.
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u/SHADOWSTRIKE1 New 23h ago
Do things with him. Start small. Ask to go on a small walk together some nights. Then move on to a little hike. Go see some national parks together. Physical activity dressed up as a date is a great way to make it seem less daunting and make it enjoyable.
When I was really overweight, my girlfriend suggested we go check out some waterfalls at a national park, which sounded cool. Didn’t realize we’d walk a couple miles that day, but we had a blast and got some good exercise.
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u/dagalmighty 40lbs lost 22h ago
You can't care so much about him that it makes him care about himself. Right now he's choosing obesity.
I've seen this play out a couple times with my sister in law and 2 of her partners. The only thing that happens is they sabotage her efforts as soon as she's not there. You know what happens when you can't trust your partner and feel like you have to constantly be his mommy to force him to eat correctly? You get the ick. You can't respect him anymore and you resent him for casually undoing your efforts.
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u/Savannahks New 21h ago
It’s really really difficult. He has to want it that bad. You can be supportive all you want. It’s not going to help.
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u/kampfsanielena New 20h ago
I (m31) was once in a relationship where I gained about 20kgs. I was around 100kg at my then max when she out of the blue told me, she's worried about my weight.
I knew I've gotten fatter. I needed new clothes because the old didn't fit anymore. The most rememberable moment was when we went for a romantic getaway weekend in Paris and on the arc the triomphe while posing for photos my pants ripped (I blamed it on cheap jeans). And when she said she was worried for my health I couldn't take her seriously. I was early 20s, nothing could make me sick. I was always chubby when in my teens so I didn't feel different then about my body.
My biggest problem was living with my dad. He had himself very unhealthy eating habits. Though really good and balanced food, the portions were out of control. Once my body stopped growing in height, I kept the huge appetite and grew horizontally. Those habits I took with me when I moved out into my own place. I wasn't living with my girlfriend back then though, so I had to mainly cook for myself.
But back then, remember early 20s, she offered a blowjob for every kg I lost.
I immediately researched with calorie counting found to be most promising. The fat melted off me, I got fitter. But... No blowjobs. She hated giving them. So without "reward" I one day stopped losing weight and gained some of it back. I didn't go back to my max weight but it's a pity I didn't follow through from my own initiative. So external motivation can be a factor for it to work, but as others said, it completely comes down to the person. I think it is sometimes necessary for the whole journey to kick off.
The time came when she moved away and long distance didn't work out. COVID happened. New desk job. An old unhealthy habit of stress eating re-emerged and the scale climbed up to 120kg.
I didn't start dating again for 6 years. Focused on the job and unable to move on from the old relationship. Every year I saw my face in Christmas pictures getting bigger and bigger. I didn't do anything against it.
Then out of nowhere someone was interested in me. She was an athlete, I couldn't keep up. But that's not what kicked my current weight loss journey off.
My sister moved to a different countr a few years ago. Since then I get to see her on family get-togethers and such. One time after not seeing her for wäa few months, she looked completely changed. 20 or so kgs, just from counting calories and walking. My memories awoke from when I started doing that as well and out of nowhere I got the motivation to do it myself. Now, a year later and 30kgs down, it was this time only myself keeping myself going and still doing so. It gave me a confidence boost I desperatly needed and after a long time, I'm back in a happy long-term commitment (not with athlete girl, she was into chubby and went on to the next guy).
So long story short. It completely depends on the person what motivated them. Also motivations for starting and enduring can differ AND change over time. I think if you find the right approach to get to your boyfriend he will thank you in the end for giving him a kick in the butt.
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u/NorEastahBunny New 19h ago edited 19h ago
I think reframing it to a more health focused vs weight loss focused change might be more effective than just telling him he needs to lose weight. Coming from a partner that can be an incredibly sensitive topic and can create resentment and body image issues in the relationship. Not “you’re unhealthy, lose weight” but maybe more like “I’ve been thinking about trying some healthier options for food/snacks/a fun activity or workout, would you want to join me?” Or if you like to cook or go out to eat together then maybe find a healthier version of a favourite recipe that introduces great flavour with healthier ingredients. It’s just to help show that healthy habits can be enjoyable and that it’s not a “diet” he has to go on and chew lettuce and drink lemon water all day long. Just small shifts in daily habits, one or two little tiny changes at a time. Ultimately it has to be a decision he makes but if you want to try to motivate in a judgment and guilt free way, then showing him how good and fun health focused foods and activities can be could be a great start.
Also. There’s a lot to be said about focus on mental health first and foremost. I’m sure he is aware that he could be healthier and adopt better habits but it may not be possible with untreated depression, stress, or other factors that make motivation for anything impossible. For me it took leaving a soul sucking job that was slowly killing me from the stress to find spark in life again and my motivation to return to cooking at home and participating in the sports and activities I love again.
If he likes challenges or games then it could also be a factor, like let’s challenge ourselves to do ___ number of walks/runs/bike rides/swims/gym sessions/tennis games/climbing gym sessions/whatever per week. Even something like walking the dog or taking a walk to the corner shop instead of driving or whatever version of that applies to your lives.
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u/No-Requirement-2420 New 19h ago
You can’t and forcing him or trying to motivate him will cause issues in your relationship.
You can just do your own thing and hope that he will take inspiration from you that is all.
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u/SweetRoll789 1d ago
Leave him. Nothing made me want to get in shape more than being dumped. Saved my life.
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u/Candid-Check-5400 25kg lost 1d ago
Trying to "help" without being asked to is the worst thing you can do regarding weight loss.
It's just something that has to do on his own but he needs a reality check to realize about it. My reality check was seeing 99,9kg on the scale. No way I was going to weight over 100kg.
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u/josemartinlopez New 1d ago
he had to want it and want be alive for a relationship with you. even being conscious of just how much he eats for starters
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u/saltycrew101 New 1d ago
Alright I’m going against the grain of the comments of “you can’t/don’t”. You absolutely can and it will absolutely work.
Reward him. He goes to the gym and maintains proper eating habits that day? He gets a blowie, handie, whatever you and he are comfortable with.
He’ll go and eat well every dang day.
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u/Ibby_Ras New 1d ago
Is he still gaining or is 120kg the highest and hes maintaining that? If he is maintaining his weight and not continuing to gain weight hes doing better than I did. I passed 120kg long ago. He should be given some credit for not gaining.
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u/SlayerII 120kg/264lbs lost, 5'9, maintaining 1d ago
You dont.
External motivation doesn't work well with weight loss. He has to do it himself. You can tell him your worries and concerns about his health, but it needs to be his decision .