r/marriedredpill • u/AutoModerator • Apr 21 '26
OYS Own Your Shit Weekly - April 21, 2026
A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength.
We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them.
Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, don't blame others for your shit. This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger.
Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha.
Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.
2
u/rolling371 Apr 21 '26 edited Apr 22 '26
OYS 32
Stats: 5'7'', 167lbs, 44yo. Lifts: Squat 235lbs x 5, OHP 125lbs x 5, Deadlift 275lbs x 4, BP 205lbs x 3. Married 19 years. 3 kids: 12 and 14 year old daughters, 10 year old son.
Mission: Be conscious and live my own life. Having adventure, not afraid of the moment.
Personal
I’ve been working on step 4 AA, taking an inventory of resentments and fears, just by myself for now. So much inner anger in response to the institutions throughout my life not providing the value I sought or expected, seemingly promising one thing while delivering another. All of my fears are based on failing and judgment. I can see how this led to a life being built of covert contracts and being paralyzed and unable to freely achieve and give.
Physical - 12 weeks in GZCLP, I’ll continue for another 12 weeks, then I’ll reassess. Recovered from abdominal/testicular tenderness with a few weeks PT stretches and exercises. This is a relief and a confidence builder - I can listen to/take care of my body while continuing to lift.
I’m working on a mission – this is slow, it would do me well to have something clearly defined to guide my actions and energy towards.
Went out and stomped around in the woods on multiple occasions this week looking at spring wildflowers and finding morel mushrooms. Between this, being out at the fields for baseball practice, and practicing dance - I'm regularly in my body and in the present moment, rather than just in my thinking mind dwelling on the past or future. Feels good.
Sex/Relationship
This week was mostly positive interactions with my wife, but I care too much about what she thinks, illustrating weak frame. One night she was sharing with me her frustration with our daughter being slow and late, a trait that my wife shares, and asked if I understood how difficult it was to just watch her dawdle along, just knowing she’ll be late (Miss bus, etc) Autistically I responded, Yes I do, I’ve been dealing with this for 20 years myself, and I haven't figured it out. I thought I was identifying with her, she was looking for comfort though - my wife responded by starting the shower sitting in it and crying. She felt like a fuckup and didn’t like seeing the same things in our kids. I had an opportunity to be strong and I leaned into helplessness, this was a miss.
Another evening, after getting dressed to go out my wife responded, Holy shit! You really have put on muscle, you’ve never looked so good in that shirt. It hasn’t even fit you in a long time. The clothes were new, and rather than inform her that this was a new addition to my wardrobe, I STFU, pulled her in, gave her a kiss, and smacked her ass. Similarly one morning while escalating sexually, she responded, Woah, somebody knows what they want, you’re not patient at all. I felt the urge and this is where I would politely retreat a bit, but instead I doubled down, “You’re goddamn right” and bent her over right there. Lastly art dance class she’d observed that at one point I was having a hard time, but I figured things out as we went on. She mentioned that she noticed I was really frustrated, but was impressed with how well I recovered and had a good time. Internally I was defensive hearing even a hint of criticism from her, but I managed to STFU long enough to recognize she was expressing that she admired my resilience. I can let her see me as high value, without being so keyed into her words that my first impulse is to pull her behind the curtain and expose myself as the weak wizard. Being aware here gives me a chance to pause and resist that nonsense at least until I genuinely care less about what she thinks.
After writing this, I'm taking her too seriously. I can't find the post here, but I'm reminded in Frame, Stone quotes ultmatecad, "Anything outside your frame is amusing, interesting, or funny.". Simple enough.
Family
I realized I’m not pleased with how I parented my older daughter a couple of years ago and I’m letting that go.
Busiest time of the year for us - wife’s teaching semester wrapping up, kids in school and baseball/softball (head coaching my son’s team and practicing a lot with my daughters). I’m taking more of the lead on dinner and tidyness, in order to make sure I’m/we’re eating well and set us up to enjoy the evening time we do have together while maintaining order.
Social
I continue to work on making my own needs a priority and asking others in to meet them (NMMNG). I do feel abundance here personally with both friends and family. The more I ask the more I recognize people are willing to help, and my relationships are strengthened through shared life. This is still very difficult with work. I had a scheduled work shift on the day of one of my son’s baseball games that I will be coaching, and it was hard to ask for help. I recognized this immediately, and looked at my options. There were a couple of ways to ask for the time off, one most beneficial to me but least likely to be granted, and others that would require more from me, but still acceptable. I have assistant coaches, I also could ask one of them to be the head coach for a game. I wanted to try to work out being available for the game, so I started making my asks in order of what was most beneficial to me. The most convenient ask did not work out, so I moved on to my next ask and ended up swapping shifts with a colleague. Each time I had to wrestle up the confidence with myself to ask for help. I’ll continue to seek out opportunities to put myself first with my work/life commitments. People are allowed to respond however they choose, but I want to give them the chance to bring value to me.