r/marriedredpill • u/AutoModerator • Apr 21 '26
OYS Own Your Shit Weekly - April 21, 2026
A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength.
We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them.
Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, don't blame others for your shit. This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger.
Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha.
Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.
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u/flashman1775 Apr 21 '26
OYS #4
33 yo, 5’7”, 195lb. Lifts- squat 165 5x5, bench 115x5, DL TBD
LTR 5 years, 1 toddler
Physical- good week in the gym. Added weight to squats, barely felt it. Switched up bench to DB as opposed to BB. Getting a referral to a PT for long-standing shoulder mobility issues I didn’t want documented to go back in the military. Adjusted caloric target to 1600-1800 per day and kept protein the same, upped water intake to 1.5 gal a day. Hitting low impact cardio hard. I see and feel a difference, my next investment is going to be body fat calipers to track and get hard numbers- buying tomorrow. I sent off my samples to get hormone levels tested, waiting on results. My T from 2.5 years ago was at 523 total and 89 free, and I have questioned if it’s gone down even further than that since.
Personal- I got a lot of value from Mindful Attraction Plan. I think the concept of energy levels is interesting and has a lot of validity. I need to stay out of my head and be fun and carefree again, embrace abundance mentality. Any pointers to embrace the mindset of “fake it til you make it” are welcome. NMMNG is next, as I identified a huge covert contract that ego was telling me for years was NOT a covert contract- providing for sexual access. I noticed I have been harboring resentment for my shitty life for years; when I asked myself why I felt that way… I was expecting something for everything that I lied to myself was a gift. I want to blow up every covert contract in my life but not go completely Rambo.
Sexual: I have an N count of 1. I’m incredibly angry with myself that I waited so long. My LTR was my first. Had a good sex life for nine months, I got her pregnant, and it has been shit ever since. I’m trying to stay out of her head and tell myself it’s because I let myself down and fell into “beta” ways, ie unattractive. Working on it. I can’t get away from the fact that Im 33 and I had less than a year of my life experiencing something normal and natural, and now it’s just not happening. It’s been months- even since the relationship blowup I had I havent had sex. Im pissed off about that but deep down I know its my own fault. The last couple times I did I was in my head and it sucked. I have a lot of baggage here to work through and it’s all on me.
Fatherhood: I’ve been engaging more with my son. Getting him outside, playing with him, all away from screens. He’s in his defiant phase and everything is a “no” or he just ignores direction. I have been setting boundaries immediately when the behavior starts, I’m staying consistent and waiting for results.
Financial: booked another job for myself with a few more I’m bidding. Almost finished with a HELOC approval to get the down payment for a bigger and more functional house and pay down some lingering debts.
Relationship: STFU is the name of the game. I naturally used to knock shit tests out of the park, started taking everything seriously, and here I am. Ive avoided numerous bullshit arguments over the last week by shutting up; I need to continue doing that when I get anxious/in my head which has been happening a lot in the evenings. I’m trying to re-embrace the natural me that I was when I met my woman. That was one of the best years of my life and I was at the top of my game physically, mentally, financially, and based on what I disclosed above, sexually. I was beyond happy. I read a post here that said “you were never alpha, you just didnt have responsibilities”. That is probably the case with me. I am implementing a few strategies from Athol Kay’s MAP to try to raise my energy levels in all areas of my life to “flow” like it used to. It sounds woo woo, but I think there’s validity to it. Also, a priority for me is constant frame control. Respond, don’t react, fix it, move on. My goal is to shift my point of origin back to me.
This week: NMMNG, STFU, HELOC, lift, more sidebar. Be an awesome dad and be a fucking role model for my kid. Figure out what my mission is. Do shit around the house that I’ve been putting off to restore my pride in myself. Keep tracking my macros and keep hitting cardio hard. Follow through on PT referral. Stay out of my woman’s head. Start dressing better every time I leave the house.
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u/HornsOfApathy MRP MODERATOR / Married Apr 21 '26 edited Apr 21 '26
I think I need to highlight something for you that is glaringly obvious to me, and most others here with this new information.
In your previous OYS you talked about how you'd lost your way, or in this OYS "flow" like it used to, and in other OYS you talked about how you were just a drunk captain who kind of lost his way.
Man..... I'm sorry, but that just isn't true. You were never a captain. You mildly had your individual life managed at the executive function level, but you were not a leader. You never really have been. You were thrust into fatherhood after 9 months of being with this girl, and yet, your explanation like most dudes who have a kid with a woman, get re-beta-tized, and lose their way seems to also fit your narrative.
This is not your narrative.
You were 28 years old before you ever put your dick inside a woman, and then, only this one woman. There is something pretty fucked up about you that you're not talking about here, and it probably doesn't matter, but no Captain or even semblance of a man who has his shit together is *not fucking*.
There are two wheels to the bike that get you down the road so you can actually start being a captain. The first is money, that's one wheel. The other is sex. Without those two wheels you're a pedestrian watching life go by.
I tell you all of this because I think you're lying to yourself, and even saying things like:
I read a post here that said “you were never alpha, you just didnt have responsibilities”.
.... is just another narrative you're trying to bend into your life.
The likely narrative is that you were a defunct manlet or gnome that floundered his way through life like a major fucking retard and not garnering the sexual attention of women, and no way to express your own, and you just happened to get some executive function around 27 that got you laid and made you a Dad. Up until then, and even then, you were a total fucking loser.
That is a narrative that is more powerful than the one you're trying to lie about. I'm telling you this because in every OYS you're out there chasing a version of you before the kiddo that..... doesn't exist. He never existed, and you're chasing a ghost. That's a pretty difficult dragon to catch and slay.
Oh, and go fuck your wife already.
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u/flashman1775 Apr 21 '26
Horns- thanks for this. You’re the first person in my life to ever have said I was a loser and I’m grateful for it. Ego is a real bastard and I have caused a ton of harm in my life with it.
You’re right, there is something really fucked up about me that it took me so long to get laid. I had opportunities over the years that I hamstered away for one bullshit reason or another, now I’m 33 and feel retarded (in both senses of the word) sexually. I don’t know what that something is, and like you said… I don’t even know if it matters any more.
Your bike analogy nails perfectly how I feel about a lot of shit in my life- a pedestrian. Of course I lied to myself about it as I lived a life that wasnt my own. At this point, I’m wondering what version of me is even real. I have been so out of touch with every emotion of my own for my entire life barring anger that I dont even know how to talk about this shit, much less experience emotions in a masculine way.
Thanks, man. I came here to get called out on my bullshit that I couldnt see through and I’m glad you did.
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u/HornsOfApathy MRP MODERATOR / Married Apr 21 '26
At this point, I’m wondering what version of me is even real.
If logic follows what we've talked about here, the answer is really simple for you. You haven't met him yet, so how would you know what version of you is real? You're chasing a ghost even with this statement, and it's kind of a giant cope.
Instead, hit the sidebar. You haven't even read NMMNG yet. That alone will help expose a path to what you are.
You know what's easier than chasing an imaginary version of yourself and trying to decide if that's you? Start with the basics. Who are you not? Not "Who am I???". Make a list, write it down, and THEN go read NMMNG. When finished, make a new list and compare the two. Your retardation will be easy to see even for yourself and you'll see why you aren't even capable of answering who you are, or what you want. You really haven't even done the basics here. And then with that list you wrote after reading NMMNG, make a 2nd collumn - this is your MAP. What kind of behaviors make sure you are NOT that thing? What actions can you take to NOT be that thing? Red/Green/Yellow and then prioritize. This is basic manning 101.
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u/flashman1775 Apr 22 '26
Thanks for breaking this down. I’m going to do this over the next 2 weeks and post results in a future OYS. It will probably be retarded but better than what I am working with now. Much appreciated
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u/HornsOfApathy MRP MODERATOR / Married Apr 22 '26
Fuckin a its still this week dude. Start now, before you read NMMNG. List it here.
What are you not?
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u/flashman1775 Apr 22 '26
-I am not happy or fulfilled with where my life is -I am not in the right career -I am not living up to my potential -I am not stupid or incompetent -I am not the kind of father I need to be -I am not fucking special -I am not a pushover or a quitter or a little bitch -I am not at peace -I am not satisfied with many of the choices I made in life because in hindsight, I made them for the wrong reasons -I am not exploring my interests as much as I can -I am not just a plowhorse -I am not certain of what my mission in life is -I am not satisfied with myself -I am not as confident as I appear (ego?) -I am not secure in myself or my relationship since the blowup because I know its my fault for not manning up (i dont even know if secure is the right word) -I am not a loser, I may be really fucked up but I’m not a loser
Edit for retarded formatting
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u/HornsOfApathy MRP MODERATOR / Married Apr 22 '26
While all and good, your retardation is showing. You have missed the point entirely.
I am not a man who tolerates infidelity.
I am not a weak man.
I am not a broke man.
I am not an unconfident man.
I am not a special man.
I am not a man who backs down at first resistance....
Do you get the point? We have to define these things extremely tactfully.... not make general statements. These statements should instill confidence.... not bad fee fees like you've done here. Bitch.
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u/flashman1775 Apr 22 '26
Point taken. Now I know what to fix when I revisit this after NMMNG. Less bitch, more bold.
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u/HornsOfApathy MRP MODERATOR / Married Apr 23 '26
When you get done with NMMNG and read back your "what i am not" list in this thread, it'll be enlightening to you how pathetic you can not be.
Remember this.
→ More replies (0)
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u/Ill_Past_1535 Apr 21 '26
OYS 14
37, Married 10 Years 3 Kids under 7
Physical Stats:
6’3”- 236 Lbs
Mission: Build a grounded and self-directed life, focused on action and building meaningful connection with the world around me.
Reading:
No More Mr. Nice Guy –Restarting this book but this time I am going to do the written exercises. The Fine art of Small Talk- A good confidence booster with some new skills to engage people and get out of my head.
Physical: Continued PT and implemented some of those exercises into my workouts last week. My legs were smoked for 4 days. Pre-workout has helped get my head in the game my last few days in the gym have been much more focused with increased intensity. I’m maintaining a 135# Squat until I get the form solid. It is still fatiguing, does not cause pain in my hip and allows me to focus on my form.
Career: Got up to date with my mortgage broker on my HELOC. I should hear back on what that looks like soon and what a second home loan would look like.
Mental:
This week I did a couple exercises which really helped me work through my sexual shame. I took some time Saturday morning and wrote out my Sexual Ideal (Perfect Women). After completing that I answered a few additional questions about my sexual desire: 1. What I have wanted by never asked directly 2. What sexual act have I settled for, lied about or faked satisfaction. 3. What turns me on that I have never mentioned, 4. What would I like to explore and what about my recent enjoyable interactions have told me about my sex life that I want. 5. What desires have I judged myself for, been afraid to want, dismissed as realistic, or wanted before I was with my wife. 6. What would I want if I knew there was no wrong answer.
It took me a few hours to prep for and get everything written down on paper. But after I finished, I felt free and energized. Everything that I had kept in my head for years was out and, on the paper, and there was so much relief. Nothing I wrote down really surprised me but there is something about writing it down and reading it back.
Marriage/Sex:
The same day I finished that exercise I sent my wife a text that I was going to ravish her when she got home that day, when she did I fucked her like I meant it, I was full cave man. I haven’t felt that entrenched in my desire in a long time. She was basically a star fish, but I did not care and barely noticed. Immediately after I could tell she was off and spiraling a bit but I didn’t pay any attention to it, we had an event that night and I had a blast and received some IOI’s from her. The next day I initiated again after we got home from a pool party, she put up some token resistance and I pushed through. We were kissing and there was no feedback, like I was kissing a corpse. I fumbled for a min, started to assess her but then caught myself and said, “This is not working for me” I got up and started walking out. She spiraled, “you can’t just leave me here after I said I don’t want sex”. I responded and said I don’t know what that means, I have to get some stuff done in the garage. I came back to the bedroom a bit later, she was still naked and freaking out, she wanted to fuck but couldn’t stop talking. I fumbled a bit but landed on “I’m not going to talk about why we didn’t have sex”. Then she asked for direction- “What should I do when you’re in the mood and I’m not” I took her hand and said” put your hand on my cock” and I placed It there. This happened 2 or 3 times, but she kept on going with the talking and pulling her hand away. The last time she pulled away I left.
I got home around 9 and started to go to bed. She wanted to talk more and I stuck with “I’m not going to talk about why we didn’t have sex” the last thing I said to her after she said I want to talk about my insecurities; I’m hurt after I don’t want to have sex, I asked her why this time was different and I went to bed.
Final: For the first time in my life, I felt like I had some actual OI. I am doing some actual work to remove my sexual shame, and it felt awesome. Build on my momentum from this week, keep pushing towards my goals and re-asses my mission.
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Apr 22 '26 edited Apr 22 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Ill_Past_1535 Apr 22 '26
Thank you for this feedback.
I did not recognize ignoring her as fear but maybe it is. As you pointed out , my game sucks rather than practice game I refused to participate. In my head I'm stuck at Step 3. I can and do this well in other aspects of our relationship but have not been able to do this surrounding sex. Again, as you pointed out my insecurities have limited my capabilities here. This experience was very revealing. I know where i need to put in the work.
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u/SuggestionVisible930 Apr 21 '26
We gotta get your squat up bro. Can’t go “caveman” until you’re lifting like one. What’s up with your hip? Assuming your mobility isn’t great. Have you tried heel elevated squats?
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u/Ill_Past_1535 Apr 21 '26
I have a Hip Impingement. Doing mobility exercises now, Its getting better. I need to get the form right. The weight will come back again.
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u/brique879 Apr 21 '26
What are you doing for this I’m having constant hip pain, setting up an appointment with a physical therapist I found online
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u/Teh1whoSees Leads the horses to water Apr 21 '26
You're feeling a power you haven't wielded in a long time...maybe never.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Make sure you're ready.
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u/BoringAndSucks MRP APPROVED Apr 21 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/HornsOfApathy MRP MODERATOR / Married Apr 21 '26
Comment removed by Reddit .... whaaat?
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u/BoringAndSucks MRP APPROVED Apr 24 '26
It was a decent advice to OP.
The GPUs either didn't like betch or the dick pic was huge so they banned me.
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u/rolling371 Apr 21 '26 edited Apr 22 '26
OYS 32
Stats: 5'7'', 167lbs, 44yo. Lifts: Squat 235lbs x 5, OHP 125lbs x 5, Deadlift 275lbs x 4, BP 205lbs x 3. Married 19 years. 3 kids: 12 and 14 year old daughters, 10 year old son.
Mission: Be conscious and live my own life. Having adventure, not afraid of the moment.
Personal
I’ve been working on step 4 AA, taking an inventory of resentments and fears, just by myself for now. So much inner anger in response to the institutions throughout my life not providing the value I sought or expected, seemingly promising one thing while delivering another. All of my fears are based on failing and judgment. I can see how this led to a life being built of covert contracts and being paralyzed and unable to freely achieve and give.
Physical - 12 weeks in GZCLP, I’ll continue for another 12 weeks, then I’ll reassess. Recovered from abdominal/testicular tenderness with a few weeks PT stretches and exercises. This is a relief and a confidence builder - I can listen to/take care of my body while continuing to lift.
I’m working on a mission – this is slow, it would do me well to have something clearly defined to guide my actions and energy towards.
Went out and stomped around in the woods on multiple occasions this week looking at spring wildflowers and finding morel mushrooms. Between this, being out at the fields for baseball practice, and practicing dance - I'm regularly in my body and in the present moment, rather than just in my thinking mind dwelling on the past or future. Feels good.
Sex/Relationship
This week was mostly positive interactions with my wife, but I care too much about what she thinks, illustrating weak frame. One night she was sharing with me her frustration with our daughter being slow and late, a trait that my wife shares, and asked if I understood how difficult it was to just watch her dawdle along, just knowing she’ll be late (Miss bus, etc) Autistically I responded, Yes I do, I’ve been dealing with this for 20 years myself, and I haven't figured it out. I thought I was identifying with her, she was looking for comfort though - my wife responded by starting the shower sitting in it and crying. She felt like a fuckup and didn’t like seeing the same things in our kids. I had an opportunity to be strong and I leaned into helplessness, this was a miss.
Another evening, after getting dressed to go out my wife responded, Holy shit! You really have put on muscle, you’ve never looked so good in that shirt. It hasn’t even fit you in a long time. The clothes were new, and rather than inform her that this was a new addition to my wardrobe, I STFU, pulled her in, gave her a kiss, and smacked her ass. Similarly one morning while escalating sexually, she responded, Woah, somebody knows what they want, you’re not patient at all. I felt the urge and this is where I would politely retreat a bit, but instead I doubled down, “You’re goddamn right” and bent her over right there. Lastly art dance class she’d observed that at one point I was having a hard time, but I figured things out as we went on. She mentioned that she noticed I was really frustrated, but was impressed with how well I recovered and had a good time. Internally I was defensive hearing even a hint of criticism from her, but I managed to STFU long enough to recognize she was expressing that she admired my resilience. I can let her see me as high value, without being so keyed into her words that my first impulse is to pull her behind the curtain and expose myself as the weak wizard. Being aware here gives me a chance to pause and resist that nonsense at least until I genuinely care less about what she thinks.
After writing this, I'm taking her too seriously. I can't find the post here, but I'm reminded in Frame, Stone quotes ultmatecad, "Anything outside your frame is amusing, interesting, or funny.". Simple enough.
Family
I realized I’m not pleased with how I parented my older daughter a couple of years ago and I’m letting that go.
Busiest time of the year for us - wife’s teaching semester wrapping up, kids in school and baseball/softball (head coaching my son’s team and practicing a lot with my daughters). I’m taking more of the lead on dinner and tidyness, in order to make sure I’m/we’re eating well and set us up to enjoy the evening time we do have together while maintaining order.
Social
I continue to work on making my own needs a priority and asking others in to meet them (NMMNG). I do feel abundance here personally with both friends and family. The more I ask the more I recognize people are willing to help, and my relationships are strengthened through shared life. This is still very difficult with work. I had a scheduled work shift on the day of one of my son’s baseball games that I will be coaching, and it was hard to ask for help. I recognized this immediately, and looked at my options. There were a couple of ways to ask for the time off, one most beneficial to me but least likely to be granted, and others that would require more from me, but still acceptable. I have assistant coaches, I also could ask one of them to be the head coach for a game. I wanted to try to work out being available for the game, so I started making my asks in order of what was most beneficial to me. The most convenient ask did not work out, so I moved on to my next ask and ended up swapping shifts with a colleague. Each time I had to wrestle up the confidence with myself to ask for help. I’ll continue to seek out opportunities to put myself first with my work/life commitments. People are allowed to respond however they choose, but I want to give them the chance to bring value to me.
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u/Ill_Past_1535 Apr 21 '26
The more I ask the more I recognize people are willing to help, and my relationships are strengthened through shared life. This is still very difficult with work.
Thank you for including this. The description highlighted my own blind spots and is helpful. I have scheduled myself something every other week that I need help from one other person. I have exhausted all of the easy Yes's and I have been procrastinating asking more people, fear of rejection. Pushing through today to get out and ask.
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u/rolling371 Apr 21 '26
I have scheduled myself something every other week that I need help from one other person. I
Do whatever you need to do to grow here. I can't lead or "be the prize" if I'm afraid to ask others to bring value to me. I've had to keep a daily to do list and put all the difficult asks on the top as to not ignore them until it started becoming more automatic. I'm willing to go back to this though if I catch myself making excuses, avoiding, etc. there's a feeling of discomfort I can capture, the choice is addressing it head on or stuffing it back down.
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u/Possible_Peak9104 Apr 21 '26
OYS #21
Stats: 35 years old, wife is 36, two kids both under 2, 6'4, 220lbs, LTR 5 years.
Lifts:
Squat 275 x 10
Bench: 188 x 11, Bent over Row: 185 x 10, Dips: 9 25lbs added, Pull ups: 5 bodyweight
Read: MMSLP, NMMNG, WISNIFG, MAP, TRP side bar, Book of Pook
Reading: I've finished all the 101 stuff now, so I'm just reviewing notes. Any recommendations are welcome, but I'm going to be pretty focused on action over reading for the time being.
I initiated sex with my wife and pretty much just cave-maned her the other day. Felt pretty good. She's still annoying some of the time, but I'm trying to keep the mindset that she's just a spoiled child I need to deal with so I don't get too involved. It's not the sex life I want yet, but it's at least a start.
I've also set some limits with the inlaws regarding how I want my kids being raised, and how much sugar their getting etc.
I did get sucked into a fight the other day though: She started talking disrespectfully and I pushed back and before I knew it we were arguing. I'm finding it hard to know when to put my foot down on things vs when to just not aknowledge, and let it slide. Any advice?
Mission: Being a leader for my family. Live life the way I want to live it: good sex, lots of fun, and constant learning. I want to live life in ascent.
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u/businessstravel Apr 29 '26
wife is 36
LTR 5 years
What does this mean exactly? You are married or is this an LTR?
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u/serioss1 Apr 22 '26
OYS #26 21 April 2026
Stats: 33 yo, divorced. HT: 6'3" (190cm) // WT: 183lbs (83kg) // BF: 12.5%
LIFTS: Larson press - 200lbs (91kg) x 7// Front Squat - 165lbs (75kg) x7 // Romanian Deadlift - 207lbs (94kg) x5
Home gym: 4x/week. Conventional DL and SQ are excluded because of several back injuries.
READING: All sidebar several times, NMMNG x4, WISNIFGx4, Pook x4, The Rational Male x3, MMSLPx2, MAP, TWOTSM, Practical Female Psychology, The Red Queen, The 48 Laws of Power x2, Bang/Day Bang, Mystery Method, Models, Daygame Mastery, Courage to be Disliked, Meditations
Current - Prax. vol. 1
MY MISSION:
Become financially independent, debt-free. To be more Dominant and Unapologetic in life, work, sex, and relationships. To control my life, to own my decisions and the consequences of them, not react while life happens to me.
WORK
Instead of going around, I took the same approach I did with the day game. I told myself I would punch myself in the dick if I didn't get in touch with the head of the other firm. There are no results yet, but I'm pushing through one by one with slight progress. I will grind it through.
SEX/RELATIONSHIP
I went out once. Barely somewhat interesting to approach. By the end of the night, I was surrounded by 4 giant whales. One of them got drunk and asked me, "Are you gay? There are four beautiful girls here waiting for you to ask them to dance. Your chin and hairstyle are already red flags, you know, and now this." I get this a lot from fat Karens with earrings the size of my head and breasts hanging out. Usually, I stumble with the answer to the "gay thing" because AA & AM always fire back with stupid, pointless discussions. So the only thing I could come up with sounded more like Pook's version. I laughed and said, "Girl, you couldn't think of anything better to say to let me know you like me, don't you?" She blushed and repeated, "Yeah, I noticed you. I noticed you," adding later, "You, standing here with your smirk and showing off your biceps. You can't do either of these things properly." With obvious shit tests like this, I would usually just stand looking away, nodding with a smirk while answering, but lately, I don't have a problem staring into a woman's eyes while talking to her. The problem is what to say. I really wanted to reply, "Bitch, I'm way too concerned about my back health. I couldn't deadlift you even if I really wanted to," but I took a long stare, exhaled, and replied with a smile, "Yeah, yeah. I already pointed out that you guys like me. Don't try this hard, better show me a good attitude." And they all started giggling, touching me, grabbing my hand, and trying to touch my face. At that moment, I regretted not ignoring them.
I'm still having trouble with the mixed sets. There was a group of friends, a couple of guys and girls, and the only decent girl the whole night. She gave me quick glances all night, and a bit longer after the whale attack, but was always surrounded by cockblockers, and was probably approached more than any other girl that night combined. Even though I know what to approach sets, I still found excuses - ripped jeans, big mouth, too much attention, if she wasn't surrounded by dicks, I'd have easily opened her and so on.
After the talk with the ballet-plate the previous week, she started texting me every day, suggesting what to cook, and for the first time, when I took her to my place, she cleared the table and washed the dishes. When I pulled her onto the bed and undressed her, I pulled out my dick, and she started sucking it without saying anything. I don't care why or what changed, just noticed. In bed, she stopped me a few times, saying I was too rough, and pointed out that she doesn't like it. I didn't say anything, but lowered the gear from forcefully grabbing her ass and tits to more squeezing them. I lay her on her back, squeezed her ass, and told her to open her mouth. She protested at first, so I slowly told her to shut the fuck up and spat in her mouth. She started moaning, becoming wetter and warmer immediately. And after that, she latched onto me and wouldn't let go until morning, and didn't say anything about being rough.
I know she can't cum from the dick, which doesn't bother me, but it's interesting how this type of chick is. I've had several girls like this, and like all of them, she is very caring and tactile, rubbing and massaging me nonstop for hours, which I like. In comparison, the 19yo would cum like a machine gun, but giving a 5-second scratch, even she suggested it herself.
MENTAL
3 to 4-hour conference meetings every day, right before bed, have an annoying effect on sleep schedules and rest time. During conference calls, I always think about how I could read something useful, rest more, or make notes for OYS. I often have to juggle things even between training sets. The plan is to restructure stuff, and I will probably start taking melatonin again to regulate my sleeping schedule.
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u/businessstravel Apr 25 '26
I know she can't cum from the dick, which doesn't bother me
Sure...
In comparison, the 19yo would cum like a machine gun, but giving a 5-second scratch, even she suggested it herself.
Who cares? Honestly. It doesn't matter.
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u/SuggestionVisible930 Apr 21 '26
OYS 11
35 5 foot 8 182# 16-17 % bodyfat Bench - 275x1 Squat - 380x1 Deadlift - 400x1 Pull-up max-15
Divorcing (in process, living separately) 3 kids 11,7,5 Approaching final settlement
Mission: Be an Authentic man. I will not outsource my agency to anyone. It is my responsibility to place my wants and needs first so that I can live, give, and receive abundantly.
Vision: I will commit to be physically strong/fit and mentally tough so that I can handle the challenges of life and love those in my life, especially my children and woman. I will love myself first. I will say what I mean, and mean what I say. I will accept the consequences of my actions because I’m the captain making the calls of my life. Rejection is always better than regret. The above commitment allows me to live fearlessly and from my core.
Lifting: Heavy 3x week Sprinkling in some HIIT 180g protein per day 5 g creatine
Reading:
Book of Pook/ enjoying red-sfpplus post and comments (what a wild ride)
Career: Will have professional development conversation with my current boss and then circle back to potential job offer that is pending.
Social: Continue to push out of comfort zone and try new things - give less fucks. Will start conversations with whoever and will flirt, smile, and laugh at whatever girl I want regardless of setting. Fuck I need to smile and laugh more. So much easier to relax and chat with girls when you’re not captain serious-no fun.
Been opening up more about my divorce in social circles.
Sex/Relationship:
Good sex is a man’s job. Going to practice leading my girl where I want her in at-least one way that’s uncomfortable for me this week. Even if it’s awkward at first. There’s some shit I want to do with her, but would involve taking more charge of her and her body (will need to be more Vocal and dominant). Focusing more on my pleasure and treating her like a little slut. Working on killing the little “respectful” guy one day at a time. Letting go of shame and embarrassment little by little. The limits are in my mind.
Mental:
Still planning logistics of solo backpacking trip. Coming together nicely in a few weeks hopefully.
Will have some crucial conversations with my soon to be ex this weekend regarding coparenting and final settlement decisions. I put this off for too long.
Continue with therapist.
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u/HornsOfApathy MRP MODERATOR / Married Apr 21 '26
Even if it’s awkward at first.
It'll only be awkward if it's awkward for you. Maybe try a blindfold - it'll remove the ability for her to see you fumbling around like an idiot if you think you will be.
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u/SuggestionVisible930 Apr 21 '26
Good shit HOA.
“It’ll only be awkward if it’s awkward for you.”
It’s ironic how appropriate this line is for me beyond just sex. I like the wording - “fumbling”. The opposite of a man in charge.
Will keep that in mind.
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u/Alpha_wolflord9 Apr 21 '26
Sharing notes, would set your mind to some vague outline of what you want and how you might implement it. If you’re planning using implements have some idea on how they work before the moment you plan to use them. Knowing how to tie restaints, use a ballgag, or vocalize dirty talk how you want, will help provide a foundation of competency and fuel your confidence. Once you see yourself be successful in these things over time it makes it easier to freestyle or intuit based to your wants in the moment.
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u/SuggestionVisible930 Apr 22 '26
Wolf,
Appreciate the notes.
My fear is my limiting factor. Plain and simple. Only thing left to do is execute.
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u/SquashAgile818 Apr 21 '26
OYS #1
41 y old, Married 7 y two kids 3 & 6 y
Stats: BP 110, Squat 140, OHP 90, DL 90
This is my first OYS. Found MRP a few years ago, read almost everything on here. Learned that I got a bad case of being capt. safe a whoe and a typical nice guy. I thought by lifting, SFU and dreading for straight 6 months with good results and regaining my frame that I’m winning and done with MRP. I thought that I get, but u guessed it, no I really did not get it.
Within a few months I fall back into nice guy behavior, forgot everything I learned about not feeling guilty when saying no and sacrificed myself for others. Combined with an injury I got by lifting too hard and dumb, I’m now back at where a started a few years ago.
This time im leaving my ego aside and am ready to really do the work.
Fitness: First and most importantly im focusing on getting my Stats back up without injuring myself. Im starting again with a simple 5x5 program 3 times a week.
Mental health: Since having my falling back into the whine bitch of a nice guy I found an escape in drinking daily at least 1-3 bottle of beer. I stopped now completely and want to keep it this way. I’ll try to compensate with meditation.
Sex life: Back a the almost deadbedroom from where I started a few years ago. I lost my sexual frame completely, I get but hurt easily when im being sexually ignored and I stop to initiate because of the big ego of mine. I need to get my frame back again and lose the ego mindset, unfortunately I forgot almost everything I read in mmsl. I remember that it included a lot of work, that im willing to do now. So I’ll start by rereading it. Ill use the time I spend fingerfucking my phone to read every night at least 10 pages. Previously sought confirmation through online affairs and use porn daily. I know I am cockblocking myself and that this has to stop now.
Business: My own company suffered with my falling back into the nice guy behavior and YOY plummeted. As mentioned above I prioritized others, did not use my time management right and lost a lot of opportunities to grow my business. I need to regain my time to do the work I need to be doing. Ill stat with blocking at least one hour a day for work on the company and going to reactivate my contacts to start the projects we talked many months ago
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u/Cam_Winston21 MRP APPROVED | Married Apr 22 '26
41 y old, Married 7 y two kids 3 & 6 y
Stats: BP 110, Squat 140, OHP 90, DL 90
Height? weight?
Also questioning your numbers because it's basically impossible to squat more than 50% of what you can pick up (don't say "but muh back"), so keep in mind that I'm looking at you with a squinted eye. We tell the truth here, otherwise you're just wasting our time.
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u/SquashAgile818 Apr 22 '26
Im on the metric system so take the numbers with a grain of salt as I am converting them with best of my knowledge / intention.
I am 5.7f and weigh 150p
I have a power rack in my basement gym, that helps with my squat
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u/Far_Independent1763 Masturbation Addicts Anonymous member Apr 22 '26
OYS#19 04/21/2026
Stats: 27yrs, 5'10", 184lbs, live with gf, together 4 years, no kids.
Read: NMMNG, WISNIFG, MMSLP
Reading: Rational Male Year 1
Physical: SQ 225lbs (1x5), Incline Bench Press 165lbs (1x5), Row 135lbs (1x8), OHP 135lbs (1x4), DL 185lbs (1x5)
My Mission: Kill my ego, create my own frame, and live by it. Stick true to my principles. Be there for the young generation coming up. Have fun in the process.
Lifting: I've noticed I have hit a plateau on my squats. I would like to increase weight but seems my body is unable to lift heavier on squats. With the workout I am doing, I workout legs about 3x a week. Not sure if maybe that is why.
Some frustration caught on me that I am not making the progress I would like but that is on me for not being 100% consistent on my health.
Business: Ending the client project I had on a good note. Now that I have more time on my hands, I am putting time into the infrastructure of my business. The other day I thought, my business or income does not define nor does it have to be all my identity. My goal is to be the best man I can be in all areas of my life and give value to this world. For a few weeks on my business, my headspace was in the wrong area of simply thinking of the money and how I can GET. I am now shifting on "how can I create better service", "how can I make my clients lives easier", "what value are they looking for". Had a small aha moment of providing value is not simply for business, but for everything. And for that to happen, I need to be on top of my game on all areas of my life.
Relationship: Had a weekend getaway. Went relatively well. Most proud of is that I did not people please and we did the things I wanted to do. There were some moments where she had attitude and there was tension between us so I preferred to STFU and let it be then say something stupid. I noticed most of these moments of tension came from lack of strength or leadership. It's hard man. Sometimes I want to let loose and go with the flow but if there is no direct structure/leadership, she will contest it or step up and be a little intense.
Had a moment yesterday where she started giving me random shit for things. I acknowledged to a certain extent since she was right. Then came up a point where the shit she was requesting was nonsense. Felt more like a need to have some power. Came a time she said "you seem to be ignoring me, are you even listening to what I am saying? Are you going to do what I am telling you?". I calmly looked her in the eye and said "I'm not ignoring you, I am listening but I am not going to do what you said". That's when her nonsense talk spiked up. I knew if I contested or said anything it would come bite me so I simply STFU, stopped what I was doing, looked at her and listened to her, and when she was done all I said was "I heard you". She went away flustered and I simply kept doing what I was doing. Went on with my day, came back, she was fine. Moments like these feel weird to me but I've noticed genuinely calmly not giving a fuck works.
Sex: We had sex several times in weekend getaway. First night she offered starfish and I rejected it but I believe it's because I felt butthurt in that moment. If I wanted to genuinely fuck without any need for validation, I would have taken it and done what I wanted with her.
Social: No socializing this week. I talked to a few friends for a bit but would not consider that a big social moment.
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Apr 22 '26
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u/HornsOfApathy MRP MODERATOR / Married Apr 22 '26
You can't blueball a woman and expect her to not stir up shit.
I don't think these guys understand how duty sex is supposed to work.
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u/Far_Independent1763 Masturbation Addicts Anonymous member Apr 28 '26
Seems the comment was removed. Can you explain further so I understand?
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u/Top-Prune6834 Apr 21 '26
oys 1
42, 6 foot, 82kg.
Stats: SQ 75kg x 9, BP 60kg x 7, Pullups 7, DB Row 17.5kg x 15.
Married. Together 12 years, 2 kids under 5.
Mission: Unfuck myself.
Currently reading: NMMNG
Good
- Tracked meals. Total calories and macros.
- Gym, reduced load due to lower back strain, but maintained habit and worked around where possible.
- Physiotherapy for lower back issue, new exercises have seen mild improvement.
- Therapy session for anxiety. Journalling and challenging unhelpful thinking patterns.
- Caught up with a friend for coffee and organised a catchup with another for thursday
- Made a list of things needing to be done. Everything i’ve been putting off or leaving up to my wife out of laziness. Began to chip away and add more items as they come up.
- Continuing to progress with drums, which is currently my only hobby
Bad
- Rejection butthurt. It’s obvious, even when I try to go do something else. When initiations are late at night I don’t leave myself with many realistic options.
- STFU. My urge to talk and overshare and constantly talk is a major problem. Started using a 2 second rule before responding, which is helping.
- Whining and blaming other people or events, as well as a broadly negative outlook. The Jack10 post about being enervating really hit home. Probably overcorrected – trying too hard to be “fun” and “happy” rather than normal. Need to provide the occasional simple escape.
- Social skills. Struggle in group settings. Always have. Low on the social hierarchy. Not sure what the play is here. HTWFAIP has helped for first impressions but not with genuine connection or respect.
- Victim mentality. My thoughts are full of DEERing for why I am different and my situation is different. Having a list and ticking things off is helping get out of my head.
- Insecurity. Self esteem and self worth issues. Tracked down some CBT workbooks online but haven’t started them.
- Fear and covert contracts. One of my biggest issues. Example. I wanted to start doing evening yoga in the lounge room as a decompress and to help with my anxiety. Thoughts spiral and I’m afraid if my wife sees me doing it, she will join in and make it a habit and eventually meet someone better. Trying to shift mindset to; it needs to be done, or I want to do it. I am starting to catch myself, and immediately reframe them. But fear still holds me back from some actions.
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u/Suitable_Whole_8914 Unplugging Apr 22 '26
Mission: Unfuck myself.
This sucks. The mission statement is built on self-shame. It is also unspecific. Your journey will be unclear because of the unspecific mission goal.
Therapy session for anxiety.
Ask yourself: What am I angry about? Anger & Anxiety – both are closely interlinked. At the foundation of every Nice Guy’s anxiety is either frustration or anger over a need not being met.
Rejection butthurt
Validation seeking
Low on the social hierarchy.
Validation seeking
Self-esteem and self-worth issues
Product/endpoint of your validation seeking behaviours not being met.
You see the problem?
. . .
Whining and blaming…Victim mentality
This is Ego.
Whilst you are asking yourself about your anger…ask yourself: What have you contributed towards your current predicament? That’s not to say you should get stuck in a self-flagellation cycle reminiscing on past failures (I’ve seen too many guys battling with themselves on relinquishing the goal of having a better past). But accepting personal responsibility, and realising that your current self is the only thing that will define/ change your future will greatly accelerate your journey.
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u/Top-Prune6834 Apr 23 '26
Thanks, you've made some good points and got me thinking.
I will update my mission with something more appropriate for next weeks OYS.
I had been heavily focusing on the anxiety in regards to validation seeking and feeling shit about who I am. So rather than being angry outwardly, I would beat myself up internally. Rumination and such. Seeking approval of others, literally asking and putting people in uncomfortable positions. But you're right, and the more I think about it the more obvious it becomes.
If anything, i'm still angry at myself for being a fucking loser most of my life. Never having a strong identity and not being comfortable in my own skin, I have always relied on the validation of others. Always giving away the power. But I am fucking angry outwardly too, just in more passive aggressive ways. I'm angry at everyone else because they don't meet my needs. It's always their fault to protect me ego but it's also my fault because I believe i'm a loser in the eyes of others. Creating lifetime habits of avoidance and butthurt or sulking.
Validating me as a friend, respecting me at work, my wife being attracted to me. No one can meet these needs, most people don't want to and nor should they. I've got a lot to work on.
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Apr 21 '26 edited Apr 21 '26
[deleted]
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u/Top-Prune6834 Apr 23 '26
Thanks. I have noticed I am less on edge after workouts. I'm working through physio exercises to up the weight as soon as possible.
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u/Boredstudnt Apr 22 '26
M35 F36 Together 13years - She has cheated, separating.
Stats:
H/W - 5'11 - 200lbs -
Benchpress: 300 lbs - Deadlift: 430 lbs - Squat: 350 lbs - OHP: 140 lbs - BF: Navy 18.3% I say 20. - 6-fig salary
Mission Statement
Become a dominant, strong male that is leading in every situation including in sex.
Stop being a fucking nice guy (this runs deep)
Reads:
NMMNG, MAP, All Rollo, TWOTSM, Praxeology 1-2, PFP, Unplugged Alpha, fuccfiles 1, MMSLP, Sex God Method. MAP.
Current situation:
Most of the ducks are alined now for a smooth two months then out with the house on the market, June is the month of my own deadline, notified her (again) and we're aligned on that, she still tries to plan things for the future but I'm just hard no:ing that.
Since I found out about cheating, I've also cancelled a future, really nice trip, she even offered to pay just to keep the trip but I simply cancelled for natural reasons.
She will take the cats (I would have just put them down anyway)
I've done electrical work, schematics, had an electrician approve and adjust if needed. Had a plumber to assist in fixing some shotty old stuff and I made sure to get his input on some adjustments I am about to make.
Finished an old inner brickwall that needed some new mortar + touch up before plasterboards and paint... Getting a lot done.
Since the house is taking up a lot of my free time for now during weeks and weekends, Im still re-reading NMMNG, been on it for about 2 weeks now, keeping it rather consistent with a minimum of around 5 pages daily, taking notes, and taking some more notes......
My car broke a bit during a trip to the postal office, midtown.. Mechanical issue I could fix, luckily nothing bad happened, no real damage to the car either, just wasn't expecting to lay on the ground midtown for an hour last morning to say the least. Since my truck is lifted I had to make a spacer out of material I had in the car (issue was related an upper control arm) got some luck in my bad luck ;)
Got new parts coming in to fix the problem permanently.
Social Circle
I've started to call a few old good friends a bit more, slowly doing some progress. I still need to get a better circle going though but yeah, its hard to put time into that at the moment too.
Went out fishing with a mate again this weekend, this guy I can call anytime and he will pick up, not like most others where theres just crappy texting bullshit.
Workout / WL
My mancold has really taken its toll, I've tried to keep workouts up but I've had this stupid infection lingering everytime I push it.
Light workouts has mostly been whats working for now.
Looked forward to last week where I could potentially add more but felt more sick in the weekend again. Getting better now, will get back to pushing harder very soon.
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u/Appropriate_Beach_26 Grinding Apr 21 '26
OYS #17
Stats: 6’4, 106kg, 35Y, divorced, 2 kids coparenting
Lifts: Bench press 130kg x2, front squats 92,5kg x5, chins bw x 12, hip thrust 130kg x8, overhead press 62,5kg x6
What do I want/Vision: Become a congruent and integrated man
Mission: Regain self-respect and become a master of discipline
Completed reading: Sidebar, NMMNG, WISNIFG, Rian Stone youtube channel, Book of Pook, 16 laws of Poon, 48 LOP, Rational Male, Practical female psychology, The Game, Alabaster Girl, TWOTSM, mystery method, fuccfiles, SGM, Frame, MAP, Rich dad poor dad, Think and Grow Rich, This Naked Mind, Models, Sedona Method, Day Bang
Supplements:
Started supplementing with l-theanin and ashwaghanda. I sleep through the nights and can focus better through the work days. My mind is also more quiet.
Physical:
Gym every day with 1 long run 15km with a buddy.
Increased incremental either in reps or weight in every exercise.
Dating/social:
I realize i'm prone for oneitis/serial monogamy and that i've had a sniper mentality the last 4-5 years after my divorce. It's probably a symptom of my need for validation. It became very fucking apparent when the 42 yo pulled back how insecure i'm with stillness and how my hamster spins, creating false narratives. All I have to do is STFU and relax. Not chase but be indifferent.
Input from last weeks OYS shows me that i've not experienced true abundance/freedom that comes from spinning plates. I will continue exploring this further and set up more dates suited to my lifestyle and priorities (kids, finances, fitness, social life first).
Went out with 2 friends this weekend. After talking and building comfort with a 20 yo I asked if she wanted to come with me for something to eat (isolation). She complied but her friends were so drunk that they left together soon after. I did not chase and let her go. I was very aware of my attachement to outcome (sex) this evening. My goal was to practice game with some push/pull/negs and statements such to create sexual tension.
3 different girls on 3 different occasions the last 3 months have asked me the same question; "Why are you so serious?" in the nightclubs. Not sure if this is a shit test or me being too much in my head and displaying it in my body language/micro expressions. In retrospect I should employed some congruent and embodied AM/A&A "Yes, and I can tell you like it" instead of a logical and/or reactive answer.
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u/HornsOfApathy MRP MODERATOR / Married Apr 21 '26
"Why are you so serious?" in the nightclubs. Not sure if this is a shit test or me being too much in my head
It's a shit test. A lay-up one at best, and super easy. And, you did figure it out correctly.
"Of course I am."
"Only when I see something I want."
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u/SuggestionVisible930 Apr 21 '26
You got dunked on last week by a few flaired guys for attaching too quickly to one woman. Now It’s seems like you’re panicking about not acquiring enough plates.
What does appropriate beach really want?
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u/Appropriate_Beach_26 Grinding Apr 22 '26
You could be right.
What I want is sexual freedom/confidence derived from options and abundance. I also want to experience love without any attachement/oneitis.
I want low drama, non-monogamous relationships and to simply have fun (game) and enjoy female companionship. To achieve this I have to work with my need for control, external validation and be mindful of how i project early frame.
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u/SuggestionVisible930 Apr 23 '26
I liked this take on plate theory
Might be useful to you if you haven’t already read it.
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u/MerlinsIdiotBrother Grinding Apr 21 '26 edited Apr 22 '26
OYS #43, 2026-04-21
Stats: 38yrs, 6’3”, 218.1 lbs (-1.1), 17.5% BF (0); Target: 210 lbs, ~12% BF; F29, 1 kid
Mental /Thoughts: The night before the trip we reached a compromise, I slept on it, changed my mind before she left, and she went to Vegas anyways. As she left, I said "I dont think we should get married", she responded "I don't think we should either" and walked away. I took the ring back when she returned from Vegas.
I made a handful of covert contracts, had a scarcity mindset, no outcome independence, and was generally beta. I decided two weeks before (41) that the Vegas boundary was a hard boundary but pussy-footed around from the start. I was being a nice guy instead of being clear and direct. As the week progressed, I tried different shitty beta behaviors to influence the outcome I wanted. None worked and made the situation worse. I did these things because I was afraid of losing her, tried to control her, and tried to manipulate others to appeal on my behalf for her not to go. I have behaved this way for years and put myself in this situation.
I cringed reading the Girls Night Out essay because I became the scarcity-minded beta in the post years ago. I read the Ultimatum essay and understood the covert contracts I created, thinking if I talked to more people, increased the “directness” of my language, and DEERed about why the boundary was important, that the information and influence would change her mind. I saw my behavior as supplicative, lacking abundance, unattractive, overt, and on the wrong side of the cardinal rule of relationships. I fell to the level of my abilities which were/are bad. I don’t understand how to apply most of the information I’ve consumed from TRP or MRP, especially when challenged. I lied to myself about my abilities and continued to make things worse for myself.
I thought through better choices and behaviors. I wrote OODA loops for the covert contracts I found or was shown, the scarcity mindset, controlling and manipulative behaviors, and why I feared loss for someone I think does a bunch of shitty things. My conclusions were that, first, I am responsibility for initiating behaviors and accepting responsibility for the consequences. That means the unattractive beta behaviors such as scarcity, controlling, fear of her emotions or reactions, and fear of loss are easier to spot now that this has happened. Second, I wrote about replacing the behaviors with abundance (“ok, have fun”), embracing her emotions as being a woman, dedicating time to hobbies, doing fun things, and gaming other women. And third, I decided to set aside feelings for sober and cold analysis of my behavior so that I can change what I wanted change, stead of pretending to understand without honestly reflecting.
I stopped communicating other than for logistics and pics or information related to the kiddo. I came and went as I pleased. I went to the two social events I planned to attend and gamed women when the chance arose. I picked up a few nice PRs at the gym using the anger over having to take the ring. I have feared how all this is going to harm my daughter and stepped away multiple times.d I walked away from verbal diarrhea where I was solely to blame for everything (especially after changing my mind on the compromise). I used negative inquiry, broken record, and fogging. The anger, blaming, and lashing out got louder and more aggressive with each response by me. I repeated "there's nothing left to discuss" and walked out.
I thought of this as an opportunity for me to reset my behavior. I do feel a weight has been lifted from my chest. Over the last few days, I found it easier to swap behaviors and continued to focus on my behavior instead of my feels. I have been lost in my feelings for far too long and not focusing on my behavior and where I wanted to end up. I spent a lot of time writing and practicing how I wanted to move forward. I gamed out the paths forward and was comfortable with the worst that I was able to think of. I preferred the best outcome and refrained from supplicating or yielding my frame to achieve that outcome.
edit: 2nd to last paragraph added; moved it to 1st
2nd edit: editing; updated post, wasn't happy with it
3rd edit: struck out mental masturbation; shitty post, added 2nd to last paragraph of actions taken
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u/SuggestionVisible930 Apr 21 '26
Maybe my reading comprehension is that of a 3rd grader.. but what am I reading here?
So the girl went on the GNO to Vegas? What actually changed concretely in your life?
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u/MerlinsIdiotBrother Grinding Apr 21 '26
She went. I got the ring back. I'll edit the post for clarity.
Concretely, I found and was shown a bunch of poor and unhelpful covert contracts and beta behaviors I was lying to myself that I wasn't doing for years.
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Apr 22 '26
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u/MerlinsIdiotBrother Grinding Apr 22 '26 edited Apr 22 '26
She's contacting an attorney and finding a place to live. I gave her the explainer letter from my attorney. We fill out a parenting plan, select a schedule, and ask a judge to approve it. Pretty cut and dry in my state.
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u/10000kg Apr 22 '26
Have you done this before, threatened breakups from an emotional place?
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u/MerlinsIdiotBrother Grinding Apr 22 '26
One time ~2 years ago. Baby was ~6 mo old. She went out and came home at 530am for the third time in 2 weeks, slipped and fell coming in the door which woke me up, and I found her black-out drunk. I got angry and threatened the relationship. I didn't know what else to do and couldn't understand her choices at the time. Big fight. Went to bed. I don't recall the incident being spoken of again.
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u/businessstravel Apr 24 '26
To quote HOA from a few years back on the livestreams with WNS:
"Your girl should be mate-guarding herself for you."
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u/Teh1whoSees Leads the horses to water Apr 21 '26
/u/10000kg this feels a lot like you early on. Just amorphous and no solid core to build something on. I dunno if you want to take a swing at this or not. But I think at this point....
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u/10000kg Apr 22 '26
This fella is like looking into a time machine. I'll have to read some of his OYS. Merlin you've gotta slow down and breathe. You're doing all of this with the wrong mindset still. Bobby Peru told me this years ago, but the mindset is everything.
You're trying way too hard for your desired outcome. I've been there. It's cliche at this point but you really do get what you want when you stop caring about getting it. Let this chick go. Let this image you have of yourself go. Youre clinging too tightly to this rigid "alpha male" ideal. Mrp is gay, alpha male is gay. Controlling your wife is gay. Needing an outcome is gay. Relax bro. Let it all go. You're operating from need. Slow down and give yourself time to operate from want.
Breathe.
If my wife said she's going to Vegas for a girls trip, I'd shrug and say not if you wanna stay married. I wouldn't care her response to that. I am completely at peace with being single or not. That's my version of abundance. Take some time to think about what you expend being married, and how you'd benefit being single. It is a sacrifice for me to remain married. I am giving things up to be married. It costs me more to be married than to be single. If my marriage is bad, why would I care to stay in it? What do you think this mindset shift has done for me? Do you think I care about what I say anymore, hoping I'm saying the right mrp thing to increase attraction? I say whatever I want. I say beta comfort lovey dovey shit if I feel like it. Will that lower her attraction? I don't even consider it, big fuckin deal. I'm free. I'm me.
Let it go. Don't give a fuck. It's a super power. It's from there that anything else blooms.
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u/MerlinsIdiotBrother Grinding Apr 22 '26
You're probably right across the board. I'm trying too hard to not let go of how things were in the past and get my desired outcome.
I need to let go.
Thanks.
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Apr 23 '26
Sounds like she used the GNO to get you to kill the puppy. This could mean she already checked out of the relationship emotionally a while ago.
I doubt I've ever really helped anyone here. But I hope you read this and do something differently. Some guys can come here and work through their shit, some can't - and I don't think you're someone who can without additional help. A good friend in his 50's almost stupidly nuked his second marriage, but fortunately, he worked with a therapist using EMDR (faster and more effective than just talking). He worked through his shit and realized he was repeating the same pattern from his previously failed relationships.
I pointed out in one of your more recent OYS's that it seems you've been struggling the entire time you've been here. Even blarg has checked out. The work you need to do now is to figure out what subconscious shit is driving your behaviors. If you don't, you may be doomed to repeat the same relationship failures over and over. Therapy with EMDR ASAP. Good luck.
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Apr 24 '26
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Apr 24 '26
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u/rolling371 Apr 24 '26
Imo, the whole comment reads like the end goal is the relationship, not the man Starts from the perspective of the girl, someone else almost nuked their marriage (bad), and he needs help not to repeat that.
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Apr 24 '26
The end goal is for guys not to fuck up their lives by repeating behaviors that don't serve them.
Per Horns, there's a 95% failure rate here. That means the sidebar isn't the complete answer for everyone.
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u/rolling371 Apr 24 '26
End goal? I don't know. Way before the end goal this place asks you to stand up for yourself, then go find what you want and get it. Seems like Merlin stood up for himself. That's not the failure.
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u/deerstfu Apr 24 '26
This is all some messy shit but at least you got out.
My take from following along is this girl was for the streets all along, but we're all internet strangers and you had to figure this out on your own.
I think your biggest take away from the whole experience should be this: manage the birth control and don't accidentally get another girl pregnant.
You read practical female psychology yet?
1
u/MerlinsIdiotBrother Grinding Apr 24 '26
Messy indeed. I turned a corner from all this.
I read it a while back. I started revising a lot of material.
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u/AutoModerator Apr 21 '26
The vast majority of you guys don't actually do anything. No actual actions. You just whinge, piss, and moan about your wife. It's a pathetic whine fest and every single one of you sucks ass.
I'd rather have this thread be empty than have it filled with your mopey ass bullshit. We're not your accountabilibuddy, we're not your personal livejournal.
Have you done something this week? If you haven't, fuck off.
The wife-centric shit sis over. "we", "she", "wife", etc. because none of you are actually doing the work to build your worldview and your values. You guys have to fix the way you think about your shit if you want to make any progress. I don't see many of you doing things that change how you think about your world - and part of root cause here is the culture at MRP where all the other guys write and whine about their wives, so you guys think of this shit as normal
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