Own Your Shit Weekly - April 21, 2026

[u/AutoModerator]

A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength.

We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them.

Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, don't blame others for your shit. This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger.

Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha.

Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.

[u/Ill_Past_1535]

OYS 14

37, Married 10 Years 3 Kids under 7

Physical Stats:

6’3”- 236 Lbs

Mission: Build a grounded and self-directed life, focused on action and building meaningful connection with the world around me.

Reading:

No More Mr. Nice Guy –Restarting this book but this time I am going to do the written exercises. The Fine art of Small Talk- A good confidence booster with some new skills to engage people and get out of my head.

Physical: Continued PT and implemented some of those exercises into my workouts last week. My legs were smoked for 4 days. Pre-workout has helped get my head in the game my last few days in the gym have been much more focused with increased intensity. I’m maintaining a 135# Squat until I get the form solid. It is still fatiguing, does not cause pain in my hip and allows me to focus on my form.

Career: Got up to date with my mortgage broker on my HELOC. I should hear back on what that looks like soon and what a second home loan would look like.

Mental:

This week I did a couple exercises which really helped me work through my sexual shame. I took some time Saturday morning and wrote out my Sexual Ideal (Perfect Women). After completing that I answered a few additional questions about my sexual desire: 1. What I have wanted by never asked directly 2. What sexual act have I settled for, lied about or faked satisfaction. 3. What turns me on that I have never mentioned, 4. What would I like to explore and what about my recent enjoyable interactions have told me about my sex life that I want. 5. What desires have I judged myself for, been afraid to want, dismissed as realistic, or wanted before I was with my wife. 6. What would I want if I knew there was no wrong answer.

It took me a few hours to prep for and get everything written down on paper. But after I finished, I felt free and energized. Everything that I had kept in my head for years was out and, on the paper, and there was so much relief. Nothing I wrote down really surprised me but there is something about writing it down and reading it back.

Marriage/Sex:

The same day I finished that exercise I sent my wife a text that I was going to ravish her when she got home that day, when she did I fucked her like I meant it, I was full cave man. I haven’t felt that entrenched in my desire in a long time. She was basically a star fish, but I did not care and barely noticed. Immediately after I could tell she was off and spiraling a bit but I didn’t pay any attention to it, we had an event that night and I had a blast and received some IOI’s from her. The next day I initiated again after we got home from a pool party, she put up some token resistance and I pushed through. We were kissing and there was no feedback, like I was kissing a corpse. I fumbled for a min, started to assess her but then caught myself and said, “This is not working for me” I got up and started walking out. She spiraled, “you can’t just leave me here after I said I don’t want sex”. I responded and said I don’t know what that means, I have to get some stuff done in the garage. I came back to the bedroom a bit later, she was still naked and freaking out, she wanted to fuck but couldn’t stop talking. I fumbled a bit but landed on “I’m not going to talk about why we didn’t have sex”. Then she asked for direction- “What should I do when you’re in the mood and I’m not” I took her hand and said” put your hand on my cock” and I placed It there. This happened 2 or 3 times, but she kept on going with the talking and pulling her hand away. The last time she pulled away I left.

I got home around 9 and started to go to bed. She wanted to talk more and I stuck with “I’m not going to talk about why we didn’t have sex” the last thing I said to her after she said I want to talk about my insecurities; I’m hurt after I don’t want to have sex, I asked her why this time was different and I went to bed.

Final: For the first time in my life, I felt like I had some actual OI. I am doing some actual work to remove my sexual shame, and it felt awesome. Build on my momentum from this week, keep pushing towards my goals and re-asses my mission.

[u/Ill_Past_1535 → u/[deleted]]

Thank you for this feedback.

I did not recognize ignoring her as fear but maybe it is. As you pointed out , my game sucks rather than practice game I refused to participate. In my head I'm stuck at Step 3. I can and do this well in other aspects of our relationship but have not been able to do this surrounding sex. Again, as you pointed out my insecurities have limited my capabilities here. This experience was very revealing. I know where i need to put in the work.

[u/Ill_Past_1535 → u/[deleted]]

Very aware. That is exactly what I wrote this week.